Wedding Ettiquette Advice from the Post family

[Gwyn]

I was browsing the wedding channel dot come website and came accross this interesting article. It is written by Peggy Post, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law and author of Emily Post’s Etiquette; Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette. I have bolded some things that get brought up often on this site. I have almost never seen anything that says someone is obligated to send a gift.

Here is the article:

Showering gifts on a newly betrothed couple is a time-honored tradition that seems to become more deeply ingrained with time. And no wonder: wedding gift giving is big business. Still, the idea behind wedding gifts is a fine one. It is a tangible representation of love and support, a generous offering to help married couples get a head start in their lives together.

Guests invited to the wedding ceremony and reception have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not. There are few exceptions. If you live far away from where the wedding will take place or have been out of touch with the couple for several years, and are not planning to attend the wedding, there''s no need to send a gift. Also, the receipt of a wedding announcement after the wedding carries no gift obligation, although it''s thoughtful to send the couple a note or card expressing your "best wishes."

A guest invited to a shower should bring a gift. If an invited guest can''t attend, it is not obligatory to send a gift; however, a close friend or family member sometimes chooses to send a gift regardless.

Engagement gifts have never been obligatory and are not expected from casual friends and acquaintances. But they are becoming customary in some parts of the country, usually given to the couple by family members and close friends. An invitation to an engagement party implies that gifts are welcome -- unless the host or hostess declares otherwise. A guest who is unsure about whether or not to bring a gift to an engagement party may simply ask the hosts for guidance.

I''m often asked if there is a formula for calculating how much a guest should spend on a gift. Yes -- the amount spent on the gift should be based on your affection for and relationship with the couple -- or their families -- as well as your budget. People sometimes say that a wedding gift should cost at least as much as the bride and groom are spending on entertaining each person at the reception, but that is simply a myth.

Appropriate wedding gifts run the gamut from fine china and small household appliances, to gardening tools and camping equipment, to money and gift certificates. Selecting a gift should be an enjoyable process. But for the "shopping-challenged" among us, bridal registries certainly simplify the process of finding the right gift. Today, couples often register for gifts with two or more stores, web sites, or even travel agents and brokerage houses. Registry information is discreetly spread by word of mouth or can be included as an insert in a shower invitation -- but should never grace the folds of a wedding invitation. To mention gifts in the wedding invitation puts much emphasis on what the gift, and less on hoping the invited can come to the wedding -- a turnoff for most friends and relatives. Gifts are a guest''s choice. There is no need to purchase from the registry if you have something else in mind. Sometimes the most cherished gifts are carefully chosen surprises.

Generally, wedding gifts should be delivered to the bride''s home or to the home of her parents before the wedding, addressed to the bride. When gifts are sent after the wedding, they are sent to the couple at their new address. When a couple is living together before the wedding, gifts are either sent to them at their home address or to the bride''s parents if they are hosting the wedding. The circumstances are the guide. In some areas and cultures, it is customary to bring the gift to the wedding reception rather than deliver it ahead of time

Gifts may be sent as soon as a guest receives an invitation. The advantage of sending gifts ahead of time is that the bride and groom do not need to worry about keeping gifts safe at the reception site and transporting them after the reception. Another myth: guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. Ideally, not so. Gifts should be sent before the wedding.

Each and every wedding gift should be acknowledged by a hand written thank-you note from the bride and groom -- promptly. Couples should aim to write notes on the day the gift arrives, whenever possible. There is no excuse for not having all thank-you notes written within three months of the wedding -- at the most.

If a guest has not received a thank-you note, he or she should call or write the bride and groom to ask if the gift was received. Or, a guest could ask a family member of the bride and groom to check if the gift was received. The gift-giver should display concern rather than criticism. If the newlyweds did not receive the gift, it can be traced or replaced. If the couple has not sent thanks due to thoughtlessness, hopefully they''ll learn a lesson and write the remaining notes more promptly.

Here is the link if anyone wants to see it on the web instead. i posted the article above incase the link goes dead. you never know with some sites....