engaged with his ex wife in the picture

[cbs102]

have any of you ladies ever been engaged to someone that has previously been married? if so, did you have any insecurities in regards to the ex???

 

[krispi]

I don''t know if it helps you at all, but I''m on the other side of the fence. I have been previously married and would like to get engaged to my current BF. I know in my situation, current BF has NO reason whatsoever to worry about the ex! It does bother him that the ex contacts me about twice a year or so to ask how the dog is doing (we didn''t have kids together). My BF thinks I shouldn''t talk to the ex at all and that if I do, it means I have lingering issues from the divorce. In my case, that''s not true - I simply am over it, don''t have hard feelings, have moved on, and don''t really care one way or the other about talking to the ex. If it makes him feel better to hear that the dog is okay, then so be it. Again, I''m not sure if this is any big help to you, but I wanted to let you know that it is possible for someone not to have huge, lingering issues. (That''s what the months of therapy I went through after the divorce were for!)

 

[cbs102]

thank you krispi- it does help. our situation is a little different because he has a child.. so she is certainly involved. it is not detrimental to our relationship...i am actually positive that he has no lingering issues or feelings for her.. its more me and the idea that i will never be his first for anything

. i also realize that we are making our own memories and building a wonderful life together...so its more curiosity than anything else... just wanted to know what others did to get passed it all!
thanks for letting me know that i am not alone... on either side of the fence!!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:16:46 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
My husband and I have both been previously married. I had and still have no insecurities whatsoever regarding her (you mean like jealousy or romantic feelings that might be there?)....... there''s nothing there to be insecure about.. vice verse though is a different subject entirely. Green monsters rear their ugly head...

Its so pointless, there''s not even a remote chance of ''competition'' on my part- she''s simply not worth my time.

yep.. simply put- this is all i needed to hear! i am in general a very jealous person .. but i am working on it! she actually tried to discuss something regarding FI''s mother the other night and he put her right in line. i was proud!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:26:41 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/19/2008 1:18:41 PM
Author: cbs102

Date: 8/19/2008 1:16:46 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
My husband and I have both been previously married. I had and still have no insecurities whatsoever regarding her (you mean like jealousy or romantic feelings that might be there?)....... there''s nothing there to be insecure about.. vice verse though is a different subject entirely. Green monsters rear their ugly head...

Its so pointless, there''s not even a remote chance of ''competition'' on my part- she''s simply not worth my time.

yep.. simply put- this is all i needed to hear! i am in general a very jealous person .. but i am working on it! she actually tried to discuss something regarding FI''s mother the other night and he put her right in line. i was proud!

Good for him. There''s no reason for family bashing.. none whatsoever.

oh no.. it was more like FI and his mother are having an argument and Ex has been in cahoots with her ex MIL who she did not get along with when they were married!! she tried to butt in and give him advice ect.. he said to stay out of my business- you are not my wife.. its cbs''s right --not yours. its the little things that make me happy!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:25:15 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/19/2008 1:10:18 PM
Author: cbs102
thank you krispi- it does help. our situation is a little different because he has a child.. so she is certainly involved. it is not detrimental to our relationship...i am actually positive that he has no lingering issues or feelings for her.. its more me and the idea that i will never be his first for anything

. i also realize that we are making our own memories and building a wonderful life together...so its more curiosity than anything else... just wanted to know what others did to get passed it all!
thanks for letting me know that i am not alone... on either side of the fence!!

Aw honey, I''m not my husband''s ''first'' either and he only had one child.. but there are no lingering romantic feelings for her in any way, shape or form I can tell you that!! lol Here''s what I do know however.. while he never wanted a divorce from her, he said her leaving him for her former boyfriend was the best thing because had she not, we wouldn''t have found eachother. He always says the absolute best day with her pales in comparison to any worst day we''ve ever had. And since we rarely have a bad day (it happens, just not often!) I''m a happy girl.

It all takes time. Enjoy making memories...

Awwww *sniff*. I like your husband. He says the nicest things!!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:43:15 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/19/2008 1:31:51 PM
Author: cbs102

Date: 8/19/2008 1:26:41 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Good for him. There''s no reason for family bashing.. none whatsoever.

oh no.. it was more like FI and his mother are having an argument and Ex has been in cahoots with her ex MIL who she did not get along with when they were married!! she tried to butt in and give him advice ect.. he said to stay out of my business- you are not my wife.. its cbs''s right --not yours. its the little things that make me happy!

Ooooh, I get it.. I misunderstood. Well GOOD FOR YOU AND HIM then!! lol

Hubby has defended me with his ex, she''s VERY nosey and uses their daughter for information... She can''t comprehend how he could have the gall to live a happy life and go on to have a happy marriage after she left him and took everything and then some! lol Stinks to be her! lol

I caught her using their daughter''s myspace to go through mine.. several times a day for several months at all times of the day and night. He called her on it and she denied doing it until he told her I used a tracker and he could provide her ISP addresses.. ROFL.. She still does it but less frequently.. but my profile is blocked now so she can''t see anything but the title page.

WHAT A WACKADO!!!! the ex called FI a couple weeks ago looking for sympathy when the guy she cheated on FI with cheated on her... first, he laughted his cute little A$$ off, then he told her that Karma was a B1tch, and then told her that we were engaged.. oh how thrilled she was. but we has a good laugh for about a week straight. tis funny how things work out.

 

[krispi]

Well, you may not be his first, but that does not mean you can''t be his best! Seriously, as someone who''s been through a previous marriage, what happened with my ex makes me appreciate my current BF that much more. I love that he''s not about the drama at all. Sometimes the bad experience helps put the good into perspective and makes a person that much more thankful.

And this may be just because I''m a girl, but I''m looking forward to the second proposal, engagement, wedding, etc at least as much as the first, if not more! It doesn''t make this time any less special.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:57:53 PM
Author: krispi
Well, you may not be his first, but that does not mean you can''t be his best! Seriously, as someone who''s been through a previous marriage, what happened with my ex makes me appreciate my current BF that much more. I love that he''s not about the drama at all. Sometimes the bad experience helps put the good into perspective and makes a person that much more thankful.

And this may be just because I''m a girl, but I''m looking forward to the second proposal, engagement, wedding, etc at least as much as the first, if not more! It doesn''t make this time any less special.

yes, this is something that i really needed to come to terms with. i absolutly REFUSED to have a real church wedding and reception because that is what they had. it was engrained in my mind that i did not want him doing what they did.. he says.. honey- this is important.. do not settle.. we can make it our own. in the end though we are doing a destination wedding in jamaica which is what we both have always wanted... he tells me that THE only good thing he got out of that relationship was his daughter and that he wishes i came first, that he married only me and that he wishes that the daughter was mine too... sweetpea. he also says that he is mUCH more excited this time around because he and i are MEANT to get married.. and he has been waiting his whole life for me,.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/19/2008 1:57:53 PM
Author: krispi
Well, you may not be his first, but that does not mean you can''t be his best! Seriously, as someone who''s been through a previous marriage, what happened with my ex makes me appreciate my current BF that much more. I love that he''s not about the drama at all. Sometimes the bad experience helps put the good into perspective and makes a person that much more thankful.

And this may be just because I''m a girl, but I''m looking forward to the second proposal, engagement, wedding, etc at least as much as the first, if not more! It doesn''t make this time any less special.

AMEN!!!

Krispi, that is SO true! My XH was very abusive and controlling, and I think going through that helped me to appreciate DH even more.

This is a second marriage for both DH and I, so I''m on both sides of this issue. I can honestly tell you, CBS, neither DH or I have any residual feelings for our exes, and there are no jealousy issues there at all. Of course, neither of us have any children, so we don''t have to stay in contact with our exes. I could see how it might be more of an issue if there are children, since that requires continuing contact with the ex.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/19/2008 2:09:35 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/19/2008 2:07:57 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/19/2008 1:57:53 PM
Author: krispi
Well, you may not be his first, but that does not mean you can''t be his best! Seriously, as someone who''s been through a previous marriage, what happened with my ex makes me appreciate my current BF that much more. I love that he''s not about the drama at all. Sometimes the bad experience helps put the good into perspective and makes a person that much more thankful.

And this may be just because I''m a girl, but I''m looking forward to the second proposal, engagement, wedding, etc at least as much as the first, if not more! It doesn''t make this time any less special.

AMEN!!!

Krispi, that is SO true! My XH was very abusive and controlling, and I think going through that helped me to appreciate DH even more.

This is a second marriage for both DH and I, so I''m on both sides of this issue. I can honestly tell you, CBS, neither DH or I have any residual feelings for our exes, and there are no jealousy issues there at all. Of course, neither of us have any children, so we don''t have to stay in contact with our exes. I could see how it might be more of an issue if there are children, since that requires continuing contact with the ex.

Hugs hugs hugs and MORE hugs!

Aw, Michelle, thank ya sweetie! Ya know, I think you and I probably have a lot in common!

 

[krispi]

Thanks, SDL! All I can say is that I''ve been there, done that, managed to live through it, and don''t want to do that ever again! Knowing what I do about your story, I would imagine that you can understand that.

 

[Miranda]

Nope. I''ve never been in a relationship with someone who had an ex-wife, but, I can totally understand how there could be some insecurities. I''m by nature very possessive...Not necessarily jealous, but, very possessive. Just keep in mind that she''s his ex for good reason. He''s with you now!

 

[Maisie]

I can''t believe she was going through your myspace SDL, thats not good! I tried to find you but couldn''t...

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 8/19/2008 3:11:00 PM
Author: Maisie
I can't believe she was going through your myspace SDL, thats not good! I tried to find you but couldn't...

Find me if you can SDL....

ETA: Hi Maisie!!!

 

[Maisie]

Hiii!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/19/2008 2:38:41 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
Krispi, yep.. I know

Miranda, Good point.. mini thread jack.. hubby and I are going to OC this week.. yay!!

*continuation of mini threadjack* SDL - Whatcha gonna do here? Wave to me when you pass San C!

 

[vslover]

I was married young (22...lasted 2 years) and DS is the result. I feel badly for anyone ex might date seriously in the future as all his present/previous GFs since the divorce say they feel they can''t live up to me. Bizarre since he wasn''t happy when we were together, but I guess hindsight is 20/20.

I have no lingering feelings for ex romantically, but we do share a child together and therefore he is part of my life and a big one at that...at least for the next 10 years or so. DH is secure and doesn''t feel threatened, but dealing with an ex can still be a pain.