does it drive you crazy when people refer their pets as their kids?

[Haven]

Date: 6/10/2010 9:09:02 AM
Author: Allison D.
I don't have an opinion one way or the other with respect to people treating their animals like kids, etc, but I gotta say that I see a pretty consistent theme these days that I just don't get. It usually runs along the lines of 'when X person attempts to compare their situation to mine'.

When in world did every little thing in life become a 'contest' about who more deserves the 'she who has it harder' designation? Is there some prize that comes along with the claim, because if not, I just don't get it.

Is that what's happened to the generation of 'no winners/no losers in soccer?' Now we have to find another way to 'win', and it means we have to be clear that your situation isn't nearly as authentic as mine? Do we now have to earn out sense of validation and authenticity only as compared to someone else and at someone else's expense?

Maybe my perspective is different because a friend of mine is gravely ill, so it seems pretty insignficant that people actually worry about who trumps whom in the 'who's earned her stripes more' war.

For my part, when someone tries to relate to something I'm experiencing, instead of being miffed because she dared to compare her experience to mine, I feel grateful that she cares enough about me to try empathizing, even if the analogy isn't exactly spot on. Is it at all possible that's what others may be doing, too.....not try to compete but maybe trying to relate to what you're living so they can maintain common ground with you?

I really love this post. I've been turned off by many threads around here lately, and I think you just articulated why that has been the case for me, Allison. I couldn't put my finger on it before, but when I read your post I suddenly realized that *this* is what has been bothering me. Great post, thank you.

To answer the OP's question: it doesn't drive me crazy when people refer to their pets as their kids. We have three cats and we call them "the boys" which probably sounds strange to some people. We don't call them or our dog our "kids" but we sure do love them a lot. We also don't treat them like humans, we treat them like the animals that they are and we give them what *they* need, not what *we* want them to need and what makes *us* feel good.

In general, it warms my heart to see people caring for their pets. I volunteer in an animal shelter and I see the sad reality of what happens to pets who fall on the other end of the caring spectrum, and it's heartbreaking. I'd much rather see someone dressing up his pups in adorable costumes (ahem, Kenny!) and calling them his kids than see someone neglecting his pets. Neglect drives me crazy. Love, not so much.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/10/2010 11:46:36 AM
Author: kenny
There are 6,826,428,832 people now so I don''t think people having dogs instead of kids is a problem.

In fact, I''ll bet dogs have smaller carbon footprints than humans.
Maybe we should be encouraging dog ownership via tax deductions etc.

My husband and I have this conversation often. We feel guilty about possibly wanting children of our own when the world''s natural resources are not unlimited, and when there are so many children out there in need of families. We''ll figure it out when the time is right for us.
And I''d take a tax deduction for our pets. We certainly spend enough money caring for them!
Sorry to threadjack.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 6/10/2010 11:49:21 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 6/10/2010 11:46:36 AM
Author: kenny
There are 6,826,428,832 people now so I don't think people having dogs instead of kids is a problem.


In fact, I'll bet dogs have smaller carbon footprints than humans.

Maybe we should be encouraging dog ownership via tax deductions etc.

I've read articles that bunnies have much much smaller carbon footprints than dogs or cats (since they don't eat meat, and all waste is fertilizer). Bunnies for all!

Kenny, AMEN to the highlighted portion!

El, this is probably very true for horses, too! In fact, horses perform another service by encouraging conservation of farmlands. Horses and bunnies for everyone!

 

[Hest88]

Date: 6/10/2010 9:09:02 AM
Author: Allison D.
I don''t have an opinion one way or the other with respect to people treating their animals like kids, etc, but I gotta say that I see a pretty consistent theme these days that I just don''t get. It usually runs along the lines of ''when X person attempts to compare their situation to mine''. ...

For my part, when someone tries to relate to something I''m experiencing, instead of being miffed because she dared to compare her experience to mine, I feel grateful that she cares enough about me to try empathizing, even if the analogy isn''t exactly spot on. Is it at all possible that''s what others may be doing, too.....not try to compete but maybe trying to relate to what you''re living so they can maintain common ground with you?

Thank you Allison. I''ve stayed out of this because the competition seems so silly. I may never break my arm, but my own pains can help me go "ouchie" when someone does. Or I may never feel the triumph of climbing Mt. Everest, but I can celebrate their achievements better by thinking of thrill I''ve felt when I''ve done something I didn''t think I could do.

A teenager''s first breakup feels devastating to her. It doesn''t matter that someday she might love someone more; at that moment her feelings are overwhelming enough. No one will ever experience exactly the same thing, and what makes us human is our ability to extrapolate from our own emotions so we can empathize with someone else.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 6/10/2010 11:57:39 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 6/10/2010 11:49:21 AM

Author: elrohwen

Date: 6/10/2010 11:46:36 AM

Author: kenny

There are 6,826,428,832 people now so I don''t think people having dogs instead of kids is a problem.



In fact, I''ll bet dogs have smaller carbon footprints than humans.


Maybe we should be encouraging dog ownership via tax deductions etc.

I''ve read articles that bunnies have much much smaller carbon footprints than dogs or cats (since they don''t eat meat, and all waste is fertilizer). Bunnies for all!

Kenny, AMEN to the highlighted portion!

El, this is probably very true for horses, too! In fact, horses perform another service by encouraging conservation of farmlands. Horses and bunnies for everyone!

Yes! I need to tell DH that getting me a horse is the environmentally friendly thing to do.

 

[kenny]

Date: 6/10/2010 12:06:40 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 6/10/2010 11:57:39 AM
Author: Irishgrrr

Date: 6/10/2010 11:49:21 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 6/10/2010 11:46:36 AM
Author: kenny
There are 6,826,428,832 people now so I don''t think people having dogs instead of kids is a problem.
In fact, I''ll bet dogs have smaller carbon footprints than humans.
Maybe we should be encouraging dog ownership via tax deductions etc.

I''ve read articles that bunnies have much much smaller carbon footprints than dogs or cats (since they don''t eat meat, and all waste is fertilizer). Bunnies for all!

Kenny, AMEN to the highlighted portion!

El, this is probably very true for horses, too! In fact, horses perform another service by encouraging conservation of farmlands. Horses and bunnies for everyone!

Yes! I need to tell DH that getting me a horse is the environmentally friendly thing to do.

Only if you trade the car in for it.

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 6/10/2010 12:03:30 PM

Thank you Allison. I''ve stayed out of this because the competition seems so silly. I may never break my arm, but my own pains can help me go ''ouchie'' when someone does. Or I may never feel the triumph of climbing Mt. Everest, but I can celebrate their achievements better by thinking of thrill I''ve felt when I''ve done something I didn''t think I could do.


A teenager''s first breakup feels devastating to her. It doesn''t matter that someday she might love someone more; at that moment her feelings are overwhelming enough. No one will ever experience exactly the same thing, and what makes us human is our ability to extrapolate from our own emotions so we can empathize with someone else.

I love this post. Well said.

 

[princesss]

Great post, Allison. Really, really great post. (Though I''m very sorry to hear about your friend.)

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/10/2010 12:10:40 PM
Author: waterlilly

Date: 6/10/2010 12:03:30 PM

Thank you Allison. I''ve stayed out of this because the competition seems so silly. I may never break my arm, but my own pains can help me go ''ouchie'' when someone does. Or I may never feel the triumph of climbing Mt. Everest, but I can celebrate their achievements better by thinking of thrill I''ve felt when I''ve done something I didn''t think I could do.


A teenager''s first breakup feels devastating to her. It doesn''t matter that someday she might love someone more; at that moment her feelings are overwhelming enough. No one will ever experience exactly the same thing, and what makes us human is our ability to extrapolate from our own emotions so we can empathize with someone else.

I love this post. Well said.

I completely agree. Really great post, Hest88.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/10/2010 11:53:49 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 6/10/2010 9:09:02 AM
Author: Allison D.
I don''t have an opinion one way or the other with respect to people treating their animals like kids, etc, but I gotta say that I see a pretty consistent theme these days that I just don''t get. It usually runs along the lines of ''when X person attempts to compare their situation to mine''.

When in world did every little thing in life become a ''contest'' about who more deserves the ''she who has it harder'' designation? Is there some prize that comes along with the claim, because if not, I just don''t get it.

Is that what''s happened to the generation of ''no winners/no losers in soccer?'' Now we have to find another way to ''win'', and it means we have to be clear that your situation isn''t nearly as authentic as mine? Do we now have to earn out sense of validation and authenticity only as compared to someone else and at someone else''s expense?

Maybe my perspective is different because a friend of mine is gravely ill, so it seems pretty insignficant that people actually worry about who trumps whom in the ''who''s earned her stripes more'' war.

For my part, when someone tries to relate to something I''m experiencing, instead of being miffed because she dared to compare her experience to mine, I feel grateful that she cares enough about me to try empathizing, even if the analogy isn''t exactly spot on. Is it at all possible that''s what others may be doing, too.....not try to compete but maybe trying to relate to what you''re living so they can maintain common ground with you?

I really love this post. I''ve been turned off by many threads around here lately, and I think you just articulated why that has been the case for me, Allison. I couldn''t put my finger on it before, but when I read your post I suddenly realized that *this* is what has been bothering me. Great post, thank you.

THIS! (Annoyed by the brevity?

You write the rest. I''m paid by the word.

)

 

[Mara]

nope it doesn't bother me in the least. sure raising a human kid is different in many ways, but in no way should anyone who has a pet and considers it their 'kid' be considered less of a relationship because it doesn't have human dna.

i actually don't get why some people get irritated when others compare aspects of pet rearing to child rearing. there are MANY comparisons in bringing up a puppy and how it can relate to baby raising. in fact i prob am a better mother because i had a puppy originally...you learn a lot of things like patience, how to deal with uncontrollable diaharrea or nighttime screaming, stuff i would have been ENTIRELY unprepared for before. some methods you employ are even the same from puppy to baby... positive reinforcement, consistency, presenting calm, etc.

it's ironic though because i view my dog differently than before. i love her, she still sleeps with us, gets fed properly, walks, etc etc but she's not the same as my human child. however, i call her 'sister' to the baby and Greg is actually the one that takes offense to this. i really don't get WHY though.

as for people who try to give advice not being parents, it doesn't annoy me...helpful is helpful if that is what they are trying to be. BUT if they start going 'well this is obviously what you SHOULD do', not being parents ...yeah that would annoy me.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 6/10/2010 3:15:49 PM
Author: Mara
i actually don''t get why some people get irritated when others compare aspects of pet rearing to child rearing. there are MANY comparisons in bringing up a puppy and how it can relate to baby raising. in fact i prob am a better mother because i had a puppy originally...you learn a lot of things like patience, how to deal with uncontrollable diaharrea or nighttime screaming, stuff i would have been ENTIRELY unprepared for before. some methods you employ are even the same from puppy to baby... positive reinforcement, consistency, presenting calm, etc.

I totally agree with this, though I didn''t want to say anything because I''m not a parent and don''t know what I''m talking about

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I refer to my pets as my fur babies. They take up most of my time, money and energy and I love them to pieces. Sounds like a child to me...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/10/2010 3:15:49 PM
Author: Mara
nope it doesn''t bother me in the least. sure raising a human kid is different in many ways, but in no way should anyone who has a pet and considers it their ''kid'' be considered less of a relationship because it doesn''t have human dna.

i actually don''t get why some people get irritated when others compare aspects of pet rearing to child rearing. there are MANY comparisons in bringing up a puppy and how it can relate to baby raising. in fact i prob am a better mother because i had a puppy originally...you learn a lot of things like patience, how to deal with uncontrollable diaharrea or nighttime screaming, stuff i would have been ENTIRELY unprepared for before. some methods you employ are even the same from puppy to baby... positive reinforcement, consistency, presenting calm, etc.

it''s ironic though because i view my dog differently than before. i love her, she still sleeps with us, gets fed properly, walks, etc etc but she''s not the same as my human child. however, i call her ''sister'' to the baby and Greg is actually the one that takes offense to this. i really don''t get WHY though.

as for people who try to give advice not being parents, it doesn''t annoy me...helpful is helpful if that is what they are trying to be. BUT if they start going ''well this is obviously what you SHOULD do'', not being parents ...yeah that would annoy me.

A sign of a potentially good parent is a pet owner with a well behaved dog. I haven''t had a dog in ages (love them though) but my brother is a huge dog lover. His dogs are truly well trained, and I actually learned a bit about child rearing from him how he interacted with the dogs.

I insult some people by saying this, I know, but in the very early stages of infancy, a baby isn''t that much different from a dog. Yes, cognitively the baby outpaces the dog very quickly, but in those early early stages, behavioral techniques that work for the dog also can work for the baby. Conditioning...I''m a firm believer.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 6/10/2010 10:09:08 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 6/10/2010 9:09:02 AM
Author: Allison D.
I don''t have an opinion one way or the other with respect to people treating their animals like kids, etc, but I gotta say that I see a pretty consistent theme these days that I just don''t get. It usually runs along the lines of ''when X person attempts to compare their situation to mine''.

When in world did every little thing in life become a ''contest'' about who more deserves the ''she who has it harder'' designation? Is there some prize that comes along with the claim, because if not, I just don''t get it.

Is that what''s happened to the generation of ''no winners/no losers in soccer?'' Now we have to find another way to ''win'', and it means we have to be clear that your situation isn''t nearly as authentic as mine? Do we now have to earn out sense of validation and authenticity only as compared to someone else and at someone else''s expense?

Maybe my perspective is different because a friend of mine is gravely ill, so it seems pretty insignficant that people actually worry about who trumps whom in the ''who''s earned her stripes more'' war.

For my part, when someone tries to relate to something I''m experiencing, instead of being miffed because she dared to compare her experience to mine, I feel grateful that she cares enough about me to try empathizing, even if the analogy isn''t exactly spot on. Is it at all possible that''s what others may be doing, too.....not try to compete but maybe trying to relate to what you''re living so they can maintain common ground with you?

Great post!

Exactly!

Allison, great explanation here. I really think you are onto something with the highlighted parts especially.

Why can''t people just take each and every situation as unique?

There are no two people or animals just alike. I''m certain there are pet-parents out there who love their "kids" a lot more than some parents out there with "real kids". None of us know the specifics of anyone else''s situation so who are we to say it is right/wrong or be offended by it?


I see this with sick people too:
"

My aunt just died...."
"

Yeah, well, my mom just died!"


Life shouldn''t be about outdoing the other person. It shouldn''t be "I take showers to save water"... "Yeah, well I take showers but turn the water off while I''m washing"...
(this is meant as a generic example of a conversation I''ve seen and heard lots of times and is not directed at any person/people)

 

[elrohwen]

TGal, I think techniques of positive reinforcement work with kids far past the infancy stage. Training a dog isn't so different from training a toddler sometimes

Don't give in to bad behavior, and reward good behavior.

Surprisingly, I know some people who are fantastic parents, but horrible dog trainers. They just don't apply the same techniques to their dogs that they're already using with their kids.

 

[monarch64]

Oh man. If my puppy-raising skills are any indicator of the kind of parent I''ll be, I am screwed.

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/10/2010 4:01:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal

I insult some people by saying this, I know, but in the very early stages of infancy, a baby isn''t that much different from a dog. Yes, cognitively the baby outpaces the dog very quickly, but in those early early stages, behavioral techniques that work for the dog also can work for the baby. Conditioning...I''m a firm believer.

Exactly! And I don''t think that''s insulting at all or it SHOULDN''T be. In fact, in the early days with the baby we used to often refer to our first days with Portia and how things were so similar.

HH...you forgot how much $$ the pet takes up...exactly like a baby. However now that we have J, suddenly dog food seems so much cheaper!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/10/2010 4:04:32 PM
Author: elrohwen
TGal, I think techniques of positive reinforcement work with kids far past the infancy stage. Training a dog isn''t so different from training a toddler sometimes

Don''t give in to bad behavior, and reward good behavior.

Surprisingly, I know some people who are fantastic parents, but horrible dog trainers. They just don''t apply the same techniques to their dogs that they''re already using with their kids.

If they had the kids first, I know why. It''s so exhausting with the kid, the last thing you want to do is exert energy training the dog. For this reason, I KNOW I''d be a horrible dog trainer at this point. Don''t care to do it.

The rest, true. It''s a little different from when they are toddlers in that the personality gets so much stronger. Dogs seem to do well with reward and praise. So should kids...in theory, but I don''t want to only train my kids with reward all the time. So it gets a bit trickier. Like I said, cognitively, by toddler stage, I think kids are ahead of dogs and there''s the rub.

Mara, I used to tell my friends all the time when Amelia was a baby, it''s not much different than a dog. They''d look at me in horror. But I think that helped me raise her better in the early stages...the fact that I could look at her objectively from a behavioral psychology point of view and not just as my dear, sweet baby who I needed to coddle and spoil.

 

[elrohwen]

TGal, I think you''re right. They spent so much time parenting the kids, that they choose to spoil the dogs rotten! At least spoiling your dog has less issues down the line than spoiling your kids. The dogs don''t have to grow up and be productive citizens!

Also totally agree that it''s tougher to "train" a toddler than a dog, but it surprises me how much of the reasoning behind what you do as a parent is similar to raising dogs. I guess it''s all about learning to communicate with another being who has no verbal skills (dogs) or limited verbal skills (babies). Once kids get better verbal skills the game changes a lot.

 

[sctsbride09]

It does not bother me at all when someone refers to their pet as their kid, why should it matter to me? I honestly dont see how that takes away from someone who has human kids, or why it should matter to them. To me if someone is that bothered by something that has nothing to do with them, maybe its time for a hobby?

 

[Dancing Fire]

well,time to feed the kids!!

but i don''t think they are old enough to drive me to the store.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 6/10/2010 7:38:21 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
well,time to feed the kids!!

but i don''t think they are old enough to drive me to the store.

Tell your fin babies hi for us!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/10/2010 11:49:21 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 6/10/2010 11:46:36 AM

Author: kenny

There are 6,826,428,832 people now so I don''t think people having dogs instead of kids is a problem.



In fact, I''ll bet dogs have smaller carbon footprints than humans.


Maybe we should be encouraging dog ownership via tax deductions etc.

I''ve read articles that bunnies have much much smaller carbon footprints than dogs or cats (since they don''t eat meat, and all waste is fertilizer). Bunnies for all!

ooh I love bunnies but I am super allergic to them! I had one several years ago and over the years we had him it got worse and worse, now if I''m even near them I have asthma which only 2 other things give me asthma symptoms. I''m allergic to cats too and we have them but I can''t be around bunnies at all anymore and I miss their fur!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/10/2010 4:05:11 PM
Author: monarch64
Oh man. If my puppy-raising skills are any indicator of the kind of parent I''ll be, I am screwed.

bahahaha

 

[Cehrabehra]

okay just to jump into the inappropriately said but possibly funny comparisons between children and animals wagon...

.... I have long thought that in some ways kids were like the ultimate pet. They have a cute baby period, they love you, they learn to wipe their own butts so you don''t have to walk them anymore, they learn to talk better than any parrot, and eventually they move out but hopefully live longer than you.

I am not OFFENDED when people call their animals kids or treat them as such, I think that the pinnacle of whatever you''re feeling should be honored. I just think, as Mara mentioned, that when people who have animals, even if they are completely obsessed with them, have children there becomes something (commitment, love etc.) above what you feel for your pet and it isn''t that the pet gets moved down really, you just find yourself with this whole new level above it. So yeah for people with pets and kids there IS a hierarchy where people only with pets their pets are and may forever be THE pinnacle. Nothing wrong with it.

As for the comments about negative comparisons - it''s normal. It''s part of life. It''s how we learn to relate to one another by comparing our emotions about things and our reactions to things. Sometimes it gets out of control (I have one friend who very humorously to me always has THE best *or* THE worst birth story depending on the context of the conversation. If the convo is about how awful it is she''s got the worst... she has one set of facts to back it up... if the convo is about how awesome it is she''s got another set of facts to win this award too - but I just laugh to myself, she''s like this about everything, this one is just the most obvious).

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/10/2010 9:51:43 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 6/10/2010 7:38:21 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
well,time to feed the kids!!

but i don''t think they are old enough to drive me to the store.

Tell your fin babies hi for us!

and this kid yelled "HELLO,I LOVE YOU" real loud back at ya.

 

[Lauren8211]

I call my pets my babies, and I call myself their mommy and my DH is their daddy.

I think I''ve earned it! I have a cat who is old and diabetic. I have to put him "on the toilet" every hour so he remembers to go, or I clean up after him. I have to test his blood sugar every day, and give him insulin twice a day. I also have to administer subcutaneous fluids on a daily basis. I can''t go on vacation or leave him for more than 12 hours.

And you know what? I wouldn''t have it any other way.

I''m his dang mommy!

 

[ZestfullyBling]

Nope.

Pets are people too! We have to feed them, clean them, brush there teath, take them to the doctor (regularly), they get sick, immunized, the have there own Personalities, they have dreams while sleeping, they get scared, the want to play, and the want to hug and cuddle.

I have a human son and a canine daughter. I love them both. However my son does get presedence.

 

[movie zombie]

no, it does not.

mz