Facebook friend request from a teenager niece?

[zhuzhu]

My 15 year old niece wants to add me to her facebook but I really don''t want to. My facebook contains borderline adult language (sometimes) and personal communications between just friends (my age or older) and I. It is simply inappropriate (IMO) to have her exposed to my side of the world.

I don''t want to hurt her feelings but I should decline her nicely. What do you suggest I say?

 

[Maisie]

My niece (who I have never really had contact with) asked to be added to my FB. I agreed but after a week I removed her again. She was using awful language and going on about drinking with her friends. I don''t have contact with her parents so I didn''t feel comfortable knowing what she was up to.

I would tell your niece the truth. Say you use FB for your adult friends and sometimes the content might not be suitable for a girl her age.

 

[iheartscience]

Ugh I kind of hate family Facebook friends! It''s funny that in your case the older relative doesn''t want to friend the younger relative, though. I would think it would be the other way around and a 15 year old girl wouldn''t want an adult family member knowing her Facebook business!

I''ll be interested to see what you end up doing...I just added everyone begrudgingly and decided not to censor myself.

 

[megumic]

Maybe accept her and put her on a limited profile list? That way she can only see and access certain information on your profile and wall.

 

[Haven]

I would decline the friend request and either call her or send her an email explaining that you only use Facebook to talk with your close friends.

That what I do.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/12/2010 4:24:49 PM
Author: megumic
Maybe accept her and put her on a limited profile list? That way she can only see and access certain information on your profile and wall.

I agree with this. My whole family is on my FB including MIL and young cousins. I''m a SAHM so it''s not exactly like I''m throwing keggers, but once in awhile it''s nice to have candid and adult discussions with friends and not worry about who is reading it. Limited profile is the way to go.

 

[Arkteia]

Zhuzhu I do not know what you do for a living, but I am a doctor and I always cite this fact as a reason for not putting people on my Facebook if I do not want to. I tell them about confidentiality and that I have to be very careful about who I put there. Especially my children and younger relatives since it automatically becomes public. If one of my prior patients is unhappy with them he may go after them - IRL I find it highly unlikely but this is a good reason not to include my son or any of his friends in my list of friends.
If you are a lawyer, or a teacher or a social worker - any job that has to deal with privacy - you can cite is as a reason.

 

[Sizzle]

why not create a separate facebook page for family? Then you can block her from your other page, so she won''t have to see you in a search. Your family page can be more "appropriate" and you can post family photos and updates like that.

 

[lulu]

Two of my nieces are my friends and it's fine. But the younger is 20. Just tell her your Facebook is adults only.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 3/12/2010 3:46:11 PM
Author:zhuzhu
My 15 year old niece wants to add me to her facebook but I really don't want to. My facebook contains borderline adult language (sometimes) and personal communications between just friends (my age or older) and I. It is simply inappropriate (IMO) to have her exposed to my side of the world.

I don't want to hurt her feelings but I should decline her nicely. What do you suggest I say?

Just tell her you only fb adults and don't feel comfortable networking with a younger crowd. I doubt she will be offended.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Hmm awkward. Cynically speaking, she''s probably already exposed to "adult language" and such, but I totally get you not wanting to add to any exposure she already has from school and media.

I would either decline and say it''s adults-only (maybe she can petition you for re-acceptance when she gets to college

) or add her but put her on limited profile - so no pics, no status updates, etc.

 

[zhuzhu]

I think I will think on it.. For one I don''t have time manage two facebook accounts, and prob no time to manage "limited access" list without making it obvious to them (well, they can''t see anything!).

I really don''t want to link any of my in-law side of family members to FB (not just teenagers) for reasons some of you already know - I need my privacy to keep my sanity!

Maybe the work-related excuse will work?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/12/2010 4:23:48 PM
Author: thing2of2
Ugh I kind of hate family Facebook friends! It''s funny that in your case the older relative doesn''t want to friend the younger relative, though. I would think it would be the other way around and a 15 year old girl wouldn''t want an adult family member knowing her Facebook business!


I''ll be interested to see what you end up doing...I just added everyone begrudgingly and decided not to censor myself.

I feel the same - I have some aunts - one in particular - that even though she rarely even logs onto facebook, every time I put a nice juicy swear word in an update, I take it out because I don''t want her judging me. What an effing wimp! hahaha

 

[Indylady]

Date: 3/12/2010 5:29:33 PM
Author: zhuzhu
I think I will think on it.. For one I don''t have time manage two facebook accounts, and prob no time to manage ''limited access'' list without making it obvious to them (well, they can''t see anything!).


I really don''t want to link any of my in-law side of family members to FB (not just teenagers) for reasons some of you already know - I need my privacy to keep my sanity!


Maybe the work-related excuse will work?

Limiting access is really easy and only a one time thing; sure, she''ll know shes limited from seeing x, y, and z, but she will still be able to message you and send you invites and keep you updated on her life, and come to you if anything is up, which is nice. Its ok if its obvious, it''ll be just as obvious if you''ve rejected her. And if she ever asks, you can inform her that parts of your Facebook just aren''t for kids.