Wedding Feeling lonely

[Gwyn]

A little bit of background, I moved to the west coast with my FI two years ago. All his friends and family are out here. Since being out here I havent worked and we share the car (which he takes to work with him each day) so I dont get out and about much. I do volunteer work with a cat rescue group which is about a mile away and there is alot of stuff within walking distance so it isn''t like I am house bound, but, I havent really met anyone out here. Especially anyone in my age group. Its not that bad since FI has a ton of friends with wives and girlfriends, so we get our dose of socialization when we need it.

I have really enjoyed planning my wedding. Part of me is a little relieved that it is just me planning it, less tension to deal with when me and my mother might want separate things. And my mother and my MOH flew over to the coast to help me shop and by my wedding dress, so that was nice. However, I cant help but feel a little lonely during the whole process. FI is involved as much as he can be but he works hard and planning events really isnt his thing.

Anyway, FI and I planned to have a joint bachelor bachelorette party the week before our wedding (since it was easier for my friends and such to come out early then come out two separate times). Really just a big party with games and food and drinking and such for all our friends. Today, I got an email from FI best man. He has planned this huge all guy bash a couple weekends before the wedding. Im not really anti bachelor party or anything. I mean I dont agree with the whole idea behind it (especially since neither of us have been single for years now). But FI and his friends are a good group of guys and nothing too riskque or anything is even on the agenda. Just guys doing stuff (mostly drinking) for a weekend.

It just kind of sucks because I will be all alone. I know FI''s friend''s significant others, but not enough to ever hang out with them without him and their men and his sister, who I am fairly close to, is going to be away that weekend. On its own it probably wouldnt be such a big deal, I mean he can go away for a weekend without me and it wouldnt bother me. But with the wedding thing making me feel a little lonely and some issues with his mother I have been having making me miss having my own family around as a support structure added on... I guess Im just feeling a little down.

FI is so great, the second he heard about the plans he called me and was like "oh dear i just found out my friends planned _____." He offered to tell them no since it wasnt what he wanted (but I think thats just silly plus i know the full details and I think he will have alot of fun). He Offered to make plans with the girls of the group for me if i didnt feel comfortable doing so. He even offered to fly me back east so I could be with my own friends and family that weekend (not really cost effective or the best idea when I have a wedding in two weeks). I don''t want him to feel bad and not have a great time because he is worried about me being sad.

Anyway...thanks for listening to me vent or...whine...not sure what this is. I guess thanks for listening to my problems!

On the bright side, I am fostering a very adorable 6 week old kitten. She is an absolute angel! I will have to be sure to keep her around for next weekend.

 

[vintagelover229]

Awww hun I''m sorry you feel lonley! I do to sometimes! All my family lives everywhere but TX and I haven''t really made anyfriends because I act WAY older than my age...and my age ppl can be very very dumb and just party. I''ll be your long distance friend!

*HUGS*

 

[bootsiekin]

im sorry. i can kinda relate, though my family is only 4 hours away. i only have one friend in this area (moved here for grad school) that i feel comfortable hanging out with by myself.

i think thats awesome that you volunteer with a cat rescue! id love to do that if i ever had spare time. both my kitties came from a rescue. i was actually thinking to suggest a pet until i saw that you are fostering a kitten. does your organization do adoption days at petstores? usually (around here) they are on the weekend and maybe you could be one of the volunteers for that if you do them? or maybe foster a couple kittens that weekend, kitten antics are sure to keep you amused. do you like dogs? if you had a dog for a weekend you could go on walks together, etc. though to be honest, if i had a weekend alone id probably just stay in my PJs and watch tv after having gotten up around 1pm.

but then again, ive lived alone for about 4 years so i am used to it.

 

[Amandine]

I can understand. While I do have some friends (and lately they have had this annoying habit of moving away

), none of my really close friends or family is nearby. I did have a bridesmaid who lived in the town I was getting married in...but she did move away suddenly. So, as I have been doing my planning, I have been really missing everyone. Its lonely doing so much of this by yourself! When I had my first hair trial, I just wasn''t sure, and was really missing everyone. FI''s opinion does matter, but its not the same. He finally looked at me and said, "you just need a s opinion, don''t you?". Yep! I really need to make an effort post-wedding to get out and make some more friends.

When are you going to post pictures of the kitty?

 

[Gwyn]

I work at the cattery doing adoptions from 12 to 3 on the weekend so that takes up some of the time. I have two permanent cats along with the foster kitty with me, so there is always someone here. But its not the same a having a friend around. Doesnt help that, with time zones, connecting with friends is a little harder =(

Ok so I speant a better portion of today fighting with my old crappy digital camera trying to get pics of the kitten. I will post some slightly less blurry ones but, they are pretty bad. I tried detail (little tulip looking thing) on and off. the kitten just moces way too fast for the camera!

Here she is, my lil tortie! My FI knows I am getting attached and today said, if it would make you happy to keep her, we can get a third kitty. He is so good to me! Maybe when we get bigger then a 2 bed 2 bath apt I will consider it

Anyway, she is stalking a mouse in a few of these which is why she is looking so intently. She has very nice yellow eyes, they look a lil orange in the photos though. Anyway, FI love having her around.

 

[mia1181]

Gwyn, I can totally relate. We also moved out to the West Coast together and I get lonely a lot. I do work, but as a nanny, which can be very isolating especially since my oldest charge has special needs so most of my day revolves around her therapies, so we're not spending a lot of time at the park or having playdates so that I can meet other nannies.

My boss threw a little bachlorette "party" for me which was really a dinner at a really cool restaurant with her and therapist that works with my charge and I get along well with. To be honest though, I almost didn't want to go because it felt like a pity party for me because I don't have anyone here. It ended up being nice though. But anyway, my FI actually was a little depressed that he didn't have anyone doing anything for him. Not that he wasn't happy for me, but it just made that night a little more lonely for him. So he had himself a solo bachelor party- he had wings and beer and watched sci-fi movies that I wouldn't be into.

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is I know how you feel.

ETA- adorable kitty, by the way!

 

[Gwyn]

Ah ha! If you put the kitty on your lap, it stays still enough for photos! OK enough off topic stuff for me

 

[October2008bride]

Hugs to you Gwyn!! That must be really tough on you! It is hard to make friends as an adult (it was so easy when you were in school etc eh?) especially when you are in a new city and are not working. Just keep in mind that this is temporary!! It won''t be like this forever.

On that night, organize some kind of indulgent Gwyn-only night. Spa treatment, delivery pizza (or whatever your vice is!) and some kind of great movie. Or maybe that weekend you could flly home for a visit? Meet up with your friends in Vegas?

Either way, you have a great FI, and the day after the party, you''ll feel good again This to shall pass, right?

 

[kama_s]

Aww, I know how you feel

I moved to North America 7 years ago, and left my entire family, friends of family and good friends behind...and I still haven''t made close friends here. So I''ve shared many a moments as you.

From personal experience, I think you should spoil yourself that weekend. I dont know what you''d typically like to do, but fill your days with fun stuff. Go get your nails done, rent a movie you''ve been meaning to watch, buy yourself a slice of yummy cheesecake for dessert, or if you like to read, settle down with a book and a bottle of red. Or, even a nice long bath would be great to de-stress before the wedding. And play with your kitten

 

[galvana]

Gwyn
Im sorry you are feeling lonely. I must say that your fiance sounds SO great and caring and considerate of how you feel.
That is wonderful! Have you thought about getting a job? even part time? this way you could meet people and make your OWN friends out there, that aren''t his friends but your own.
Just a thought............
the kitty is sooo cute! i love cats. I think its great you volunteer to help take care of them.

 

[julesbeth]

Oh Gwyn, I am so sorry you are feeling lonely. You are completely justified in feeling this way, and you sound like such a sweet and understanding person. I kinda know how you feel - I am in Chicago and my family and close friends are not. I do have my FI here and some new great friends, but when you are planning such a special day its hard when you don''t have your besties to share it with.


I guess I don''t have words of wisdom, but we are always here for you and you are NEVER alone on pricescope - that''s for sure.

 

[gtn]

You know, when I lost my job, I was feeling pretty lonely since my friends all worked and I was home alone. I found that volunteering really helped. I volunteered at a non-profit so I met a lot of people whom I''ve become close to and other people who were just nice to talk to. I know you volunteer at the cat rescue, but it looks like it doesn''t provide enough opportunity to develope friendships with people. Were on the west coast are you? Maybe we can help. My girlfriend''s mother had the same problem of feeling as if her friends were friends of friends, she started volunteering and now her best friends are people whom she volunteers with.

 

[Gwyn]

I am in los angeles, I am sure there are others out there however its hard not having a car around here. THe cat place is great because its about a mile away and it lets me get in some bonus exercise to fit into my dress

The only thing is that it is mostly older women and, because we are small, all our volunteers stagger their visists so we get full coverage (we are in a 24 hours facility and are open 7 days a week). So we do not really work in pairs that often.

As for the job, ive been thinking about getting one after the wedding (FI thinks i should wait for after the new year for tax purposes). We need to buy another car too, thats on the agenda after the wedding expenses are done with.

I will have to think of something indulgent to do to pass the time

 

[gtn]

Since your FI is the only breadwinner, unless he is making close to 100K, I think getting a job won''t hurt you tax wise, but you guys know your finance better than I would. LA is huge so you might be surprised as to how much is available close to you. If you look in the hangout section PS, you could attend the next PS mixer? Is there a community college within walking distance of you? You could take a language class there. I love taking language classes at Community Colleges, they are the best. It also provides an escape from life. I know how hard it is to feel unconnected to people, but don''t worry. Things will change. You have a wonderful, supportive FI and everything will work out.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 9/26/2008 3:57:14 PM
Author: gtn
Since your FI is the only breadwinner, unless he is making close to 100K, I think getting a job won''t hurt you tax wise, but you guys know your finance better than I would. LA is huge so you might be surprised as to how much is available close to you. If you look in the hangout section PS, you could attend the next PS mixer? Is there a community college within walking distance of you? You could take a language class there. I love taking language classes at Community Colleges, they are the best. It also provides an escape from life. I know how hard it is to feel unconnected to people, but don''t worry. Things will change. You have a wonderful, supportive FI and everything will work out.

He just means why fill out taxes if you don''t have to. Not that it will affect our taxes or what he claims...though we will be married so i guess it will. he makes over 100k but i would probably only make 30-40 so i doubt i would hurt him that much. I don''t know that there is a school that close by, there is a hair dressing school I did consider taking Japanese at a learning center not too far but its pretty costly. I have my bachelors degree in MIS (computer stuff) though i havent used it too much since graduating and could probably take some refresher courses, especially involving programming.

I am sure I will meet people eventually, im not thinking this will be a permanent thing. It just makes things like wedding planning which is all about friends and family, a little sadder at times.

In three weeks I will have my sister and my two best friends from college out here to do stuff with though