Funniest thing that happened to you at work...

[Lillers]

So on a local radio station this morning, they had people who worked in emergency departments calling in to tell the funniest thing they had seen (obviously without giving away private or identifying information). The winner was a nurse who had a couple who came in and the lady had a Barbie doll stuck up her you-know-what. Appparently she had to go to surgery because it was the kind with the "bent arms" and they couldn''t pull it out!

Here''s my funny story:
I work in a pharmacy and this lady came up to the counter to ask about pregnancy tests. She says, "This one will tell me if I''m pregnant 5 days before I miss my period, and this one says only after I miss my period. What if I get my period?"
I had to tell her with a straight face that if she got her period, it meant she wasn''t pregnant and didn''t need to take the test...


Any other good stories out there?

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Long, long ago in a galaxy not so far away, I worked for Blockbuster.
My manager said he was going to show me how to check in shipments. I went over to this big box, took the blade to open it and OUT JUMPED MY CO-WORKER!!! I screamed liked a, well, a girl and there were customers in the store and I was sooo embarrassed!
I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was so pissed.

 

[kama_s]

Oh boyyyy...don''t even get me started on this! I work as a toxicologist providing info on drug safety in pregnancy, so I get asked a LOT of funny questions. Some that stand out:

- Is it safe for my baby (when pregnant) to dry my pubic hair with a hair dryer??
- Is it safe for me to drink water when I''m pregnant (no, not tap water...ANY water!)
- Can I use a vibrator when I''m pregnant?

I have NO idea how I manage to keep a straight face!

 

[MonkeyPie]

This didn''t happen to me, but I read the story. Forgive me if it''s too TMI.

A twenty-something weeker showed up, with the very concerned father-of-the-baby, complaining of vaginal bleeding and passing clots. This, never being a good scenario, demanded immediate attention. They put her on the fetal monitor and are able to get a good tracing of the baby, who appears to be quite well. Next come the questions.

"When did the bleeding start?"

"About a couple hours ago."

"Did you wear a pad in?"

"Yes but there was nothing on it."

"Were you having bleeding that''s heavy like a period?"
(At this point her doctor has wandered into the room and is standing patiently by the bed.)

"Not really, mostly just some spotting and clots."

When was the last time you had sex?

"Valentine''s Day."

Since this was nearly a week prior, they quickly rule it out as the immediate cause of her bleeding. The doc has now poked and prodded his way around assessing her belly and is asking for a sterile glove.

He goes to examine her and starts pulling out large clots. But wait. Are they clots?

On further inspection, perhaps they are strawberries.

"Honey, did you put strawberries in your vagina?"

She looks at her companion sheepishly. He answers for her. "I guess we forgot about those."

 

[LGK]

Well I don't have any stories involving orifices, luckily (ew Monkeypie that was soooo wrong! and hilarious!).

I did have a wingnut throw a teapot at me once.

He bought this pewter teapot that was from, like, 1820 or something the day before. Then, he comes charging in all full righteous fury the next day and starts in on me about how he wants his money back.

You see, he put said teapot RIGHT ON THE BURNER OF HIS STOVE

, and the pesky thing went and melted! Who'd have thunk it. Surprise surprise!

I wouldn't give Mr. Genius his money back for being retarded. So he hucked it at my head. Awesome! (I ducked, luckily.) Then he cussed me out thoroughly and took off. I got the melted teapot, lucky me! I actually didn't say much of anything to him- I was too shocked I think.

Actually the teapot melted less than I'd have thought. It just melted a small hole in the bottom.

 

[MustangGal]

I used to work at a company that manages apartment complexes, and I supervised teh receptionist. She would send me teh crazy calls when they wouldn''t listen to her.

So, one day she sent me a call from a resident that wouldn''t leave her alone. The lady claimed that the landscaper in the parking lot was sexually harrassing her. With a leaf blower.

I asked if she had called the cops, since he was contracted and not one of my employees. She was offended that I suggested it! After I got her off the phone I called the community to find out what they knew, and they said this lady was going nuts because the guy had been cleaning up the parking lot with the leaf blower and had pointed it at her car before he saw her.

There were some real crazier at some of those communities!

 

[tlh]

monkeypie! GROSS!

 

[Shoopy]

I had been working here for maybe about a month but it was my first time in the corporate office (I was in the field office for that time). Our floor is set up where its the women''s restroom, the men''s, the door leading to the staircase, and the lunch break area. I went into the lunch area and then went to go use the restroom. I passed by the staircase thinking it was the men''s restroom and walked right into the men''s thinking it was the women''s.

I think I blacked out for a second when I realized where I really was. I have no idea if anyone saw me but I was really, really embarrassed.

 

[sunnyd]

This happened at my old job at a home improvement store. It''s a really gross story, so don''t read if you just ate.

It starts with explosive diarrhea. One of the managers walks back to the break room and discovers a trail of poo starting in one of the aisles and leading to the men''s room.

My poor FI was working at the time, so he and another guy got recruited to clean it up. They clean the aisle and go into the bathroom... the guy was still in there!!!

When he finally left, they found his poo-filled underpants on the floor. Poor FI...

 

[mochi]

I got the word organism mixed up with orgasm... I still remember all the faces in the patients rooms...

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/20/2009 10:11:03 PM
Author: mochi
I got the word organism mixed up with orgasm... I still remember all the faces in the patients rooms...

Priceless!

They didn''t laugh? I would have laughed hysterically! In a good way

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/20/2009 5:02:03 PM
Author: sunnyd
This happened at my old job at a home improvement store. It''s a really gross story, so don''t read if you just ate.

It starts with explosive diarrhea. One of the managers walks back to the break room and discovers a trail of poo starting in one of the aisles and leading to the men''s room.

My poor FI was working at the time, so he and another guy got recruited to clean it up. They clean the aisle and go into the bathroom... the guy was still in there!!!

When he finally left, they found his poo-filled underpants on the floor. Poor FI...

Oh God, that''s even more gross than my story!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

The VP of my department at my former job wrote an email to the entire company and wrote "sh*t" instead of "shut"

You would think she would have proofread it before sending. After all, this was a publishing company and she headed-up the editing group!

 

[Lynnie]

I''m a nurse, and see a lot of crazy and gross stuff.

One time, I had 2 patients that were sharing a semi-private room. Patient in bed A was a very sweet, cute old old man. Patient in bed B was a nice man in his 50''s.

Patient A complained of some pain, so I offered him some Percocets, which had been ordered by the dr. "I don''t know..." he said, "pain medications make me kind of silly". So we had a conversation about it, and he ultimately decided to take 1 Percocet... his pain out-weighed his desire to not get silly/goofy. And I suggested 1 instead of 2, figuring it''d be fine. It was bed time anyway, and the Perc would let him be painfree enough to at least sleep, hopefully.

So about an hour later, Patient A puts his call light on. I totally forget what he had called for, but this man was high as a kite!! Giggling like a school girl, sayin stuff like "I TOLD you they make me silly!!! But I ain''t got NO pain!!!! This is just Great! You are just GREAT"... laughing like a banchee the entire time. So while I''m trying not to laugh, I proceed to do whatever it is he called me in for in the first place.

THEN, patient B decides to roll over in his bed and let out this LOOONG LOUD fart!!!

Well, Patient A became hysterical. THEN he says to me "All this time I thought you were a prim little lady... whatcha doin, makin music??!? THAT''S SOME TOOTIN''!!!!" I''m in hysterics, at this point. I tried to explain that it was his roommate, not me, but he wouldn''t hear it. "Don''t you go tryin'' to blame him!" he''s saying.

THEN, patient B got woken up from all the laughing and asks "What''s so funny?". Patient A says "The nurse just FARTED and tried to blame it on YOU!!"

Patient A was just too adorable, and his laugh was SO contagious, and I had the giggles badly by this point. I couldn''t believe he said that!!

I told them both to go back to sleep, call me if you need anything, and high-tailed it outta there.

I still laugh just thinking about that old man!

 

[Erin]

The email went out to all company - "Can whomever laid these pictures on my desk please let me know what they are for."

The other guy accidentally "replies to all" company "Are they those naked pictures of Starset Princess?"

500 email accounts at my company

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 5/22/2009 10:35:04 AM
Author: Lynnie
I''m a nurse, and see a lot of crazy and gross stuff.


One time, I had 2 patients that were sharing a semi-private room. Patient in bed A was a very sweet, cute old old man. Patient in bed B was a nice man in his 50''s.


Patient A complained of some pain, so I offered him some Percocets, which had been ordered by the dr. ''I don''t know...'' he said, ''pain medications make me kind of silly''. So we had a conversation about it, and he ultimately decided to take 1 Percocet... his pain out-weighed his desire to not get silly/goofy. And I suggested 1 instead of 2, figuring it''d be fine. It was bed time anyway, and the Perc would let him be painfree enough to at least sleep, hopefully.


So about an hour later, Patient A puts his call light on. I totally forget what he had called for, but this man was high as a kite!! Giggling like a school girl, sayin stuff like ''I TOLD you they make me silly!!! But I ain''t got NO pain!!!! This is just Great! You are just GREAT''... laughing like a banchee the entire time. So while I''m trying not to laugh, I proceed to do whatever it is he called me in for in the first place.


THEN, patient B decides to roll over in his bed and let out this LOOONG LOUD fart!!!


Well, Patient A became hysterical. THEN he says to me ''All this time I thought you were a prim little lady... whatcha doin, makin music??!? THAT''S SOME TOOTIN''!!!!'' I''m in hysterics, at this point. I tried to explain that it was his roommate, not me, but he wouldn''t hear it. ''Don''t you go tryin'' to blame him!'' he''s saying.


THEN, patient B got woken up from all the laughing and asks ''What''s so funny?''. Patient A says ''The nurse just FARTED and tried to blame it on YOU!!''

Patient A was just too adorable, and his laugh was SO contagious, and I had the giggles badly by this point. I couldn''t believe he said that!!


I told them both to go back to sleep, call me if you need anything, and high-tailed it outta there.


I still laugh just thinking about that old man!

lol!!!! that story is great!!!
i commonly called food items by the wrong name at my company. so if you ever hear someone try to say "open-faced steak bites" but what they say is "open fake stace fites" its usually me

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/22/2009 11:18:35 AM
Author: Starset Princess
The email went out to all company - ''Can whomever laid these pictures on my desk please let me know what they are for.''

The other guy accidentally ''replies to all'' company ''Are they those naked pictures of Starset Princess?''

500 email accounts at my company

OMG!
ROFL!
Did he keep his job after that?

 

[Viola]

Date: 5/20/2009 10:44:01 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 5/20/2009 10:11:03 PM
Author: mochi
I got the word organism mixed up with orgasm... I still remember all the faces in the patients rooms...

Priceless!

They didn''t laugh? I would have laughed hysterically! In a good way

HAHAHA! Too funny.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/19/2009 11:19:16 PM
Author: oneandahalfrock
Long, long ago in a galaxy not so far away, I worked for Blockbuster.
My manager said he was going to show me how to check in shipments. I went over to this big box, took the blade to open it and OUT JUMPED MY CO-WORKER!!! I screamed liked a, well, a girl and there were customers in the store and I was sooo embarrassed!
I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was so pissed.

This is similar to mine, in that it was scary. I worked for two oral surgeons, along with a bunch of other gals. One of them was a real trickster, always doing something. So anyway, we had an x-ray developing room, the size of a very teeny closet. You had to do everything in the dark, we didn't even have one of those lights that can go in x-ray rooms. So one day I went in, shut the door, and just got the x-ray going through, when someone GRABBED me and whispered BOO! I about chit my pants. It was this gal, and she immediately put her hand overr my mouth so the patients wouldn't hear me scream, which I did. How she knew where my mouth was, I'll never know, I mean it was pitch black in there.

We then proceeded to laugh our asses off.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

OK, this didn''t happen to me, but it''s the funniest work story I''ve ever heard. Warning ~ it''s in extremely poor taste! LOL!

My Mom worked as a manager in the maintenance department of our local housing authority for a loooong time before she retired. The housing authority provided housing for quite a number of elderly people, who would call my Mom''s office and complain about the strangest things sometimes. Well, my grandfather (my Mom''s dad) was still alive at this time, and he was a HUGE practical joker! My Mom''s office was pretty small, and all the girls who worked there knew my Pappy, and he would always joke around with them, especially my Mom''s good friend "C" who was usually the one to answer the phone. Of course, Pappy knew C''s voice because she always answered the phone when he called to talk to my Mom, and he would always disguise his voice and pretend to be an elderly resident calling with some ridiculous and outlandish problem. C eventually got to the point where she could figure out that it was him, and she would just play along and they''d have this hilarious conversation.

So, one day, the phone rings and C answers it. It''s this little old man calling to tell them that he needed a plumber because he had dropped his glass eye down the drain in the bathroom sink. Of course, C immediately thinks it''s my Pappy, and she says (this is a direct quote, BTW): "Well, can ya SEE where it''s at???" {snicker, snicker}

It wasn''t my Pappy . . . it really WAS a little old man who had dropped his glass eye down the drain in the bathroom sink in his apartment!

Needless to say, C and my Mom felt really bad, but they both laughed their butts off . . . and my Pappy thought it was hysterical!!!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

Funny, maybe, but definitely the most

was when I had to help a doctor perform a procedure on a ladies eye. While grasping the lids, I noticed small bugs. I was relatively new to the world of optometry and was perplexed. I held my tongue until the procedure was done and I met with the doctor later. Apparently he had to remove the pesky little bastards as well and give her a prescription to keep them from coming back. Upon questioning him as to what they were, he replied straight faced, "pubic lice."

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 5/22/2009 11:40:12 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Funny, maybe, but definitely the most

was when I had to help a doctor perform a procedure on a ladies eye. While grasping the lids, I noticed small bugs. I was relatively new to the world of optometry and was perplexed. I held my tongue until the procedure was done and I met with the doctor later. Apparently he had to remove the pesky little bastards as well and give her a prescription to keep them from coming back. Upon questioning him as to what they were, he replied straight faced, ''pubic lice.''

OMG, in her EYE????? GAAAAAAAH!!!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

wonder what she was doing, huh? I was so astonished I actually asked how they got there!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 5/22/2009 11:44:21 PM
Author: somethingshiny
wonder what she was doing, huh? I was so astonished I actually asked how they got there!

Hee hee hee! That''s totally something I would have said! LOL!

You really DO have to wonder!

 

[parrot tulips]

This reminds me of an old work story from years ago! I worked in the accounting department and was processing a Visa bill for a particularly grumpy, difficult old employee. There was a charge I couldn''t distinguish as business related, so I called the employee, asking if he might have accidentally used the business card for a personal charge (vision exam, or perhaps a new pair of glasses, because of the name of the company). He said absolutely not, that he had no idea what that charge was for. So I called the company to see what exactly that credit card charge was for. Apparently, it was for an herbal supplement. A male performance enhancer. And it was not his first order. In fact, it was a standing repeat order.