Wedding Friend obsessed with getting married

[blissfulbride]

I got engaged, and then 2 month later she did. I was happy for her, and we both had being engaged in common. But not even 5 months after, she broke it off because she couldn''t be with him. She told us she wasn''t inlove with him, and had been cheating on him while engaged. She then started dating the guy she was having the affair with, and started to pressure him to propose. He didnt, and they broke up. Now she is with a new guy(who she had on the side lines since she was engaged,) and has seen her history. She moved in with him after just a month of dating. 4 months now, and she is talking about marrying him too.third guy and she has the same plan. Whatever happened to not rushing things and if its meant to be it will. When we got engaged we planned to get married 2 years from the date and everyone was like,so long. but we are so glad we waited because we were able to live together for 2 years first to know what we were getting into.

I worry about my friend and the signals she is giving off to the men she is dating. I just listen to her and go with whatever she says !

 

[marchswallowbird]

This girl needs to not date ANYBODY for at least a year, and figure out who she is and what she wants out of life. She is using men and relationships as a substitute for whatever is not fulfiling her. It''s sad. Is there a gentle way you can point her toward a counselor or psychologist who can help her ?

 

[blissfulbride]

No-way lol

I just couldn''t do it !

 

[CaliCushion]

I feel for you--I have a friend just like that! Once men see how desperate she is to get married, they run. I''m convinced that she is jealous of everyone who is married/has babies and just wants to get married because she feels like everyone else is. She doesn''t get that marrying the first guy who wants to rush into it will just as quickly lead to divorce. She''s currently in therapy, but I don''t know if it''s working....

 

[Gwyn]

I agree with marchswallowbird that something is probably not fufilling her. However, I think you are right that you should not be the one to point it out. Intentions aside, I doubt she will see your intervention as anything other then offensive. This is really something she is going to have to learn on her own. Perhaps a couple of failed relationships will put her on the path to self exploration. WHen she comes to you crying maybe you could suggest that she get "help" to sort through her feelings, but I think any mention of it being a problem with herself or her view of herself or anything like that could really ruin your friendship. Even if she agrees with you on some level, she is probably too embarassed or ashamed to deal with that aspect of her personalitly yet.

I hope things get better for her, and atleast she is strong enough to break it off with a guy who was willing to marry her, but to whom she didn''t feel she could be married to. Makes me feel there is hope for her yet. Could be that her reccent "rush to the alter" with her current beaus stems from the fact that she was already at that junction in her life with a past boyfriend and doesnt want her life to be "moving backwards" in her (or others) eyes.

As for the whole not rushing and waiting thing, I have known a few people that have "rushed" that are still quite happy. FI and I were together 2 years before our engagement and will have been together a little over 3 at the time of our wedding. It seems like its a different timeframe for each couple and that timeframe is influenced by many factors of the couple''s lives. I wouldnt get too caught up in the speed that your friend or anyone moves in a relationship but I think its very loving of you to worry about her happiness. With good friends like that, I am sure she will pull through whatever ails her.