I've been pretty sad for the past few hours and am hanging out on PS to get my mind off of things. Today I hung out with a friend that I had not seen for a few months. She's been married for two years and from the moment I saw her I could tell something was wrong. She began to cry within 20 minutes of hanging out and told me that her husband has told her that he does not want to have children and she does.
She's 34 and she feels like she's running out of time, she really wants to have a baby. At first I felt like bad mouthing him in order to have a our "sistehood pow wow" but I decided that she probably just needed a shoulder to cry on. After soothing her she told me that they had not really talked about kids before getting married, and that she had assumed that it would just happen. We spoke a lot more, but I just didn't know how to respond to that. My hear breaks for her, but I also feel for him. Nobody should feel forced into having a child or not having a child because their partner does not want to.
But what perplexed me is the fact that they had not talked about it enough to be clear on where they stood. I have spoken to my partner about these issues long before we were even engaged, and he's shared his feelings too. On the other hand, my cousin does not want to give birth but wants to adopt children and she's talked about to her partner extensively too.
I just don't understand how you go into a marriage without having things be a bit more defined, or having these serious conversation. But after speaking to my friend, I could tell that the issue had "just not come up" those were her exact words. How is that possible? While these two didn't have a perfect marriage I could tell they really enjoyed each others company. They do a lot of things outside of their home, they don't fit into stereotypical gender rolls. She's not a stepford wife. I can tell they have chemistry and overall seem to have a happy marriage. Lots of communication, affectionate to each other, i've never seen them fight and she's never really complained about anything before.
I just don't get it. Have any of you experienced this yourself or with a family member/friend ??? do these things happen a lot? are there big things like things that you wish you had talked about before getting married?
She's 34 and she feels like she's running out of time, she really wants to have a baby. At first I felt like bad mouthing him in order to have a our "sistehood pow wow" but I decided that she probably just needed a shoulder to cry on. After soothing her she told me that they had not really talked about kids before getting married, and that she had assumed that it would just happen. We spoke a lot more, but I just didn't know how to respond to that. My hear breaks for her, but I also feel for him. Nobody should feel forced into having a child or not having a child because their partner does not want to.
But what perplexed me is the fact that they had not talked about it enough to be clear on where they stood. I have spoken to my partner about these issues long before we were even engaged, and he's shared his feelings too. On the other hand, my cousin does not want to give birth but wants to adopt children and she's talked about to her partner extensively too.
I just don't understand how you go into a marriage without having things be a bit more defined, or having these serious conversation. But after speaking to my friend, I could tell that the issue had "just not come up" those were her exact words. How is that possible? While these two didn't have a perfect marriage I could tell they really enjoyed each others company. They do a lot of things outside of their home, they don't fit into stereotypical gender rolls. She's not a stepford wife. I can tell they have chemistry and overall seem to have a happy marriage. Lots of communication, affectionate to each other, i've never seen them fight and she's never really complained about anything before.
I just don't get it. Have any of you experienced this yourself or with a family member/friend ??? do these things happen a lot? are there big things like things that you wish you had talked about before getting married?