Feeling human today....

[Abby12]

Today i feel not too bad, but i know that changes from day to day.
Just like a death, i will have my days when my grief is unbearable and days when i feel like
I will make it to the other side of grief and being hopeless.
Today i have kept busy, yet every so often i wonder:
What will i do when it is so quiet i cannot stand it?
What will i do when i live by myself? (which i have never done)
Who will comfort me when i am really anxious (i get really anxious about health issues and have a bit of an anxiety issue)
Who will wipe away my tears?
What will it feel like to be alone at xmas after not being alone for 12 years?

I do not expect answers to these...... I am merely expressing MY journey.
I have loved and lost twice, but this time more than a love lost is a very dear friend lost, for we were friends before our journey as a couple. That frienship will end and therefore i have lost the person that calmed me down in times of anxiety, the person i told everything to, the person i aslo fought like crazy with. I have lost my work friend, the person who promises me that all will be ok with my weird health issues that no dr can even answer and i have lost a family.
I write this for all to see, partly to express myself in a way i have never done before, partly to possibly help others and partly because it is a true story that may just entertain you.
I cry as i write this, but this i know must happen. My tears need to be shed so that one day i will feel whole again.
I grieve all that i have lost, and want hope for a future that has possibilities.

 

[Enerchi]

Holy cow... its like you are growing and getting stronger, right before our eyes! Congratulations Abby - you are moving forward. And there will be days when you are miles ahead of yourself, feeling like you can take on the world... then suddenly for no apparent reason, you are at the bottom of a mine shaft. Who knows what happens to trigger that, and why, but just be prepared. You will eventually level off and find a measure of stability - have no fear of that!!

Don't think about things down the road and try to plan them. What will be will be. There are twists and turns along everyones journey that lead us into places we never would have imagined - good and bad - but mainly good! You will be FINE (and feel free to repeat that to yourself a thousand times a day!) you really WILL be!

You are already much further along than when you started posting about your situation - we can see the strength in you surging to the forefront!

 

[Polished]

I've been there with anxiety and health issues. I'd never be telling someone that their health issue was all in their mind because I didn't like it said to me. However I went through a period of time of absolute terror over my health and I experienced the scariest of symptoms. Fortunately I worked with a good doctor who explained to me about the power of the mind. She said you could have a heart of an an ox but without your brain you would be dead. She also said anxiety was genetic - I know other members of my family also suffer from it. Gradually I began to learn that I was causing my own ill health; it was extraordinary because you could actually see as well as feel the symptoms you were experiencing. Fortunately I learned to bring things under control (and it did not involve anyone comforting me out of it). I do have health issues but they are things I can control by paying attention to diet, exercise, relaxation and doing things I love like reading, dancing and going to movies. Coming here and opening my mind to learning more about precious gems and design has been theraputic for me! All this for me was part of a process I needed to go through. The good news though was that it was cured by me taking control, growing in confidence and pursing things that I love.

 

[asscherisme]

Today i feel not too bad, but i know that changes from day to day.
Just like a death, i will have my days when my grief is unbearable and days when i feel like
I will make it to the other side of grief and being hopeless.
Today i have kept busy, yet every so often i wonder:
What will i do when it is so quiet i cannot stand it?
What will i do when i live by myself? (which i have never done)
Who will comfort me when i am really anxious (i get really anxious about health issues and have a bit of an anxiety issue)
Who will wipe away my tears?
What will it feel like to be alone at xmas after not being alone for 12 years?

I do not expect answers to these...... I am merely expressing MY journey.
I have loved and lost twice, but this time more than a love lost is a very dear friend lost, for we were friends before our journey as a couple. That frienship will end and therefore i have lost the person that calmed me down in times of anxiety, the person i told everything to, the person i aslo fought like crazy with. I have lost my work friend, the person who promises me that all will be ok with my weird health issues that no dr can even answer and i have lost a family.
I write this for all to see, partly to express myself in a way i have never done before, partly to possibly help others and partly because it is a true story that may just entertain you.
I cry as i write this, but this i know must happen. My tears need to be shed so that one day i will feel whole again.
I grieve all that i have lost, and want hope for a future that has possibilities.

Hi Abby,
I have been where you are but with the challenge of having to hold it together for my kids.

I know its hard to believe but it does get better.

I know this may sound like a crazy suggestion, but have you thought about getting a dog or a cat? In those early days, having to take care of my kids was what got me out of bed in the morning. And now that I'm back to me, its been a few years I get soooo much comfort in my cats. I have 2. I got them for my kids originally but I love them as much if not more than my kids! Pets provide such an amazing, judgement free love. And taking care of them gives you a focus other than yourself. Its really comforting to come home to a pet, makes you feel less lonely.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. You will come through it, I promise.

 

[Gypsy]

You mentioned having a dog... when it gets quiet, focus on your dog and take him/her for a walk. Or start volunteering at a rescue.
Living by yourself is liberating. You can have everything just the way you want, you don't have to take any one else opinions into account, you can eat what you want, decorate how you want, stay up as late, sleep in as much.
When you get anxious, find a good health forum and join them and get the support you need.

I'm glad you are feeling better today. But if that changes, just remember that there will be other good days... and that you just have to survive the moments between them.

 

[Missy]

You mentioned having a dog... when it gets quiet, focus on your dog and take him/her for a walk. Or start volunteering at a rescue.
Living by yourself is liberating. You can have everything just the way you want, you don't have to take any one else opinions into account, you can eat what you want, decorate how you want, stay up as late, sleep in as much.
When you get anxious, find a good health forum and join them and get the support you need.

I'm glad you are feeling better today. But if that changes, just remember that there will be other good days... and that you just have to survive the moments between them.

Hi Abby, I am glad today is a better day for you. I second everything Gypsy (and the other posters) have been saying to you. Living by yourself can be wonderful. You really are in charge of your day and free to be just as you want. I loved living by myself when I was single- so much in fact that I never wanted to get married but that's another story. In any case I just wanted to chime in and say you go girl. One day at a time (heck, one hour at a time) it will get better!

If you have extra time in your schedule I def recommend volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue group. You love animals and being around them is so healing. You would be doing a much needed service and feeling better about things while you are doing it. A win win!

Hang in there- you will be OK! Better than OK- it just takes time.