Home Expectations versus the reality of parenthood...

[Dreamer_D]

So in the newborn thread we have been talking a lot lately about the big plans we had when we were pregant and how once we became parents some (all

) of those plans went out the window!

Pandora took the words right out of my mouth when she said: "The most interesting thing I have found here is how so many of us had ideas on how we would parent before kiddo arrived, and how much many of us changed things once they arrived and we all discovered that they are no longer ''the baby'', but little people with their own very strong little opinions and characters!"

So I thought it would be interesting to describe some of the things we planned to do as parents when we were expecting, and then describe the reality of what ended up happening!

I''ll start with a few that cross my mind:

Planned... An unmedication home birth.
Reality... Induced hospital birth with an epidural

Planned... Co-sleeping for six months
Realuty... Baby in his own bed at 4 weeks (he was too noisy!)

Planned... Never to use Cry-It-Out
Reality... Finally used it at 9months... successfully! He sleeps 11 hours each night now.

And lest it all seem negative..

Planned and reality To exclusively breastfeed for 6 months, and continue BFing for at least 18 months (only half way

)

***

So how about you??

 

[mela lu]

Hmmm. Interesting thread. I''m sure mine will only grow as DS gets older, but here are mine so far:

planned: unmedicated birth
reality: induction and emergency C-section

planned: more patience as a SAHM
reality: being a SAHM is exhausting. I contemplate going back to work!?

planned: BF for 5-6 months
reality: want to BF till at least 1 yr old

planned: home-made babyfood
reality: yet to be determined

Thats it for now. I know I''ll have more as he gets older....

 

[TravelingGal]

Planned: as natural a birth as possible. I wasn''t set on this though - more curious about what it would feel like.
Reality: Toxemia occured last minute, causing a lot of complications. Labored through all of it without an epidural except for the last 4 hours. Me likey the epi, I must say. C-section delivery.

Planned: Kid would not rule the roost. Routines and a bedtime between 6-7 pm. Kid will sleep in own crib.
Reality: Check.

Planned: Kid will eat well because I will start on veggies first and do it the way all sorts of granola websites recommend (including making all her baby food fresh.)
Reality: Did make babyfood from scratch. She hated it. She hated eating. She had issues with eating, biting, and we had to go to occupational therapy because she had loose tone issues which included her cheeks and tongue!

Planned: discipline the bugger and set boundaries, no matter how tired I feel.
Reality: so far, check.

Those are pretty well the big ones, with the food one being the biggest departure from what I thought would happen. Fortunately, eating is one of those molehills for me when it comes to mountain or molehills. If she eats, great. If not, she''ll eat when she''s hungry at the next meal. It''s not without its frustrations though, certainly.

 

[Shoopy]

Planned-To hate bfing and stop within a week. Actually the only reason why I even tried it was because of the ladies here. I wanted to be able to at least say I tried.
Reality-I loved it from the moment I started. Even on day 2 when she went through a period of just wanting boob and I was bleeding, crying from pain and totally exhausted I knew I didn''t want to stop.

Planned-From that reality, to bf for at least 6 months and then take it month by month.
Unfortunate Reality-My milk just won''t bounce back no matter what I do or try. I''m still bfing but we''re supplementing and it doesn''t look like I''ll go beyond next month

Planned-To have it all figured out within a few weeks
Reality-I still don''t know what the heck I''m doing.

Planned-Never, ever allow Sophia to have a pacifier
Reality-She fell asleep with one tonight Luckily for me she spits it out herself once she''s bored with it and will only take one when she''s really sleepy

 

[Shoopy]

Oh! Planned for maternity leave to be the vacation I haven''t had in a long time.

I don''t think I need to really discuss the reality lol

 

[gailrmv]

Hmm, i will focus on the things that were different from expected.

the birth
Expectation: Labor on my own for a while, get an epidural when I decide I need one, and it will take allll the pain away.
Reality: Very difficult and painful labor even after getting an epidural (it didn't work right) ending in c-section.

the early days
Expectation: Things will be super hard. I might have baby blues or PPD.
Reality: Things were hard but actually easier than I was expecting. I set the bar low after hearing some horror stories, I guess! I actually did not have problems with depression.

Knowing what to do:
expectation: I'll follow the experts' advice.
reality: Some of the experts' advice just did not work for us. And there are way too many "experts" to keep track of them all!

sleep
expectation: he'd sleep through the night on his own when he was ready, but surely within the first few months or so.
reality: still not sleeping thru the night at 8 months, and I'm not OK with doing CIO at this point.

Work
Expectation: I will return to work and the kiddo will go to day care.
Reality: After a stint back to work to finish certain deliverables, I am now a SAHM and very happy with the decision.

breastfeeding
Expectation: I'll do it but I won't like it.
Reality: I do like it!

weight loss
expectation: 9 months on, 9 months off
reality: It's not all gonna be off in 9 months, despite eating well, exercise, and breastfeeding. My body is stubborn! But also a surprise, is that I don't care as much as I thought I would.

in general
expectation: I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy having a tiny baby. I figured it was something we'd get through and he would be more fun as he got older.
reality: i loved having him tiny. While it's a joy to watch him grow up, i'm sad to see each stage pass by so quickly!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Interesting thread!

I honestly think I was so focused on my horror of L&D that I didn't have any expectations much beyond that. Expectation was that it would be an unbearable horror and I could only cope with it by having a natural birth in a midwife clinic. Reality was induction with no pain relief, then induction with epidural, then emergency section and I enjoyed it. That surprised me, to say the least.

Food expectations- BF to at least a year, home made food only, organic and local where possible. No processed food, nothing with refined sugar, water or milk to drink and kid eating with us / the same food as us as quickly as possible and with mimimum fuss. Check, with the exception of birthday cake etc at parties, I don't want her to be the odd kid who may only eat lentils.

Work - planned to be a SAHM for a couple of years, maybe. I had a year of maternity leave, and I planned to decide at the end of that. Reality - I was conflicted. I lasted 14 months then went back to work part time. I found the reality of being a SAHM pretty horrible, to be honest, but I suppose we did go pretty much with what we planned. I also find it difficult to leave my daughter, so clearly there is no pleasing me.

Sleep - we planned to base all sleep strategies around reducing the SIDS risk, and that's what we did. My friend lost her precious little boy to SIDS at 11 months and my whole sleep strategy / expectation was based around this being the biggest fear I have ever had in my life. I was not willing to budge on this and I think DH found it frustrating at times because there were things that would have helped A sleep better that I flat refused to consider. She has STTN from 6 months, in her own room from 12.

Parenting roles - we planned to be 50-50 parents and share everything between us (with the obvious exception of BFing). In reality, that's actually worked pretty well, except that A has a strong preference for Daddy at the moment so he tends to do more than I do. I like to cook, so I do most of the planning and preparing of meals, but we're mostly eating the same stuff now, so it's easier. DH does diapers. I do not do diapers. I'm an unnatural mother, but they still make me gag. That's pretty much what I expected!

Jen

 

[Pandora II]

Here goes:

Planned: Epidural as soon as I could grab hold of an anaesthetist, followed by a nice, normal and pain-free labour and delivery.
Reality: 54 hour labour with no epidural until 40 hours in, followed by pitocin, followed by emergency forceps and to top it all off, a 2.5 litre haemorrhage that nearly killed me and 2 days in ICU.

Planned: Baby delivered straight onto me and breastfeed within the first 30 minutes.
Reality: See above. Was going in and out of consciousness due to massive blood-loss and so didn''t even see my daughter till 2 hours after the birth (DH was holding her all the time though).

Planned: Breastfeeding would be so easy - I had read the books, been to the classes and knew that all that counted was getting the latch right and away we''d go!
Reality: Latch was perfect, but no damn use if you have no milk for nearly 3 weeks. Oh and I''d rather give birth drug-free than go through the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding again.

Planned: I would EBF for the first 6 months and then BF for the first 2 years.
Reality: So far we are on track and I plan to do the full 2 years (and will then be very sad!)

Planned: Babies sleep for 16 hours a day in the first weeks so I would get lots of sleep.
Reality: Someone forgot to tell Daisy to sleep and she rarely did and then only if she was lying on me or DH.

Planned: I would teach her good habits, to self-sooth, to sleep in her co-sleeper in our room and never feed her to sleep!
Reality: She can self-sooth, but I do feed her to sleep and while she did sleep in her co-sleeper until 4 months, we are now bed-sharing and love it (8.5 hours of sleep last night

)

Planned: Babies are so boring and not really ''people'' until they can talk/are a year old.
Reality: I found her interesting and fun from the start and she had definite personality from very early on.

Planned: I would hate being a SAHM and long to be back at work.
Reality: I love being a SAHM and if I won the lottery I would never go back to work!

Planned: To do Baby-Led Weaning and put D straight onto adult food at 6 months.
Reality: On track - I did buy her some baby rice biscuits yesterday, she took one bite, spat it out and offered to swap it for my shortbread finger...

Planned: That I would almost certainly have PPD - I have a 70% risk due to being Bipolar and having had antenatal depression.
Reality: I had the baby blues badly in the first weeks until they upped my meds, since then I have been up and down, but have a fantastic mental health team who are very proactive and so far I am well.

Planned: That I would be a stressed-out mother, unable to stand my baby crying and useless at looking after her due to my not having a maternal bone in my body.
Reality: I''m actually extremely calm in the main, I don''t mind her crying as I pretty much know what the cries mean, and have discovered I''m actually very maternal in a kind of lioness type way!

According to my DH, my parents and my mental health team I am actually a very good mother - and my parents are shocked!


Two other things I have been suprised by:

Just how sleep-deprived I can be and yet still manage to function - and still love my child despite it being their fault!

My views on abortion being rather challenged. I have always been very pro-choice, and while I definitely remain pro-choice, my views on the acceptable upper-limit for ''social'' abortion have changed. Above all though has been the concept of when does life begin... for me Daisy was very much a reality and alive for me at the 20 week scan despite it being pre-viability and if I am thinking about how long she has been ''alive'', I should be dating her age to the date of conception and yet when it comes to abortion I do not see early abortion as ''the taking of a life''. Hmmm, all very odd and ponderable...

 

[E B]

TBH, most of the things I planned while pregnant have worked out with a mix of determination and luck. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing (sort of, see below), being (and really enjoying being!) a SAHM: Check, check, check, check. I knew I wanted a hospital birth, but knew I'd probably need drugs, and DID I EVER!

Before I got pregnant, though, I thought I'd miss working too much and would need to return within the first year. I'm only five months and change into being a SAHM, but I don't really have the itch.

A few small things that didn't go quite as planned:

Planned: Almost exclusively baby-wearing. Strollers are bulky and a PITA, not really necessary.
Reality: My little monkey liked being 'worn' facing Mommy until about three months, and now he'll cooperate for about 20 minutes at a time. Likes to look out at the world. Use the stroller a lot more than expected. (His favorite mode of transportation is being held by me, however, but on my hip facing out for the best of both worlds.)

Planned: Introduce a bottle at 6 weeks so as not to cause nipple confusion.
Reality: Didn't introduce a bottle until once at two months and once at three months. Now he won't take one at all (or a pacifier, either!). Still trying every now and then.

I'm sure we'll have more 'busts' as we keep on, but so far, things are on track (for the most part).

 

[cdt1101]

Fun thread!

Planned - Breastfeed until I went back to work at 6 months.
Reality - Tried BF in the hospital and it was soooooooo frustrating and painful, I just knew it was something I couldn't commit to, so after 5 days I stopped. Honestly though, the end of my pregnancy was sooooooo incredible painful w/ the stent, that I think that colored my decision...I just was so over being in pain at that point. For the most part I have no regrets, but every once in awhile I do wonder if I should have stuck it out longer mostly because I really do believe that breast is best and formula freaks me out a little

Planned - Sleep train from the get go
Reality - He had reflux and some "choking" episodes early on so we had to focus on that before any training began. But once we got to 6 weeks the training began (I followed Baby Whisper), by 9 weeks he was STTN. This has been the one thing I am super strict about (similar approach as Mela and TGal). And I definitely always told myself that he "could" and "would" STTN early on.

Planned - Take 6 months off and go back to work (and feel fine about it)
Reality - I go back to work Monday, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO upset about it. I would give anything to be a SAHM. I do NOT miss anything about work.

Planned - Use baby food exclusively.
Reality - I am making most of it, and would really like to do Baby Led Weaning, however DH is not on board w/ it as he fears choking. So the compromise is I puree fruits and veggies, but add lots of flavor (spice) so that it's not the typical baby food. I'm hoping in a few month DH will come around though.

Planned - I would have absolutely NO patience (I normally am not a patient person at all!)
Reality - I am SO patient w/ Lex, I honestly do not know where it comes from! But nothing he does can make me "lose" it. He's crying doesn't bother me (although he's not much of a cryer right now).

Planned - Use CIO when needed
REality - And this has been the biggest surprise for me, I've found that I'm not really against it, but it's definitely NOT for me. I just can't handle him crying and me allowing it. But we've been lucky in that he's dropped all of his night feeding on his own, no CIO was needed (although I did a gradual wean on those 1 or 2 night feeding he used to get).

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Cdt, on crying, I had never thought that it would bother me, I planned not to be bothered by it lol. Reality? I seem to be supersensitive to it. In the first months, it caused me physical pain in my breasts and for some bizarre reason, in my teeth when A cried, even briefly (so we are not ideal candidates for CIO haha). Even now, it hurts a little and it upsets me disproportionately. Even someone else''s baby crying upsets me a little, although it doesn''t cause actual pain. That came as a big surprise.

Pandora, I''m wholly pro-choice too, but now, on a purely emotional level, my views on abortion are challenged. When we were in hospital, there were tiny preemies in NICU and the staff battled so, so hard to save these precious wee ones. Not much ''older'' than the upper limit in the UK. I found that upsetting.

 

[E B]

Date: 11/27/2009 11:04:39 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Cdt, on crying, I had never thought that it would bother me, I planned not to be bothered by it lol. Reality? I seem to be supersensitive to it. In the first months, it caused me physical pain in my breasts and for some bizarre reason, in my teeth when A cried, even briefly (so we are not ideal candidates for CIO haha). Even now, it hurts a little and it upsets me disproportionately. Even someone else's baby crying upsets me a little, although it doesn't cause actual pain. That came as a big surprise.

I hear you both. My son hated his car seat for the first four months of his life, and we couldn't pull over every time he started to cry (which was every single car ride). When he'd wail, I swear I could feel my blood pressure rising. My pulse would quicken, and I'd feel incredibly anxious at about five minutes in. 'Fingernails pressed into the armrest' anxious. I didn't know I'd have such a reaction to it.

Now, he quietly looks around or falls asleep in the car 90 percent of the time, thank goodness. And yes, I realize by typing this I'm jinxing it.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Oh, I had forgotten about car-ride crying anxiety. I''m going to jinx myself too and say that Amelia is usually happy enough in the car now.

For the first 8 or 9 months, it was hit or miss. Sometimes she''d sleep, othertimes, scream. If you have issues with crying, there is no torture quite like being trapped in a car with a screaming, unhappy baby. My steering wheel probably has teethmarks in it.

 

[cdt1101]

Date: 11/27/2009 11:27:33 AM
Author: EBree

Date: 11/27/2009 11:04:39 AM

Author: Mrs Mitchell

Cdt, on crying, I had never thought that it would bother me, I planned not to be bothered by it lol. Reality? I seem to be supersensitive to it. In the first months, it caused me physical pain in my breasts and for some bizarre reason, in my teeth when A cried, even briefly (so we are not ideal candidates for CIO haha). Even now, it hurts a little and it upsets me disproportionately. Even someone else''s baby crying upsets me a little, although it doesn''t cause actual pain. That came as a big surprise.

I hear you both. My son hated his car seat for the first four months of his life, and we couldn''t pull over every time he started to cry (which was every single car ride). When he''d wail, I swear I could feel my blood pressure rising. My pulse would quicken, and I''d feel incredibly anxious at about five minutes in. ''Fingernails pressed into the armrest'' anxious. I didn''t know I''d have such a reaction to it.


Now, he quietly looks around or falls asleep in the car 90 percent of the time, thank goodness. And yes, I realize by typing this I''m jinxing it.

Ebree - Lex hated the carseat too! It literally got to the point where I could no longer drive alone w/ him. We ended up switching to the Britax (at about 4 months) and since then he rarely cries. I think the infant carseat was too constricting for him (he''s a big boy though).

Mrs - I''m the same way. It bothers me to hear other children cry as well now. I just want to cuddle them

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

You're nicer than I am. I just want them to go away! LOL.
I really hate to hear a baby crying and being ignored by a parent though. Like this morning, when I was grocery shopping. Ok, I know that we don't criticise other moms, so I won't, but I wanted to comfort her wailing, ignored baby while she flicked through magazines, she could only have been a few days old.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I start sweating when I have to listen to Hunter cry!

 

[Blenheim]

I also had a lot of things go as planned: homebirth, breastfeeding (although it surprised me just how painful the first couple of weeks were), cosleeping (although we planned on using a cosleeper instead of bedsharing), not using CIO.

Planned: Extreme sleep deprivation in the early months.
Reality: With the exception of a handful of days, I really haven''t felt too tired. I credit napping when he napped early on, plus figuring out how to nurse on my side at night.

Planned: No TV for at least two years.
Reality: No TV for the first 7 months. Now that we''re living with my in-laws, I''m still trying to avoid it but they have theirs on enough that I can''t avoid it entirely (as evidenced by the photo I posted in the newborn thread last night).

Planned: Needing to go back to work for the interaction.
Reality: Going back to work was one of the hardest things that I''ve done. I really wish that I could SAHM, and am so glad that I have the opportunity to do so for a little bit right now.

Planned: Getting my pre-pregnancy body back fairly quickly as I stayed active for all of my pregnancy.
Reality: Umm.... yeah. Not so much.

I''m sure that there are more that I''m not thinking of right now.

 

[Jas12]

Planned: fully natural birth

Reality: no painkillers, but was augmented (induced to speed up labor) and had antibiotic for strep B.

Planned: No paci

Reality: paci introduced on day 4 -haha

Planned: no CIO,

Reality: tried a bunch of other methods and finally had success with DS sleeping 12 hours by 6 mos

Planned: BF for 1 year

Reality: BF for a little over 16 mos and didn''t want to stop

Planned: No TV in first 2 years

Reality: um ya, he watches about 15 min a day now when i get dinner made

Planned: 9 mos on 9mos off for the baby weight

Reality: it was about that long

Planned: very strict schedule re: bedtime and naps & discipline

Reality: yes, 90% of the time

Planned: Make baby food from scratch

Reality: Yes

Planned: once on solids make completely homemade meals with lots of organics

Reality: once in a while. WAY too much work every day

Planned: Make date nights with DH at least once a month

Reality: Nope, we almost never do anything alone outside the home, always with baby or family --we gotta work on that!

 

[kama_s]

I have nothing to add, but I just wanted to say that I''m absolutely loving this thread! Everyone''s responses are so hilarious, and so full of maternal love

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/27/2009 11:04:39 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Cdt, on crying, I had never thought that it would bother me, I planned not to be bothered by it lol. Reality? I seem to be supersensitive to it. In the first months, it caused me physical pain in my breasts and for some bizarre reason, in my teeth when A cried, even briefly (so we are not ideal candidates for CIO haha). Even now, it hurts a little and it upsets me disproportionately. Even someone else''s baby crying upsets me a little, although it doesn''t cause actual pain. That came as a big surprise.

Pandora, I''m wholly pro-choice too, but now, on a purely emotional level, my views on abortion are challenged. When we were in hospital, there were tiny preemies in NICU and the staff battled so, so hard to save these precious wee ones. Not much ''older'' than the upper limit in the UK. I found that upsetting.

I was reading the section on CIO in one of the Sear''s AP books and it seems that this is a physiological response designed to make a mother respond to her baby. The cry of HER baby will stimulate the let-down in her breasts which can feel painful. It doesn''t happen with the cry of another baby.

On the paci front, I stocked up in advance. I hate the things, but if it helped my baby sleep then by gawd they could have them in every colour of the rainbow. Well, madam was having none of it and spat it straight out. I tried really hard when she was so grim on car journeys, sitting in the back and putting it back in for over an hour...

Even now when she''s teething and sucking on everything, the two things she will not touch are a paci and her very expensive French giraffe teething toy ''Sophie''...typical.

Those with babies that hate the carseat, I empathise, the only time that D really screams her head off is in that. We had a 5 hour journey tonight and she screamed solidly for two sessions of over an hour each. There is nothing I can do to calm her down and she has to stay in in, but it is so wearing! I don''t count it as CIO though as I am always there (DH does all the driving). I think she will be better once she has a seat where she can see out. With the Stokke she is used to being on buses and looking out of the window - I don''t think the backseat and roof of the car cut it. I even installed a mirror so I can keep an eye on her from the front and hoped it might help...

 

[Lynn B]

I honestly don''t hang out much in the New Mommy kind of threads (cause my kiddles are both grown, so I guess that makes me an Old Mommy???!!!

) but this one caught my eye. Great thread, BTW!

What surprised ME (and DH, too) was how HARD it is to raise children.

We expected, and honestly never minded the physical *WORK*... the sometimes-back-breaking, never-ending 24 hour chores and duties. We rolled up our sleeves and fairly easily accomplished all that needed done... the walking, the rocking, the soothing, the diaper changing, the bathing, the stripping-the-bed-and-washing-all-the-sheets-at-2-am-because of explosive vomiting, the diarrhea clean-ups, the fevers, the up-all-nighters when the children were sick, the nose-wiping, the nose-bleeds, the boo-boo kissing.

What we didn''t expect was the WORRY. We found the WORK part fairly *easy*; it was certainly nothing compared to the stress of worrying about those two precious children. And as they grow older, the stakes get higher, there are more risks and *dangers* and the worry increases. So many things can happen (and do)... and all you want as parents is to keep them safe, and happy, and protected... and the fact is that there is only so much you can do. To me, I found that really scary and exhausting.

I love this quote by Elizabeth Stone: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

And I''m here to tell you that doesn''t matter how old your children get, either! Parenting is NOT for wimps!!!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Planned: To have a medicated hospital birth.
Reality: Check.

Planned: Breastfeed for about a year.
Reality: Baby was born early and I had no milk. Pumped and pumped and pumped. Nothing. Tried to get him to latch and he was completely not interested. DS was formula fed since birth and is perfectly healthy.

Planned: STTN at 6 weeks.
Reality: DS is almost 17 months old and still wakes about once a night. Every now and then he''ll go all night. We resorted to CIO and although DH and I don''t like it it has improved the amount that DS sleeps.

Planned: No tv.
Reality: Check - at least not on our watch. I think our in-home daycare provider lets the kids pick a 30 minute video on Fridays, but it''s not every week. DS is too busy for tv!

Planned: Feeding DS healthy foods - fruit and veggie at every meal.
Reality: Check for the most part. We feed him whatever we''re having. If it''s something he''s too young to eat then we''ll make him something special.

Planned: No juice.
Reality: Check. My mom and sister gave him juice when they were watching him a few weeks ago and he had a diaper blowout! Hahaha! That''s what they get

Planned: To be Super Working Mom. Totally patient, understanding and full of zest.
Reality: Uggghhh. Although I work by necessity, I did take a 6-month maternity leave and found out I am not SAHM material. I need to be around adults. I get frusterated when DS is wailing for no reason and I don''t sleep well so I don''t have as much energy as I wish I had.

Planned: To be the best mom that I can be.
Reality: CHECK!!

 

[packrat]

I didn''t have a lot planned out before London. I wanted a normal delivery with no drugs, but failed to progress, so ended up w/a walking epidural and turned into a c-section. I wanted to nurse for a year, and did 14 months. Loved it too..if people still used wet nurses I''d''ve signed up for it. Planned her to sleep in her own room, and we did that. The rest of it was improvised. We tried different things until we figured out what worked. She''s an excellent sleeper b/c we never tiptoed around when she was little.

With Trapper...I guess we kind of submarined ourselves b/c we planned things to go the way they did w/London and that soooo did not happen. He''s fussier. When he was little, he woke up at every sound, and took a year to get on a sleep schedule..London took 8 weeks.

Obviously I knew I would love my kids..but I didn''t expect the way you really do feel when you have them. It''s like being hit by a truck and falling from an airplane. It''s just a force like no other, and the physical pain it causes when they''re upset, especially when they''re little and can''t tell you what''s wrong. I guess the reality of that is waaay different than I expected.

 

[mtjoya]

Pandora II-

I was just reading some of the posts and came to yours about the labor. OMG!!! I am so sorry that you had to go thru that! 54 hours??? and the rest of the stuff....wt...f.?

 

[Lynn B]

Date: 11/28/2009 1:07:27 AM
Author: packrat

Obviously I knew I would love my kids..but I didn't expect the way you really do feel when you have them. It's like being hit by a truck and falling from an airplane. It's just a force like no other, and the physical pain it causes when they're upset, especially when they're little and can't tell you what's wrong. I guess the reality of that is waaay different than I expected.

I guess that's kinda what I was trying to say... that the emotional *force* of parenthood is what blindsided us. We knew we would love and adore our children, but we weren't prepared for the "force" of it. Great way to put it, Packrat.

But, having children that are now grown, I think I may have to respectfully disagree that it's harder when they're little. At least not for us, it wasn't. TRUE, it's difficult and trying when they are little and hurting or upset and can't tell you what's wrong. But for us, taking care of the little ones was (in general) FAAAAAR easier than when they become older/teenagers.

The scales shift in that the "work" of parenting then becomes less physical and more emotional. At least with the little ones, you know where they are, you know what they're doing, you have *control* over so many of the important decisions that affect them. Not so when they are older. And you can love them, patiently teach them, and set the "right" example for them, and still they may choose to make some REEEEALLY DUMB (and worrisome!) decisions that can have lifetime consequences.

Personally, I'll take a squawlling baby over a teenager who knows everything ANY DAY of the week!!!

 

[MustangGal]

planned - natural labor and birth, epi only if I really couldn''t stand the pain
reality - induced at almost 41 weeks, epi after 12 hours, pushed for 2 hours, had a c-section

planned - BFing until I went back to work at 8 weeks, possibly longer
reality - didn''t get to even try BFing until 10 hours after birth, baby wouldn''t latch, gave up pumping after 5 weeks

planned - baby sleeping in bassinet in my room until I went back to work
reality - kicked him out in to his own room at 5 weeks, he was too loud!

planned - CIO at some point to get him to STTN
reality - he started STTN on his own, have''t had to use CIO yet

planned - to make some baby food
reality - tried, and he hated it. The kid won''t eat anything with lumps.

planned - to only gain 25 pounds
reality - gained 33, but had it all off by 4.5 months PP

planned - to only have 1 child
reality - still sticking to that thought!


And then the one thing no one ever plans on, I went back into the hospital when the baby was 1 week old. Spent 5 days without being able to see my newborn! That was the worst week of my life.