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Do you have a short temper?

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janinegirly

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I do and wondering how others manage their own? I just get so aggravated when people cross my path the wrong way, and this happens on a regular basis seeing how I do the commute to NYC everyday and am therefore surrounded by aggravated commuters and various delays. Things only get worse once I'm in NYC (work in a very congested area and the subway is a real test of endurance when it comes to dealing with irritating people!).

I have a short fuse and find myself making comments or wanting to file complaints against xyz. Part of it is due to the grind and stress of day to day life (haven't had a real vacation in years), but some is just my own hangup---I hate being walked over and am always ready to take everyone on!

I'm sure this isn't doing me any good, ... and it only adds to my stress, but on the other hand I don't like to bottle things up. Are any of you similar and how do you handle or do you feel, hey, it is what it is!
 
Yes, I have a short temper and am very impatient, in general. Sometimes I end up being confrontational. . .I''m one of those people who does not put up with crap! I''ve nearly stopped talking to all relatives on my side of the family because they push me to the limits and I''m sick of being walked over. It could take just one more psychotic relative guilt trip telephone call before I blow up on a person. It''s easier to simply not answer phone calls.
 
ha MC I'm the same way with being confrontational and not taking crap! I just deal with so many clueless and badly behaved people on a daily basis, that it's hard to hold it in! Not people who I personally know so to speak, but just random people in crowded spaces (commutes, stores, subways,poorly run companies/service providers,etc).

thankfully I don't have too many issues with my own family. I do have some tensions with DH's, and I also tend to avoid them rather than deal with unpleasantness. I 'm just not good with faking liking someone. A skill I could probably use, but alas, it's too late to acquire at this point!
 
My DH has a short temper. He also commutes daily and I think that just adds to his stresses (road rage anyone?
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). I am very even keeled and so I tend to be the one to cool him down. Sometimes, however, my logic and rationalizing just makes him even madder (because he's also a control freak) so I walk a fine line.

The way I see it some things just aren't worth getting all worked up about. Why waste the energy. Ya know?

ETA: And stupid people are stupid people. You aren't going to change that. Why yell at, argue with a stupid person (bad driver, ect)? Not going to get you anywhere. So I guess I kind of do think it is what it is. Sometimes I don't like it but I'm not going to spend my time worrying about it.
 
I''m generally a very patient person. Life is too short to go around getting ticked off over little things I have no control over all the time. That''s not to say that I don''t catch myself getting fired up over things, because I absolutely do, but I really really really try to think about things before I let them get to me.
 
Date: 6/4/2009 2:44:12 PM
Author: monarch64
I''m generally a very patient person. Life is too short to go around getting ticked off over little things I have no control over all the time. That''s not to say that I don''t catch myself getting fired up over things, because I absolutely do, but I really really really try to think about things before I let them get to me.
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ditto. i play a lot of competition bridge - both in person and online. i oftenoftenOFTEN see people storm off on their partners after telling them how stupid they are or what they''ve done wrong. i see this all the time. and WITHOUT FAIL i see that same person not go more than a hand or two before they do something equally stupid which they just don''t even see or for which they have a ''good'' excuse.

most people try hard and do their best. but we''ve formed a society in which manners are undervalued and everyone is encouraged to express their own opinion - for good or for ill and generally regardless of who gets hurt. this passes these days for ''confidence''.

what i''ve learnt is that as i go through life i rely ABSOLUTELY on the non-judgmentalism of others as i am as flawed and mistake ridden as anyone else i know. i bump people, tread on toes, say the wrong thing, come across the wrong way, forget things, break things, do things imperfectly and am generally not the model of cool and together that i wish i was. and frankly, just between you and me, neither is anyone.

living in community is tough. the less ego we bring to the table the better the experience will be. my father gave me a great piece of advice when i was young. he said to me many times -

"you have too much to say for yourself, kareyn; pull your head in."

damned fine advice for all of us.
 
these are great points, but I think those with short tempers tend to react before thinking about how siilly the whole thing is or that it might be a complete pointless waste of time. I tend to react and it makes me feel better to react! Not like some offensive comment or anything, but generally just not laughing off bad behavior and silently sullking away--I just can't do that! Sometimes I would be better off doing that for sure, but my personality in general seems to be one in which I reach my boiling point fast and react and then later on cool off.

Here's an example..this morning a perfectly coiffed 20 something cut in front of me and then cursed out loud and was generally running around blocking everyone because clearly her being late was something everyone had get out of the way for. I made a comment, like "relax!". To which she cursed some more (but more directed at me). I told her I'm sure the sale would be there tomorrow. Catty, but made me feel better. DH is the calm one in my family, but sometimes I get annoyed b/c I feel like he doesn't speak up enough and lets alot of bad behavior slide (little things and big things). The flip side is when he gets angry, it lasts longer and is more unsettling because it's usually made worse by things being bottled up too long (for bigger issues)..
 
I used to have a really short temper but I think i''ve gotten better. I just remind myself it''s physically/psychologically damaging to get upset over everything, and most things aren''t worth risking my health over.
 
Impatience is arrogance in disguise. Its the belief that your time is more important than everyone else''s and that people should get out of your way because the world revolves around you.

When I feel impatient I try to humble myself. Remind myself that I''m NOT more important than the others around me ... and that everyone else is stressed and hurried and busy and subject to the same irritations I am.

Have you ever read the "This is water" commencement address by David Foster Wallace? Sadly he didn''t end up taking his own advice. The advice, however - is still solid IMHO.
 
Date: 6/4/2009 3:03:41 PM
Author: decodelighted
Impatience is arrogance in disguise. Its the belief that your time is more important than everyone else''s and that people should get out of your way because the world revolves around you.

When I feel impatient I try to humble myself. Remind myself that I''m NOT more important than the others around me ... and that everyone else is stressed and hurried and busy and subject to the same irritations I am.

Have you ever read the ''This is water'' commencement address by David Foster Wallace? Sadly he didn''t end up taking his own advice. The advice, however - is still solid IMHO.
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Is it wrong that I think the people going slow around me is arrogance in disguise, because they think their need to go at a leisurely pace is more important than the fact that I need to get somewhere more quickly?
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To answer the OP... I don''t have a short temper except sometimes when driving and using the u-Scan at the grocery store. I usually have to take a step back and calm down. After all, my zipping around someone driving or someone taking an extra 2 minutes to scan their groceries really isn''t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I work at a fast pace, and I realize that not everyone does. It does test my patience and temper, but I''m getting better at dealing with it.
 
The weird thing is I dont see myself as impatient. I am usually extremely patient and polite. But it''s when I see bad behavior from others that extends to me or people around me that I find my blood pressure starts rising and I feel the need to say something in order to at least have that bad behavior called out. To me patience is about waiting my turn, understanding someone else''s difficulties or trying to relate to their situation (or maybe that''s more compassion), but not necessarily letting rude behavior slide. Or how about a case where a store/restauarant is clearly peforming poorly--are you the kind to say, "hey they''re probably having a bad day", or are you the type of person who would expect more and therefore make a point of complaining?

I guess it could be termed "arrogant" that one might take the perogative to determine what qualifies as bad behavior or not, but we all have our limits, it''s just a question of how we handle it. Some might just leave it be, others may be more confrontational.
 
I am usually patient to a fault. I can drive around lost for an hour or two before I get frazzled. I am rarely in a super rush, and tend to take things pretty easily and lightly. SO has really helped me to learn to balance my needs with someone else''s. I try really hard to think about if I am being fair and reasonable. Neither of us really has a temper though. We very rarely have big arguments, and we navigate day to day disagreements pretty adeptly these days. We are pretty good at putting things in perspective, and choosing our battles. In five plus years, SO has yelled at me only one time, so I knew something was really upsetting him, and it wasn''t really about ''me'' anyway. We are both pretty laid back people, but like everyone, we have our buttons. I hate when people are rude, or self entitled. I DESPISE people who take their jobs too seriously, or act as gatekeepers. Life is short, cut people some slack! Send out some good karma! I hate when I am shopping and sales associates harass you. I hate when kids talk back to their parents, and when they look at me crazy when I talk to them about their bad behavior. So, yeah, everyone has fuses! I hear meditation and yoga are good for destressing, maybe that would help?
 
Date: 6/4/2009 3:12:44 PM
Author: janinegirly
The weird thing is I dont see myself as impatient. I am usually extremely patient and polite. But it''s when I see bad behavior from others that extends to me or people around me that I find my blood pressure starts rising and I feel the need to say something in order to at least have that bad behavior called out. To me patience is about waiting my turn, understanding someone else''s difficulties or trying to relate to their situation (or maybe that''s more compassion), but not necessarily letting rude behavior slide. Or how about a case where a store/restauarant is clearly peforming poorly--are you the kind to say, ''hey they''re probably having a bad day'', or are you the type of person who would expect more and therefore make a point of complaining?

I guess it could be termed ''arrogant'' that one might take the perogative to determine what qualifies as bad behavior or not, but we all have our limits, it''s just a question of how we handle it. Some might just leave it be, others may be more confrontational.
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I definitely believe in constructive criticism. There is a way to call out bad form/behavior/service without coming across equally rude, though, imo.

During my years in retail management, I can tell you that as a consumer you will be offered much better service if your complaints are delivered in a polite and professional manner.

There''s a saying my grandmother always used: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" and I try to stick with that attitude.
 
There''s a saying my grandmother always used: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" and I try to stick with that attitude.

True, but then there''s the saying " the squeaky wheel gets the oil" which I find to also be true.
 
Date: 6/4/2009 3:41:41 PM
Author: janinegirly
There''s a saying my grandmother always used: ''You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'' and I try to stick with that attitude.

True, but then there''s the saying '' the squeaky wheel gets the oil'' which I find to also be true.
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Right. No argument here.
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Date: 6/4/2009 3:52:36 PM
Author: monarch64
Date: 6/4/2009 3:41:41 PM
Author: janinegirly
There''s a saying my grandmother always used: ''You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'' and I try to stick with that attitude.
True, but then there''s the saying '' the squeaky wheel gets the oil'' which I find to also be true.
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Right. No argument here.
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The *squeaky* wheel might get the oil ... but a *grinding, grating, sputtering* wheel is gonna get the boot! Ye olde trash heap. No chance of repairing the "damage". Reasonableness is usually pretty easy to spot. As are people taking out their frustrations on whatever''s conveniently annoying at the time --- rather than delving deeply into their psyche about what''s REALLY wrong/upsetting/infuriating.

I don''t put up with cr*p either. But I''ll tolerate a lot of *annoyances* that aren''t malicious in nature. People are all trying to get by the best they can. Its rare someone is out to get you.
 
Date: 6/4/2009 1:14:07 PM
Author:janinegirly
I do and wondering how others manage their own? I just get so aggravated when people cross my path the wrong way, and this happens on a regular basis seeing how I do the commute to NYC everyday and am therefore surrounded by aggravated commuters and various delays. Things only get worse once I''m in NYC (work in a very congested area and the subway is a real test of endurance when it comes to dealing with irritating people!).

I have a short fuse and find myself making comments or wanting to file complaints against xyz. Part of it is due to the grind and stress of day to day life (haven''t had a real vacation in years), but some is just my own hangup---I hate being walked over and am always ready to take everyone on!

I''m sure this isn''t doing me any good, ... and it only adds to my stress, but on the other hand I don''t like to bottle things up. Are any of you similar and how do you handle or do you feel, hey, it is what it is!
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Amen to that! I find that my temper has definitely gotten worse after moving to Manhattan, but being on the subway is the WORST. I loathe the entire experience (the people, the smell, the filth),
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but have no choice but to use it since it''s the easiest and cheapest way for me to get to work everyday. When somebody aggravates me on the subway I just think about how thankful I am to only have to spend a very short amount of time with them and then usually forget about them when I get off at my stop.

I''m also the same as you when it comes to dealing with people, like you said, I''m just not good with faking liking someone.
 
Date: 6/4/2009 3:30:53 PM
Author: monarch64
Date: 6/4/2009 3:12:44 PM

Author: janinegirly

The weird thing is I dont see myself as impatient. I am usually extremely patient and polite. But it''s when I see bad behavior from others that extends to me or people around me that I find my blood pressure starts rising and I feel the need to say something in order to at least have that bad behavior called out. To me patience is about waiting my turn, understanding someone else''s difficulties or trying to relate to their situation (or maybe that''s more compassion), but not necessarily letting rude behavior slide. Or how about a case where a store/restauarant is clearly peforming poorly--are you the kind to say, ''hey they''re probably having a bad day'', or are you the type of person who would expect more and therefore make a point of complaining?


I guess it could be termed ''arrogant'' that one might take the perogative to determine what qualifies as bad behavior or not, but we all have our limits, it''s just a question of how we handle it. Some might just leave it be, others may be more confrontational.
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I definitely believe in constructive criticism. There is a way to call out bad form/behavior/service without coming across equally rude, though, imo.


During my years in retail management, I can tell you that as a consumer you will be offered much better service if your complaints are delivered in a polite and professional manner.


There''s a saying my grandmother always used: ''You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'' and I try to stick with that attitude.
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monarch64

i would have LOVED encountering you in a store situation! i always love dealing with people with a friendly, professional attitude. i can just imagine meeting you in regards to some sort of customer service issue and walking away thinking...."i wish i could have gone got a coffee with her and gotten to know her better..."

(sorry for the threadjack all!)
 
For me, certain things set me off, thus making it very difficult for me to control my temper. Usually, I am able to contain myself and when the time is right, I will blow off my steam in a constructive way. For instance, I will go to the gym, or write in my journal. Other times, I will watch a funny movie, or call a friend who have not talked with in a while.

How I contain myself in the heat of the moment? I tend to internalize my anger and frustration -- not the most healthy way to go, but at least I let go of frustration when appropriate.
 
LOL Monarch!


That's true that an "overly squeaky wheel" can backfire, but in general I've seen it be mostly succeful (if it's a reasonable "squeak" ;)). At least at work. In life, I've complained a few times (re: services)--I generally don't like to b/c I feel all drained and stressed after--but almost always get something beneficial from it. If it's something I have legit point on that is.

In terms of short temperdness, I guess it's that urge to speak up when I see something irritating! That..hmm, I do wish I had more self-control over, but again, I do have to say the people I've seen who are more quiet and accepting of it--at least where I live--generally get walked over.
 
hi blushing
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: I hear you and I know you know what I''m talking about--the subway is something I try to avoid at all costs these days--even if I have to walk 20 blocks!
 
Whitby, you''re so sweet! I really did value the importance of customer service and had amazing clients for the most part. I treated them like gold, and was rewarded with getting to know interesting people from all walks of life who, if I saw them on the street today, would recognize me and have a conversation for sure.

Not everyone is like me, though--I''m a people person, I''m energized by interacting with people--and that''s ok.

Sorry for threadjacking, Janinegirly! *ducks and runs*
 
Date: 6/4/2009 4:19:22 PM
Author: janinegirly
LOL Monarch!


That''s true that an ''overly squeaky wheel'' can backfire, but in general I''ve seen it be mostly succeful (if it''s a reasonable ''squeak'' ;)). At least at work. In life, I''ve complained a few times (re: services)--I generally don''t like to b/c I feel all drained and stressed after--but almost always get something beneficial from it. If it''s something I have legit point on that is.

In terms of short temperdness, I guess it''s that urge to speak up when I see something irritating! That..hmm, I do wish I had more self-control over, but again, I do have to say the people I''ve seen who are more quiet and accepting of it--at least where I live--generally get walked over.
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So really you''re speaking up as a survival technique. I don''t see the harm in that.
Have you ever tried meditation or something similar to alleviate the urge to blow up/"squeak"? Just trying to think of ways to help you stay calm when you need to.
 
janine -

i have virtually no temper. i get irritated from time to time and i HATE injustice and will become furious about cruelty to animals, children, the elderly etc. but i dont get irritated/cross/cranky or snarky by every day stuff. my family can only recall me truly losing my temper twice.

and i more or less never get walked over.

i find that losing my temper gets me nowhere, whereas being well prepared, articulate and negotiating normally gets me exactly what i want.

getting what you want but leaving behind you a trail of people who dislike you isn''t what i''d call ''achieving your goals''. and as for ''letting off steam'' - unlike what used to be believed many moons ago - all the recent studies into anger (i''m a psychologist who specialized in dispute resolution) indicate that anger is the greatest fuel for MORE anger. also, in domestic violence cases, anger is directly related to physical violence; ie an angry person doesnt tend to just let off steam, the anger fuels further anger that ultimately erupts (i''m speaking specifically here) into domestic violence.

internalizing anger isnt resolving anger, but expressing it isnt necessarily helpful either. finding a ground of ''reasonableness'', or negotiation, of expressing displeasure without leaving a trail of deal bodies behind you, socially speaking, tends to work best. that''ll generally get you what you want while keeping your blood pressure at its healthiest level!
 
whit: that's interesting, and sounds great in theory. I wonder how many people are able to practice it though (finding perfect balance). Having virtually no temper is pretty admirable though!

monarch: medidation is something I should probably look into haha. No don't really practice it though except spacing out the train to work. My little one makes it hard to find time for quietude (although seeing her face when I come home does make a lot of the stress melt away, awww). I could really use a vacation though--nice calm spa retreat sounds nice right about now! ;)
 
I don't have a short temper. I try to diffuse things that piss me off. I am not one to keep things bottled up either. I just go about expressing myself in a better way?? Does that make any sense? Losing your temper means to me, losing control. That's not a good thing in my book. I would say I am more patient NOW than I was in my 20's... If I am going to blast someone, I want to know they are getting something from it... Like perhaps they might learn something?? I dunno, I choose my battles careflully. I rarely lose my temper these days. That's too much work!!!
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with 3 kids it's hard having the patience of an angel but I try. I do have a short fuse but really try to be patient. NOW when I'm moody my fuse is non existent. I have no patience for stupidity or moronic ppl during those days (like the man who jumped into my cab yesterday when I was traveling with 3 kids. I was AN ANGEL but cursing him to high heaven in my head. BUT...I kept my cool
 
I am sort of an angry person at times. I am generally happy-go-lucky, but if I am having a bad day or don''t feel well, I am ANGRY. As in, "Get the *!$& out of my way or I will run you over!"

I try not to be like this, because I can see the logic that it does me no good to have such a short temper. It doesn''t help! I must be a secretly angry person inside
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Date: 6/4/2009 4:44:15 PM
Author: janinegirly
whit: that''s interesting, and sounds great in theory. I wonder how many people are able to practice it though (finding perfect balance). Having virtually no temper is pretty admirable though!


monarch: medidation is something I should probably look into haha. No don''t really practice it though except spacing out the train to work. My little one makes it hard to find time for quietude (although seeing her face when I come home does make a lot of the stress melt away, awww). I could really use a vacation though--nice calm spa retreat sounds nice right about now! ;)
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not just theory, janinegirly

i grew up in a house with two diametrically opposed parents in this regard. my mother had a spicy temper and lived by the ''better out than in''. philosophy. consequently she battled sky rocket high blood pressure all her life and dropped dead on a weekend away with my father at age 58.

my father never lost his temper. he was a born communicator and negotiator. my sister and i split their characteristics along the same lines - she has a temper and will lash out, whereas i''m more analytical and tend to take a step back, rather than forward, if riled. my sister has battled high BP all her life while mine stays stable.

i really did get to watch both approaches up close all my life and chose the path i did very much on purpose. i saw my father''s ability to hold on to reason in the face of irritation as a huge strength, and i''m sure it led me into my career as a mediator; it''s still unbelievable to me the percentage of people who lose objectivity and sight of their original goal when they''re really stirred up. but stepping back rather than forward when irritated is a skill that can be learnt, and it''s a valuable one.

i''ve always thought of emotion as being extremely valuable; i''m not going to give mine away unless a situation really warrants it. ditto my peace of mind.
 
I have a short temper when people are doing things around me that drive me crazy, like eating or chewing gum loudly with thier mouths open or something else of that nature. I get all red and my heart starts beating fast and I start shaking. I have to find a reason to leave. I don''t know how to control this, it''s seriously a physical reaction.
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