Do you have friends who...

[OCgirl]

simply cannot live without a bf/gf?

One of my best friends recently got out of a long term relationship. She was engaged to the guy but they cancelled their wedding due to some personal and family issues. They continued to live together for two months after they broke up. She went on to date a new guy while still living (and sleeping in the same room) with the ex.

She desperately wants to get married but the new guy doesn't have a stable job and a lot of friends are telling her he is simply not the right guy for her. The new guy was starting to feel the pressure after a month or so and felt "he cannot provide her what she needs" (especially financially). He began to ignore her calls and disappear for days.

While all this was happening, her ex moved out of their place but continues to contact her. They will still go out (alone or with a group of friends). People are confused about their status but she feels there's nothing wrong with hanging out with her ex as she's "moved on with the new guy".

But now that the new guy is ignoring her she started a new "theory" that she can enjoy being single (while still hanging out with the ex) and wait for the guy to come around.

I feel like over the years this is not the first time I see this pattern. Do you know anyone with this kind of dating/relationship pattern and what kind of advices do you provide her/him?

 

[Dancing Fire]

it never hurts to have a few extra BFs or GFs...

 

[kenny]

None.

It's her own business.
She'll learn what she learns when she learns it, or not.

I'd just be there for her if she wants to talk.

 

[OCgirl]

None.

It's her own business.
She'll learn what she learns when she learns it, or not.

I'd just be there for her if she wants to talk.

She ALWAYS wants to talk... HOURS at a time I usually let her talk and I just listen.

It's just that now we are getting older I kind of expect things to... change? But it just seems like it's the same thing just different guy(s).

What's with the "I cannot live without a guy" mentality?

 

[kenny]

None.

It's her own business.
She'll learn what she learns when she learns it, or not.

I'd just be there for her if she wants to talk.

She ALWAYS wants to talk... HOURS at a time I usually let her talk and I just listen.

It's just that now we are getting older I kind of expect things to... change? But it just seems like it's the same thing just different guy(s).

What's with the "I cannot live without a guy" mentality?

I don't know.
It's her problem, not yours.

If she boars you with endless talk tell her so.
Maybe it's time to find more worthwhile friends.
You apparently are of a higher calibre.

Sorry, I'm just not much for saving people from themselves.

 

[Echidna]

What does Tacori e-ring always say? Expectations are nothing but premeditated resentments?

If your girlfriend is happy with her arrangement, you might have to shut down the boring conversations and redirect her to other things. If you're getting the sense that she's unhappy, maybe you can give her the old "if you always do what you've always done, then you'll keep getting what you always got" speech. Can you encourage her into new hobbies or joining some teams or something instead of obsessing about her relationship status?

 

[anne_h]

When I was younger, I met a fun girl through a mutual acquaintance. Initially I thought we were going to become good friends.

Soon I saw she had a dysfunctional pattern with men - she needed to get their attention, but once gotten, she would become clingy. I think she was insecure. Inevitably they would stop returning her calls/emails, and she would be heartbroken. I sort of become her go-to therapist friend. It was draining to watch her put herself through it time after time. And soon supporting her become a time-consuming and very tiring exercise.

Finally after a few months of this, I had to 'break up' with her. I was exhausted. And the relationship was not mutual. It was all about supporting her, not much about me.

She was very upset. I probably could have handled it better. I have no idea what happened to her after.

Anne

 

[Gypsy]

Serial Monogomists. That what I call them. They think they are 'healthy' mentally because they don't do crazy things like one night stands and serial dating... but they are really just people who have their lives on hold until a +1 comes along and they can start living again. Have no clue how to be alone. Or that there is a difference between alone or lonely.

Nope. No advice. I had a friend like this. I just kept my mouth shut.