Home Did you abstain before the wedding??

[princessplease]

I was thinking about this last night, and was wondering, did you abstain from intercourse prior to the wedding? (for those who were intimate with their spouses prior to marriage, but if you waited until marriage, please contribute!).

If so, for how long prior to the wedding? How did you bring it up with DH? How did he take it? Was it worth it (without getting too personal, of course!)? If you're not married, are you planning on abstaining prior to the wedding?

 

[Elmorton]

Well...yes, but not on purpose. Grad school/wedding planning does not put a person in the mood very often, but I will say that he was sent off appropriately to his bachelor party and leave it at that.

To be honest - I think it''s overrated. Post wedding lovin will be wonderful no matter what you do in the months prior.

 

[bee*]

We didn''t abstain purposely, but we were so busy for the week or two before the wedding that we didn''t have time to do it. We were together almost 10 years when we got married. DH was as busy as I was so it wasn''t a big deal as we knew we''d be on honeymoon in a few weeks time.

 

[vespergirl]

Yes, for several weeks before the wedding, but it was more due to circumstance. I was 13 weeks pregnant when we got married, so the fatigue and nausea weren''t making me feel especially amorous

 

[KatyWI]

Yes, for at least a few weeks, but not on purpose.

We were super tired/busy a few weeks before the wedding, then I got AF, and starting 2 weeks before the wedding we had people in our house constantly. So a lack of privacy and time sort of killed that!

I''m sure our first married lovin'' would have been fab with or without the abstaining, but you know, I''m secretly glad it had been awhile!

 

[jstarfireb]

Not really, but for the year leading up to the wedding (and continuing through now), we''ve lived in different cities 300 miles apart, so as you can imagine, it''s not been terribly easy to get together.

 

[JSM]

Again, not intentionally! With everything going on, sex didn''t even enter my mind.

I don''t think our intimate behavior during our elopement was any different because of it - we were just excited to be married!

 

[elrohwen]

Nope. Things have been normal here.

Though a friend of mine just told me that she and her FI are abstaining til their wedding (which is in May or June of next year). She blames it on Catholic guilt brought on by the marriage course they''re currently taking

They do live together, so we''ll see how long it lasts.

 

[Octavia]

Another "due to circumstances" post here. FI will be out of the country for the week leading up to the wedding, returning the day before. (Yeah, I know. I''m not completely pleased. But there wasn''t much I could do about it.). So I figure, what''s one more night? He''s making me stress, I''ll make him pay.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

I don''t know if my circumstances were what you were also asking about, but we abstained completely until marriage because of religious beliefs. However, I don''t have much a drive, so it''s been difficult for me to adjust to HIS needs because it never enters my mind. It''s annoying that my body is like this, and I''m working on it, but who knows if it''ll ''resolve?'' I sure hope so!!

 

[sba771]

Not married yet but we will hopefully abstain for the week before the wedding because our religious tradition is to not see one another for a week before. For some reason if it is less than a week, we will definitely abstain once I hit up the mikvah since I will be considered ''pure'' once I take part in it and therefore makes the wedding night special (in my religion, even though technically you are supposed to be a virgin, but I am a modern Jew and pick and choose what works for me and my lifestyle).

 

[Tuckins1]

We abstained as of midnight the night before.

But until 11:59....

(I know, i''m bad.

)

 

[Laila619]

We waited until we were married. Yes it was worth it.

I think for couples who don''t wait until marriage, abstaining for a few weeks would make things extra fun and spicy for the wedding night.

 

[meresal]

Kind of, but only beacause we weren''t in the same city the week before the wedding.

 

[kama_s]

We ended up abstaining for about a month prior to our wedding. First, I had my menstrual cycle, then we had some guests stay over with us, then my father arrived for the wedding. It left us with a few days before the wedding and we figured we might as well abstain for the next few days since we involuntarily did for the past few weeks.

I don''t think abstaining for a brief while before the wedding would make the sex-life all that spicy. The wedding and honeymoon adds so much endorphins to the mix, that sex will be fantastic regardless!!

 

[Lilac]

We waited until we were married to have sex because of our religious beliefs, but we did fool around in other ways before we were married and we stopped that about 6 weeks before the wedding. Actually that''s not entirely true... we TRIED to stop that 3 months before, then 2 months before, then finally actually DID stop any form of fooling around a month before the wedding.

The fact that it had been a while since we did any fooling around at all, along with the fact that it was our "first time" and we had waited so long for it, and the fact that it was the first time we slept in the same bed and stayed in a hotel together made the night so unbelievably magical and special. I think about it pretty often and I''m so happy we waited because it really was the best and most special night of my life.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

MY husband and I did not wait until we were married. We remained friends and pen pals for 2 and a half years while he was overseas with the navy, when he came back to realized that we were in love but due to the fact that I was much younger than him and he was away a lot...... we only technically dated for a couple months before we got married and didn''t waste any time 3 weeks before we got married,he came home and well you can figure out what happened. My husband was 26 at the time an had not been with a women before, he is a shy religious person. We just pased out 2 year anniversary last month.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 9/20/2009 8:28:33 AM
Author: Tuckins1
We abstained as of midnight the night before.

But until 11:59....

(I know, i'm bad.

)

Ditto. I was in Vegas, in a Honeymoon Suite at The Bellagio . . . like I wasn't gonna!

But, seriously. We had friends calling us from the blackjack and poker tables the night of our wedding to "see what we were up to".

 

[anchor31]

We waited until marriage, so yes, we abstained for 5 years. The first year was the hardest, then we sort of got used to it.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Our situation is weirdly crazy. My FI was a self-admitted "man whore" through his 20s and early 30s. He then changed his ways, and had a series of committed relationships. In the last relationship, he actually stopped having sex with her, deciding he wanted to wait until he was married.

Enter me. He told me on day 1 he didn''t want to have sex until marriage. So here we are, 6 months later, no sex. Because of our situation with my ex refusing to give us a divorce, we are likely going to have sex soon - 6 months is too long to wait for some action with my incredibly sexy FI!!!!

 

[trillionaire]

I have no idea what we will do. We''ve been together for 6 years, but LDR for 5 of them.

We have gone for long periods and short periods, so I have to agree that the time between makes far less difference than the emotion and connectedness that you feel on any given night. We''ve had so many beautifully intimate nights over the years, full of sentiment, because we are with each other, and thrilled about it. We''ve only been with each other, and it''s amazing to know that we have only shared such intimacies with one another.

As far as before the wedding night, I think FI thinks it''s a little silly to abstain, but we''ll see. We typically go 3 weeks between visits anyway, so anything from 3-6 weeks isn''t really even challenging anymore... but I am very amorous and frisky, with a strong drive, so who knows...

 

[Porridge]

I think it might be a good idea! We fly home two weeks before the wedding, so I think those weeks could be celibate...no promises though

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 9/22/2009 4:10:23 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Actually.. it was just too busy to think about the ''deed''

for a few weeks.. but.. my step daughter and I rented a hotel room the night before the wedding so we were traditional in THAT manner. lol It was a fun mother/daughter night..

*eta.. how many of you were too tired AFTER the event....? That would have been us, the old guys. lol

Not a newlywed but have to share this story.

My aunt had her wedding & reception and since money was tight, did some of the clean up herself (family was there to help too). It did cut WAY back on the bill for renting the place. After that, she and her husband headed home for the night with plans to leave for Oregon the next morning. When they got home, they found that his sister had trashed their apartment. Shredded paper and cookie crumbs everywhere. Crunched up potato chips & whipped cream in the bed, etc. So they had to clean the place up before they could go to bed.

I''m pretty sure they were too tired (and mad) for anything to have happened that night.

 

[merrymunky]

Add a +1 to the "Unintentional abstainance" party.

We barely thought about it in weeks leading up to the wedding. We have been together for almost 8 years so we''re used to going off the boil for a few weeks at a time. Our working lives are hectic and our sleeping patterns have been different for a while. I''m one of these shy types who only likes it in the comfort of our bed with the lights off. (Major body hangups due to my weight)

BUT...I think I may be the first to say that the first time as a married couple was AMAZING. It just felt a lot more intense. Our honeymoon was MUCH fun!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 9/22/2009 4:10:23 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Actually.. it was just too busy to think about the ''deed''

for a few weeks.. but.. my step daughter and I rented a hotel room the night before the wedding so we were traditional in THAT manner. lol It was a fun mother/daughter night..

*eta.. how many of you were too tired AFTER the event....? That would have been us, the old guys. lol

We were so exhausted as well and allllmost skipped it. Then we managed to find that second wind. He had been up since 230 am (got barfed on by one of his intoxicated groomsmen) and I had been up since 5. Come 11 we were so beat!

To answer the OP... I don''t *think* we abstained prior to the wedding. I don''t really remember! We did wait to ditch the condoms until we were married though. At least that was something we both really looked forward to.

 

[Pandora II]

Yes, but not due to any rational decision - more because we were too tired/stressed/not in the mood!

However, wedding night was when the BC when out the window and the TTC marathons began... I think DH was almost sad I got KTFU so fast!

Mind you, since DD was concieved it''s been once on our honeymoon and once since she was born - poor man, I went majorly off DTD when I was preggo (26 weeks of morning sickness = zero libido) and my stitches from the birth are still not too brilliant painwise. But then we have a lot of hugs, kisses and cuddles - which are MUCH more important than sex IMHO.

 

[geckodani]

Waited until marriage (I did, he didn''t). Never regretted the decision.

 

[sparkly_stars]

My darling husband got injured at work the week before the wedding- so between working, planning a wedding from 3000 miles away, getting ready for our flight, having to drive him to a billion doctors appointment, making sure he was okay to get himself to the washroom, let alone anything else...there wasn''t much time for any "fun time"
BUT. I think we would have done with a week without prior anyways- just for the tradition of it.

It was perfect for us, because our wedding was on a Sunday, so the party lasted till about 10 (ish- since there was a MAJOR snow storm warning), and we got to enjoy our entire night in our honeymoon suite!

 

[blissfulbride]

we did and when it did happen it was totally worth it !

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I don''t know what we will do but my sister and her husband were so exhausted the night of their wedding and didnt get much to eat so they raided the kitchen of the ranch resort we were staying at and made themselves a frozen pizza instead lol after that they both hit the hay