Did you grow up quite humbly (poor)?

[diamondyes]

I’m curious.

 

[kenny]

None of the above.
Till I was 10 years old we were very well off.
That's when dad became and alcoholic and everything went to sh!t, including yes, poverty.

At 18 I left, severed ties, and made my own way.

 

[diamondyes]

None of the above.
Till I was 10 years old we were very well off.
That's when dad became and alcoholic and everything went to sh!t, including yes, poverty.

At 18 I left, severed ties, and made my own way.

That sounds like it would’ve been incredibly hard. I’m so sorry your young self went through that. No doubt some of the strength and resilience you have now was gained through that tough time.

So glad you have your sparkle in your life today!!

 

[kenny]

Thanks.

 

[MamaBee]

None of the above.
Till I was 10 years old we were very well off.
That's when dad became and alcoholic and everything went to sh!t, including yes, poverty.

At 18 I left, severed ties, and made my own way.

I grew up with an alcoholic father which was awful. He was fortunately able to keep his job..I have no idea how he did it. I’m happy you were able to come out of your family situation strong.

 

[House Cat]

My mom was a drug addict/alcoholic. She spent all of our extra money on her habits. We did have food, clothes, and shelter. Not much else

 

[Karl_K]

I voted "In-between: We could afford all needs but no extras" which was closest to: In-between: We could afford most needs but no extras"
Lower middle class mostly.
My parent were in their 40s when the last 2 children were born and my dad had a lot of health issues and had to retire early as well as being on health leave a lot when I was younger.
My dad worked really hard for us and my mom did to.
We always had a huge garden that my mom did, lots of canning and a ton of stuff for the church.
I spent more time at the church than I did at home some weeks when school was out.
My dad grew up during the great depression so he stockpiled food when times were good + the garden so if we ever went hungry it was our own fault for not eating what my mom fixed.

 

[stracci2000]

My dad worked in the local steel mill in our small town, and Mom stayed at home. We had a nice but modest 3 bedroom house, and two cars.
We were solidly middle class.

 

[Austina]

We were poor, we didn‘t go without food, but there were no extras, hand me down clothes, no holidays, presents were things of need not frivolity. We didn’t have a car until my Uncle died and left us one, or a telephone or our own home until I was 12.

 

[MamaBee]

We were pretty much like @Austina although we did have a phone and an old car that would always break down. We would get one small present for Christmas from Santa. When I told my mother I recognized her handwriting she stopped getting me a Santa present.

 

[Ibrakeforpossums]

My father and mother were raised during the depression. In 1960 he bought a small town bank, did well and sold it mid-70s. By late 1980s he'd spent all the money so he bought another bank, worked into his late 80s. Man, he could spend money, actually both of them. When I met my late husband, a very "live within your means, no debt" sort, I was attracted to the security. And the lack of outbursts.

 

[Matata]

Ghetto born and bred; poorest of the poor which makes me eternally grateful for all that I now have.

 

[Slickk]

Solid middle class. My parents worked their asses off and died way too young to enjoy the fruits of their labors. So sad and a good lesson to enjoy every day as if it’s your last.

 

[Sparkledrops]

I voted "comfortable". We always had plenty to eat and clothes to wear. We got gifts at Christmas, nothing elaborate though. Our house was just a small house, but it was enough. My dad worked really hard to make a living for what we had.

 

[tyty333]

I grew up between "in-between" and "comfortable"...basically, we could afford all necessities and a few non-essentials but not a lot.
I think I felt kind of poor because I couldn't have all the clothes I wanted but in reality, we had everything we needed.

 

[Bron357]

We weren’t poor but there were no extras. No holidays, gifts were always practical things. Food choices were basic, nothing fancy or expensive. Mother made all our clothes. I remember being so so excited at age 8 getting a watch. I still have that watch of course.
we didn’t have a car or tv or even a stereo like many friends and neighbours did. People would help us out, a neighbor took me to the hospital in their car when I broke my arm. I always felt awkward having to ask for favors and lifts to things. I did a lot of walking like to friends houses. mind you it was safe to do so then. The elderly couple next door used to let us watch their tv and taught us card games and how to do crosswords.
My Dad worked and studied part time (15 years in total). By the time I was 11 he was starting to move up and earn good money and things got much much better.
The one thing it taught me was appreciation of having things.
A lingering effect was that with my daughter I wanted to make sure she had everything she could ever want or need and the best quality I could afford. Thankfully it didn’t “spoil her” but it made the child in me who missed out on many many things I longed for, feel better.

 

[Lookinagain]

I said "comfortable" but after reading posts, I think we all have definitions of what that might be. And perhaps there should be another category, higher than comfortable, but lower than "rich"? I never felt like we were rich, but we never suffered. At least not after I was born. Both parents were raised in the depression, neither were able to finish high school because they had to drop out to work. I have my fathers first bank book and it showed pennies and nickels being deposited. He was ambitious and had a variety of businesses, always doing better. I never wanted for anything. We always had 2 cars, a nice house, tvs, vacations, etc. I got a car for my 16th birthday, always had plenty of new clothes. My college and graduate school were paid for by my parents. So I guess I'd say we were "comfortable plus". I didn't feel rich, because the rich kids were driving Mercedes, Corvettes, etc. But I was certainly more fortunate that many, many others and I did know that. I tried not to spoil my daughter. I live in a fairly upscale town and I never wanted her to feel that she was the richest, or the poorest, but somewhere in the middle, even if I could afford to give her more. And I never have really tried to "keep up with the Jones's".

 

[Begonia]

We had our needs met and not much else. There were 6 of us (4 kids, I'm the last, 12 year spread). Mom was a SAHM and dad worked to support us. Dad was an alcoholic and abusive but kept a steady job and supported us. He also hunted and fished, so we ate moose, deer, wild bird and lots of stream fish. I didn't eat beef until I was 12 or so. Mom had a big garden and baked her own bread. They were both born in the 20's and knew how to stretch a budget. No extras though. Xmas and birthday presents were shoes and clothes. Hand me downs from the cousins.

History repeated itself and I became a SAHM on a very limited budget. My boys have learned to save and budget out of necessity. They pay all their own schooling and we provide room and board. Not a lot of failed classes with them paying for school, which is a positive I guess.

I work now, and have been for 15 years but the financial holes are there in our retirement plan (as in there is no retirement plan). I have to plan my jewelry purchases carefully, and very very intentionally.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

my dad worked hard and had done well at work
my mum was stay at home
we did not get everyhting we asked for but we got everything and more than we needed
i never wen to disneyland - one kid in my class had been
i ddint get a horse
it isnt even all that exspensive to have a horse here
i just cry when i hear of people growing up when i did that did not get enough of the nessesdies of life, esecailly food, becasue my mother feed everyone

my sister's husband was from a broken home and his mother really struggled and the father was nasty

my parents never wasted money, we had two cars and two houses all paid for long before it was common but my dad build one house with his own two hands

but my parents did not understand the importance of education in the modern world
after my dad died at 53 mum made a bad real estate desscion and life wasnt as easy
i should have helped more but i just couldnt afford it
only my sister got to go to university because she was in the top class at high school and i was only average and i cant spell and have terrible handwriting
i went to work in a shop
which over a life time is physically demanding and soul destroying and it does not make you rich only sore and achy

but my mum and dad were old fashoned and thought i would just find a husband to look after me
another thing they should have done was let us spend some of the money we saved
it all had to go in the bank so we had no satisfaction of saving up for something ourselves

so there is no way i am living to the same standards as we did back then
the world has changed and ive been unable to keep up or get ahead
i thought through hard work like my dad i could make it but the world doesnt work like that anymore
ive never been good at networking nor had a wide useful circle of friends
and at work it was always the ar** holes who got ahead by treating others badly
well ive desidied its more important to be nice

i moved to the big city to make it but all that happened was the big city chewed me up and spat me out
for a long time i was kind of angry and dissapointed but im over it now

and we're ok
even though our house isnt as nice as the house i grew up in and its a lot less warm in the winter we can afford the moragage (and a lot of people with much nicer houses can not right now) and i get plenty of free bread from work

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Poor but always had enough food. The four of us lived in a one bedroom unit for years until the government gave us a nice townhouse subsidised with really cheap rent (thank goodness for Australia and its fantastic welfare policies).

Always had really good food though. Just no money for extras. Shoes, clothes, toys etc were second hand or presents from people.

Very grateful for what I have today and forever indebted to Australia for making it happen!

 

[monarch64]

There is a world of difference between comfortable and very wealthy. I wouldn’t say we were “rich,” but we always had mostly everything we wanted with a few exceptions. Elaborate Christmases were a big thing for my family although it caused a lot of tension and stress for whatever reason. I was taken on shopping trips to buy school clothes twice a year, every year. Vacations twice a year. We had a hobby farm, my entire family owned businesses, my brother and I were given (nice, but used) cars in high school, I received a brand new car for my 21st bday, both of us had been left college funds by our grandfather, etc. I had a very nice, large first wedding paid for by my parents, they also paid for my brother’s reception. My mother was a SAHM but she did tons of volunteer work in the community and was always getting things pushed through like a stoplight for a dangerous intersection, blankets for every police officer to have in their patrol car, she taught basic aid training in all the schools for the Red Cross, just all kinds of social things. My dad worked the businesses and he stopped drinking by the time I was 10 because that was becoming a problem. Even WITH all that, there was plenty of dysfunction. Times were not always happy, and they tended to show love with gifts in between hellacious arguments. I don’t feel any guilt for how I grew up; my dad had me working at the age of 7 during the summers one day a week and I worked through high school and college, which is why I had a job as soon as I graduated. My brother worked his butt off on the farm all those years and has inherited that property, as he should. My chores were push mowing and weed-eating the lawn—we did NOT have a gardener, haha. It is all relative, though. I grew up in a small town with a lower COL. So when you say comfortable or rich…those are comparative terms for where you live. When I moved to Chicago everyone was carrying designer bags and wearing 2 carat diamonds; I was aghast at the difference in what was considered “wealthy.” My parents home there would have been worth millions. At home it would’ve sold for less than half a million.

My paternal grandparents were well-off but there are some painful skeletons, and my gpa passed away the year I was born. Things probably appeared wonderful on the outside but there was a lot of drama behind the scenes.

As an adult I have experienced some serious financial struggles due to my own mistakes and had to learn the lessons others learned as children. That has been hard. Fortunately I have always been able-bodied and found ways to get through those times without having to ask my parents for help. My life has not been all sunshine and roses because I was a privileged child. I will forever be grateful for every tool I was given in life due to generational wealth, capitalism, and being born white in the US. Those things are not at all lost on me, not for one minute. It isn’t white guilt I feel, it’s more of a feeling of responsibility to help others BECAUSE I had/have so much already. I see a lot of the “pull yourself up by the bootstraps, if I can do it anyone can,” and then just downright obliviousness on the part of wealthier people to the problems capitalism and the disparity in SES cause. I feel responsible to call it out and to stand up for others to help them get where they are trying to go.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Poor but always had enough food. The four of us lived in a one bedroom unit for years until the government gave us a nice townhouse subsidised with really cheap rent (thank goodness for Australia and its fantastic welfare policies).

Always had really good food though. Just no money for extras. Shoes, clothes, toys etc were second hand or presents from people.

Very grateful for what I have today and forever indebted to Australia for making it happen!

dont forget dear Mellow that Australia (and NZ etc) need to be greatful to immigrant families for choosing to come here too
you have added much more to the cultural landscape then we ever knew to be greatful for

plus do you know how bland the food was even when i was growing up in the 70s and 80s

 

[vintageinjune]

"In between" is where we fell. The first year of my life or so my parents were on welfare, and I'll admit it stings when people talk down about other people who rely/relied on it. They are usually pretty shocked to hear that I was a welfare baby.

We never went without food, and we had things like bikes, fishing poles, camping gear, etc. Ate a lot of wild game growing up. Christmas was usually a medium sized present, like new art supplies or a basketball, with clothes/candy/necessities. Wore a lot of hand me downs from my cousin (I loved getting boxes of her old clothes as a kid, her mom and grandma bought her awesome stuff!). We also got the occasional vacation in our teenage years, but everything was so carefully planned and saved for.

My parents worked their way up from working poor through my childhood, and landed solidly in middle class a few years after us three kids were moved out. They went through a lot of struggles, on so many fronts, but managed to get to where they are now.

Last year, I was able to go hunting in the fall with both my father and one of my brothers. That had not happened , it being all three of us, in about eighteen years. Original plan had been to camp, but weather pattern changes had my dad deciding that we would book a hotel at the nearest town instead. It was a common budget hotel chain with a suite so we had enough beds for all of us, and one of the nights we got to talking about how difficult it had been for my parents to do any of the trips we had growing up (mostly just hunting and fishing stuff, but there was a trip out of state to see my grandpa and two others to another state to see my mom's side of the family), and how they were always so happy when they could pull it off. Dad expressed his immense gratitude about being in a point in his life where he could afford to book a hotel for a couple nights without having to agonize over where he would get the money. (My brother and I had both asked what our portion of the hotel expenses were, but our father insisted to both of us together and individually that it was his treat. We let him have his way because we both know how much it means to him to be able to do that.)

I find myself actively grateful nearly every day for where I am now in my own adult life, especially due to how I grew up. 110% believed that "making it" in life would be if I could ever buy a manufactured home instead of a trailer. College was an expectation growing up, but I didn't think it would actually help me make money because both my parents had degrees and look how hard their lives were while I was growing up. Spoiler alert: College really did pay off for me. My biggest guilty pleasure in life is being able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want without having to worry about the cost. It used to be getting my nails done every single week after landing my first job (that was the most deliciously luxurious thing I could imagine at the time!), but that lasted a little less than a year as the novelty wore off and I realized that while I *could* afford it, I didn't need to be doing that.

At this point in life, I'm back in college working on my next degree for a completely different field where the earning potential is much higher and I won't have to keep breaking my body to do my job. We have 13 years left on the house if we don't pay it off sooner, and I want to make sure we have enough saved to retire early as well as potentially take care of aging parents. A background fear is that we are only one medical diagnosis away from potential financial ruin - I've seen it happen too many times. My parents are both cancer survivors, and the costs were astronomical.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

plus do you know how bland the food was even when i was growing up in the 70s and 80s

Haha I've read several books where people say it was just meat and 3 veg!

It's so lovely now to see how much things have changed. For example I have a good friend who is of Greek heritage. Her family eats pho every week without fail and other vietnamese food once a week.

My other friend (Caucasian Aussie) makes this pungent Viet stewed pork every week for her family. Haha my half Viet child can't eat that dish whereas her blond children scoff it down. Always so interesting to hear things like that!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Haha I've read several books where people say it was just meat and 3 veg!

It's so lovely now to see how much things have changed. For example I have a good friend who is of Greek heritage. Her family eats pho every week without fail and other vietnamese food once a week.

My other friend (Caucasian Aussie) makes this pungent Viet stewed pork every week for her family. Haha my half Viet child can't eat that dish whereas her blond children scoff it down. Always so interesting to hear things like that!

and the veg was boiled to death for hours
i only rediscvered cabbage durring lockdown
the only herbs were rosemary, sage ,tyme, chives and mint (i mean at least they used herbs - stuffing was good )
my mum did actually make good meals and so did my grandma
and cakes and puddings were good and lots of different cream cakes but food was basic and not varried like today
macaroni was a milk pudding

the mircowave improved veges like you would not beleave
and then we got pasta sauce (the home made spagettiu and tomato we had before that was horrible and often blew up like home made ginger beer)

you know chicken used to be a real treat -maybe once or twice a year, never fresh chicken either
and a fresh pinnapple at xmas and grapes if someone was sick
i rememeber when mum started buying capisums - the humble bell pepper was a taste explosion !

in 1990 we got avos in a citrus fruit basket when my dad got sick
we ddint know what to do with them, so we had it with icecream
because they were called an avocardo pear !
avocardo prevoulsy was a colour you found in outdated bathroom, not something to eat

the spiciest food we ate was KFC
and very mild curried sassages
i hated rice because i had never had it with anything with real flavour

your taste buds would have gone to sleep with boerdom


today the internet is a wonderful thing, but back then when i was growing up my parents weer so afraid of spice and heat
my mother used to complain i used more spice in my xmas cake than she used in a year -saddly this was all too true

 

[Dandi]

For the most part we were comfortable, but there were many times that dad told mum that she was going to have to go back to work when we were small, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She had a stay-at-home mum herself, and it was so, so important to her that she do the same for us. She wanted so badly to do all school drop offs, pickups and be there to ferry us to and from sports and other after school activities.

So for a number of years money was pretty tight - dad was a teacher and earned a good wage, but nothing extraordinary. We rarely ate out, mum made all our clothes and cooked every night, leftovers were a regular thing, and she budgeted hard for Christmas and birthday presents, so despite not having much extra money, we never felt that we missed out. We still played sports, I was a dancer since the age of 4, all went to fantastic private schools, had 2 cars etc...and while other kids at school went on overseas holidays, once or twice a year we'd have a night away somewhere within a few hours drive. We'd have picnics and camp in the back yard, we are close to the beach so visited there a lot. We (my 3 brothers and I) all loved our childhoods, and really have only very fond memories. Sure, there was the odd material thing that we'd pine for that was simply out of reach financially, but we'd get over that pretty quickly!

Mum went back to work part time (which she HATED) when we were all at school, to pay for school fees and the odd treat here and there. Buy the time I was in high school, mum and dad were completely debt free, so she dropped her hours to the minimum needed to cover school expenses, and was much happier for it.

So in a nutshell, we certainly weren't wealthy, and had few extras, but really never wanted for anything. We are all so grateful, but I do wonder sometimes how they did it all!

 

[Petalouda]

My Father became pretty wealthy when I was young. He was an immigrant with nothing who worked his behind off and a visionary. Truly intelligent and intuitive. Unfortunately he was also a functioning alcoholic and I suspect undiagnosed bipolar. Him and my Mom had awful fights and my Mom most likely had borderline personality disorder and was a full blown addict. They both passed when I was in my 20s.

We had money but my parents didn’t do excess. I’m grateful they got me a car and paid for my schooling. There were many Christmas’s with no presents because my Mom was depressed. My Father would never buy her presents so she wouldn’t buy us any. She became a Mom at 18. Way too young and sometimes I think she saw my siblings and I as equals versus her children.

I wasn’t allowed to decorate my room and my Mom mostly would buy my clothes but again, nothing excess but they had the means for excess.

 

[Petalouda]

For the most part we were comfortable, but there were many times that dad told mum that she was going to have to go back to work when we were small, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She had a stay-at-home mum herself, and it was so, so important to her that she do the same for us. She wanted so badly to do all school drop offs, pickups and be there to ferry us to and from sports and other after school activities.

So for a number of years money was pretty tight - dad was a teacher and earned a good wage, but nothing extraordinary. We rarely ate out, mum made all our clothes and cooked every night, leftovers were a regular thing, and she budgeted hard for Christmas and birthday presents, so despite not having much extra money, we never felt that we missed out. We still played sports, I was a dancer since the age of 4, all went to fantastic private schools, had 2 cars etc...and while other kids at school went on overseas holidays, once or twice a year we'd have a night away somewhere within a few hours drive. We'd have picnics and camp in the back yard, we are close to the beach so visited there a lot. We (my 3 brothers and I) all loved our childhoods, and really have only very fond memories. Sure, there was the odd material thing that we'd pine for that was simply out of reach financially, but we'd get over that pretty quickly!

Mum went back to work part time (which she HATED) when we were all at school, to pay for school fees and the odd treat here and there. Buy the time I was in high school, mum and dad were completely debt free, so she dropped her hours to the minimum needed to cover school expenses, and was much happier for it.

So in a nutshell, we certainly weren't wealthy, and had few extras, but really never wanted for anything. We are all so grateful, but I do wonder sometimes how they did it all!

I have a peer who is making similar sacrifices and I admire her so much!!! It’s been hard and she’s had to opt out of a lot of stuff including hosting showers for mutual friends but I can see her family has so much love and her boys are an absolute delight.

 

[chrono]

In between. We were not lacking in food, clothing and shelter but food was rationed (supplement fruits and vegetables from our garden), clothes and toys were hand me down from cousins, no presents for any occasions, and of course, had no idea what vacation even meant.

On the other hand, my parents saved up for what they felt was important for us aka piano and violin lessons as backup future careers as music teachers.

I'd say we weren't poor but extremely frugal.

 

[AprilBaby]

We were very comfortable. My dad was the first and only in his family to go to college after I was born on the GI bill. I was 2 when he graduated. He did all the heating and air conditioning mechanical engineering for the casinos in Atlantic City. We had 2 cars, nice home $27,000 in 1970, a week at the shore every year I can remember. We ate well, never went hungry. My stepmother was frugal with clothing. I went to an award winning high school. When it came time for college my father refused to pay for his three daughters; they were just going to get married and have babies. My sisters and I worked our way through with no debt. My baby brother, however, got paid college, apartment and beer every Friday. He also came out with no debt. The sisters are all happily married and working. My brother is divorced with 4 kids who despise him, several different girlfriends and failing businesses. But yeah, we were not wealthy but very comfortable.