Wedding Guest List Trouble

[modernsparkler]

Hey everyone,
I am having some issues with "trimming" the guest list and I wanted your thoughts and ideas on how to trim without causing offense. Essentially we would like to keep it under 140 and 150 max. Our list seems to grow weekly and the biggest challenge I am having now is with colleagues and where to draw the line. There are many that I go out with frequently and interact with on a regular basis but there are a certain few I feel closer to than others. When you have people of a similar group do you cause offense by inviting some but not all of them? Do people even care that much? It will be an out of town wedding for all of them and I have considered inviting all of them (10 vs 5) with the thought that they might not want to spend the $ but I hate to consider inviting guests on that premise! Help!

Any ideas?

 

[newbie124]

I sort of had this issue, too, when we first thought we'd be marrying in Chicago. But now that we're doing a destination wedding, I'm not inviting any current coworkers and only 1 former coworker with whom I've become pretty close. I still meet up with some of the other coworkers from my previous job for monthly happy hours, but this person is someone I actually hang out with separate from the group. Actually, this friend was also in a similar coworker situation as you for her wedding, but then she got a new job, so now she's able to just invite the colleagues she was closest to without any awkwardness.

I guess neither of these situations are all that helpful to you unless you're planning on changing locations or getting a new job

How much are you currently over your desired guest count? Also, you mention it's a difference of 5 vs 10 coworkers, but I'm assuming that doesn't include any significant others? So it could be double once you add in spouses, domestic partners, etc.

I guess some questions I'd consider would be: Do you hang out with any of those 5 people separate from the entire group? How closely does everyone work together (could you just invite your immediate team)? If it came down to it, would you be OK with not inviting any coworkers to keep the numbers down?

I think you should be free to invite whomever you want to your wedding, but of course other people might take offense if it seems like the cut off was kind of arbitrarily decided. But I think people would understand if say they knew that you were a lot closer to/hung out with certain people more than others or it was like your immediate team that you work with on a daily basis.

 

[modernsparkler]

Date: 7/2/2008 12:38:48 PM
Author: newbie124
I sort of had this issue, too, when we first thought we''d be marrying in Chicago. But now that we''re doing a destination wedding, I''m not inviting any current coworkers and only 1 former coworker with whom I''ve become pretty close. I still meet up with some of the other coworkers from my previous job for monthly happy hours, but this person is someone I actually hang out with separate from the group. Actually, this friend was also in a similar coworker situation as you for her wedding, but then she got a new job, so now she''s able to just invite the colleagues she was closest to without any awkwardness.

I guess neither of these situations are all that helpful to you unless you''re planning on changing locations or getting a new job

How much are you currently over your desired guest count? Also, you mention it''s a difference of 5 vs 10 coworkers, but I''m assuming that doesn''t include any significant others? So it could be double once you add in spouses, domestic partners, etc.

I guess some questions I''d consider would be: Do you hang out with any of those 5 people separate from the entire group? How closely does everyone work together (could you just invite your immediate team)? If it came down to it, would you be OK with not inviting any coworkers to keep the numbers down?

I think you should be free to invite whomever you want to your wedding, but of course other people might take offense if it seems like the cut off was kind of arbitrarily decided. But I think people would understand if say they knew that you were a lot closer to/hung out with certain people more than others or it was like your immediate team that you work with on a daily basis.

Thanks Newbie! I guess it is hard because although we often all hang out, the 5 that I want to invite I am closer to. I guess the "good" news is that actually I will be moving away 2 weeks before the wedding so I could theoretically have no akwardness after the wedding but it is the time between then and now that I am worried about with the save the dates going out, etc. We are not getting married until next May so the only reason I am stressing now is because we are planning ot send the save the dates soon. I can''t imagine not inviting any of them but what I am considering doing may be just sending std''s to the core 5 and depending on the unofficial std responses if we do have more space I might just invite them all. (the good news is at the time only 1 has a steady SO so that should help)

 

[Haven]

We only invited people with whom we have social relationships outside of work, and going out for work dinners doesn''t count. This was the easiest way to draw the line, because I work very closely in a department of 21 people, yet I only socialize with five of them outside of work.

I also have to say that people with whom you aren''t very close would probably not be offended if they don''t receive an invite. I know that I''d rather not be invited to a wedding if I don''t socialize with the person at all outside of work and work-related functions.

Good luck! I know this is so tough to do, but you''ll iron it all out!

 

[Pandora II]

We''re holding a drinks party in London 2 weeks after the wedding and inviting all our co-workers and political colleagues to that.

So, no offended people and no over-large guest list

 

[Sabine]

I''m still kinda new at work, and although I''m only close to a few of the other teachers, I asked advice of the other teachers, and they said that if I could, it would be nice to invite our whole department, especially since there had been some bad blood in the past about certain members of the department excluding others. So I did invite the whole department (and their so''s) and it turns out only 3 teachers are coming to the wedding, sans spouses.

In my case this worked out well because we often do things as a department, and I was being constantly asked about the wedding plans at lunch, at inservices, etc., so it would have been really awkward if only some of the teachers were invited. It also made it easy for me with the other teachers, because I was able to tell them I limited the invites to my department.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 7/2/2008 12:08:45 PM
Author:modernsparkler
Hey everyone,
I am having some issues with ''trimming'' the guest list and I wanted your thoughts and ideas on how to trim without causing offense. Essentially we would like to keep it under 140 and 150 max. Our list seems to grow weekly and the biggest challenge I am having now is with colleagues and where to draw the line. There are many that I go out with frequently and interact with on a regular basis but there are a certain few I feel closer to than others. When you have people of a similar group do you cause offense by inviting some but not all of them? Do people even care that much? It will be an out of town wedding for all of them and I have considered inviting all of them (10 vs 5) with the thought that they might not want to spend the $ but I hate to consider inviting guests on that premise! Help!

Any ideas?

Yes. People may say no but deep down the truth is yes they do care and yes they do get offended.

My own personal rule for coworkers is to invite the boss and that''s it.

If this is out of town, I sincerely doubt your coworkers will go (unless they want to make a vacation out of it). Also remember that this is your special day. If people get offended (which they will because that''s how people are) then that''s there problem. They''ll get over it as soon as the next office drama occurs which by my calculations is probably once every half hour

 

[modernsparkler]

thanks for all the advice I guess people''s feelings may be hurt but in the end hopefully the will understand...

 

[Courtneylub]

There are lots more people at work I could invite, but I''m sticking to my rule (which I think I read on PS): Invite to your wedding who you would be comfortable inviting to your home for dinner.