Fighting the Odds

[chiquitapet]

Thank You szh07 and 4ever for asking me to write about my story. First I thought I was not going to write that much, but then it turned out to be quite a long post, for which I apologize. Admittedly, writing this was also quite therapeutic for me.

I was still in high school when I met DH. He was the most wonderful man I have met, so kind and sweet and loving. I always thought all men were like my father, who was cold, strict and authoritative and rarely said anything nice to anyone when I was growing up. He was usually quite negative towards us children, and strived for us to be perfect, yet we would never be good enough. I was not really allowed to have friends – they were not skinny or beautiful enough, not smart enough, their parents were not good enough etc. I love my father, but looking back I’d call his behaviour ‘emotional abuse’. I believe he thought he was teaching us how to be strong in life and get ahead; however that left me with zero confidence and no self-esteem. My father is a much softer and kinder person now that he’s older, but that’s a different story.

As I was really not allowed to go out much, I fell in love with the Internet as it opened up the world to me. I had lots of ‘internet friends’ from all over the world and one of them was my DH. We emailed each other for about a year and half – he was in Canada, I was in Europe. It was a very innocent friendship, with emails being exchanged maybe 1x per week. He called me once on my birthday on the phone and it was great hearing his voice for the first time. We kept on emailing each other regularly. My family then moved to Australia. I felt more ‘free’ in Australia for some reason. Soon after moving, my then ‘pen pal’ would start calling me more often, until it became a daily routine. We became very close and decided we’d like to meet. I won’t go into details about how I had to sneak out to be on the phone with him etc. It was very difficult. This was for the first time I was lying to my family and I was torn inside, but I was falling in love.

DH came to Australia for 3 weeks and that’s when we ‘met’ for the first time on 16th June 2000. I was 19 and he was 26 then. We felt we knew each other quite well from 18 months of exchanging emails and phone calls. We fell in love instantly and knew we wanted to be together. The next 3 years were very difficult. I was studying in Australia, he was working in Canada. We would see each other for only several weeks every 6 months. But we would spend hours on the phone every day. After several fights with my father, he could see I wasn’t backing down to him for the first time ever and he ‘let me’ continue seeing DH. Sure, it wasn’t easy. He would offer to buy me a Mercedes if I broke up with DH, he would threaten to disown me, he would call me names behind my back because I was dating an Asian boy, etc etc. I was very hurt by my father, but I tried to understand it was difficult for him being so disappointed by his first daughter when he had so much planned for my future. The fact that DH came from a low socio-economic background didn’t help things either, as wealth is probably the one most important thing for my father. If my DH was rich, I’m sure my father wouldn’t have fought our relationship so much.

After 3 years of the long distance between us, DH came to Australia on a 1 year holiday working visa. I was about to finish my first university degree and start medical school. It was bliss seeing each other every day. We would go visit my family regularly on weekends (they live about 1 hour drive away) and everybody started to get along. My family got to know DH the way I did, and saw he was a very sweet and kind man who truly loved me. At the end of DH’s 1 year visa we decided to get married as we couldn’t bear to be separated again. So in September 2004, we got married in a small private wedding in the botanical gardens (which my family attended) and we haven’t been apart for more than several nights since.

I want to say that despite my father being less than supportive to us in the past, since he got to know DH, he has helped us a lot financially. We were struggling for a while as I was studying medicine, which allowed me to work only casually and my DH had difficulty finding a good job here in Australia. My family still makes few comments here and there about DH not being the perfect person they were imagining for me. They now see me as a successful, professional and confident woman who could have ‘done better’. What they don’t see is that my DH made me this woman. I had no confidence or self-esteem when I met him. He was the one who gave me all that.

Thank You for reading. You’ve done well if you made it the whole way

.
I would love to hear your stories, too.

 

[D&T]

Awww I loved reading your story...You truly were fighting the odds and long distance too! Thank you for sharing your story, Your dad sounds a lot like my dad. Except for us, we immigrated over and we had nothing really, and he was pretty controlling as well (they have gotten softer now and loves their grandkids) I had to build myself up. My parents just wanted me to finish high school get married and just work for the rest of my life. But I wanted to go to college, then I went on to getting a graduate degree (and they claim my success as their doing

) anyhow, since now I have all this education and career path, They thought I should have married someone other than DH. DH didn''t have a degree or had any type of profession, he was a pizza boy when I met him

. Long story short, we fell crazy in love, had cultural differences and I was a couple of years older and was heading into my career. We had some rough times, but now he''s finishing up school and we have two kids and are super happy after five and half years of marriage still going strong. My parents now see that he is a kind, gentle and most loving hubby and father. They still make some snide comments "like how I''m going to be supporting our family for the rest of our lives and what not" but he''s working his way up and in the next few years getting his master''s degree. I hope when my children are grown up, that we will support them in their lives and not be controlling and especially help build their self esteem up as well.

 

[4ever]

What a truly beautiful story. Gotta love a good love conquers all story.

Me and my BF's story is fairly similar. I suffered from depression as a teen and as a result didn't have alot of close friends because of my crap self esteme and shyness. I found I was alot more myself on the internet and made many friends. I met BF online when I had just turned 17 and he was 25 and we got along well and were good friends, we talked online or on the phone everyday. He couldn't have come along at a better time, I was coping much better with my depression and getting to the stage where I had one "bad day" a week rather then every day being bad. He really helped me get over this and become the person I am now.

After a while we kinda wanted to be more then friends.

I was scared my parents would dissaprove so I never told them. When I started uni I also got a part time job and saved up to go and see him. I flew to England (from New Zealand) for 3 months in my uni holidays to meet him (when I was 19, 2 years after originally meeting online) and although the prospect was terrifing, it's the best and hardest desision I've ever made. I had a wonderful time and it was so hard to come home and go back to studying and living without him.

We found being apart very hard. Fast forward to 6 months later and he comes to visit me here for 4 weeks. He loves New Zealand and meets my family (though how I finally told them about him when I got home from the UK is another story). 6 months later he's here on a 2 year working holiday visa. That was Feb this year and we have been happily living together since.

This really is the short version, there is alot more secret keeping from friends and family (I didn't want to be judged for meeting some one online) and heart ach from being long distance for so long etc. Anyway, he has a job here and we're hoping he'll get a more perminant visa soon. We're happy now and that's what's really important.

Chiquitapet- one question, when people ask how long you and your Dh have been together, do you count from when you met online or IRL?

 

[chiquitapet]

Date: 8/14/2009 1:15:13 AM
Author: D&T
Awww I loved reading your story...You truly were fighting the odds and long distance too! Thank you for sharing your story, Your dad sounds a lot like my dad. Except for us, we immigrated over and we had nothing really, and he was pretty controlling as well (they have gotten softer now and loves their grandkids) I had to build myself up. My parents just wanted me to finish high school get married and just work for the rest of my life. But I wanted to go to college, then I went on to getting a graduate degree (and they claim my success as their doing

) anyhow, since now I have all this education and career path, They thought I should have married someone other than DH. DH didn''t have a degree or had any type of profession, he was a pizza boy when I met him

. Long story short, we fell crazy in love, had cultural differences and I was a couple of years older and was heading into my career. We had some rough times, but now he''s finishing up school and we have two kids and are super happy after five and half years of marriage still going strong. My parents now see that he is a kind, gentle and most loving hubby and father. They still make some snide comments ''like how I''m going to be supporting our family for the rest of our lives and what not'' but he''s working his way up and in the next few years getting his master''s degree. I hope when my children are grown up, that we will support them in their lives and not be controlling and especially help build their self esteem up as well.

Thank You for sharing your story D&T, I love reading about the happy endings out there in real life. I had to smile reading about the ''snide comments'' from your parents - they sound exactly like my parents. I now make about 2-3x more than DH, and boy, my parents won''t let him forget it very often. He completed a university degree back in Canada, but unfortunately that didn''t set him up for much of a career. He tried to go back to uni here in Aus, but dropped it after a year and half. He is not much of the study type plus he felt ''too old'' amongst all the young students. He has a good steady job though, where he has been for the past few years and he is happy, so I am happy.

 

[chiquitapet]

I loved reading your story, 4ever. You are right, our stories are so similar! DH and I rarely told anyone that we met online although my parents are quick to tell anyone they''re trying to get ''against us''. There is a huge stigma attached to meeting online, and it was even worse a decade ago. To this day, only few of our closest friends know. We generally skip the internet part and say we met here in Australia, 9 years ago. To answer your question, we count being together from meeting IRL, not over the net. So we celebrate 2 anniversaries every year - our first meeting IRL in June and our wedding anniversary in September. There are never enough excuses to celebrate, no?

I`m glad you`re now together and planning for more long-term visa. Make sure you`re well prepared for your application, which hopefully shouldn''t be a problem given your BF was able to get a 2-year working holiday visa. Take lots of photos with your BF AND with other people (they`ll be asking for those). We originally wanted to go with a more permanent visa as well, but immigration pretty much told us that even after living together for 1 year (and being in long-distance relationship for 3 yrs before that) and having joint bank accounts etc, it was not enough evidence for a permanent defacto visa. So we got married as we didn''t want to risk being separated again.

 

[Dannielle]

Love truely does conquer all..

 

[purselover]

You guys should have a lifetime movie! Seriously that was such a sweet story.

 

[Cehrabehra]

that is a really sweet story thank you for sharing it!

 

[Callisto]

What an inspiring story. I feel like there are a lot of people who have struggled with long distance relationships here on pricescope, myself included. I''ve heard more long distance stories on the forums that in real life, I think. I wonder if for some reason there is a larger percentage of that here or if I just notice the stories cause I relate to them.

FF and I are currently non long distance for the first time in our relationship. We met before my freshman year of college and went through what I thought would be a summer fling, but the summer ended and I left for school and couldn''t bear the idea of not being his girlfriend. So we dated across the country (Illinois to Texas-16 hour drive so always a plane flight away) for 3 years seeing each other usually twice a semester. But we somehow made it through that and are now living in the same zip code... in the same house haha. Talk about polar opposites. Almost none of my friends can comprehend a relationship sustained for that long over such a great distance but they always say that if any couple they know could do it, it would be me and FF (I think just due to our temperments and maturity).

I always try to see that part of our relationship as a positive experience though. It was very strengthening to be put in such a trying situation right off the bat in our relationship. It was anything but convinent for either of us so I know we were in the relationship for all the right reasons. I feel if we could fight the odds at the very beginning of our relationship we can continue to fight the odds (and win!) when it comes to things like divorce rates. I also think that it really makes us appreciate our time together SO much more than most regular couples.

Does it drive any other long distance girls (or guys) here crazy when someone mentions their "long distance relationship" which you later realize is like a couple hour drive.... I affectionately refer to their relationships as "short distance relationships." I also term those in different countries as being in "super long distance relationships" haha I think there needs to be a spectrum.

 

[Amethyste]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! i love your story sweetie!!!! It reminds me a lot of my own!!!

Long distance relationships are truly hard, but since its already hard to begin with, if 2 people decide to commit to it, as previously said, it must be for all of the right reasons!!! I met my husband.... over myspace, of all places. I am a singer and he's a film composer. He needed vocals for a project and he stumbled across my profile and wanted to work with me. We exchanged emails, calls, projects etc for a long time. Then, I decided to take a vacation to NYC and he asked if we could meet in real. I was ok with that cause he's a fantastic human being... and VERY handsome to boot

so I agree. Once we set eyes on each other, it was it. I knew I'd marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. The only problem was that he lived in Germany and me, in the states. For over 3 years, we have done the 2 weeks here, 3 months there... then apart for 6 months, it was truly horrible and hard on us. Magical times when together and tragedy the day we had to be separated with endless tears and pain. Last time he came to see me in november of '08, he was questionned by the FBI for TWO grueling hours, went through his cell phones, his myspace profile, the FBI even called me inpersonnating a booking agent to see if we'd perform for an event and asked me how much we charge for shows ( they were investigating him working here illegally ) and when they couldnt find anything on him, they released him. but since he came to see me on the Visa Waiver program, they flagged his passport and they told him he wouldnt be allowed to come to the country without a B-1 ( visitor's ) visa anymore...

So we got scared and were very depressed about the whole situation. He wanted to finish University in Germany since its so much cheaper there than here. But in light of the situation, we talked about everything and decided to get married while he was here. Thank god! He is still without a job since the economy is terrible, but he's here with me, no more long distance relationship! we are all done with immigration as well, and now he has his greencard.

I have had my share of immigration papers, interviews, doctors appointment, fees - OMG it all added up to over $2,000 in immigration fees just to DHS and we did all of the work ourselves without the help of any immigration lawyers!! We had boxes of pictures, cards, travel tickets, phone records etc... It is really consuming, but all of this "work" is not work after all, it is all so worth it than the pain of being apart.

 

[Shoopy]

My mom absolutely hated my FI when she first met him. He''s a high school graduate whereas I have my Masters. My mom is old school and feels that the woman should only work because she wants to and that the man should always be the one that financially supports the entire family. She couldn''t understand why I would want to stay in the relationship knowing that I will always be the breadwinner.

I take my mom''s advice/criticism very seriously. I consider her to be my best friend. But when it comes to Mr. Fiery I always follwed my heart. I saw things in him that my mom couldn''t/didn''t want to see.

Mr. Fiery tried hard in the beginning to impress her but I told him to knock it off. He is a great person full of compassion and has a huge heart. Plus, he''s got a good head on his shoulders and comes from a great family. I told him that being himself was enough and if my mom couldn''t accept that, then she didn''t have to marry him

Over the years though he has really been there for me and for my family. When we weren''t living together, he always made sure that I had everything I needed. When I lost my job, he would drive an hour away from his home to fill my fridge with groceries. During hurricanes, he''d always bring me to his parent''s house since I don''t have any family here at all (my mom lives 4 hours away). When we would visit home, he was very respectful of my mother and always slept in a separate room. He was extremely supportive when my mom discovered that my brother is gay and continues to be supportive as my mom deals with it.

Now, my mom adores him. She''ll call him frequently to ask how he''s doing. When we visit, she always makes his favorite dishes. Recently my mom and I had a conversation where she told me that she really loves Mr. Fiery and is so glad that I have someone to share my life with. I think that when you make a decision about your life, you need to remain confident that it was the right decision for you. Everyone else will come around eventually. And if they don''t, then oh well. At least you made a decision that was right for you.

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/14/2009 4:33:20 AM
Author: chiquitapet
I loved reading your story, 4ever. You are right, our stories are so similar! DH and I rarely told anyone that we met online although my parents are quick to tell anyone they''re trying to get ''against us''. There is a huge stigma attached to meeting online, and it was even worse a decade ago. To this day, only few of our closest friends know. We generally skip the internet part and say we met here in Australia, 9 years ago. To answer your question, we count being together from meeting IRL, not over the net. So we celebrate 2 anniversaries every year - our first meeting IRL in June and our wedding anniversary in September. There are never enough excuses to celebrate, no?

I`m glad you`re now together and planning for more long-term visa. Make sure you`re well prepared for your application, which hopefully shouldn''t be a problem given your BF was able to get a 2-year working holiday visa. Take lots of photos with your BF AND with other people (they`ll be asking for those). We originally wanted to go with a more permanent visa as well, but immigration pretty much told us that even after living together for 1 year (and being in long-distance relationship for 3 yrs before that) and having joint bank accounts etc, it was not enough evidence for a permanent defacto visa. So we got married as we didn''t want to risk being separated again.

Thank you chiquitapet.

If people ask how we met we tell them. I was embaressed at first but many responses are really positive, some people think it''s "soooo romantic". lol.

I never thought about photos or anything but that''s a good idea. The way BF talks about getting a longer visa makes it sound easy but in all our experience with immigration things are NEVER easy!

 

[chiquitapet]

Dannielle, purselover and cahrabehra - Thank You for reading my story and for your kind comments.

 

[chiquitapet]

Callisto, thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I agree that long-distance relationships are very strengthening (that is if the relationship survives). I wonder what the statistics would be for divorce rates by long-distance vs. ''regular'' couples. Anytime I remember how heartbreaking it was saying good-bye to DH knowing I wouldn''t see him for another 6-9 months, I just appreciate what we have now so much more.

And yes, it is a little annoying when girls complain about their BF living an hour and half away (DRIVE!) and how hard it is for them...

... then I politely add that my and DH were on opposite hemispheres for couple of years and they become quite happy with their ''distance''...

 

[4ever]

Date: 8/14/2009 9:45:24 PM
Author: chiquitapet
Callisto, thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I agree that long-distance relationships are very strengthening (that is if the relationship survives). I wonder what the statistics would be for divorce rates by long-distance vs. ''regular'' couples. Anytime I remember how heartbreaking it was saying good-bye to DH knowing I wouldn''t see him for another 6-9 months, I just appreciate what we have now so much more.

And yes, it is a little annoying when girls complain about their BF living an hour and half away (DRIVE!) and how hard it is for them...

... then I politely add that my and DH were on opposite hemispheres for couple of years and they become quite happy with their ''distance''...

I agree, I think we both appriciate what we have now alot more after being long distance for so long. I also wonder about divorce rates for people who meet online- you are kind of forced to get to know each other and TALK because theres nothing else to do but talk.

Yes - I try not to be dismissive or condesending of other peoples "long distance" relationships but I don''t think a two hour drive compares to 24-26 hours on a plane.

 

[chiquitapet]

Amethyste, what an amazing story! Oh my god, I can''t believe your DH was interviewed by the FBI!!!! I`m so happy to hear you are now together and all is done with immigration. We had so much trouble with immigration as well. We did everything on our own too, but it did cost a lot of time, money and effort. The thing was that we were determined to apply for the defacto visa. We went to the immigration office about 5 weeks before DH''s holiday working visa was to expire to apply and that''s when they told us we didn''t have enough evidence. If we went for the fiance visa, DH would have to leave Australia. So we decided to get married, but sure enough we were told we have to lodge a notice with the registry 1 month prior to the wedding!! The timing was all very lucky, as we managed to get married 4 days before the expiration of his visa and then 1 day before expiration he was granted a permanent resident visa! We really felt like in a movie there, it was all very very close. I won''t even go into how we managed to plan a wedding in 1 month all while I was studying for my end of 1st year medical exams.

I don''t even want to think what would have happened if the timing didn''t work out, because we didn''t have much money, DH had to change jobs every 3 months as per rules of the holiday working visa, I was studying, and if he had to go back to Canada, find a job and start saving again to be able to come back etc.... it would have been horrible!

 

[chiquitapet]

Fiery, thank you for sharing your story. Mr. Fiery sounds so very sweet! I loved reading about how he took care of you when you needed him. So beautiful!

And you are right, once you make your decision, everyone else comes around eventually. I must say, that my DH and my dad actually talk much more now that I do with my dad. My siblings often call/text my DH, and my mum always asks about what DH wants her to cook when we come over. My DH and my mum both love cooking (I unfortunately or am not gifted in that department) and they often cook together when we`re visiting for the weekend etc. I love seeing DH being accepted as part of the family. I never believed it would happen those years ago.

 

[chiquitapet]

4ever, very happy to hear you tell people that you met online. The less secrets, the better. I guess people''s responses to our disclosure were never really positive so we were trained to skip it... lol

And trust me, the immigration process is never easy. Especially in Australia/New Zealand. For example, DH and I took hundreds of photos everytime we were together so we have something to look at when we`re apart, but immigration didn''t care about those photos much unless other people were in the picture too.

 

[4ever]

I think you''d probably find people are a bit more accepting of it these days because it''s becoming alot more common to meet someone online. I don''t like to lie when it can be avioded so if asked a direct question I''ll give a direct and honest answer.

I don''t get why it should matter who else is in the picture? What does that prove?
Seriously NZ and Aus are harder to get into then leather pants on a hot day

. There''s still a chance we wont have to ask for a relationship visa as BF is looking for a new job wich is abit more to his skill level and will sponser him though a working visa, so we''re keeping our fingers crossed for that. If all else fails I''ll move to the Uk with him for a couple of years- they don''t seem to have a problem letting every man and his GF in.

 

[joelly]

Your story is inspiring. It deserves a song, a book, and a movie. Truly amazing how strong a woman can be.

I am sorry to hear that you have to struggle to keep the one you love. I have done the same too. My story is quite similar with yours. The difference is that I don’t meet my FI online and my mom is the one who disapprove of our relationship.

I came to the US, 10 yrs ago. I met my FI, 7 yrs ago. I was fresh out of grad school when I met him. I struggled through the emotional and verbal abuse of my prior employer which I sustained because I needed the green card, struggle to study for the CPA exam which I believe is imminent to have to keep an edge in my future career, and struggle to keep myself intact because I miss home so much. I cried on his shoulder many times when I fail the attempts on the exams plus the abusive nature of my prior employer. My FI is like a cheerleader to me. He lends so many ears to listen and shoulder to cry on.

In 2007 I got my green card, in 2008 I went home for the first time in 10 yrs and also quit my job to start a new job and in 2009 I got my license and he asked me to marry him.

Unfortunately, my mom sees me as this successful career woman who deserves someone better. Not just some store manager. But I disagree with her. I didn’t resent her opinion because she doesn’t know. I live too far for too long for her to even keep up with my story. What I struggle to get where I am now is something that she will never understand. What she doesn’t know is that in my struggle there is someone who push me onward and who keep my hopes up even when I lost it. I am going to marry him with or without her approval. I would love to get her approval but I don’t need it.

Chiquita, I thank you for sharing your story. I feel so much better because I am not alone.

 

[marcy]

I enjoyed reading your story and I am glad you found your DH. I love happy endings.

 

[chiquitapet]

4ever, yes, the society is more accepting of ''internet relationships'' nowadays, but just the other day at work, I overheard several bosses of mine were joking about their friend who married someone he met on the internet (not in a positive way). I was surprised it`s still such an issue. But I really like how you answer direct questions directly, and I`ll try doing that myself from now on.

I presume they want other people in the photos as it shows your relationship is genuine and you have been sharing it with your family and friends, versus taking lots of photos for visa purposes such as in the movie ''Green Card''. However, when you see each other for few weeks every 6 months, the last thing you want to do is hang out with other people! We only found out that they were interested in these kind of photos when we were applying, so we were never bothered by it.

 

[chiquitapet]

Joelly, thank you so much for sharing your story and for your kind words. It`s so nice to read you have found ''the one'' for you and how he helped you through all those years. And I`m glad you are strong and will do what feels right despite your mother not approving. And you never know, she may come around. To tell you the truth I never expected my parents to. I truly thought if I marry DH, I might be cutting ties with my family, but I had to do something for myself for once. I always love reading on this forum how when couples get engaged, the BF first asks his GF''s father for blessing etc. We couldn''t do any of that. When we decided to get married, I was dreading calling my parents to let them know. DH never dared to ask my father for blessing, because he knew the answer. My father refused to give a speech at our wedding, but at least he came to see his daughter get married. And I would have gotten married even if he didn''t come.

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Sweet.

Congratulations.

 

[Indylady]

Chiquita-

Thank you so much for sharing your story!

I am so happy for you and your DH. Thank you so much for starting another thread on the topic; it feels nice to know that there are other people out there that have gone through similar situations. What did you do to get your father to really see DH for the person he is? Did you ever worry he might not come to your wedding? Were those first family visits hard?

 

[y2kitty]

I love your story!

 

[Sabine]

What an incredible story! Thank you for sharing! Just out of curiosity, what is his family like? Are they in the picture for you two?

 

[LilyKat]

What a lovely story Chiquitapet - I really enjoyed reading it. Do you have a photo of you and your husband? I would love to put faces to your story.

 

[chiquitapet]

Marcyc, Rich, y2kitty - Thank you for reading and your nice comments!

Sabine - Thank you! DH''s family (father and siblings) is in Canada and we haven''t seen them since DH moved to Australia 6 years ago. They were not very supportive of us at the beginning (join the club!

) as they thought DH was just wasting money on a long distance relationship. However they all liked me when I went to visit them in Canada for the first time and are happy for us now. I was privileged to meet DH''s mother several weeks before she passed away and I felt that she liked me. We couldn''t really communicate as she didn''t speak english, but we had a connection and I believe she knew I`ll take care of her boy.

 

[chiquitapet]

Date: 8/16/2009 12:39:53 AM
Author: szh07
Chiquita-
Thank you so much for sharing your story!

I am so happy for you and your DH. Thank you so much for starting another thread on the topic; it feels nice to know that there are other people out there that have gone through similar situations. What did you do to get your father to really see DH for the person he is? Did you ever worry he might not come to your wedding? Were those first family visits hard?

Szh07, thank you so much! I didn''t really do anything out of ordinary to get my father to see DH as he is, I just introduced them...

And yes, I was mortified about bringing DH home for the first time!! But I must give my family a lot of credit here... they were very civil and pleasant, and acted as if they never had anything against DH in the first place. Everyone knew it was not real, but it made the first few visits more bearable before they slowly got to know the real DH. Dad then started inviting DH to play tennis with him and his friends, DH would always be there to help dad out when he needed e.g. renovating / in the garden etc. Slowly but surely DH became an accepted part of the family unit.

I was very worried that my dad wouldn''t come to the wedding. My dad is very stubborn (so am I btw) and always has to have everything his way. Therefore I was quite impressed that he let go of this battle with me, and attended the wedding. He however invited several of his friends with their families, which I was not very happy about - it was a very small wedding of 27 people (there were more friends of my parents there than of our own), but I let it go as I was so happy my family was coming.