Wedding Do men plan weddings?

[trillionaire]

This probably sounds like a funny question, but do grooms ever do the bulk of the wedding planning?

Do they ever even do half of it?

I am dating, not engaged, and don''t consider myself a LIW yet either.

SO and I have talked ad nausuem about eloping, but after his younger brother''s wedding this weekend, he is feeling like maybe he wants a traditional wedding. I am pretty thoroughly opposed to this, but if he was willing to plan (or do the bulk of the planning) then perhaps we could come to some agreement/compromise. (I don''t really want anything to do with a "wedding" or wedding planning, just me and him on a local beach exchanging vows, with a bottle of bubbly and 2 cupcakes)

Has anyone EVER heard of the guy planning the wedding? I know that usually women do because they are excited and more particular, but being that I want nothing to do with a traditional wedding, it seems fitting that if that''s what he wants, he should do a minimum of half, if not more of the work, since it would be "his vision" and not "mine" or "ours".

 

[marchswallowbird]

They do if they're gay.

Seriously, have you asked him if he'd be willing to help? It sounds like you're getting a bit ahead of yourself.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2008 8:20:17 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
They do if they're gay.

Seriously, have you asked him if he'd be willing to help? It sounds like you're getting a bit ahead of yourself.

LOL!

It's just hypothetical at this point, though I am fairly certain that he has the ring already... (it has been almost 5 yrs...)

Anyway, I believe firmly that relationships are about compromise, and we had both agreed to elope, but now he is rethinking that aspect. Since it's not just about one or the other of us, I am not opposed to a wedding if he wants one and is going to plan it. I don't want one, or anything to do with one, but 50/50 or thereabouts sounds "reasonable". I don't think that it is ever getting ahead of yourself to have a plan or a preference.

Mainly, I wanted to know if men were interested or actively engaged in the planning process. I posted similarly in the LIW forum, and have gotten MANY replies. Apparently there are some pretty involved men.

This information is generally useful when broaching a subject, IMO.

ETA: My previous description of our relationship may have been misleading. He has wanted to get married, I have been the hold up.

 

[Haven]

My hubby planned a lot of the details of the wedding because I didn''t have the time (I was teaching full-time and just finished my second master''s four months before the wedding.)

It turned out that I did the big-picture things, like make general lists with things that had to be done, and then hubby filled in the details by doing a lot of the little things. It worked out really well, he chose the band and the photographer, and the wedding cake, too. I think our wedding was perfect, so he did a fantastic job for a straight guy.

 

[mimzy]

it takes a lot of imagination for me to picture my fiance doing any of the significant wedding planning. even the things that he said were most important to him he hasn''t bothered to take action on even when control was totally offered to him. but initiative isn''t his strong suite. i''m sure it just depends on the guy!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2008 11:37:39 PM
Author: mimzy
it takes a lot of imagination for me to picture my fiance doing any of the significant wedding planning. even the things that he said were most important to him he hasn''t bothered to take action on even when control was totally offered to him. but initiative isn''t his strong suite. i''m sure it just depends on the guy!

Lol, agreed. SO is NOT into details! But I have no interest, so if he does, then I am happy to let him do it. If neither of us wants to plan it, then it sounds like plan B.

Haven that sounds like a wonderful arrangement, it''s great that he did such a fabulous job! Yay for men with vision! hehe

 

[Laila619]

trillionaire, my fiance is doing about 50% of the planning. So it''s not unheard of! Some guys really get into it. I think it''s sweet, because it shows me how happy he is to marry me.

 

[sklingem]

Yeah - you can get excited and involved as a guy and not be gay!

I probably did more for my wedding than my ex-wife, though it was fairly equal.
And I made our three-tiered wedding cake too! Talk about serious involvement here!
I also think that all women should get their FI involved. Trust the guy and motivate him. It is always easy to argue that guys are "just not into it" to keep total control over the planning and then complain about having to do everything yourself (not that this is always the case of course). So yeah! Power to the guys!

 

[anchor31]

My FI has been very involved, and my brother has been doing a lot of the planning for his own wedding in November. So yes, it happens.

 

[angielea]

Well my dad didn''t plan the first wedding, but for my dad and step mom''s 10th anniversary, He booked the same place, got the same music, the guy who married them, the same flowers, flew in the best man from greece, and staged a surprise vow renewal for my step mom. He had a schedule of events in hand, distributed to everyone. It all went off without a hitch.

She thought they were just going to go eat at the restaurant attached to the place they got married at. When she walked in, Canon in D was playing, and her step father there ready to take her down the aisle.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

D planned a big chunk of the wedding, but that was mostly because I didn''t care enough to do it myself. I wanted to elope and he wanted a wedding, so it made sense for us. In the end, we pretty much just did everything together. The only thing I did on my own was the flowers and that was only because it was just for me and my bridesmaid. I was actually really pleased that there were elements of both of our personalities throughout the wedding. In the end, the planning was more fun than I ever thought it would be, but that was mostly because of D.

 

[scarlet16]

Haven - I''m so envious!

We''re now down to 4 weeks before the wedding and even though I''ve given my FI a list of things he needs to do, he''s done NONE of it. I just had a very rough night because I couldn''t fall asleep with so much wedding stuff on my mind, so I got up and took care of some of it until 2AM. And mind you, I''m supposed to be getting my rest at night so I can study fully during the days...I''m taking the bar next Tuesday. ARGH! I know he works too but I really wish he''d just take care of things!!!

 

[vintagelover229]

Date: 7/22/2008 8:20:17 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
They do if they''re gay.

Seriously, have you asked him if he''d be willing to help? It sounds like you''re getting a bit ahead of yourself.

Hey you stole my answer! LOL did you see that bridezilla that was a gay couple and really, he was WORSE than any of the other ones I''ve seen! He was yelling at his poor WP and telling her she''s stupid and ruined his "perfect" day because the "toast" wasn''t the way he wanted, the food was cold, etc.

To answer your question: It all depends. Most I say stand back because it''s "our" day. But, if your sneeky and ask, well do you like this...and out comes some helpful information!

For example: I like the ostrich feather centerpieces. I proceeded to show them to my FH and he said, "Oh I don''t like that at all". See there you go! He helped!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/23/2008 9:17:57 AM
Author: angielea
Well my dad didn''t plan the first wedding, but for my dad and step mom''s 10th anniversary, He booked the same place, got the same music, the guy who married them, the same flowers, flew in the best man from greece, and staged a surprise vow renewal for my step mom. He had a schedule of events in hand, distributed to everyone. It all went off without a hitch.


She thought they were just going to go eat at the restaurant attached to the place they got married at. When she walked in, Canon in D was playing, and her step father there ready to take her down the aisle.

That would be a DREAM!

How sweet! *melting*

 

[bee*]

D is very into detail so we''ve compromised on all aspects of the wedding until we''ve both been happy with what we''ve chosen. It takes ages but it''s been worth it as both our tastes have been taken into account. D hasn''t been as active in the search for vendors-I''ve looked up lots of them and then when I''ve found about five that I like, I''ll send them onto him and he yays or nays them.

 

[allycat0303]

Well mine acts like he doesn''t care "whatever you want honey" and then starts giving opinons which always consist of "I don''t like.......RAH!!!!" It kind of annoys me because he''s got a total one track mind and zero originality.

 

[Aloros]

I''ll probably end up doing a little over 50% of the planning. I LOVE researching and rooting out the best deals, so I''m doing the majority of that. FI and I compromised on colors, and I''m leaving music (including ceremony) entirely up to him. He''s much more into music than I am. We both have our own vision of what the wedding will be like - and fortunately they''re not too far off from each other!

 

[KCCutie]

I don''t see my SO doing much of the planning but some guys do especially if it what they really want.

Case in point. My ex planned almost all of his wedding. It was her 2nd wedding and she didn''t want to have to do it again so he did almost everything. I didn''t see the outcome but I''m sure it was lovely.

If your SO decided her really wants a wedding and you don''t want to plan one he''ll have to take over so really it about how much he wants it.

 

[jewelerman]

I hear about peoples wedding plans on a daily basis...because im involved with the rings I hear about colors,dresses,honeymoon plans,invitations ect....I have been engaged before(but we didnt marry)and appreciated that i was included in the decision making process and that my opinions and tastes were taken seriously.For the most part I would allow my fience the lead but there are decisions that I expect to be involved in.

 

[FrekeChild]

I dunno, but FF asked me how I''d feel about getting married in Vegas and having a reception at a later date today...

...that gives me some hope...