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Do you loan money?

Amber St. Clare said:
I reminded her that I was out of work going over 2 years. She said that obviously my husband was doing ok.
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Wow, you were a lot nicer than I would have been. I would have thrown her out of my house while yelling at the top of my lungs.

I know what it's like when this Great Recession affects a household through unemployment and this was a very rude thing for her to say after you said what you said to her. Your husband is doing ok so you should give her money? Twisted.
 
No, and frankly I am concerned your neighbor has a drug problem or something. I can't imagine what normal problems would drive someone to do this.
 
Amber St. Clare said:
My nieghbor came over earlier and wanted to borrow $50. until the 15th. She said all her cards are maxed and she's hit their limit with the overdraft protection a the bank. She said she needed gas money. She and her husband are both professionals. We have a friendly relationship, but I really wouldn't call us good friends.

I reminded her that I was out of work going over 2 years. She said that obviously my husband was doing ok. I told her I couldn't give her any money. She spied three winning lottery tickets {totalling a whopping $15!} and asked me if she could have those. I let her, but I am really annoyed with her for putting me in a position like that. When I calm down I'll probably call her, but right now I am po'd. I make it a habit of GIVING money if the occasion calls for it, with absolutely NO expectation of getting it back, but I didn't feel so inclined.

Do you give loans?
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look at this way....it could of been a $15 million ticket.... :eek: :lol:
 
SO and I have learned our lessons as to who we can and cannot lend money to. We have allowed people to borrow money (huge sums) that were SUPPOSED to be paid back in several months and we did not see the money for several years. It really just depends on who is asking for it.
 
No. I've been taught not to loan people money that you expect to get back. Learned that lesson the hard way. Now I would only give it as a gift if I could/wanted to. Something like $20 for a lunch or movie I wouldn't expect back, just maybe get taken out the next time.

eta: Add me to the list of people suspicious that she has a drug problem. Otherwise, normal people wouldn't have acted the way she did and in such a desperate way. Not to scare you, but I hope she didn't spy anything else valuable while she was there.
 
Amber St. Clare said:
When I was working a friend of mine was having terrible financial problems along with a sick husband who couldn't work. I gave her $500. with the understanding it was a gift, I didn't want her to pay me back, and I didn't want her to tell anyone. But my neighbor just rubbed me the wrong way when she assumed I'd just hand her some money. And yes, is VERY nervy--she once told me that the only reason she hadn't "jumped my son's bones" was because he WAS MY SON. YIKES..talk about TMI!
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What...the...eff?

I would have said no, especially when she tried to take the lottery tickets. What a bold, rude jerk! I have no problem loaning money, but that (and the comment about your son) is just beyond rude.
 
I'll loan to my immediate family because I know they're good for it (but they've never really asked). Otherwise, that's it! I've been burned by 'friends' too many times.
 
I cannot believe your neighbor. I would forget about the $15 and just avoid speaking to her ever again.

To answer the question - No, I do not lend money. I have given my father money in the past but would not lend him anything. I subscribe to the theory that you only give out what you can live with not getting back.

This is a very timely thread for me. Just yesterday I got a facebook message from someone I haven't spoken to in 10 years telling me to call her because it was an emergency (we're not even facebook friends and she had to provide the tel. number). I called as soon as I got the message and she asked me for $1,000. Not once has she called to catch up or ask how I'm doing in the last 10 years but yet she thought I would give/lend her a thousand bucks!

Because of my and my FI's profession, there is this assumption by casual acquaintances that we're rolling in dough, which is not the case. But even so, my list of who to gift a thousand dollars to would have about a thousand people on it before someone I hadn't spoken to in 10 years. People really have some nerve.
 
Yes. I lent $1000 to a girlfriend of mine with the understanding that she pay it back in $250 increments over the next 8 weeks. I got back every penny. Now, would I have lent it to her if I didn't think she was good for it? No. Would I extend the same terms for some of my other friends? Absolutely not, I have been burned there too.
 
lucyandroger said:
I cannot believe your neighbor. I would forget about the $15 and just avoid speaking to her ever again.

To answer the question - No, I do not lend money. I have given my father money in the past but would not lend him anything. I subscribe to the theory that you only give out what you can live with not getting back.

This is a very timely thread for me. Just yesterday I got a facebook message from someone I haven't spoken to in 10 years telling me to call her because it was an emergency (we're not even facebook friends and she had to provide the tel. number). I called as soon as I got the message and she asked me for $1,000. Not once has she called to catch up or ask how I'm doing in the last 10 years but yet she thought I would give/lend her a thousand bucks!

Because of my and my FI's profession, there is this assumption by casual acquaintances that we're rolling in dough, which is not the case. But even so, my list of who to gift a thousand dollars to would have about a thousand people on it before someone I hadn't spoken to in 10 years. People really have some nerve.
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Are you sure this wasnt a hoax? Sounds like a version of someone calling a grandparent pretending to be a grandson and
requesting money to get them out of jail. Just seems like facebook would be a good place to get info to use to request
money by an unsavory type.

I've never really lent anyone money. I guess I must not put off the "generous" vibe. I would have said "No" to your
neighbors request...her asking for the lottery tickets would have really ticked me off but I probably would have said
"Yes" to just get her out of there. Wouldnt expect to see the $15 again.
 
tyty333 said:
lucyandroger said:
I cannot believe your neighbor. I would forget about the $15 and just avoid speaking to her ever again.

To answer the question - No, I do not lend money. I have given my father money in the past but would not lend him anything. I subscribe to the theory that you only give out what you can live with not getting back.

This is a very timely thread for me. Just yesterday I got a facebook message from someone I haven't spoken to in 10 years telling me to call her because it was an emergency (we're not even facebook friends and she had to provide the tel. number). I called as soon as I got the message and she asked me for $1,000. Not once has she called to catch up or ask how I'm doing in the last 10 years but yet she thought I would give/lend her a thousand bucks!

Because of my and my FI's profession, there is this assumption by casual acquaintances that we're rolling in dough, which is not the case. But even so, my list of who to gift a thousand dollars to would have about a thousand people on it before someone I hadn't spoken to in 10 years. People really have some nerve.
Click to expand...

Are you sure this wasnt a hoax? Sounds like a version of someone calling a grandparent pretending to be a grandson and
requesting money to get them out of jail. Just seems like facebook would be a good place to get info to use to request
money by an unsavory type.

I've never really lent anyone money. I guess I must not put off the "generous" vibe. I would have said "No" to your
neighbors request...her asking for the lottery tickets would have really ticked me off but I probably would have said
"Yes" to just get her out of there. Wouldnt expect to see the $15 again.
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Unfortunately not a hoax. She gave me her phone number in the message and asked me to call her, which I did. We spoke on the phone, which was when she told me about all her problems and then asked me for the cash. Her facebook message just said it was an emergency. :rolleyes:
 
No...

And if I did, I would definitely want to be paid back.
 
Amber St. Clare said:
My nieghbor came over earlier and wanted to borrow $50. until the 15th. She said all her cards are maxed and she's hit their limit with the overdraft protection a the bank. She said she needed gas money. She and her husband are both professionals. We have a friendly relationship, but I really wouldn't call us good friends.

I reminded her that I was out of work going over 2 years. She said that obviously my husband was doing ok. I told her I couldn't give her any money. She spied three winning lottery tickets {totalling a whopping $15!} and asked me if she could have those. I let her, but I am really annoyed with her for putting me in a position like that. When I calm down I'll probably call her, but right now I am po'd. I make it a habit of GIVING money if the occasion calls for it, with absolutely NO expectation of getting it back, but I didn't feel so inclined.

Do you give loans?
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Wow, your neighbor is really ballsy! I typically do not loan money. I do have two close friends (they are married to each other) who I do, from time to time, loan them money. We have been very fortunate in life, so when I can, I will try to help them. They haven't had all the breaks that DH and I have had, and they have fallen on hard times as of late. But other than major things (like fixing a broken car, tuition, etc...) I will not.
 
Wow, Amber! That is a crazy story! I cannot imagine a scenario in which a grown adult with a career and a house would not have a small sum like $50. What is worse, she seemed to try to bully you when you clearly did not want to lend her the money. It would be a poor investment to loan someone money who maxed out their credit cards and was hard up for what, $50?! Clearly, this person has some desperate financial issues. Wow!

I once lent a friend several hundred dollars because she said she overspent that month and promised to pay me back the following month. I remember being puzzled about it because it was such a small sum considering her lifestyle - don't people have adequate savings???!!? Sure enough, she continued to have trouble budgeting and didn't pay me back. We are no longer friends because I felt scammed and taken advantage of. All in all, it was a valuable lesson. Barring some tremendous emergency, how is poor budgeting an excuse to hit up random people for cash? Unbelievable!

If a friend was out shopping with me and forgot her wallet, I would have no problem spotting her whatever she needed. But if someone comes to me with a story about how they overspent or maxed out their credit cards (who does this?), that raises a red flag with me. If they had a personal emergency (unemployment or illness) then absolutely my wallet is always open. Otherwise, nope!
 
Do you have an alarm system? I'm afraid she might be canvassing your home for valuables...
 
Wow. OK you don't know her very well, comes over asking for money, and the reason: she maxed out her credit card? Sorry not my problem. And pointed out that husband seems to be doing well? Not only would I have said no I would have escorted her to the door at that point.
I can't even imagine any of my neighbors even doing something like this!
Not that I'm not a sympathetic person. We have made calls for people locked out of their house, called the polic when it looked like someone was casing their house, picked up mail, made food for someone recuperating, etc. That's the kind of stuff neighbors do, not bold facedly ask for money because their cc is at their limit!

Like what other people have said, sounds like a money/drug/sex or some other kind of addiction. Please don't let her in your house the next time, as MZ said, maybe she'll see a tv or some jewelry that she thinks you can spare.
 
Not generally, but have a couple times.
I very much prefer to give gifts and have done so on many occasions.
I believe in the pass it on philosophy.
I would rather they pass it on than pay me back.
If you do a good thing for someone and they pass it on then you have done a doubly good thing and if they pass it on then it is triple and one person can make a large difference for many people by doing that.

However in this case I would have said no and shown her to the door and said bye,,,,
 
Nope- been there, done that. Now we just say that it is against the UCMJ to loan money. However, if a friend/family was in need, I would just give them the money as a gift.
 
How incredibly rude of your neighbour! I would definitely not be loaning her any more money - or anything at all for that matter!
 
I've never loaned but have gifted and donated... No matter the recipient there's always a chance the money will not be paid back, so I give money under the assumption I'll never see it again (and I don't expect to). The exception: On occasion while dining with friends I will pay a little more than my obligation, but I always say to my pals, "It will even out eventually! Someday you'll buy me a drink or pick up the tip!" And it usually does even out.

I suspect your neighbor won't be paying back that $15. Though her business is not your business, do you suspect there's a greater underlying issue with your neighbors? Any long term medical stays? Crazy spending habits? I can't imagine two working professionals not having $15 for gas for their cars :sick:

Remember to stay strong if/when she come a-knockin' again. Difficult times happen, but your neighbor has no reason to act entitled to your hard-earned money (and it sounded as if she did just that!)
 
Amber- First, I need to commend you on the fact that you didn't, without hesitation, beat a woman with anything that was within arms reach for the son comment. Are.you.serious.

I have been known to do the loan thing. I sold a pretty much brand new Women’s Specialized Dolce roadbike to a friend for nothing and let her break the payments up to me. The thing that drove me nuts was hunting her down and having that 'awkward' and forced convo about the money. I hated it.Now I have a rule, I will lend to those that I know have a proven track record- ones that are responsible not ones that you can tell aren't. My best friend asks me for $1500- hell yes, without a blink of the eye. Someone I don't know so well, I would have a hard time giving anything to, just the truth. Mainly, if I have the money to give and it is someone who is truly in need, I would LOVE to be able to give them the money- no expectations to have it back.

I do the whole dinner here and lunch there with friends. They will pick up the tab, I will pick it up. I don't mind, the thing I don't like? No 'thank you' I am sure to say it to ANYONE that buys me ANYTHING, it is a gift and I show my appreciation. I don't care if it is a Charleston chew or a pair of earrings from work- a THANK YOU- sincere, none-the-less, will move mountains. Expecting it is one thing, being truly appreciative of the goodness in someone’s heart- that is another thing entirely. I love giving until the joy of it goes away, if that makes sense. I love seeing the surprise or gratitude that someone has when they have had a rough time and a group or individual takes the step to make the change. I used to work at a Steakhouse in college, family owned, it was an amazing place. The people, top notch. Once a guy wasn't making any money, kept winding up in expo shifts and making something like $85 while the rest of us were making upwards of $300+. He was in school full time and had 2 little kids at home that he was working every shift so that he could provide. This went on for about a week- we were all making over $1k and he was barely clearing 4. We all did a collection and we managed to get him about $1500 btw about 30 wait staff. I cried when I saw the look on his face and the way that he tried to give the money back to us. He personally came to each of us that gave and hugged us like we had just given a kidney, its amazing what that felt like. That was a gift because we saw someone who worked hard struggling. It's hard to ask for money when you have been trying to do everything to make it. Seems like it is easy for people who don't work that hard for it to ask for it- guess it has to do with knowing the value of a dollar. Just my guess...

I think with the ones that really have a grasp- it all comes out in the wash anyway.
 
Pretty much no. On occasion, we cover on lunches, but we always get each other back. If it became a problem, we would discreetly stop covering the lunches. DH's family has had huge issues over stuff like this. My parents have also been asked to provide a loan. They say no. Even if you have a contract, you still have to spend the money to recover the money. If you don't think it's worth it, it probably isn't.

Rule of thumb - I will not loan out any amt I don't feel comfortable about never seeing again.

I have on occasion, picked up stuff for people, who have always paid me back. But, I have the merchandise in hand, so I could always return it for a refund if the person flaked.

Amber, your neighbor has issues. For making that comment about your son, I'd be so creeped out if I were in your shoes.
 
Amber, sorry your neighbor turned out to be a manipulative mooch! I bet she had to ask you because she's burned bridges with all of her friends and family.

No, I wouldn't have given her money. I would have just said, "I'm sorry, I just don't feel comfortable with that." Then keep repeating that until she leaves. You'll know what to do next time! But then she'd have to bring up the fact that she owes you $15, so hopefully there won't be a next time.
 
I seriously can't get over what she said to you (RE) your son!!!!! I mean seriously?? That's just insane!!!!!!

Sooooo inappropriate. not a case of TMI as you said. That's just down right WRONG!!!! :eek:
 
WOW what a screwy neighbor. I would make sure that she's persona non grata in your home from now on.

Personally, I only lend to close friends or family, and even then it's on a case by case basis.
 
I think that even pointing out that your husband was well off and hence you had the money to spend was totally inappropriate. And how can one spot winning lottery tickets? You have to look around and take in a lot of details. I would feel uncomfortable to let her in after this episode!

I may lend small sums but I assume that most people do not pay back. Same with books. In my whole life, only two people returned me the books I had lended to them. Whether I lend or not depends on the situation, but if a person is nice and really in dire need, I could. But from my personal and professional experience, people who are in dire need rarely complain and rarely ask for money. They are just too proud.
 
Great timing... every few months fiance gets a statement in the mail from Firstmark (student loans). He effing signed TWO student loans for a girl his family was friends with (the families were friends). When she moved from her small town to the city (actually renting a room in his condo), at one point no one she knew could sign loans for her (tapped out or something) so he did it. He also only charged her $250 rent, and she was a slob. OMG. When we got our car we had to explain what those loans were on his credit. When he refinanced (way lower APR) he had to explain about the loans. The loans are not for much (a few thousand total) so if worse comes to worse we can afford to pay them.. but I mean.. COME ON!! And, she is only making the bare minimum payment every month.. a total of like $25-$40. For the next 10-15 years. He did this before we met though. So I can yell at him for this but there is nothing we can do about it.

He also sold a car to a married couple that were/ are his friends. They took the car and promised $7k for it. He got a total of $200ish dollars. It's now been 6 years and the few times he has brought it up they say they are broke. Well, they just traded that car in for a minivan (she's pregnant) and FI lost all of that money. I get SO MAD at him for these things because he thinks everyone has a good heart and wouldn't screw him over. Well.... needless to say frivolous loaning to friends has stopped 100%

And the 3rd instance, he ex-roomate who rented a room from him $350 a month still owes him over $1000 for back rent. He said he can't afford to pay it back but will do things around our place to make up for it. He moved out March '09... not a single thing has been done, and trust me, we've asked several times.

Moral of my story? Don't trust fiance with money ;) and never loan to people. Ever. Not worth the strain on the friendship.

Oh, also, we both ran our credit reports and let each other read them (before getting married) which helps.
 
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