Wedding Dress code

[newbie124]

I''m having the hardest time figuring out how to word our suggested dress code on our website...

Some background: Our ceremony starts at 5 pm and will be outdoors on a lawn overlooking a vineyard. The reception will be on a terrace also overlooking the vineyards.

FI is buying his suit but has not decided yet whether to just get a really nice black suit or a tux suit. (If tux, he''d be wearing a hanging tie, not a bow tie).

We would prefer our guests to dress formally, but not necessarily black tie (especially if FI ends up not wearing a tux).

"Cocktail wear" doesn''t seem to go with an outdoor wedding, but something like "elegant garden attire" seems to suggest more of a daytime/luncheon event, not to mention lots of pastel (not what I''m going for).

My friend suggested something like: "We recommend semi-formal dress, so tuxes aren''t necessary - feel free to wear suits for men and cocktail dresses for women."

Does that say enough? I don''t want to just put "semi-formal" b/c I think people these days tend to under-dress for weddings and the true meaning of certain dress codes has kind of been lost. (Although I realize there will always be those one or two errant guests...)

I''m trying to figure out a way to balance a formal wedding with the more laid back atmosphere of our location. We want elegant and romantic, not necessarily stiff and formal but certainly not khakis and sneakers either.

 

[bensbride]

Do yo have any guests that you''re worried about wearing something inappropriate? Personally, I think people should be adult enough to figure out that they shouldn''t wear a tye-dye t-shirt to a wedding unless its being held at Woodstock....yet this happened at my friend''s wedding, so I see where you''re coming from. I think "semi-formal coctail attire suggested" maybe sounds okay? Elegant garden is okay, too. I wouldn''t worry myself with the color sceme of your guests...that''s way too much stress. Its hard enough to coordinate your wedding party, let alone your guests!

 

[Anna0499]

I would put cocktail attire just to err on the side of caution. I think it sounds fine for an outdoor wedding, because it means shorter dresses for the women and dark suits for the men. If you put semi-formal people might go "garden" or Easter Mass on you.

 

[cellososweet]

I definitely think leaving "garden" out will help with people dressing like the queen mum (bless her heart) or dredging up memories of the easter bunny.

Semi-formal is a good way to put it if you want to make sure that everyone wears something dressy.

I would avoid Cocktail Attire only because, unfortunately, it''s not 1943 and cocktail attire is nowhere near as classy as it was in the era when people still had some decency and self-respect in regards to attire. (some people see cocktail and they think backless, brightly colored, ostentatious, what have you).

Your wedding sounds elegant. I''d say go for semi-formal. If people aren''t quite sure, they''ll google it and if they ask, just tell them a dark suit would be nice for the men. This will (hopefully) cue the women in that something elegant would match.

Good luck! (oh and p.s. ours was black tie optional and we still had people who dressed, in all honesty, like they were going to the bar on a Saturday night. So, be prepared. haha).

 

[newbie124]

Thanks, Indy and BensBride!

Yeah, you would think people would be adult enough, but there always seem to be those one or two...Plus, there seems to be such a wide range of interpretations for what''s appropriately "semi-formal" these days. Some might rightly interpret that as suit w/ tie and cocktail style dresses...but then others will take it as meaning it''s OK to wear polo shirt/khakis and sun dress w/ flip-flops.

 

[cellososweet]

p.s.- your cat in your avatar is hot

 

[newbie124]

Date: 7/7/2008 1:43:50 PM
Author: cellososweet
I definitely think leaving ''garden'' out will help with people dressing like the queen mum (bless her heart) or dredging up memories of the easter bunny.

Haha...that''s exactly why I wanted to avoid saying "garden"

I would avoid Cocktail Attire only because, unfortunately, it''s not 1943 and cocktail attire is nowhere near as classy as it was in the era when people still had some decency and self-respect in regards to attire. (some people see cocktail and they think backless, brightly colored, ostentatious, what have you).

And this is why I wanted to avoid "cocktail attire"...I don''t want to encourage anyone to come in something that would be more appropriate for a night out clubbing.

Your wedding sounds elegant. I''d say go for semi-formal. If people aren''t quite sure, they''ll google it and if they ask, just tell them a dark suit would be nice for the men. This will (hopefully) cue the women in that something elegant would match.

Good luck! (oh and p.s. ours was black tie optional and we still had people who dressed, in all honesty, like they were going to the bar on a Saturday night. So, be prepared. haha).

I don''t think there are any guests in particular that we''re worried about...I don''t anticipate anyone actually showing up in jeans/shorts (although I haven''t met all of FI''s relatives yet

But I do think a lot more people might be inclined to fall into the polos/khakis/flip flops category without some direction that we''re trying to set a slightly more formal tone.

Thanks again for everyone''s suggestions! I''m sure I''ll end up cobbling together some form of "semi-formal, evening, cocktail but not clubby attire recommended" description

 

[newbie124]

Date: 7/7/2008 1:52:12 PM
Author: cellososweet
p.s.- your cat in your avatar is hot

Thanks! I was noticing how ours are kinda similar

 

[goldenstar]

If you are concerned, I''d just say semi-formal because I feel like that would be more recognizable than cocktail attire.

If you have a FAQ section, a guest will likely submit a question about attire. That would be a good way to make some specific suggestions.

As another point of view, I''m not saying anything about attire. I expect that most people will figure it out based on the venue and time. If they don''t, oh well. They''ll be the ones looking silly, not me. It won''t affect the event at all and I have bigger and badder issues to tackle.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I probably wouldn''t put anything...even if a couple of people show up under-dressed.

Our wedding was similar--late afternoon, formal tables on the lawn overlooking the ocean. Husband bought a tux, but wore a traditional tie. When our guests saw the venue online, they knew how to dress. Are you having any photos of the venue on your website? I think that people can easily get a feel for the wedding based on the venue and will dress appropriately. I only had maybe 1 or 2 guests call me to ask if I had a preferred type of attire (I told them I preferred astronaut suits if they had any on hand).

I think leaving it up to the guests and not caring if somebody shows up in casual attire is probably the way to go.

 

[Anna0499]

Do you have mostly younger or older people attending your wedding? More family members or friends? I know that most people in my age group (twenties) think that semi-formal simply means less than formal. The range you will get for meanings of semi-formal will most likely vary by age/generation though. Although I''ve never worn a sundress/flipflops to a wedding, I knwo plenty of people who would. Family members will also most likely come dressed appropriately regardless of what is on your invitation. I understand your hestitation about cocktail attire, but I really haven''t been to any weddings where people come dressed like they are going bar-hopping - this might just mean the guests at the weddings I''ve been to have been more proper than most. Maybe you could say something like "Semi-formal dress, cocktail attire recommended/suggested/etc."

 

[newbie124]

It''s actually going to be a mix of older and younger, with probably a good half in the late 20s/early 30s range.

I know I''m probably over-thinking this...I just have a particular image in my head of a really elegant outdoor reception (think 1940s dinner party as alluded to by cellososweet or scene from an Audrey Hepburn movie), and it''d be nice to somehow replicate that look...just a little more modern and fewer tuxes

Also, I did want to include a note giving people a heads up that it will likely be chilly in the evening (since a lot of ppl aren''t from CA or familiar w/ Bay Area weather in spring), so since I need to address that anyway, I figured we should probably mention suggested dress code as well.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/7/2008 3:07:30 PM
Author: newbie124
It''s actually going to be a mix of older and younger, with probably a good half in the late 20s/early 30s range.

I know I''m probably over-thinking this...I just have a particular image in my head of a really elegant outdoor reception (think 1940s dinner party as alluded to by cellososweet or scene from an Audrey Hepburn movie), and it''d be nice to somehow replicate that look...just a little more modern and fewer tuxes

Also, I did want to include a note giving people a heads up that it will likely be chilly in the evening (since a lot of ppl aren''t from CA or familiar w/ Bay Area weather in spring), so since I need to address that anyway, I figured we should probably mention suggested dress code as well.

I totally get what you are imagining and it''s really romantic and lovely. You might be overthinking all of this, but that''s what you do when you''re planning. On your wedding day you won''t most likely notice nor care about one or two people dressed inappropriately, but right now you are trying to plan your dream scenario. I know if I received an invitation with a semi-formal dress code I would highly appreciate some sort of guidance so that I wasn''t over- or under-dressed. I think the cocktail attire suggested or recommended would still be in good taste and people could ask or google it if they didn''t know what that meant. You could also throw out some suggestions, but it just depends on the layout of your invites. I don''t think anyone purposefully (okay, maybe a few exceptions) dresses inappropriately for a wedding, people just get mistaken about the vibe of it or simply don''t know any better. As for the weather change into the evening, I''ve received invites where it says "celebrating into the night...may get a little chilly so please plan accordingly" or something like that.

 

[noelwr]

semi-formal leaves a lot open to interpretation.

I''m going to write "Suits for men; dresses/pant suits for ladies." I''m not too worried about ladies being underdressed, it''s usually the men who will think that semi-formal just means no jeans. cocktail dresses are quite formal. if that IS what you want, the you should mention cocktail dresses.

 

[musey]

I am SO glad you asked this, because I was wondering the same thing!

 

[havernell]

Maybe you could just say "elegant attire"?? I know that''s not a traditional Emily Post-type category for indicating dress code, but I think it gets the point across. It would be hard to be "elegant" in a polo and flip flops, so hopefully guests would get the suits and dress hint.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 7/7/2008 4:14:05 PM
Author: havernell
Maybe you could just say ''elegant attire''?? I know that''s not a traditional Emily Post-type category for indicating dress code, but I think it gets the point across. It would be hard to be ''elegant'' in a polo and flip flops, so hopefully guests would get the suits and dress hint.

You know, I was kind of leaning that way earlier and am thinking more about it now since "semi formal" and "cocktail attire" seem to be getting mixed reviews and both have possibilities for misinterpretations. But I think "elegant" is a little harder to misinterpret...although I assume we may still be fielding calls for specifics (i.e. tux vs suit?)...but at least it''s pretty clear flip flops would not be in the same category.

 

[lovesparklies]

Ooh, I totally second havernell''s "elegant attire." Avoids the possible downfalls of "cocktail attire" but I don''t think people would assume it''s the same as "black tie."
Whichever wording you choose, I would suggest that the shorter the description the better. This info should be provided as helpful guidance for your guests as opposed to a dress code.

 

[newbie124]

OK, how''s this?

"We recommend elegant attire. Also, ladies should bring a shawl or other covering to keep warm at night as April can still be chilly in the Bay Area, particularly in the evenings."

This is going on the website, so I''m worried about having it fit on the invite.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m with NEL on this. I wouldn''t bother mentioning attire. I''ve never been to a wedding where guests showed up innapropriately dressed, but I''ve heard that it can happen. I would just assume that everyone will be grown up about it and dress the way they should for a wedding. The only possible option I''d consider is "black tie optional" but if your FI isn''t wearing a tux, that might not work.

 

[KimberlyH]

I would not mention any sort of "dress code" on an invite unless you can sum it up to "black tie affair" "formal attire" "semi-formal attire" or "casual attire". And then if you feel you must expand upon that, it seems the best place to do so would be on your website under "Other Information" and I''d avoid anything but the words "suggest". I totally understand that you have an idea in your mind about what your wedding day will look like, but on the day of, what your guests are wearing is going to be far down on the list of things that matter. It''s quite unlikely that Cousin Joe wearing khakis will even register in your mind, and if it does I really don''t think you''ll care.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 7/7/2008 10:27:27 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I would not mention any sort of 'dress code' on an invite unless you can sum it up to 'black tie affair' 'formal attire' 'semi-formal attire' or 'casual attire'. And then if you feel you must expand upon that, it seems the best place to do so would be on your website under 'Other Information' and I'd avoid anything but the words 'suggest'. I totally understand that you have an idea in your mind about what your wedding day will look like, but on the day of, what your guests are wearing is going to be far down on the list of things that matter. It's quite unlikely that Cousin Joe wearing khakis will even register in your mind, and if it does I really don't think you'll care.

Thanks. Yes, this would all only be on our website. We're not mentioning attire at all on the invitations. Basically, I just wanted to figure out a way to say "black tie" w/o actually requesting tuxes (but everything else just as formal...but also appropriate for an outdoor wedding).