Do you have a short temper?

[Porridge]

Date: 6/4/2009 2:23:30 PM
Author: Burk
My DH has a short temper. He also commutes daily and I think that just adds to his stresses (road rage anyone?

). I am very even keeled and so I tend to be the one to cool him down. Sometimes, however, my logic and rationalizing just makes him even madder (because he''s also a control freak) so I walk a fine line.


The way I see it some things just aren''t worth getting all worked up about. Why waste the energy. Ya know?


ETA: And stupid people are stupid people. You aren''t going to change that. Why yell at, argue with a stupid person (bad driver, ect)? Not going to get you anywhere. So I guess I kind of do think it is what it is. Sometimes I don''t like it but I''m not going to spend my time worrying about it.

Ditto all this! Your DH and my FI sound v similar.

I do get kinda cranky when I''m hungry though! And there are an awful lot of stupid people everywhere...I vent to FI but usually in a funny way rather than a seriously annoyed way.

 

[monarch64]

Janinegirly, I thought of a partial solution this evening when I came home from work. Have you ever gone on Craigslist and read through the Rants & Raves section? Especially in metropolitan areas, like chicago and probably NY, there are tons of postings like "to the idiot on the subway who stank of patchouli" or similar in which the poster calls out someone like the perfectly coiffed person you ran into this morning. They''re hilarious, and probably a somewhat satisfying way to let out some aggression without actually getting into it face to face.

 

[marcy]

I don''t have a short temper but I don''t have much patience. Generally I try to not let things or people get to me. I am a bit on the stubborn side and won''t let someone get under my skin.

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks for all the honest responses--it''s really interesting to see how people handle things differently (and sometimes the same).

Monarch: what a great suggestion, love it!!

 

[KimberlyH]

I get aggitated when people around me are rude, but I don''t typically do anything about it. On occasion I''ve been known to mouth off (for example a group of people who take up the whole sidewalk and refuse to move to the right, even though they see you in front of them, might get a "The sidewalk is not your personal property" or something along those lines) but I try to hold my tongue. When I get frustrated I remind myself that sometimes I get so lost in what I''m doing that I do unthoughtful things too.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/4/2009 7:56:55 PM
Author: whitby_2773


not just theory, janinegirly

i grew up in a house with two diametrically opposed parents in this regard. my mother had a spicy temper and lived by the ''better out than in''. philosophy. consequently she battled sky rocket high blood pressure all her life and dropped dead on a weekend away with my father at age 58.

my father never lost his temper. he was a born communicator and negotiator. my sister and i split their characteristics along the same lines - she has a temper and will lash out, whereas i''m more analytical and tend to take a step back, rather than forward, if riled. my sister has battled high BP all her life while mine stays stable.

i really did get to watch both approaches up close all my life and chose the path i did very much on purpose. i saw my father''s ability to hold on to reason in the face of irritation as a huge strength, and i''m sure it led me into my career as a mediator; it''s still unbelievable to me the percentage of people who lose objectivity and sight of their original goal when they''re really stirred up. but stepping back rather than forward when irritated is a skill that can be learnt, and it''s a valuable one.

i''ve always thought of emotion as being extremely valuable; i''m not going to give mine away unless a situation really warrants it. ditto my peace of mind.

This is so so true.

And like Whitby, I watched two parents who were polar opposites. My dad was always angry, yelling, and had a temper you would not believe. I actually HAVE his temper and it took me many years to learn how to control it. It was good and near dead until I met TGuy!

My dad died almost a year ago. All sorts of health issues - mostly diabetes, but he had to smoke a lot to calm himself down and that didn''t help. My mother is still healthy, smiling and enjoying her granddaughter obviously one year more than my father was able.

I was an angry child (my poor brother bore the brunt of it) and a tempermental teenager. I spent my college years and beyond learning to have a sense of humor and it is the one thing that has saved me. It''s hard to be angry at the world when you can find pretty much everything funny.

 

[crown1]

Date: 6/4/2009 2:55:21 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 6/4/2009 2:44:12 PM

Author: monarch64

I''m generally a very patient person. Life is too short to go around getting ticked off over little things I have no control over all the time. That''s not to say that I don''t catch myself getting fired up over things, because I absolutely do, but I really really really try to think about things before I let them get to me.

ditto. i play a lot of competition bridge - both in person and online. i oftenoftenOFTEN see people storm off on their partners after telling them how stupid they are or what they''ve done wrong. i see this all the time. and WITHOUT FAIL i see that same person not go more than a hand or two before they do something equally stupid which they just don''t even see or for which they have a ''good'' excuse.


most people try hard and do their best. but we''ve formed a society in which manners are undervalued and everyone is encouraged to express their own opinion - for good or for ill and generally regardless of who gets hurt. this passes these days for ''confidence''.


what i''ve learnt is that as i go through life i rely ABSOLUTELY on the non-judgmentalism of others as i am as flawed and mistake ridden as anyone else i know. i bump people, tread on toes, say the wrong thing, come across the wrong way, forget things, break things, do things imperfectly and am generally not the model of cool and together that i wish i was. and frankly, just between you and me, neither is anyone.


living in community is tough. the less ego we bring to the table the better the experience will be. my father gave me a great piece of advice when i was young. he said to me many times -


''you have too much to say for yourself, kareyn; pull your head in.''


damned fine advice for all of us.

good thinking and advice!

 

[Maisie]

I have 5 children and I am extremely calm around them. I never raise my voice and I have never hit them. The only time I get irritable is when I have PMS! I never take it out on anyone but my DH, and even then I just walk away from him.. we don''t get into screaming matches. I think he would like to though! He has a very short fuse!

 

[princesss]

I have a short fuse on a few issues, but I''ve learned to bite my tongue and remove myself from the situation. (For instance, I almost lost it on BF''s roommate last night because it looked like he was going to hit BF''s dog and said he was, "Just trying to teach him not to jump." Umm, yeah, I was in the middle of that WITHOUT HITTING the dog. I got him to leave the dog alone and then went straight to BF''s room with BF and the dog. If I''m not around him, I can''t lose it.)

I get annoyed with people that bump into me, cut in line, act like they run the world and stuff like that. But generally I figure they have something going on in their heads that I don''t know about, and I can shrug it off. I like being a happy, positive person, and anger is the least helpful way to be happy and positive. When I get really annoyed, though, I''ll make up funny, sarcastic letters to the person in my head. By the time I''ve got a draft I''m absolutely positive I''ll send, I''m cracking up at myself and I''ve forgotten to be annoyed.