Fight or Flight?

[Tacori E-ring]

I am curious, *if* you have been in a scary situation that triggered your fight or flight instinct, which did you do?

I was just tested. I was driving home with DD and the car behind me started honking like crazy. We were already in our subdivision and I did have the thought of not wanting to pull into my driveway (b/c I couldn't see who was behind me and didn't want them to know where I lived OR be trapped in my driveway if they pulled in behind me) so I pulled over at the end of our hill where three streets meet. I thought maybe there was something wrong with my car or something. All of the sudden my door flew open (should have checked the locks. Stupid) and she starts hysterically screaming at me. At first I thought she said "where is my dog." So I replied completely dumbfounded, "dog?" Then she was yelling, "have you seen my daughter? My daughter? Where is my daughter." I was speechless and freaked. I thought, this person is either in trouble, has mental illness, or high. She either thought I was someone else, was desperate and asked a stranger for help or was going to carjack me. She just ran back to her car and drove off. I quickly drove him shaking and poor, sweet DD started crying in the backseat also completely scared. She said, "I thought she was a monster! Where is her dog?" Hindsight, I should have followed her and called 911. I get that. I was so freaked my brain did not function properly. I realized I am a "flighter." I had one foot on the gas petal the entire time and all I could think about was getting away from the crazy situation.

 

[Missy]

Oh Tacori, sorry you had such a scary encounter! Thank goodness you and your dd are safe and sound!

I think it would depend on the situation whether I would be flight or fight. If there was danger (perceived or otherwise) I would err towards flight. And then make any appropriate calls to the authorities etc.

However, if the situation demanded fight and I would not be putting myself or a loved one in harm's way I would do what I could.
It would really be specific to the individual situation.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

OMG--you must have been terrified. I'm glad you are OK because some people are absolutely crazy. I would have {and have in the past} driven to our local police station when I hought someone was following me.

You did the right thing by calling 911, and I'mk sure you''ll ALWAYS check your locks from now on!

 

[aviastar]

I fought, on a couple of occasions now- all involving a threat to someone I felt protective of, i.e. my little cousin.

I am pretty good about keeping my temper and choosing to walk away from just about anything, but once a very-difficult-to-articulate line has been crosssed, I fight.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Thanks Missy and Amber. My initial thought was it was a neighbor. Then I thought maybe something was wrong with my car and that's why the driver was trying to get me to pull over. I was already in our neighborhood, which is very quiet with no traffic (all dead end streets). I did have the sense not to pull into my driveway. I did not call 911 as I did not get the plate # so I don't think they would have been able to help her/find her. In the moment I just wanted to get away and tend to my DD (who was SILENT during this whole confrontation). She did not start crying until I started driving. I think we both were in shock.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Sorry, my error, I hought you said you dialed 911.

eta: One time, when I lived in NYC I was walking down the stairs to catch the subway. Someone walking up the stairs put his hand on my a$$. Wihout thinking I turned around and punched him smack in the jaw. He was shocked. I'm sure you can imagine the language I used when I told me to leave me alone.....

My friends and co-workers thought I was NUTS to have it it, but riding the subway daily can make you fee like a squeeze toy and I just had enough

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Oh, that must have been so scary. Especially for your daughter. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

I already know I'm in the "flight" category. I haven't had too many encounters (luckily), but once while my husband was out of town, I thought someone was breaking in to our basement. I was off the couch and headed for the front door like lightening. Also, I'm probably the most non-confrontational person I know, so I am always trying to avoid conflict.

 

[iheartscience]

How scary-I'm so glad you're okay!

I'm 100% fight. I got my butt grabbed at a show once and turned around and started punching and kicking the guy. He was shocked. The same thing happened to me while traveling in France and the guy ran away and I actually started chasing him until my sister managed to yell at me loudly enough to make me stop running after him. Oh, and yet another time a guy exposed himself to me while he was parked in a car next to me and I called the police on my cell phone and started following him so I could give the police his license plate number. The dispatcher realized I was following him and told me to stop it immediately.

So the takeaways: 1. Men are creeps. 2. I always fight.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Wow, I am so glad you are okay. That is terrifying! If I saw it was a woman, I probably would have pulled over too. I need to be more of a
fighter@

 

[Circe]

You know, I was just talking about this with a friend yesterday, and telling her about the times I've been followed home. The one in question, it was 4 in the morning, and I was walking home through a fairly quiet part of town, and I heard footsteps behind me. I sped up ... and so did they: I spun around and saw a guy in a hoodie with his hands in his pockets. So I grabbed my mace, and ran like hell, and got into my foyer just in time to hear the dude pound in behind me and start hammering on the door. Scary.

Knowing me, my friend said, "Wow, I'm surprised - I thought you were going to say that you grabbed your mace and ran *towards* him!" As I pointed out to her, though ... I didn't know what he had in his pockets. I might be the first one down the stairs with a sharp knife if I hear a noise, but you gotta pick your battles.

Tacori, I think you did the right thing. Keeping your daughter away from any confrontation or additional craziness was the top priority.

 

[ame]

Well, being that I carry AND I have mace...she would have been shot OR sprayed in the instant she flung my door open.

I am a fighter, I don't typically run. I've chased armed muggers down before. Didn't say it was the brightest move, but I've done it. I am generally not afraid of most confrontation.

 

[Imdanny]

1. I'm glad you're OK!
2. No, I definetely don't think you should follow someone in this situation.
3. Yes, you should lock the doors immediately with any indication something like this is happening.

Again, I'm glad you're OK!

 

[Haven]

Tacori, I'm so glad you're okay. That sounds terrifying.

For me, it depends on the situation. I would have fled in your particular situation, especially with a little one in the car. But when I was a personal trainer I twisted a couple arms after uninvited grabbing. I took martial arts classes for ten years, so I feel confident that I can defend myself against idiots with wandering hands. Once in college a drunk stranger went for my neck in a bar. He came out of nowhere so my instincts kicked in and I brought an arm down on top of his extended arms, gave him an elbow to the chin and grabbed his junk with the same arm, and then stepped back and kicked him onto his arse in a matter of seconds. I shocked myself with how automatic it all was. I don't know if he was really trying to choke me or what, but his friends freaked out and they dragged him out of the bar and looked at me like I was some sort of assassin.

 

[monarch64]

Sorry you had such horrific experience today!

I'm 99% flight. I will ONLY fight when there is no other possible way out of the situation.

 

[Laila619]

How scary! Glad you and your DD are okay.

My instinct is flight. I have a similar story to Travel Goddess--I once was home alone and I thought someone was breaking into our house. There were loud footsteps on the roof. I froze in fear for once second, and then I grabbed a golf club, my cell phone, and my car keys and ran for the garage to get the hell out of there. The man on the roof ended up being wildlife control, who didn't ring the doorbell to let me know they were here and just went up on the roof to have a look around first. Scared me half to death.

 

[Maisie]

If I had no other choice I would fight to protect my children. And I wouldn't stop till the other person was down! I think being a mother made me much stronger/braver. These little people are my world and I wouldn't hesitate to protect them. But, if there was any other way to get them to safety I would take it. No point taking a risk if you don't have to.

 

[zoebartlett]

What a scary situation, Tacori. I'm glad you're okay. I pretty much avoid confrontation most of the time, so I'd say I'm a "flighter."

 

[diamondringlover]

I am a flight type person...I had something very similar happen to me many years ago....I had some manic come up to me in my car while sitting at a red light and start banging on my window on the passenger side, I slightly lowered it and he started screaming about I had ran over his babies (I had hit nothing) he keep repeating himself he tried to get in my car, thank goodness I had the doors locked, it scared the crap out of me, I was shaking he followed me for a short while and I didnt go straight home I drove around for awhile till he was gone...I dont think I have ever been so scared!!! I am so glad you are OK...I know for me my car doors are always locked after that incident which by the way was around 30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday!

 

[ame]

looked at me like I was some sort of assassin.

I giggled and bowed down at this moment. I want to be like some sort of assassin.

 

[TooPatient]

Well, being that I carry AND I have mace...she would have been shot OR sprayed in the instant she flung my door open.

I am a fighter, I don't typically run. I've chased armed muggers down before. Didn't say it was the brightest move, but I've done it. I am generally not afraid of most confrontation.

If you don't mind sharing, what holster do you like? I'm still trying to find one that is concealable and comfortable...


For the original question, I will do everything I can to avoid getting into a bad situation (park in well lit areas, doors locked at all times, etc). When I do end up in a situation, I will do the best I can to get away from the situation (leave enough space in front of me at stop lights so that I can drive off if needed, wear shoes that allow me to move quickly, etc).

If I can't get out of the situation -- I will fight. I will protect myself and my family.


Tacori -- That sounds so scary. I think you handled it well. Protecting yourself and your child comes first.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Wow, so sorry, S! Hindsight is 1000 times easier than dealing with something at the moment! It is easy for us to say you should have had your doors locked, gotten her license plate number and called 911. That would have been the ideal. But who can do all that when something frightening and shocking happens??!! I would have probably had a heart attack when she opened your car door! The only other thing I can think of to do is to drive directly to a police station!

I am so glad you are both okay. It was a good reminder to me to drive with my doors locked. Crazy people can even be found in really nice neighborhoods!

 

[yssie]

OMG. That must have been terrifying - poor little T, too! I'm glad you got home safely!!


I think I'm a bit of both, depending on who's with me - but I don't have much to go on, just a couple of scary incidents and nightmares. If I'm with strangers or casual acquaintances I'm the first one out the door, if I think someone I love is in danger I'm reckless to the point of stupidity... I'm definitely the sort that freezes and blanks so I make A Plan for pretty much everything - something I can do without thinking should the situation come up. I don't have a Plan for what happened to you though!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yikes, that is horrifying. Her opening your door like that! I'm so glad you and your daughter are okay!

ETA - and yes, I have been a fight or flight situation and when encountering that (my neighbor's apt caught on fire), my brain completely went haywire and I didn't think clearly. Hopefully this never happens to you again but now that you've experienced first-hand, you'll be more prepared. When we think of hypothetical situations and decided we will do X when if that happens, chances are, in the true heat of the moment, we do Y instead.

 

[ame]

Well, being that I carry AND I have mace...she would have been shot OR sprayed in the instant she flung my door open.

I am a fighter, I don't typically run. I've chased armed muggers down before. Didn't say it was the brightest move, but I've done it. I am generally not afraid of most confrontation.

If you don't mind sharing, what holster do you like? I'm still trying to find one that is concealable and comfortable...

Mine's not totally concealable, but Im fat so that helps. lol

Ill have to see what it is when I get home. It's at home today.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I am a flight type person...I had something very similar happen to me many years ago....I had some manic come up to me in my car while sitting at a red light and start banging on my window on the passenger side, I slightly lowered it and he started screaming about I had ran over his babies (I had hit nothing) he keep repeating himself he tried to get in my car, thank goodness I had the doors locked, it scared the crap out of me, I was shaking he followed me for a short while and I didnt go straight home I drove around for awhile till he was gone...I dont think I have ever been so scared!!! I am so glad you are OK...I know for me my car doors are always locked after that incident which by the way was around 30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday!

Sometimes it's good to drive around a bit. I'm on the paranoid side so if someone is in the grocery store and then walks out at the same time as me and starts going down the same roads I am toward home, I usually take a few turns rather than go home.

Also, if anyone is standing on the side of the road by a stop light, I lock the doors!

 

[packrat]

OMG that's just horrifying! I don't know what I'd have done. I've never been in a situation like that. When we were in Vegas, waiting at a stop light to cross the street, JD and I were out kind of in an empty construction type area, and he kept glancing behind us..he said "Don't look but there's a couple shady characters coming up behind us..be ready" So I'm like, getting my stance all set and ready to turn and just start flying into a rage on these people who were going to accost us..yeah hi it was my parents. Then I had to take deep breaths and come down from that huge adrenaline rush..we still laugh about it.

I don't like being places, especially at night, alone w/my kids..I do have long nights where I think "what if"..someone were to break in, someone try to carjack us etc..JD's a fighter for sure, and I feel very safe with him.

 

[partgypsy]

I'm flight. But if someone cornered me, it would change to fight.

I was mugged once, where when I was trying to open my door (after walking home drunk by myself around midnight), a guy put a hand over my mouth and told me not to move. Before I knew it I was punching him in the face and he had backed off me holding a knife. I kept yelling for him to get the f*K away from me, hoping that someone would hear but no one was around. When he asked for my purse I threw it away from me, and as quick as I could opened the exterior door and closed it. I could hear him kicking the door right after the locks latched.
So yeah, if I could I would get away from a bad situation if I saw one developing, but if I couldn't my reaction would be to bodily injure them.

 

[jewelerman]

Glad you are okay!If in that situation i would also pick flight because you have a child to protect. Also i would have never followed that crazy person,but would have called 911 with a license plate number. Your number one objective is to protect your child,yourself and then others.you are braver then me just because you stopped! i would have driven to a public area where there are people around before stopping.

 

[Laila619]

JD and I were out kind of in an empty construction type area, and he kept glancing behind us..he said "Don't look but there's a couple shady characters coming up behind us..be ready" So I'm like, getting my stance all set and ready to turn and just start flying into a rage on these people who were going to accost us..yeah hi it was my parents.

That was funny.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

You poor thing! Thank goodness you're alright!

I'm a fighter. I got cut off while driving into work and tapped my horn (just once). I pulled into Mcdonalds for an iced coffee and the guy pulls his giant pickup truck in front of me (I drive a celica), blocking me in while I'm trying to order. He got out of his truck and came up to my window and started yelling at me. So me (the smart one) unhooked my seat belt, got out of the car and told him he didn't know who he was F**king with and that if he wanted to make soemthing happen I wasn't about to be talked to like that and that I wasn't scared to kick his a**. He must have thought I was a lunatic because he got back in his car looking pretty dumbfounded and rolled out. I calmly got back in my vehicle and ordered my iced coffee after apologizing to the McDonald's people who heard and saw the whole thing.