Wedding flower woes

[CNOS128]

Okay, fellow brides, I need your help.

My parents very generously offered to pay for our wedding. My fiance''s parents, also very generously, decided they wanted to pay for something and are going to foot the bill for the flowers.

Before this offer from fiance''s parents, my mom and I set out a budget for all the larger items - but I didn''t want to assume fiance''s parents would pay the same amount, so I asked them for a flower budget. But, they couldn''t come up with one (probably because they haven''t ever done this and don''t know what anything should cost). They told me to go out and see what kind of estimates I got so they could figure out how much to spend. That was mildly frustrating, as I wanted at least a ballpark figure so I wouldn''t build up my hopes upon finding the perfect florist, only to have them crushed later. (I certainly don''t want anything extravagant, but the flowers are very important to me and I''ve seen so many bad or just boring arrangements at weddings lately...)

Now, I have been looking forever and finally found a florist that I just love -- both her aesthetic and her personality. She''s putting a package together for me in a couple of weeks, but I asked her what she thought the final cost might be, and she gave me a range.

I told fiance''s parents this figure, and THEN they decided that for what I told them I wanted, they think they should only be paying half of the price I was quoted.

I''m annoyed at them for giving me a budget after the fact. I''m sure I''ll get over it, as it''s only flowers and I''m sure they''ll be fine. But I''m really annoyed at myself because my parents didn''t want to let his parents pay for anything, and I talked them into it - and now I have to give up something I really want. My fiance wants me to look at other florists - which I''m willing to do - but I don''t have a ton of free time and it took me forever to find this one.

What would you do? Cut your budget in half? Stay with the same florist and make drastic cuts? Find a different florist (that you probably won''t be happy with because she''s so much cheaper?) Also, feel free to tell me if I''m just being a brat and need to get over myself.


Thanks, ladies!

 

[brooklyngirl]

How about option d, they can contribute whatever they''re comfortable with towards the flowers, and you and your parents will cover the rest. It''s nice that they want to contribute and all, but that shouldn''t constrain your options more than they were prior to their offer. You should have more options now, because you have more $ to play with.

If flowers are important to you, and you have found a florist you really love, who you would have gotten otherwise, you should go with that florist.

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 9/25/2008 2:48:23 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
How about option d, they can contribute whatever they're comfortable with towards the flowers, and you and your parents will cover the rest.

If flowers are important to you, and you have found a florist you really love, who you would have gotten otherwise, you should go with that florist.

I totally agree! I was going to make the same suggestion.

 

[galvana]

I agree too! 100%. you get what you want. Tell them what the quote is and that they can contribute whatever they are comfortable with, you and your parents can pay the rest! perfect! you get what you want, they pay what they want. Done!

 

[Gypsy]

I would make sure that your qoute is reasonable. I got qoutes from 1500 to 5000 for the exact same request. I put together a sheet that detailed exactly what I wanted, how large I expected things to be, what kinds of flowers I wanted (what kinds I absolutely didn't want), how many of each peice I needed, and deliver time, and pick up date for any rentals. Sent it out to 7 or 8 florists... got the range above. I started with the 4 florists that all came in about the same price (2000) and went from there. That's how I knew what 'reasonable' for the area I was in was and I could justify the expense. I would do the same for your florals.

I didn't even have to leave my house to do it. Sent out the request for qoute. Got them back. Picked the midrange 4 florists. Did telephone interviews, was able to cross people off right away as a result. Then did in person meetings.

If after you send out the RFQ (request for qoute) your florist is in the ballpark of midrange. Then go with the option everyone suggested and ask your parents to make up the difference.

 

[bootsiekin]

Date: 9/25/2008 2:48:23 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
How about option d, they can contribute whatever they''re comfortable with towards the flowers, and you and your parents will cover the rest. It''s nice that they want to contribute and all, but that shouldn''t constrain your options more than they were prior to their offer. You should have more options now, because you have more $ to play with.


If flowers are important to you, and you have found a florist you really love, who you would have gotten otherwise, you should go with that florist.

This is kind of what we did, my mom is paying for the reception, and FI are paying for everything else except his parents said they could pay for flowers (and rehearsal dinner). Once we told them the price and the deposit, they asked if we could make the deposit and they would pay the rest (they don''t have much money). I think you should look into other florists to make sure the price is fair, but you should get what you want if you can cover the rest!

 

[sunnyd]

I agree with the mass and with Gypsy. First get other quotes to see what's reasonable, then take (horrible word to use, bbut can't think of any others...) whatever money FI's parents would like to contribute and pay for the rest yourselves. Good luck!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Agree agree agree with the advice offered here!

Certainly check around at a few other places (now that you know what you want and have an approximate idea of how much of each flower you will need it should be a little easier to call up florists and list off your inventory and see what they come back with). If you decide to stick with the florist you currently have you can at least show your future in-laws that you did your due dilligence.

If your parents are willing to pick up the remainder of the tab maybe you can find a discrete way for that to happen without bruising the ego of his parents.

 

[purrfectpear]

I don''t see the conflict? You (and your parents) were planning on paying for everything including flowers. Now you only have to pay half for the flowers. Why wouldn''t you just pick up the other half? You''re still 50% ahead no?

Don''t look a gift horse in the mouth. FI''s parents didn''t have to offer anything.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 9/25/2008 4:52:46 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I don''t see the conflict? You (and your parents) were planning on paying for everything including flowers. Now you only have to pay half for the flowers. Why wouldn''t you just pick up the other half? You''re still 50% ahead no?


Don''t look a gift horse in the mouth. FI''s parents didn''t have to offer anything.

Sorry - but I have to agree here. If 50% of the flowers were my only wedding expense I would
count my blessings for at least 2 weeks and 24 hours/day.

 

[CNOS128]

Thank you all for your responses!
I think I like option d, as long as I can do it without my fiance''s parents knowing - I don''t want their feelings to be hurt or for them to feel like their contribution was not enough.
My mom offered right away to make up the difference, so I didn''t even have to feel bad about approaching her.


Thanks again!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 9/25/2008 5:52:01 PM
Author: rob09

Date: 9/25/2008 4:52:46 PM

Author: purrfectpear

I don''t see the conflict? You (and your parents) were planning on paying for everything including flowers. Now you only have to pay half for the flowers. Why wouldn''t you just pick up the other half? You''re still 50% ahead no?



Don''t look a gift horse in the mouth. FI''s parents didn''t have to offer anything.

Sorry - but I have to agree here. If 50% of the flowers were my only wedding expense I would

count my blessings for at least 2 weeks and 24 hours/day.

Apparently you misunderstand that my concerns are not about the money at all. It''s not really the expense that''s the issue - it''s the control. My fiance''s parents undertook the flowers as their contribution to this wedding (and I have shown them nothing but gratitude) and they want the flower arrangements to be their "thing." It''s difficult to suggest to someone that they only pay for part of their "thing" without seeming ungrateful.
It''s important to me that the flowers look a certain way, and I''m not sure that''s possible for the budget they decided on - and that''s where the money comes in. And I think if they''d told me this budget prior to my developing a plan for arrangements and finding a florist I was happy with, I would have been able to do so aiming at this budget rather than taking shots in the dark.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 9/25/2008 5:59:59 PM
Author: TheBigT
Thank you all for your responses!
I think I like option d, as long as I can do it without my fiance''s parents knowing - I don''t want their feelings to be hurt or for them to feel like their contribution was not enough.
My mom offered right away to make up the difference, so I didn''t even have to feel bad about approaching her.


Thanks again!

I am willing to bet if you were to approach your florist about the sensative nature of the issue she could work with you to find a creative way for FI''s parents to be unaware of the additional need for a contribution from your parents...I would certainly talk to her and see if she can make any suggestions on how to navigate the "paper" aspect without hurting any feelings.

 

[honey22]

Ditto - get what you want, and they can put towards it what they feel comfortable and you make up the difference. Just because they insist on paying for something doesn''t mean they can dictate what you should have or how much you should spend. If they only want to spend $x on flowers, then they can.

My parents feel really strongly about paying for our engagement cake, however we don''t want to stretch their budget (or their generosities) so I have told them to put towards the cake what they feel comfortable spending and I will pay the balance.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 9/25/2008 6:05:32 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 9/25/2008 5:52:01 PM

Author: rob09

Date: 9/25/2008 4:52:46 PM


Author: purrfectpear


I don''t see the conflict? You (and your parents) were planning on paying for everything including flowers. Now you only have to pay half for the flowers. Why wouldn''t you just pick up the other half? You''re still 50% ahead no?




Don''t look a gift horse in the mouth. FI''s parents didn''t have to offer anything.

Sorry - but I have to agree here. If 50% of the flowers were my only wedding expense I would


count my blessings for at least 2 weeks and 24 hours/day.

Apparently you misunderstand that my concerns are not about the money at all. It''s not really the expense that''s the issue - it''s the control. My fiance''s parents undertook the flowers as their contribution to this wedding (and I have shown them nothing but gratitude) and they want the flower arrangements to be their ''thing.'' It''s difficult to suggest to someone that they only pay for part of their ''thing'' without seeming ungrateful.

It''s important to me that the flowers look a certain way, and I''m not sure that''s possible for the budget they decided on - and that''s where the money comes in. And I think if they''d told me this budget prior to my developing a plan for arrangements and finding a florist I was happy with, I would have been able to do so aiming at this budget rather than taking shots in the dark.

I can see your point - chipping in yourself would sort of send the message that their contribution/budget is not big/good enough.