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Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2007
- Messages
- 1,999
So my MOH is my cousin, E. At first I didn't want any bridal party, but E sorta coaxed me into having her as MOH because of long-ago promises to be in each other's weddings. E doesn't know any of my friends, she's a nurse working nights, she has a new boyfriend she spends all her free time with, she was a BM in another wedding (June 29th- two months before my wedding), and she is not exactly a go-getter when it comes to motivation. Not to mention (and this comes into play further down), she is a completely different person than me, with different styles and a different idea of what is nice, fun, classy, etc.
With that said, we've been close forever and we both don't have sisters, so it was fine. At first. We'll start with the Bridal Shower. I work for an invitation company and I have several talented friends who have offered to help plan and/or create shower invitations, to help E out while she's working late nights and doing stuff for her other friend's wedding. I wanted an invitation that was pretty enough to go into my scrapbook, and because of my job I have high standards. So rather than stress E out with my expectations, I asked my friend, K, an event planner, to help out with the planning where she is needed and pull together the invitations so that they'll look fantastic, and also so they'll be mailed out on time (summers are so busy, people need a lot more lead time).
Well, that didn't go smoothly. My cousin and her mother took K's assistance with the invites as her trying to "take over" the whole bridal shower. They were terrible at getting back to her. They allowed her to design, print, pay for and stamp all the invitations that she was making, before ever getting back to her to tell her they didn't like what she had done with them. They wrote her a nasty email and then remade the invitations with clip art and blurry text (so I hear - I didn't see them) and mailed them a week and a half late. I heard all of this from K's husband, who is a coworker (and a boy) and has no idea that he should probably have kept that stress-laden story to himself, but whatevs.
So then I call my aunt to vent about all of what happened, and she tells me that I can do whatever I want for the wedding, but the bridal shower and bachelorette party belong to E...not me.
WTF?! So it seems the whole family is on E's bandwagon, believing that the center of attention belongs to HER during those parties, and not to myself. So I have nobody to turn to in my family, and going against any of it would make me out to look like an ungrateful b*tch.
Then, there was the question of my bachelorette party. I've always wanted to go to P-town for my bachelorette, but I understand that things cost money and maybe some of my girlfriends might want to do something closer. I assumed that E would confer with my friends before making a decision on the plans, considering that my friends know me and they are all much more like me than she is. So when E called me to ask me to lay out 3 things I wanted for my bachelorette and 3 things I didn't want, I basically outlined the following:
want to go out to dinner somewhere (have 5 pregnant friends who won't go to bars)
want to go to a place for drinks after dinner, that has music and maybe dancing
maybe get a hotel room close by so nobody has to drive home if they get drunk
Love P-town, love beaches
would love to go into NYC
absolutely NO male strippers
do NOT want a limo, tiaras, penis paraphernalia, sashes, candy necklaces, lists, games, or anything that points us out as a bachelorette party.
The next day I'm out with K and she tells me frantically, worriedly, that she doesn't think that I'll like what E has planned for my bachelorette and wants to know if she should nudge E in a different direction. She blurts out that E has mentioned renting a party bus and bar-hopping around Boston.
How in God's name did she read my list of desires and decide that a party bus would fit into it?!
I was pretty upset about it. My pregnant friends would not go on a party bus. And everyone else would be broke at the end of the night because bar hopping in Boston is extremely expensive and time consuming (finding parking, waiting in lines at bars, paying cover charges, then leaving a half hour later and doing it all over again). Absolutely NOT what I was hoping for. She told K that we would absolutely NOT be going "out of town" which means no P-town and no Manhattan. I was crushed.
So now I'm in a position where I can't say anything to E because I'm not supposed to know about the bachelorette disaster. All I can hope is that when K talked to her next, she sufficiently put the bug in E's ear that a party bus would not be my cup of tea. But who knows? She never asked any of my friends what they would want, and if we do end up on a party bus, then she totally disregarded what I wanted.
A couple days after this revelation, E was at my house and she was talking about her other friend's bachelorette party that was the weekend before. I asked her what they did.
"We all went in to P-town."
Ugh.
So now here I am, feeling all but bullied to pick E as my MOH against my wishes (to which I later found out she doesn't even intend to make me her MOH at her future wedding, after all), ended up with a non scrapbook-worthy bridal shower invitation that shipped late despite all my best efforts, will probably end up having a bachelorette party that contains exactly none of my stated wishes (and those invites will most likely go out super late), and all this because I'm so damn worried about being labeled a "bridezilla" that I cannot say anything.
So am I an ungrateful horrible person? Somebody set me straight, one way or another.
With that said, we've been close forever and we both don't have sisters, so it was fine. At first. We'll start with the Bridal Shower. I work for an invitation company and I have several talented friends who have offered to help plan and/or create shower invitations, to help E out while she's working late nights and doing stuff for her other friend's wedding. I wanted an invitation that was pretty enough to go into my scrapbook, and because of my job I have high standards. So rather than stress E out with my expectations, I asked my friend, K, an event planner, to help out with the planning where she is needed and pull together the invitations so that they'll look fantastic, and also so they'll be mailed out on time (summers are so busy, people need a lot more lead time).
Well, that didn't go smoothly. My cousin and her mother took K's assistance with the invites as her trying to "take over" the whole bridal shower. They were terrible at getting back to her. They allowed her to design, print, pay for and stamp all the invitations that she was making, before ever getting back to her to tell her they didn't like what she had done with them. They wrote her a nasty email and then remade the invitations with clip art and blurry text (so I hear - I didn't see them) and mailed them a week and a half late. I heard all of this from K's husband, who is a coworker (and a boy) and has no idea that he should probably have kept that stress-laden story to himself, but whatevs.
So then I call my aunt to vent about all of what happened, and she tells me that I can do whatever I want for the wedding, but the bridal shower and bachelorette party belong to E...not me.
WTF?! So it seems the whole family is on E's bandwagon, believing that the center of attention belongs to HER during those parties, and not to myself. So I have nobody to turn to in my family, and going against any of it would make me out to look like an ungrateful b*tch.
Then, there was the question of my bachelorette party. I've always wanted to go to P-town for my bachelorette, but I understand that things cost money and maybe some of my girlfriends might want to do something closer. I assumed that E would confer with my friends before making a decision on the plans, considering that my friends know me and they are all much more like me than she is. So when E called me to ask me to lay out 3 things I wanted for my bachelorette and 3 things I didn't want, I basically outlined the following:
want to go out to dinner somewhere (have 5 pregnant friends who won't go to bars)
want to go to a place for drinks after dinner, that has music and maybe dancing
maybe get a hotel room close by so nobody has to drive home if they get drunk
Love P-town, love beaches
would love to go into NYC
absolutely NO male strippers
do NOT want a limo, tiaras, penis paraphernalia, sashes, candy necklaces, lists, games, or anything that points us out as a bachelorette party.
The next day I'm out with K and she tells me frantically, worriedly, that she doesn't think that I'll like what E has planned for my bachelorette and wants to know if she should nudge E in a different direction. She blurts out that E has mentioned renting a party bus and bar-hopping around Boston.
How in God's name did she read my list of desires and decide that a party bus would fit into it?!
I was pretty upset about it. My pregnant friends would not go on a party bus. And everyone else would be broke at the end of the night because bar hopping in Boston is extremely expensive and time consuming (finding parking, waiting in lines at bars, paying cover charges, then leaving a half hour later and doing it all over again). Absolutely NOT what I was hoping for. She told K that we would absolutely NOT be going "out of town" which means no P-town and no Manhattan. I was crushed.
So now I'm in a position where I can't say anything to E because I'm not supposed to know about the bachelorette disaster. All I can hope is that when K talked to her next, she sufficiently put the bug in E's ear that a party bus would not be my cup of tea. But who knows? She never asked any of my friends what they would want, and if we do end up on a party bus, then she totally disregarded what I wanted.
A couple days after this revelation, E was at my house and she was talking about her other friend's bachelorette party that was the weekend before. I asked her what they did.
"We all went in to P-town."
Ugh.
So now here I am, feeling all but bullied to pick E as my MOH against my wishes (to which I later found out she doesn't even intend to make me her MOH at her future wedding, after all), ended up with a non scrapbook-worthy bridal shower invitation that shipped late despite all my best efforts, will probably end up having a bachelorette party that contains exactly none of my stated wishes (and those invites will most likely go out super late), and all this because I'm so damn worried about being labeled a "bridezilla" that I cannot say anything.
So am I an ungrateful horrible person? Somebody set me straight, one way or another.
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