Home For those of you moms who have early bedtimes for your kids...

[TravelingGal]

What do you do when your friends who have kids (with late bedtimes) want to come over and play. Do you kick them out when it is your child''s bedtime or let them stay and play?

My friend is very strict and her kids go down at 7, latest (they are 8 and 5 - the younger one has an even earlier bedtime). Her philosophy is that friends with kids are welcome to stay until her kids go to bed. At that point they have to take their kids home. She is fine to have the adults back should they choose to get a sitter, or get a sitter herself so she can go over to her friends'' homes. But she does not feel it is fair to her children that they have to go to bed and other kids get to roam around her house and play.

When I first heard this, I thought, hm, that''s harsh. But I''m starting to agree with it. I''m fine with letting people stay when she''s too young to know the difference, but when she''s old enough, I think I am going to have to institute that rule. However, I think this is going to be a shock to our circle of friends who cart their kids around at all ours of the evening, so I am trying to figure out if there is a happy medium.

What''s your policy?

 

[MustangGal]

Since my guy is way younger than Amelia, this hasn''t come up yet, but I think I might agree with your friend. Sleep is pretty important, as is keeping a regular routine, so I''ll probably go with the "no kids over after bedtime" rule. We don''t have many friends with kids yet, but I don''t think it would offend me.

If they want to spend more time, tell them to come over earlier

 

[somethingshiny]

Unless it''s a very special occasion, our guests know that they''re kicked out at 8pm. JT really thrives on a strict bedtime. We start right at eight and get ready and read a book, in bed and asleep by 8:30. That doesn''t seem unusually early to me, but our friends seem to let their kids make up their own rules.

It was something we implemented at an early age. At first it didn''t bother me to have people stay longer, but when JT became aware that the kids were still at his house, he wanted to stay up. So, our rule was born. When we invite people over (with children) we usually ask that they come early so the kids have a chance to play then. We eat around 6 so it''s easy to be done by 8. No one really had a problem with it. It was a bit unusual because no one else in our circle did it, but it became habit. No one gives it a second thought anymore.

We don''t really have a rule about adult company but JT doesn''t seem to care if they''re still here when he''s off to bed, although my company is aware that I will be unavailable for 15-20 minutes for the bedtime routine. I will not give it up just because I have guests.

Your friend''s rule sounds a lot like mine so I may be at an extreme, but it works for our family.

 

[TravelingGal]

Thanks ladies!

SS, I don''t think it sounds extreme, as I''m generally conservative when it comes to parenting. How do your friends react to your rules?

 

[neatfreak]

It''s a good question and one I am pondering myself. Now it isn''t an issue because they are too young to know the difference. But once they are old enough...it''ll be hard.

That being said I *will* allow them to stay up for special events and since we don''t have people over very often that might count as a special event...we''ll have to see!

 

[puffy]

most of the kids we know also have earlier bedtimes. and if we are entertaining, most of the time, our friends will leave their kids at home. they say it works out better for the kids as well and them to get away, but i really think they don''t want to interfere with B''s bedtime.
there have been times that we let him stay up cause we are having family over, but if he gets too tired, he will tell us he needs to go to bed. and now, instead of me putting him to bed at a specific time, i just let him tell me when he is ready for bed, which is usually around the same time anyways.
even though he loves to play with other kids who might be over, he also knows when he is too tired and wants to go to bed. i think that''s really important too as he knows that the kids will still be there playing with his toys while he is in bed seeping, but i guess it doesn''t bother him.
and B is pretty good about staying in bed and going to sleep even though he knows there are people over. he will say good night and bye to all the guests.
we haven''t asked people to leave our place if we were entertaining. but i also understand that sometimes, it is better for the kids to settle in a quieter environment where they know that they aren''t missing out on any fun.

 

[somethingshiny]

My friends realize I have rules. Like I said, most of them just don''t. JT is not allowed juice and candy all day (although he certainly get his fair share of treats), he HAS to take a nap every day (not just when he''s grumpy), he must have full meals, (not crap from McDonalds,) he cannot watch tv all day, and he has a bed time. So, although it was weird to my friends at first, they soon realized that it was just our parenting style. We certainly don''t make it seem like we''re "better" parents because we have rules so I think that helps. We''re usually known as the "strict" parents though.

So, all in all, there''s no reaction. At least not anymore. I do remember when one of my friends and her two little girls were over (her youngest is just a few months older than JT). I had warned my friend ahead of time that there was a bedtime and we would appreciate her taking her kids home around the same time. She was taken by surprise when we actually announced bedtime and said goodbye. (her kids can go to bed and get up when they want) But there wasn''t even a discussion the second time she was over. In fact, when her kids spend the night with us, they go to bed at 8 too!

I think the biggest factor amongst friends is not to belittle any one else''s parenting choices. You can''t make it sound like you''re so great because you observe "bedtime." It just has to be a rule like everything else.

 

[D2B]

Perfectly logical to me and what we do. Besides once my one is in bed, I am after adult company not other children running around

Of course there are the odd exceptions, but that is the main rule, hadnt even given it a tought, it is pretty much what everyone does around me anyway.

db

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 8/11/2009 2:32:19 PM
Author: neatfreak
I

That being said I *will* allow them to stay up for special events and since we don''t have people over very often that might count as a special event...we''ll have to see!

I''m big on bedtimes too but do allow my kids to stay up on special occasions/events or if we have company. we rarely have people over that would stay past my kids bedtime though..most have kids themselves and want to get home and get there kids in bed as well.

 

[Burk]

Interesting, Tgal. Right now, if we have people over she goes to bed as usual and company just stays. Of course on special occasions she is allowed to stay up, too, but usually (not recently....please read my help thread about her new sleep habits) I''ll just go through bed time routine with her and put her in bed and she just goes to sleep. I suppose once she''s older and knows other kids are up and playing it won''t be so easy. I''m guessing at that time I''ll probably start kicking people out. My IL''s have no rules or bed times really for their kids so I''m sure that''s who it''ll get the most tricky with. I think her sleep is more important than offending them, though!

 

[VRBeauty]

When I was a kid and my parents went to someone's house knowing they would be there late, we were often carted over in pajamas and tucked into a bed the host had ready for us when it was bedtime. The hosts were expecting that -- it was the way my parents' circle of friends (most of whom had young kids and not a lot of disposable income to spend on babysitters) operated.

Maybe a compromise is that the guest kids are put in quiet time mode once it's Amelia's bedtime -- they're sent to your bedroom or another quite spot in the house to read books or engage in some other activity that doesn't involve running around and that doesn't require a lot of adult interaction. Who knows, they just might be asleep by the time Mommy and Daddy are ready to go home!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Our policy is we do not have friends with kids over at night during the weekdays so bedtime isn't an issue. On the weekends, when friends come over, all the kids can stay up late, say, until 9-10.

We're not very strict on bedtime, though, as on the weekdays the boys have to have PJs on and teeth brushed by 8, and after that, they have "quiet time" in their rooms and they either read or color. I do the hugs/kisses and after that the kids turn off their lights when they're ready.

Regarding your friend - I'd say she's doing what is right for her family and it would be impolite for guests w/children to stay when the hosts' kids go to bed.

 

[atroop711]

I'm a mom of 3 and am a stickler with bedtime. My kids are 9yr, 5y and 9mo...the 2 older ones go to sleep at 7pm and the baby is in bed at 6pm. If we have guest then I don't mind the kids going to be later..not like we have guest over a lot...so this is a treat. If we are visiting someone and it gets late, I don't mind staying past their bedtime but this isn't an ongoing thing either. Since we have the 9mo old...I really try to be home at a decent hour since I find it important to keep up with his routine. Once he's older, I don't mind bending the bedtime routines for all of the kids.

NOW if it's a school night the bedtime doesn't change..that I'm a stickler about. Safe to say I don't have guest over during the week.

My close friends (my sister and best friend) have the same rules as I do...but some ppl I know casually always tell me that I'm too strict. They ask why would I cut my evening short just for bedtime and I respond because it's important. They also have told me that I don't get to have an active life since I'm home early with the kids..I tell them that's ok...since the kids are all in bed by 7pm, we have our lots of adult alone time at night. MIND YOU the ppl who criticize or question my decisions are also the ppl who complain that their kids are always grumpy and won't go to sleep well past 10pm

 

[steph72276]

I'm big on bedtimes too. We will start getting him ready for bed around 7:45ish and by the time bath time, storytime, etc. is finished, he is in bed by 8:30 or so. If we do have company over, it is usually family, which all live out of town, so we allow him to stay up late to spend lots of time with them.

Wow, I am amazed at the people that get their kids in bed by 7....they must have blackout shades in the room, the sun is still shining bright here and kids are still outside playing at that time!

eta: His school doesn't start until 9am, and he sleeps until about 8am every morning, so I will probably have to up the bedtime when he goes to school earlier.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 8/13/2009 8:02:29 AM
Author: steph72276
I''m big on bedtimes too. We will start getting him ready for bed around 7:45ish and by the time bath time, storytime, etc. is finished, he is in bed by 8:30 or so. If we do have company over, it is usually family, which all live out of town, so we allow him to stay up late to spend lots of time with them.


Wow, I am amazed at the people that get their kids in bed by 7....they must have blackout shades in the room, the sun is still shining bright here and kids are still outside playing at that time!


eta: His school doesn''t start until 9am, and he sleeps until about 8am every morning, so I will probably have to up the bedtime when he goes to school earlier.

getting mine to bed at 7pm is easy because they get up by 6am..so they are exhausted by 7pm

 

[steph72276]

Date: 8/13/2009 8:29:54 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 8/13/2009 8:02:29 AM

Author: steph72276

I''m big on bedtimes too. We will start getting him ready for bed around 7:45ish and by the time bath time, storytime, etc. is finished, he is in bed by 8:30 or so. If we do have company over, it is usually family, which all live out of town, so we allow him to stay up late to spend lots of time with them.



Wow, I am amazed at the people that get their kids in bed by 7....they must have blackout shades in the room, the sun is still shining bright here and kids are still outside playing at that time!



eta: His school doesn''t start until 9am, and he sleeps until about 8am every morning, so I will probably have to up the bedtime when he goes to school earlier.

getting mine to bed at 7pm is easy because they get up by 6am..so they are exhausted by 7pm

Yeah, that would make sense!