Etiquette/Wording Help

[smiles]

Hi ladies! I am hoping I can work your brains for a moment!
Here is the situation:
My sister and her fiancee who both live in the NYC/NJ area now are getting married in Toronto (where we live) this summer. Her Fi worked and lived in Florida for a significant amount of time and has many friends there. As a a result most of their friends are going to be out of town guests. Most of their friends are married and many have just begun families. There are about 23 children (not including family - which is totally different to us) under the age of 11. Any child age 4+ at the venue is full cost at $100/head. It is a very large buffet and this amount includes alocohol. My dad is absolutely set (and everyone including sister and her fi agree) against paying an extra $2000.00 for these children to attend the wedding partially because of the money, partially because it is a day wedding and we feel that a 5 year old boy will not only be very bored through the long ceremony but we are also worried about kids running around, potentially hurting themselves and MOST importantly my sister and her fi want to celebrate with their friends and not have to have their friends baby-sitting their kids all day.

(sorry that was very run-on)

So, we were toying with the idea of paying for a few baby-sitters so come to the venue and use a room there to watch the kids but that would still cost full price per head plus feeding the workers so that''s a no-go. There are not many daycares here open on Sunday and the one we have found will cost about $35.00 per child PLUS food. (so say $50) This is still $1000.00 on a what my dad "sweetly" calls a very extravagant kids party!

So etiquette gurus what do you think? If the wedding was local parents would be responsible for paying for a babysitter. With that in mind and Ms.Manners who says it is not the responsibility of the hosts to pay for things like hotel rooms for guests, is it TOTALLY unreasonable for us to say either leave your kids at home with grandparents, siblings, a close family friend or bring them along and here a few baby sitting options, here are the details but pay your own way? What do you think and how would you word it on a paper to go along with the invite??

HELP!! Sorry this was so long! Thanks in advance!!!

 

[Izzy03]

Miss Manners would say to find a place (whether it be someones house, or ideally a hotel room if you are getting married in a hotel) hire some sitters and order pizza for the kids. The babysitters can have pizza too. After all, you are paying them to work, they can eat what you provide. The kids can have their own separate little party, they will probably be so picky that the buffet food will not appeal to them. Just make it clear in the invitations that kids will be separated from their parents!

I have the "no kids" rule for wedding because we would have had at least 30 children, and I wanted a small wedding. Not only would children have taken up 1/3 of the guest list, but the wedding would have been a playground. A lot of people are not coming because of it, and my feelings are not hurt AT ALL! In fact, its for the better!

As for the wording, have wording on the bottom of the invitation say "Adult Ceremony and Reception". Then make some little inserts to include with the invitations that will give all the details of what the plans are for the children. Parents will probably be happy that they can get rid of their little demons for a while. Good luck!

 

[lliang_chi]

I agree with Izzy about getting a separate location with sitters etc for the kids. It won't be as expensive as having them on location. Maybe you can call the guests with children and talk to them about whatever arrangements you'll try to make. You should tell your guests with children that they kids will NOT be on location, so it's up to them if they want to bring them, leave them at home, or come at all. Mind you, some parents with very young children (under a year or just about a year) might feel uncomfortable leaving their kids for the day, but it's really their call. I think getting a sitter is more than gracious enough for you.

Whatever you do I think it's best to talk/call/email the guests with kids yourself. That way you don't have to put it on the invitations. Plus they'd be very happy you're thinking about them enough to warrant some extra contact. It's not your entire guest list, so I think it's doable to call or email them separately.

Our plan is to hire sitters for a room next to door to my reception room. Our venue isn't as stick-in-the-butt as yours. The sitters will be regular vendors & get vendor meals. The kids have their own kids meals.

Good luck!

 

[smiles]

I somehow lost my post but to sum it up:
Thank you for responding
To clarify everyone feels it is the responsibility of the host to cover this baby-sitting expense?
I guess for baby-sitting in the hotel room we would just have to ask people to make sure they pack some toys for their kids to play with...

Much to think about thanks!