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Dog dilemma

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Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
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My husband and I have two beautiful long-haired miniature dachshunds, pictured in my avatar. Seamus is the silver dapple, and we raised him from puppyhood. He is a bit of a troublemaker, but generally he is a great dog -- loves people, house trained, outgoing, confident. Dreamer is the red dog, and she is the source of our dilemma.

We adopted her as a bit of a rescue when she was 9 months old from the breeder who bred Seamus. She had originally adopted Dreamer to join her kennel but discovered a) that Dreamer had never been socialized and was *extremely* fearful of ALL people and b) that she had a genetic condition that caused her to become lame -- and also made her unsuitable for breeding. When confronted, Dreamer''s original breeder offered a refund on the money paid for Dreamer and told our breeder to just put her down
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Our breeder refused and convinced her vets to perform the surgery to fix her leg for the cost of medications along ($400) instead of the thousands it would otherwise have cost. Then she started looking for a suitable family to adopt her.

We stepped in here and adopted Dreamer, who was a very troubled dog. She was so fearful of people that if we went for a walk she would start panicking and try to bolt if she saw a person walking 2 blocks away! She hid in her crate and would only come out to eat, and she howled and barked everytime a person entered the room, including us. She was not house trained. We thought for the first 2 months that she was too troubled and there was no way to keep her. But she slowly improved. Now three years later she has come a long way. Our breeder says we have worked wonders. She is a loving, happy dog in the safety of our home. But she is still scared of people and very territorial of our house. She marks her territory and is not 100% house trained. She hates walks and barely tolerates them. And when a stranger comes into our house, she howles with the most ear piercing screech you have ever heard, and nothing can make her stop.

Even though all of this behaviour is annoying, we could like with all of it. Unfortunately, last weekend we were at our neighbours house in their yard, and their four year old, whom the dogs have known for years and spend lots of time with, was holding their leash and talking to them, and walking them around in the yard. Out of the blue, Dreamer charged the girl barking. Those of you with dogs know this is fearful & dominant behaviour, and such behaviour is all too often a precursor to biting. We always thought that Dreamer was just fearful, and that bites would not be a major issue, but this dominant fearful behaviour scares us. And it makes us think about her other behaviour differently -- her territoriality, her "marking" of her space in the house (inclusing recently marking places where the baby tends to play), her tendency to sometimes charge at people when we go for walks.

We have a six month old son and plan to have more kids in the near future. Our house will be a loud and rambunctious house in the years to come. And we are very very worried that this is a household that will not fit well with Dreamer''s issues and needs. Knowing her, and seeing this new aggressive behaviour towards children, I suspect that in such an environment, in the long term, a bite is highly likely. Perhaps not to our children, but to one of their friends. Our breeder agrees that this is a good possibility, given Dreamer''s recent behaviour, and we all feel bad that we didn''t think of this when we adopted her -- we all thought that she was so young that she would make a complete recovery given time
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I have spoken with our breeder and she is totally willing to take Dreamer back and keep her with her pack of dogs until she finds her a new home, one without young children. Dreamer knows this pack and has spent lots of time with them over the years being boarded. Our breeder is a very responsible person and always takes lifelong responsibility for any dog she breeds or acquires.

We are heartbroken over this situation. On the one hand we love Dreamer and she is a wonderful dog is so many ways. But on the other hand our family is changing and I don''t think that she will thrive in an active, rambunctious family -- and we are moving accross the country shortly! Something she would find very stressful. On top of that, I don''t trust her with my baby or other kids anymore, and in the long term, I think it is an accident waiting to happen to keep her.

I guess I just wanted to share our story and tell you how torn I am about what to do. My heart wants to keep her, but my head says that it is too risky, and isn''t good for her or for us. Has anyone faced a similar dilemma?
 
My mother is the head of a breed specific rescue in Chicago...so this story is one I''ve heard before and thought I could share some direct-from-mom advice here...

Number one priority is and always must be the safety of your children and the children around you. However, dogs need a certain level socialization before you can deem one "bad with children". If Dreamer hasn''t been around young children of this age before...and she was being rushed...then of course she''s going to be scared and react accordingly.

If you''re really committed to keeping Dreamer, then this is going to take work to make it work. Slowly introducing children at different activity levels, everything from quiet play to backyard romping will give Dreamer a comfort level--she''ll have time to "grow" into these activity levels instead of being thrust into one. Having the children offer treats as rewards before and after petting. Recruiting some kids to "sit there" while Dream "checks them out" and gain familiarity with their size, scent, etc...of course with a meaty-treat afterward. I wouldn''t even count out professional intervention. Hiring a trainer, even once, to give you some tips and tricks might save you a world of grief with Dreamer.

If in the end Dreamers place isn''t with you, that''s okay...but before rehoming her, you do have options and depending on your level of commitment to this dog, you may want to explore them. I don''t mean to come off as cavalier about this at all, I know this is a heartbreaking choice you''re making and I hope for everyone involved it does work out perfectly.

((hugs))
 
I am part of a pet forum also and this is something that comes up a lot. I don''t know if this will help at all but I think its a really great resource and worth reading and maybe trying. http://www.babiesandbeasts.blogspot.com/
 
All I can say Dreamer is I am sorry that you are going through this and I so wish you were closer. We''re looking for a second dog and I am used to working on special needs pups from all of SO''s mother''s rescues. Hugs to you though, I know it is rough, but I agree with others that your children and those around come first in any case.
 
Oh, Dreamer, I''m so sorry to hear this. As a dachsie owner myself, as well as a forever dog-lover, I know this decision is absolutely heart-breaking for you. I really have no advice, just wanted you to know I''m thinking of you, and I know whichever decision you make will be the right one for you and your family. Good luck.
 
What did the professional dog trainer/behaviorist advise when you hired one for a consult?
 
Oh Dreamer, how utterly heartbreaking. As a fellow animal lover I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Although I have no personal experience, I have known people who have been in similar situations and in general, once a dog bites someone then the conversation takes a completely new and dire turn. Knowing you as I do (
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) I know that whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family and that sweet dog.
 
Aw dreamer, I''m so sorry to hear about this. I think that given the lack of trust you have in her, giving her to the breeder to place in a new home might be the way to go. I know that you wouldn''t make such a decision lightly either.
 
A friend of mine went through something very similar to this last month. She got a male terrier from a breeder, then after she married her DH they got an older pup from the same breeder--she wanted an older puppy so that her two dogs would be somewhat close in age (her older dog was 2 and the new pup was 1 when she adopted her). The two dogs really didn't get along and the new pup ended up developing some aggressive behavior. My friend had baby #1 about a year ago and everything was manageable until her baby started crawling and wanted to play with the pup...who was about 2 by this time. A few months ago the dog bit my friend's child when the child tried to grab her ears and my friend made the decision to give the dog back to the breeder. She's pregnant with baby #2 and to be honest, I don't think she wanted the responsibility of 2 dogs, one being problematic, a toddler and a new baby. The problematic dog was the low man on the totem pole, so to speak.

I find that dog behaviorists are a lot like psychologists, it's actually very difficult to find a good one. She did reach out to one, though I don't think he was very good and in the end I think she just felt overwhelmed and gave up. I do think that any dog's behavior can be modified, but I know in the case of my friend she simply didn't have enough time or energy to devote to correcting the problem. At first I was frustrated with my friend for not living up to her responsibilities, however the dog is doing much better with the breeder, so in the end it seems that both my friend and her former dog benefitted from the decision.

I know that this is very tough for you, I just wanted to echo everybody else and suggest reaching out to multiple behaviorists if necessary. Also, good breeders are very, very specific about the lines they breed. If your breeder got this particular dog from another breeder in hopes of breeding her, then I have no doubt that she knows this other breeder and her lines very well--it would be worth it to me to reach out ot the other breeder to see if she has any suggestions. After working with many breeders I realize that NOBODY knows a dog's lines better than the breeder, which is why I find them to be such a valuable resource (more than any vet or dog behaviorist). Good luck!!
 
This may be a ridiculous idea, and there may not be enough time for this...but how about calling the Cesar Milan show? I know I''ve read previous posts that say he''s controversial (I''ve never asked why but curious to know why some people think that - although that''s a different thread) but his methods seem to work...

Regardless of what you decide to do - I don''t envy the position you''re in - it''s scary and sad at the same time
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I hope you can find a solution...
 
Eek. That''s a hard call Dreamer. If you feel that he''s good enough that a bite isn''t likely in the near future I would see if you can find a behaviorist you like to come and see if there is anything to be done. If not, give him back to the breeder.

I also have two rescue dogs who thank god have been great with the babies so far. And I love my dogs SO much-they are a huge part of our lives. But if one of them ever so much as snapped at the babies-they''d be back to the rescue in a heartbeat. It just isn''t worth the potential danger when you have kids who are just SO unpredictable.
 
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post and to respond. I''m going to quote NEL for my response because she mentioned things many others touched upon and because I think she hit the nail on the head to a degree...


Date: 8/26/2009 2:36:58 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
A friend of mine went through something very similar to this last month. She got a male terrier from a breeder, then after she married her DH they got an older pup from the same breeder--she wanted an older puppy so that her two dogs would be somewhat close in age (her older dog was 2 and the new pup was 1 when she adopted her). The two dogs really didn''t get along and the new pup ended up developing some aggressive behavior. My friend had baby #1 about a year ago and everything was manageable until her baby started crawling and wanted to play with the pup...who was about 2 by this time. A few months ago the dog bit my friend''s child when the child tried to grab her ears and my friend made the decision to give the dog back to the breeder. She''s pregnant with baby #2 and to be honest, I don''t think she wanted the responsibility of 2 dogs, one being problematic, a toddler and a new baby. The problematic dog was the low man on the totem pole, so to speak... She did reach out to one, though I don''t think he was very good and in the end I think she just felt overwhelmed and gave up. I do think that any dog''s behavior can be modified, but I know in the case of my friend she simply didn''t have enough time or energy to devote to correcting the problem. At first I was frustrated with my friend for not living up to her responsibilities, however the dog is doing much better with the breeder, so in the end it seems that both my friend and her former dog benefitted from the decision.
I will admit that I feel like your friend feels... although I know that with a *lot* of work, Dreamer could probably make gains in a number of her problem areas, I need to be honest in my assessment of myself and my life and the time that I have and I know that I am not the person to attempt a complete rehab with her. I think that she deserves to be with someone who will take that time, or to be in an environment where she won''t be faced with situations that scare her.


I know that this is very tough for you, I just wanted to echo everybody else and suggest reaching out to multiple behaviorists if necessary. Also, good breeders are very, very specific about the lines they breed. If your breeder got this particular dog from another breeder in hopes of breeding her, then I have no doubt that she knows this other breeder and her lines very well--it would be worth it to me to reach out ot the other breeder to see if she has any suggestions. After working with many breeders I realize that NOBODY knows a dog''s lines better than the breeder, which is why I find them to be such a valuable resource (more than any vet or dog behaviorist). Good luck!!
Yes. our breeder does know the lines that preceded Dreamer. Unfortunately, she thought that the woman who actually bred Dreamer was responsible, but now she knows she wasn''t
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The leg condition that Dreamer has is genetic, and our breeder feels certain that Dreamer''s breeder must have known about its existence. Also, her response of "put her down" when told about the issue was not very good. But our breeder knows dachshunds better than anyone, and she has given us advice along the lines of what Italia recommended. But realistically, we think, and she agrees, that Dreamer may have come as far as she will come. She is not a lost cause, but she is not tempermentally suited to living in a family with babies and young children without a dedicated owner who will watch her like a hawk and rehabilitate her.

I do trust Dreamer''s breeder, and she had said that if she takes her back she will wait years and years if need be to find the perfect home for her. She really loves Dreamer and wants what is best for her. I feel like we are failing if we give her up, but we would be giving her to a good person who loves her and will look after her better than we can right now. I suppose that would be soe comfort.
 
Dreamer - I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. After my son was born (he''s 13 months) we had to make some big pet decisions too. We ended up moving in with DH''s parents and they do not like animals so my parents agreed to take one of our pugs. Our cats went to a good friend and that left our male pug. He was agressive to begin with and my parents refused to take him. We ended up finding him a home and he''s so happy with his new family - very spoiled and he''s an only dog which suits him well. For us we knew that even if we hadn''t moved he''d have to go because we just didn''t trust him with the baby. It was heartbreaking for me and I still get teary thinking about the day we took him to his new family. I think that if you feel the dog is a danger to your child then it must go. It''s just not worth the risk, in my opinion.
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Hopefully the breeder will be able to find her a better suited home
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