Does this terrify anyone else?

[Gypsy]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2059548/Four-men-reveal-trauma-dad-deception.html

I was doing some online research for a family problem (see my other post) and I came across this.

 

[movie zombie]

its a scary world, gypsy.

a guy can't just use a condom.....he needs to be responsible re its disposal....and use them even if the woman says she is on the pill. given the stakes, not to do so is irresponsible.

the one i felt bad for is the married guy. trust has been broken and the marriage will never be the same. i hope he got snipped because he sure knows he can't trust her.

 

[Circe]

Er ... no?

Look, here's the thing. When I was tomcatting around myself, I made partners get tested for the full battery before I'd hop in the sack with them. I was on the pill: and we used condoms; and we used spermicide; and I made a point of having the "If anything happens, you know X would be my approach, right?" talks.

Every time. Because, 1) I didn't want to get pregnant, and, 1a), if I did, I wanted to be sure we'd be on the same page. I think men take it for granted that they don't have to take responsibility for their fertility in the same way, and I don't quite understand why.

I think situations like the one you described in the other thread and the somewhat more unbelievable ones in this article are dishonest, underhanded, and perverse, but I also sort of feel like it's not rocket science that every time you sleep with somebody, there's an infinitesimal chance the result will be pregnancy. If you're really paranoid about that? Don't sleep around with people you don't care for. Use condoms. Dispose of them properly. And maybe, just maybe, talk to the people in question to be positive that your positions mesh ....

 

[iugurl]

How do you dispose condoms "properly?" Sure, you can throw them in the trash, but I am assuming if a girl was crazy enough to impregnate herself with a used, old condom in secret, she would have no problem retrieving it from the trash. And a guy can't be doubly as safe like girls can (make sure a guy uses condoms AND take birth control). Condoms are his only option, well besides abstinence.

 

[Missy]

Er ... no?

Look, here's the thing. When I was tomcatting around myself, I made partners get tested for the full battery before I'd hop in the sack with them. I was on the pill: and we used condoms; and we used spermicide; and I made a point of having the "If anything happens, you know X would be my approach, right?" talks.

Every time. Because, 1) I didn't want to get pregnant, and, 1a), if I did, I wanted to be sure we'd be on the same page. I think men take it for granted that they don't have to take responsibility for their fertility in the same way, and I don't quite understand why.

I think situations like the one you described in the other thread and the somewhat more unbelievable ones in this article are dishonest, underhanded, and perverse, but I also sort of feel like it's not rocket science that every time you sleep with somebody, there's an infinitesimal chance the result will be pregnancy. If you're really paranoid about that? Don't sleep around with people you don't care for. Use condoms. Dispose of them properly. And maybe, just maybe, talk to the people in question to be positive that your positions mesh ....

Exactly my thoughts. It's hard for me to feel too sorry for any guy who is foolish enough not to take responsibility for birth control and personal safety.

 

[Circe]

Flushing them?

 

[iugurl]

And maybe, just maybe, talk to the people in question to be positive that your positions mesh ....

Unfortunately, the mentally unstable aren't always wearing a sign saying "crazy." Sometimes I am surprised by the actions of people I thought I knew well. Working in mental health exposes me to people EVERY DAY who are shocked/appalled/whatever by the actions of their family members and friends.

 

[movie zombie]

he gets up and flushes it....instead of rolling over and falling asleep....or assuming she picked up after him.

 

[iugurl]

Flushing them?

Seriously? I am not a plumber, but I cannot imagine this is recommended at all. Just like tampons, paper towels, etc are not supposed to be flushed.

 

[ForteKitty]

Dump out contents in sink. Fill up condom w/ water to check for leaks. Rinse w/ scalding hot water. Wrap in tissue and dispose.

 

[movie zombie]

Dump out contents in sink. Fill up condom w/ water to check for leaks. Rinse w/ scalding hot water. Wrap in tissue and dispose.

alternate version: dump contents into toilet and flush. fill up condome w/water to check for leaks. rinse w/hot water. wrap in tissue and dispose.

also, bring your own condoms. do not allow the woman to put it on you. take responsiblity 100% for your sperm.

 

[mrs jam]

Flushing them?

Seriously? I am not a plumber, but I cannot imagine this is recommended at all. Just like tampons, paper towels, etc are not supposed to be flushed.

Condoms should not be flushed. Over time, they will seriously back up the plumbing system. This is Condoms 101.

 

[mrs jam]

If I was a guy, I would put the used condom in a ziplock bag and throw it away somewhere else.

 

[Circe]

Flushing them?

Seriously? I am not a plumber, but I cannot imagine this is recommended at all. Just like tampons, paper towels, etc are not supposed to be flushed.

Condoms should not be flushed. Over time, they will seriously back up the plumbing system. This is Condoms 101.

If you have a septic tank, yes, I've heard this. But since I'm a city girl ... well, let's just say that a decade of condom-flushing in various buildings never did any harm. (And yes, I checked with a plumber to be sure.)

 

[mrs jam]

Flushing them?

Seriously? I am not a plumber, but I cannot imagine this is recommended at all. Just like tampons, paper towels, etc are not supposed to be flushed.

Condoms should not be flushed. Over time, they will seriously back up the plumbing system. This is Condoms 101.

If you have a septic tank, yes, I've heard this. But since I'm a city girl ... well, let's just say that a decade of condom-flushing in various buildings never did any harm. (And yes, I checked with a plumber to be sure.)

Over time, flushing condoms down the same toilet will cause plumbing issues. You might want to get a second opinion from another plumber.

 

[lulu]

This is nature's way of telling you not to have sex with someone until you know them well.

 

[iheartscience]

Er ... no?

Look, here's the thing. When I was tomcatting around myself, I made partners get tested for the full battery before I'd hop in the sack with them. I was on the pill: and we used condoms; and we used spermicide; and I made a point of having the "If anything happens, you know X would be my approach, right?" talks.

Every time. Because, 1) I didn't want to get pregnant, and, 1a), if I did, I wanted to be sure we'd be on the same page. I think men take it for granted that they don't have to take responsibility for their fertility in the same way, and I don't quite understand why.

I think situations like the one you described in the other thread and the somewhat more unbelievable ones in this article are dishonest, underhanded, and perverse, but I also sort of feel like it's not rocket science that every time you sleep with somebody, there's an infinitesimal chance the result will be pregnancy. If you're really paranoid about that? Don't sleep around with people you don't care for. Use condoms. Dispose of them properly. And maybe, just maybe, talk to the people in question to be positive that your positions mesh ....

Ditto every word!

 

[Imdanny]

‘I was ambivalent about fatherhood before, and unsure whether that’s what I wanted from life,’ he says. ‘Now I’ve been put into a situation where I know I am going to be a father, but one with no involvement. I don’t think it has fully hit me yet.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2059548/Four-men-reveal-trauma-dad-deception.html#ixzz1dpPxN44B

I don't understand this. Why can't he go to court and assert his rights?

 

[Circe]

On a side note, I think it actually bugs me more, the degree to which this is a red herring in the gender wars: I would bet the Daily Mail had to search long and far and wide to find four crazy women who had the patience to sit there siphoning sperm out of a condom with a turkey baster AND who managed to maximize their window of fertility to successfully conceive.

On the other hand, the high numbers of abusive men who attempt trap women in relationships by confiscating birth control, sabotaging condoms, and coercing sex? Who then proceed to abuse said women once they have a captive audience, making a woman's pregnancy, statistically speaking, the most dangerous time in her life? Oddly, that fails to make the news on a regular basis, perhaps because it's a social commonplace. Depressing.

 

[movie zombie]

yes, very depressing.

 

[HollyS]

This is nature's way of telling you not to have sex with someone until you know them well.

Maybe the answer to a woman 'stealing' a guy's sperm is for him to keep his pants zipped.

At least until he gives a damn about her, and can imagine himself as her husband and/or the father to her kids.

Or is that just too old-school?


(A wife sneaking hubby sperm is a whole 'nother problem, of course.)

 

[GreenBling]

What these women did was digusting and immoral. If people are jailed for forcing sex on others, why aren't these women jailed for forcing conception on others?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

This is nature's way of telling you not to have sex with someone until you know them well.

Maybe the answer to a woman 'stealing' a guy's sperm is for him to keep his pants zipped.

At least until he gives a damn about her, and can imagine himself as her husband and/or the father to her kids.

Or is that just too old-school?


(A wife sneaking hubby sperm is a whole 'nother problem, of course.)

+1

 

[Circe]

What these women did was digusting and immoral. If people are jailed for forcing sex on others, why aren't these women jailed for forcing conception on others?

It's a false parallel. Rape is a physical invasion, and entirely nonconsensual.

This? The only penalty is financial - possibly, as many of these women don't even appear to want support, and the article itself quotes Child Services decrying the plausibility of the scenario - and the risk is understood by anybody who's ever taken a biology class, 'cause, frankly, even if Imaginary Sperm-Stealing Crazy Ladies don't steal your manhood, the condom could always break.

 

[mrs jam]

Women have the choice of whether or not they want to keep a baby. I believe that men should have the choice of whether or not they want to play a financial role in a child's life in the context of an unwanted pregnancy. Both parties should be able to relinquish responsibility if they so choose, the woman through abortion or adoption, and the man through not having to pay support. No one has the right to force the consequences of their personal choices on someone else. Yeah, I realize birth control can fail and condoms sometimes break, but just because sh!t happens doesn't mean it has to ruin people's lives.

The women in this article sound like disgusting creatures. I can't imagine how screwed in the head some chick would have to be to dig some guy's sperm out of the garbage can and inject it up her vagina. That is disgusting in so many different ways.

 

[Gypsy]

Women have the choice of whether or not they want to keep a baby. I believe that men should have the choice of whether or not they want to play a financial role in a child's life in the context of an unwanted pregnancy. Both parties should be able to relinquish responsibility if they so choose, the woman through abortion or adoption, and the man through not having to pay support. No one has the right to force the consequences of their personal choices on someone else. Yeah, I realize birth control can fail and condoms sometimes break, but just because sh!t happens doesn't mean it has to ruin people's lives.

The women in this article sound like disgusting creatures. I can't imagine how screwed in the head some chick would have to be to dig some guy's sperm out of the garbage can and inject it up her vagina. That is disgusting in so many different ways.

I think this might be the way I'm swinging. If a woman doesn't 'take charge of her eggs' and protect herself adequately she can have an abortion. A guy is stuck being forced to be a father. I think those saying he deserved it as akin to those who blame the victim when she dresses provocatively and is raped.

I think may people on this thread are blaming the victim. He should have flushed the condom. Isn't that a lot like-- she shouldn't have worn fishnets and a leather mini skirt?

And I'm sorry I do see it as a form of rape. I really do. There is a level of trust when you go home with a man, and just because you DO, that doesn't mean you can't change your mind. If you do and he forces you, he's a rapist. He's not respecting YOUR DECISION regarding your body. It's not a man's fault that his physiology makes him vulnerable (unlike a woman) to a woman STEALING something that belongs TO HIM and HIM ALONE. If a guy uses protection he's making a choice--- no kids. If there are accidents I understand, but a purposeful removal of sperm or sabotaging of it IS a type of rape.

Just incredibly hard to prove and... as this thread has demonstrated-- viewed with a distinct lack of sympathy.

As for those who say he should have kept his pants zipped and abstained and has not right to complain if a woman forces him to keep a child to term--- I hope you are pro-life because if you are pro-choice then you are inconsistent in your application of the same 'rules' for men and for women.

 

[Arkteia]

Not from a professional, but from a purely personal point of view... scraping someone's sperm off a condom to impregnate oneself sounds weird to me, at best. And the poor guys who now have to take used condoms with them when they leave someone's apartment and think of environmentally-friendly ways of condom disposal!

 

[kenny]

The women in this article sound like disgusting creatures. I can't imagine how screwed in the head some chick would have to be to dig some guy's sperm out of the garbage can and inject it up her vagina. That is disgusting in so many different ways.

This really IS hard to conceive.

 

[MissStepcut]

This is nature's way of telling you not to have sex with someone until you know them well.

I completely agree. You're not likely to end up having a child by a total stranger if you don't have sex with total strangers.

 

[Missy]

The majority of unplanned unwed births are not conceived this way so to say that the man should have no responsibility (financial or otherwise) in the raising of a child is sad. And disappointing. What kind of world would we be creating? Oh, yeah, something similar to what we are (almost) in today.

I see unwed mothers every day and it breaks my heart. It's hard to raise children and to do it alone is incredibly difficult unless you have the resources and even then...Sure it's one thing to bring a child into this world and then for whatever reasons the couple divorce but both parents should play a role in this child's upbringing. If not they have no business having children IMO.

For the rare and specific examples noted here well that's up to the courts to decide but to make a blanket statement that the men should bear no responsibility when they father a child is just not right.
And yes, I'm with those who state if you don't want to deal with the (possible) consequences then keep your pants zipped and only sleep with those you care about and then do so responsibly. Then you minimize the risk of bringing unwanted children into this world.

Oh, and for the record, I am pro choice.