Drunk driving, property damage and young adults

[Enerchi]

DH and I were out to dinner with friends down our dead end street. All our kids are out tonight, no one at home and earlier in the week, a suspect in a murder investigation had been spotted in our area ( ). Police have not caught the suspect yet, but reports are his escape car has been found very far away. Walking home from dinner at midnight, we approach our home and I see a car at the end of our driveway. Odd --- are one of our kids home and having a party? Is it the suspect that is on the run?? I'm totally freaked by this and ask DH to contact our neighbour to come down - before calling police - as I try to get him to back away with me into the shadows . DH approaches the car, turns out 2 young adults (both 21) are drunk, thought they'd look at the houses on our street (uh... its midnight! How can you look at the houses, if its dark??) and then we discover the girl is a past GF of #2 son! Weird, but still, my spidey senses are tingling and I'm worried is this a set up or are there others INSIDE our house? Just too disconcerting. We call the non-911# to report the drunken kids and car needing a tow off our driveway - the car has 2 wheels on the ground, one on a boulder and the 4th wheel is spinning in mid air.

Story goes that it was her brothers birthday, they had consumed 2 pitchers of beer between them, thought they'd look at houses, thought they'd see where #2 son lives, got stuck and then each opened a tall boy beer and sat in the front of the car and drank the beer! Seriously?? She changes seats from the driver to the passenger seat. Buddy gets out to pee and then throws something into the bush in front of our house. Tow truck arrives and I intervene saying do NOT get this car out and do NOT let them drive - but driver says they are contracted by police and have to report any tow calls, so the kids aren't going anywhere till the cops come.

I know the cop from previous cases we've worked on together, so I think that helped me feel a bit better once he arrived. Cop gets the details from buddy about the evenings events. Cop runs both their licences and then has buddy call her mom to come get them. We know this family from years ago. Parents are divorced, single mom does EVERYTHING for the 3 kids, all still living at home, while father is a real dick. Mom arrives, we briefly recap the situation for her and comment on how weird this is to see them again under the circumstances, and that she will call dad and wife #2 to come and get the car and drive it away. She'll will take kids home to sleep it off. Daughter is embarrassed but also so drunk she slept/passed out in her car before getting out to pee in the woods (we have poison ivy where she went pee - HAHAHAHA!!!) and then passing out in mom's car. Mean while, buddy is getting the lecture of his life from the cop, GF is too drunk to appreciate the 'free pass' they are being given because they were not moving at the time cop arrived.

Car is pulled out, dad arrives, speaks to family, to cops, then walks by us (it has been well identified that we are the home owners who arrived home to find this situation...) and shoots us a dirty look, as does wife #2, and just drives off!! WTF??? "Oh, so sorry our driveway got in the way of your drunk daughters car and that we are inconveniencing you by being involved in a property complaint to the police!!! Have a nice day, dad of the year!"

All this to say, these kids were INCREDIBLY lucky it was just an embarrassing situation and no significant damage was done to the car, to either of them, to our property or mainly to any other unsuspecting person who could have been hit or killed by these two! In this day and age, it just blows my mind that people still drink to excess and drive. They were SOOOOO lucky this did not end any worse.

I'm upset and can't sleep yet - this is really bothering me. And dad not speaking to us is pissing me off, too! Yeah, probably petty compared to the bigger issue, but still - saying sorry would have gone over better than just ignoring us! As our neighbour says, "you can't fix stupid"!

 

[yennyfire]

Wow, what a rotten end to what was probably a lovely evening! You're totally right that "you can't fix stupid"....what a jerk the Dad was! No wonder the kid thought it was OK to drive drunk! If he were smart, this would be a wake up call, but probably not since nothing "bad" happened. Hope that you were able to get to sleep and are feeling calmer this morning.

 

[JewelFreak]

You can't fix "stupid" & it's a sad fact that you can't fix "young" either. Then there are the times, like this one, where the 2 go together. I feel most sorry for the mother, who does the best she can & clearly all alone. His kids suffer for the father's being such a jerk. Let's hope these dopes learn from their lucky experience & don't need a more tragic one to bring home the point. Of course you're steamed, who wouldn't be? I'm sure, worried, also. The best remedy for your family is to keep the lines of communication open w/your own offspring -- in my younger days this would have been the designated subject for a big dinner-table discussion. Hang in, Enerchi, they do grow up someday!

--- Laurie

 

[mimi72]

OMG, what a harrowing night!

Bummer that you had to go through all that.

To quote Animal House "...drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

 

[lulu]

Did anyone even apologize?

 

[decodelighted]

Crazy story & I can see why you want to vent. Unfortunately I'm not surprised that no one apologized. Apologies are, to some extent, admitting fault. And before they know if anyone is going to be charged or sued ... it's best to not say anything incriminating. (Not MORALLY best -- but LEGALLY best.) Also - the young adults were drunk & the parents could have been in shock.

I'd like to think if I was a parent in that situation & not an owner of the car/legal guardian since they are adults now -- that I'd apologize to the affected homeowners & even THANK them for calling authorities to make sure no further drunk driving occurred.

 

[Enerchi]

I was up till 3am, totally agitated and disturbed by this. When I finally got to sleep, I heard every sound the house made, the dogs made, the wind made... omg! It totally spooked me! And then I was dreaming about drunk driving accidents. DD is now home and we told her about the episode and this was one INCREDIBLE teachable moment in terms of what the end results could be, if caught or if WORSE happened. Ugh. Bad night. Thanking the heavens above that no one was hurt and that hopefully these young adults will remember what happened and learn from it. I suspect there will definitely be repercussions or consequences for the girl at least, since we know the mom well enough and that's totally within the realm of possibilities.

In terms of apologies, the girls mom was very apologetic. We haven't seen her since our DS#2 and her daughter stopped dating, about 5 or 6 years -ish ago, and always liked her and admired how well she coped being a single parent to 3 kids. She came over, thanked us for not getting upset, for calling the cops to keep them and others on the road safe and gave us both big hugs just before she left. Father, however, did not even acknowledge our presence. Yes, he could have been angry and in shock and controlling his temper, but in our opinion (and the cop and the neighbour that was here with us) its just common courtesy to at least acknowledge YOUR kid did some damage to OUR property.

In the light of day, we have not found any further beer cans, or baggies of anything *else* hidden in the bushes, nor was the damage not anything that couldnt be fixed. Overall, situation ended well but the scary thing is, this kind of behaviour happens all the time, all over, and it doesn't always end as calmly and relatively uneventfully as it did this time. I am praying these 2 have learned a HUGE lesson - at least when they sober up and start to process all that did and could have happened.

Love my neighbour's phrase - "You can't fix stupid"! Yup, you just cant.....

 

[KaeKae]

Oh, my goodness, Enerchi, what an experience. I'm so glad that you, your family, your property and that those idiot drunk kids are okay, but sheesh, it could have ended so differently.

Whenever I hear a story like this, it takes me right back to high school. I did some dumb things, but thankfully, my friends and I never got behind the wheel of a car after drinking. Not true for at least two of my classmates. One died, and the other was very, very lucky to no only escape with his life, but to fully recover from extensive injuries (same accident, he nearly lost the use of his legs.)

I pray that my daughters never do something that stupid. The older just past her driving test last week. Talk about scary. I pray (again) that all we have talked about for YEARS regarding responsible driving has taken hold. Two years ago, one of HER classmates nearly lost her life in a similar situation. I know that made and impression, but still, I worry.

 

[Karl_K]

A friend of mine declined to press charges when a 15 year old kid from the neighborhood was caught prowling around his house at 3am drunk as a skunk.
The kids parents sued them because their son sprained his ankle tripping over a lawn chair.
The judge threw it out of court on the first appearance but it still cost them the cost and hassle of contacting their insurance company and taking time off work for court as well as an emotional toll.

After that I no longer say just call the parents and or take them home and press charges to the fullest extent of the law.

 

[ForteKitty]

The police didn't arrest them and throw them into the drunk tank? Where I live, you can be arrested for riding a bike drunk.

 

[Haven]

The police didn't arrest them and throw them into the drunk tank? Where I live, you can be arrested for riding a bike drunk.

Same here. I'm surprised as well. They should have been arrested, IMO.

 

[Enerchi]

It does seem odd that both of them were not even given a citation, but I guess the warning and the running of their licences thru the police system, triggers something, so if they are stopped again at any time, this incident will be on their history.

The cop said that even tho I pulled out a total of 3 1/2 drank tall boy beer cans from the bush AND they were intoxicated AND the car was in the situation it was --- no one was present when they were driving and the cop did not stop them while on the road. Therefore, this ended up being a warning. Parents were called, the tow truck was called and had to be paid for on the spot and they both got warnings. I guess that was supposed to be enough. While waiting thru this process (whole thing took about an hour - an HOUR!- that's longer than you'd think something like this should take at midnight!) I did speak with the girl and guy separately - just in that motherly "do you know how lucky you are?!?!? You guys could have been hurt or you could have hurt someone else!!" way - which had perhaps some impact on buddy, but on the girl - nope, she was totally out of earth's orbit. She was completely wasted and just thought it was all so "embarrassing". But peeing in my ditch on poison ivy, is NOT embarassing???

So what we learned, if they had been stopped while on the road, the car would have been impounded x 7 days and a license suspension x 90 days plus demerit points and some private time in a municipally funded vacation hot spot (read: jail) would have been implemented.

Wonder how their day went today....

 

[Haven]

Oy. Blech. Sorry you had to deal with all of this, Enerchi.

A friend of mine got a DUI right after we graduated from college. He was hosting a party at his parents' house and went outside to get a CD from his car. The car was parked in the cul-de-sac that was right next to his driveway--he lived on a couple acres so there was all this road there but no other houses there. The key wasn't even in his ignition, the car hadn't been driven in hours. But cops rolled up when he was sitting in it and that was enough to give him a DUI.

Different states, different laws! I have to say, I prefer to err on the side of caution where drinking and driving is concerned.

 

[Enerchi]

Wow, Haven - that is a strict enforcement state!! I'm in Ontario, Canada. Not sure if each province here handles things differently.

I agree that this is such a dangerous event and occurs way too often. I know of a few stories of deaths by drunk drivers. I don't understand why it persists. As long as people think they can 'get away with it' I guess it will continue.

I hope these 2 learned from it.

 

[sonnyjane]

A friend of mine got a DUI right after we graduated from college. He was hosting a party at his parents' house and went outside to get a CD from his car. The car was parked in the cul-de-sac that was right next to his driveway--he lived on a couple acres so there was all this road there but no other houses there. The key wasn't even in his ignition, the car hadn't been driven in hours. But cops rolled up when he was sitting in it and that was enough to give him a DUI.

Different states, different laws! I have to say, I prefer to err on the side of caution where drinking and driving is concerned.

I once got a speeding ticket in Florida that shocked me. I worked 1/4 of a mile from my house. The speed limit was 35, and I was on the road at 11:00 PM and was probably going 50. I got home, parked in the driveway, turned off the car, came inside, and was sitting on the couch watching TV for a solid two minutes before the door rang. It was a police officer giving me a speeding ticket for $250. I didn't realize they could follow me home and knock on my door to give a ticket!

 

[madelise]

Wow, that's scary. I can't believe they didn't go to jail, even for one night. They should have been reprimanded, so that they learn their lessons, and don't go doing stupid crap like this again. And it almost feels like they're kinda stalking your son? Glad that gal's not in your son's life, anymore.

 

[iheartscience]

Oy. Blech. Sorry you had to deal with all of this, Enerchi.

A friend of mine got a DUI right after we graduated from college. He was hosting a party at his parents' house and went outside to get a CD from his car. The car was parked in the cul-de-sac that was right next to his driveway--he lived on a couple acres so there was all this road there but no other houses there. The key wasn't even in his ignition, the car hadn't been driven in hours. But cops rolled up when he was sitting in it and that was enough to give him a DUI.

Different states, different laws! I have to say, I prefer to err on the side of caution where drinking and driving is concerned.

Ditto Haven-I know a girl who got a DUI because she was sitting in her car while drunk. I guess they're a lot stricter in the US than in Canada.

My parked car was totaled by a drunk driver in a SUV a couple of years ago. My neighbor chased after the car, and the driver was apparently so drunk she couldn't figure out why her car wouldn't drive. Turns out one of the wheels was basically sideways from hitting the cars.

It's insane to me that people think they can drive when they're drunk. I have never once thought I could drive after having drinks.

 

[TC1987]

Story goes that it was her brothers birthday, they had consumed 2 pitchers of beer between them, thought they'd look at houses, thought they'd see where #2 son lives, got stuck and then each opened a tall boy beer and sat in the front of the car and drank the beer! Seriously??

Seriously, that's what they do. And I'm only laughing at it because nobody got hurt. But it reminds me of one of my classmates in college in the early 80s: She took a Quaalude while driving herself to the college campus. There was a cute little white board fence and a creek to the right of the road, all the way out to the campus. She evidently passed out, because she ran her car through the fence and down into the creek. She said "I woke up and there I was, sitting in the creek. I didn't know what to do, so I just took another Quaalude."

Yeah.

Kids are stupid, and are doubly stupid while drunk. I have two nephew's and each one has a best friend who is now a paraplegic from getting drunk and being careless. One rolled a car and got tossed through the driver's door window, damaging his back and spinal cord. The other dived head-first into shallow water, hit his head, and got an incomplete spinal injury. He might have recovered well from it, except that he told nobody else what he'd done, and didn't seek medical care. He just went to bed to sleep off the alcohol, and he work up paralyzed. That's 2 kids in a very small time in just a 3-year timespan. Sad.

 

[Haven]

Story goes that it was her brothers birthday, they had consumed 2 pitchers of beer between them, thought they'd look at houses, thought they'd see where #2 son lives, got stuck and then each opened a tall boy beer and sat in the front of the car and drank the beer! Seriously??

Seriously, that's what they do. And I'm only laughing at it because nobody got hurt. But it reminds me of one of my classmates in college in the early 80s: She took a Quaalude while driving herself to the college campus. There was a cute little white board fence and a creek to the right of the road, all the way out to the campus. She evidently passed out, because she ran her car through the fence and down into the creek. She said "I woke up and there I was, sitting in the creek. I didn't know what to do, so I just took another Quaalude."

Yeah.

Kids are stupid, and are doubly stupid while drunk. I have two nephew's and each one has a best friend who is now a paraplegic from getting drunk and being careless. One rolled a car and got tossed through the driver's door window, damaging his back and spinal cord. The other dived head-first into shallow water, hit his head, and got an incomplete spinal injury. He might have recovered well from it, except that he told nobody else what he'd done, and didn't seek medical care. He just went to bed to sleep off the alcohol, and he work up paralyzed. That's 2 kids in a very small time in just a 3-year timespan. Sad.

Oh lordy, what sad stories.

I've had a good number of students killed over the years, or severely injured, or in two cases incarcerated for killing their best friends because they did something plain stupid.

I read an article about the developing adolescent brain years ago in Scientific American Mind. I couldn't find that article, but I found this more recent one: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com.../your-teens-brain-driving-without-the-brakes/

So tragic. These kids are lucky they didn't hurt themselves or others, but on the other hand I wonder if they're more likely to make the bad decision again because they left this incident with little more than a quick slap on the hand.

Just this past Labor Day a local 18-year-old girl ran her Lexus coupe off the road and plowed into a young family--mom and her three children, all age 5 and under. The five-year-old daughter was killed, and the other three were all put in the hospital. This happened in our town's downtown area, which has a speed limit of 30 mph. The driver huffed right before she started that fateful drive.

 

[chemgirl]

Wow, Haven - that is a strict enforcement state!! I'm in Ontario, Canada. Not sure if each province here handles things differently.

I agree that this is such a dangerous event and occurs way too often. I know of a few stories of deaths by drunk drivers. I don't understand why it persists. As long as people think they can 'get away with it' I guess it will continue.

I hope these 2 learned from it.

I totally didn't realize you couldn't get a ticket if you weren't driving! I did driving school in Ontario and we were told if we were drunk and "sleeping it off" in our cars we should toss the keys in a bush to prove that we had no intent to drive. According to driving school we could get a DUI if we had keys because we could be intending to drive. Guess they were just trying to scare us!

Sounds like a crazy night!

Any chance they were checking out your house with intent to rob it? That was my first thought since the girl was familiar with what you have. I say this because everyone I know who's had a rental unit in their home for any length of time has been robbed by a former tenant coming in after they've moved out. Like they think: I know who has nice stuff!

Keep safe!

 

[Enerchi]

Any chance they were checking out your house with intent to rob it? That was my first thought since the girl was familiar with what you have. I say this because everyone I know who's had a rental unit in their home for any length of time has been robbed by a former tenant coming in after they've moved out. Like they think: I know who has nice stuff!

Chemgirl, that definitely crossed my mind as we approached our house. Wondering if this was a 'decoy gone bad' and there were other people *IN* the house robbing as we stood there! DH walked up to the house and let the dogs out for a pee, thinking, if the alarm was NOT on, then he'd just run back away from the house.... but the alarm was on, dogs were fine, no one in the house so we dismissed that. I don't think they were casing the place, but ....you just never know! We have an alarm system and I do know a few of the cops that work the area, so speaking with more of them today, our street just moved onto the 'random patrol' list - woo hoo!!! Love having a perk to my job!

DS#2 is home now from his weekend away, and we just reviewed the events of Saturday evening with him. He couldn't believe it! He hasn't seen or spoken w his ex GF in years, but never thought she'd be so dumb to drive drunk! It was another parental opportunity on our part to use this as a 'teachable moment' and I think the legal repercussions of licence suspension/impoundment/fines/DUI on your record was just reinforced for him. He has become a VERY responsible guy, but ...you just never know.

That's the thing - you just NEVER know who could make that one stupid decision ... and then WHAM, life changes in an instant.