Italiahaircolor
Ideal_Rock
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Dust please...or at least good wishes...
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tlh
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bee*
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luckystar112
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Ugh, we just had the in-laws here so I know how you feel. Everything went okay until the last night when FIL decided to stick his nose where it didn''t belong and made me cry.
He just really knows how to push my buttons. lol. Plus I was really stressed out and just ready for their visit to be over. Gotta love in-laws!!!
Sending lots of dust your way!
Sending lots of dust your way!
doodle
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Another thing that I have learned that helps me out is to treat my inlaws like they are just any other adult person.
(It takes the emphasis off of "Mother" and "Father" in law). They have no control over you. You dont have to
answer their questions (if they are out of line)...just say excuse me, or thats a little personal. If a conversation
starts and you can see it heading an ugly way...leave the room like "Oh, I just remembered something I need to
do." I have developed escape tactics that seem to work pretty well. Keeps them out of my business and thinking
that I want their opinion when I never really asked for it.
I know some people will think this is pretty sad (the above advice) but I was 37 when I married my husband.
Pretty set in my ways. Had a mind of my own. When I dont know something I''m pretty good with google.
Its actually helped us to develop more of a "friendship" then a MIL/FIL/DIL relationship which is what I like.
And when I want to be treated like a daughter I can always go to my parents house!
(It takes the emphasis off of "Mother" and "Father" in law). They have no control over you. You dont have to
answer their questions (if they are out of line)...just say excuse me, or thats a little personal. If a conversation
starts and you can see it heading an ugly way...leave the room like "Oh, I just remembered something I need to
do." I have developed escape tactics that seem to work pretty well. Keeps them out of my business and thinking
that I want their opinion when I never really asked for it.
I know some people will think this is pretty sad (the above advice) but I was 37 when I married my husband.
Pretty set in my ways. Had a mind of my own. When I dont know something I''m pretty good with google.
Its actually helped us to develop more of a "friendship" then a MIL/FIL/DIL relationship which is what I like.
And when I want to be treated like a daughter I can always go to my parents house!
mrscushion
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Italiahaircolor
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Well, they are safely back at their hotel...so I can now revisit my thread and share the afternoon/evening happenings with you all...
Honestly, in comparison to everything...it wasn''t to bad. I am trying to keep in mind this is day one, so I do need to remain realistic...but, all in all...I haven''t had my feelings hurt.
First of all, this was the first time they have seen our home finished. Their reaction was, well in one word, underwhelming. After almost a year of hard work...they said the house was "fine". My FIL pointed out that we should vaccum our vents...which, we probably should...but we''ve had a lot of other more pressing tasks. But, in the spirit of optimism...fine is good.
After a tour of the house...we all went to our small downtown area. My MIL rode with me...and we started chatting about my DH''s 30th birthday. I filled her in on some of things we''ve been planning--including Vegas. She made a point of telling me that she wants to spend his 30th with him. I kindly pointed out that because of the time of the month we''re going, travel immediately before and immediately after probably wouldn''t jive with our work loads (we''re traveling on the 8th of August and returning 8 days later...my DH turns 30 on the 28th of August). MIL then started telling me how my BIL & SIL together with my IL''s are planning to rent a cabin in some God forsaken woods about an hour outside their hometown the last weekend in July (she also made a point of explaining how this week works best for BIL & SIL) and that we should join them, apparently unannounced to me or DH, they were planning on celebrating DH''s birthday that week. Again, I pointed out that traveling within that window of time was probably out of the question. She got flustered, I could understand that this is a relatively big birthday for my DH and that she''d want to be with her son, so I extended an offer for them to return over the weekend of DH''s birthday...she told me that she "can''t think about that right now". I let the topic drop
but wondered to myself how she couldn''t think about topic she had brought up. Oh well, MIL''s!
She then started questioning me about "babies"--which is an all but forbidden topic due to my trouble concieving. I told her there was no progress on the home front, so speak of. But, that we had hired an adoption attorney in the hopes of exploring other avenues and gathering information. She turned the topic immediately to my job...and asked if I was planning on "stepping down" when/if we have/get a baby. I told "probably not"...because that''s the truth. I explained that I would cut back my out of home hours, hire a nanny...but I would also lean on my mom, who is local. She preceded to tell me that I shouldn''t depend on my mom...and how watching the grandchild wasn''t fair to my mom. I told her frankly that my mom wants to help...cannot wait to help...that grandbaby will be a source of joy and his or her life will something that my mom wants to actively engage herself in. My MIL started in on how I should "quit" working all together! I flat out told her "no". From ther I explained my reasoning, and topic pretty much died off. But, in honesty, I cannot fault her for wondering...wanting to get pregnant hasn''t been a secret...and we''d love love love to be parents...but, we''re going to do it our way...and that''s just something everyone will have to respect. I feel that my frank honesty is laying the ground work for future conversations...in this respect, I want to thank everyone for their advice. Anyone who told "be honest, be yourself" was right...sometimes when you down skate around the facts, it does go better than you think! So, again...thank you!!!!
The only time I was ever taken aback was during dinner. My parents, always trying to do the right thing, took us all out to dinner. My parents and my IL''s get along very well and are very friendly. My FIL and dad started talking about my parents going to visit them in PA. My mom chimed in that she would love to go...but didn''t want to impose upon my IL''s time with us. My MIL, under her breath, said (and I quote) "then what do you call this?". I don''t think my mom heard--and if she did, she pretended not too...but I was offended because my parents were being thoughtful and generous...they weren''t trying to edge anyone out, honestly.
Other than those three mildly uncomfortable conversations, things went pretty darn well if I do say so myself. They brought toys for our puppies, which was very thoughtful. We have a few good laughs at dinner with my parents. I was able to talk to my MIL about my friend--which was comforting, since MIL and L were very friendly. All in all, it''s days like these where our relationship feels like it could bloom...and that always makes me happy.
I''ll try to touch back tomorrow...keep the dust coming, so far so good!!!
Thanks everyone for sending positive messages, they made me smile.
Honestly, in comparison to everything...it wasn''t to bad. I am trying to keep in mind this is day one, so I do need to remain realistic...but, all in all...I haven''t had my feelings hurt.
First of all, this was the first time they have seen our home finished. Their reaction was, well in one word, underwhelming. After almost a year of hard work...they said the house was "fine". My FIL pointed out that we should vaccum our vents...which, we probably should...but we''ve had a lot of other more pressing tasks. But, in the spirit of optimism...fine is good.
After a tour of the house...we all went to our small downtown area. My MIL rode with me...and we started chatting about my DH''s 30th birthday. I filled her in on some of things we''ve been planning--including Vegas. She made a point of telling me that she wants to spend his 30th with him. I kindly pointed out that because of the time of the month we''re going, travel immediately before and immediately after probably wouldn''t jive with our work loads (we''re traveling on the 8th of August and returning 8 days later...my DH turns 30 on the 28th of August). MIL then started telling me how my BIL & SIL together with my IL''s are planning to rent a cabin in some God forsaken woods about an hour outside their hometown the last weekend in July (she also made a point of explaining how this week works best for BIL & SIL) and that we should join them, apparently unannounced to me or DH, they were planning on celebrating DH''s birthday that week. Again, I pointed out that traveling within that window of time was probably out of the question. She got flustered, I could understand that this is a relatively big birthday for my DH and that she''d want to be with her son, so I extended an offer for them to return over the weekend of DH''s birthday...she told me that she "can''t think about that right now". I let the topic drop
She then started questioning me about "babies"--which is an all but forbidden topic due to my trouble concieving. I told her there was no progress on the home front, so speak of. But, that we had hired an adoption attorney in the hopes of exploring other avenues and gathering information. She turned the topic immediately to my job...and asked if I was planning on "stepping down" when/if we have/get a baby. I told "probably not"...because that''s the truth. I explained that I would cut back my out of home hours, hire a nanny...but I would also lean on my mom, who is local. She preceded to tell me that I shouldn''t depend on my mom...and how watching the grandchild wasn''t fair to my mom. I told her frankly that my mom wants to help...cannot wait to help...that grandbaby will be a source of joy and his or her life will something that my mom wants to actively engage herself in. My MIL started in on how I should "quit" working all together! I flat out told her "no". From ther I explained my reasoning, and topic pretty much died off. But, in honesty, I cannot fault her for wondering...wanting to get pregnant hasn''t been a secret...and we''d love love love to be parents...but, we''re going to do it our way...and that''s just something everyone will have to respect. I feel that my frank honesty is laying the ground work for future conversations...in this respect, I want to thank everyone for their advice. Anyone who told "be honest, be yourself" was right...sometimes when you down skate around the facts, it does go better than you think! So, again...thank you!!!!
The only time I was ever taken aback was during dinner. My parents, always trying to do the right thing, took us all out to dinner. My parents and my IL''s get along very well and are very friendly. My FIL and dad started talking about my parents going to visit them in PA. My mom chimed in that she would love to go...but didn''t want to impose upon my IL''s time with us. My MIL, under her breath, said (and I quote) "then what do you call this?". I don''t think my mom heard--and if she did, she pretended not too...but I was offended because my parents were being thoughtful and generous...they weren''t trying to edge anyone out, honestly.
Other than those three mildly uncomfortable conversations, things went pretty darn well if I do say so myself. They brought toys for our puppies, which was very thoughtful. We have a few good laughs at dinner with my parents. I was able to talk to my MIL about my friend--which was comforting, since MIL and L were very friendly. All in all, it''s days like these where our relationship feels like it could bloom...and that always makes me happy.
I''ll try to touch back tomorrow...keep the dust coming, so far so good!!!
Thanks everyone for sending positive messages, they made me smile.
doodle
Brilliant_Rock
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Italiahaircolor
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