Dealing with the loss of a coworker

[beechezz]

Hi everyone! Today I found out my coworker passed unexpectedly last night and I lost it. I obviously was in shock! Although we weren''t very close I was really devastated. He was one of those people who took me under his wing when I first started, and someone I could always trust. Luckily my employer had grief counselors available to talk to, and my boss sent me home.

That being said, I was just curious how each of you has dealt with this situation at work (if you ever have had to)?

 

[radiantquest]

I am sorry you are going through this. It must be jarring. I do not have first hand experience dealing with this, but my I feel so terrible for his family. At least you have us in case you need support.

 

[Ara Ann]

Several years ago we had a traumatic experience in our office... The guy I am speaking of wasn''t an employee of the company I worked for, but a contractor that worked on the equipment in our offices. My co-workers and I got to know him really, really well, he worked with us all day, every day. He was a great guy, had a great smile and sense of humor...he loved his wife and young son, who was about a year old when I started working there...anyway...about a year later, this man found out his wife was having an affair and was going to leave him. He was emotionally devastated and ended up shooting and killing her and then killed himself. His son was not hurt, other than being orphaned. Talk about a shock. I could not imagine him doing anything like that, ever. We never got any grief counseling, but were allowed to talk about it with each other as we needed. Things were not the same after that...and I left that company shortly afterward.


I am sorry about the loss of your co-worker...just take the time you need, remember the good times and try to feel better.

 

[beechezz]

Thank you radiantquest, I appreciate it. I think the shock of it all was the worst thing, and I know his family is obviously devastated. Why do these things always seem to happen more often around the holidays? I just feel bad for his 3 children, the youngest is 12 years old.

 

[purrfectpear]

We''ve had a few people drop dead over the years. So far no one has died at their desk, they all passed in accidents or health issues. The only one that really brought the morale down was totally unexpected. Years ago we had a fairly young guy (mid to late 30''s) that had already had a couple of heart attacks due to genetic cholesteral issues. Eventually his heart was unrepairable and he was on the wait list for a heart transplant. There were days his color was so bad that we really thought we''d lose him before a heart became available. He wore a pager so they could contact him if one that was a suitable match came up. Mentally I don''t think any of us believed he make it that long as the wait can be months/years. Imagine how excited we all were when he was paged one day and rushed off to the hospital. Whew, we thought. He''s saved. Who knew?

Unfortunately we were so focused on the possibility of him dying before a transplant was available that none of us gave any thought beyond that day. Once he was off to receive the transplant we were so relieved. They transplanted the heart and the operation went well. Then it was time to start the new heart. It didn''t start. He died. It was a total shock. We went from elation to abject horror. I still think about him 20 years later.

 

[Haven]

I''m so sorry for your loss.

What has helped you grieve the loss of other people in your life? Do you feel better when you reminisce with mutual friends about the person, for example?

Personally, it helps me to write a heartfelt condolence letter to the deceased''s immediate family. I like to include my favorite memory of their loved one, and somehow sending it always makes me feel better, as if sharing my own memory with someone else helps keep it alive and make it more real. It sounds silly now that I write it out, but that''s what works for me when people I''m not super close with, yet close enough to miss, pass away.

 

[noelwr]

well, we had a friend murdered at the office by his colleague (who was supposed to be his best friend but had psychological issues). I wasn''t working for this company anymore at that time, but this happened in my brother''s department! thankfully he wasn''t at the office that day.

though we weren''t super close it really hit me hard because I thought it was such a horrible way to die, and the guy was so friendly to everyone and still so young and engaged and so much still to do in life... I sobbed so hard at the funeral, I surprised myself. I think I really needed the funeral to let out my emotions. almost the whole company showed up. he was so well liked.

because people in the department actually witnessed the murder (which was a slitting of the throat) and some people were involved in trying to apply pressure and save him, they made sure that counselors were available and they moved the whole department to another floor.

I would definitely continue to speak to the grief counselor as I believe talking really helps, and also attend the funeral if you are invited.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

A co-worker of mine committed suicide 6 days before Christmas 1988. He left a wife, a 2 year old son and a 2 week old daughter behind. He and I were very good friends, and not a day goes by that I don''t think about him. There are some things in life that you just don''t get over.

 

[princessplease]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think a greif counselor may be the way to go just to be able to cry and let it all out.

 

[Novel]

Oh, beechezz, I''m so sorry. This happened to me in August, too. One of my coworkers, a truly beloved man, just didn''t show up for work one morning. He was dead by 3 o''clock. Every day I still look for him when I''m getting in the elevator in the morning, and though I find that somewhat horrifying, and upsetting, it means something to me that he mattered to me so much.

The day he died and in the days after, I tried to be with other people who loved him as much as I could. He was an older guy (in his 70s) and we all referred to him as "uncle." That sense of being in it with others, of not being alone, was really helpful. But as the others say, I think its something we just have to live with. Working in an office is so much about who you work with that you''ll always remember him, which is both nice and sad, at the same time.

 

[shine4me]

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your co workers, and the persons family. As some of the others have shared their experiences it is in a way comforting to have people sharing that has went through the same things, even though they are not things we would like to go through these things.
It will be two years in April since I lost my coworker. She was an amazing mom to a 7 and 9 year old little boy and girl, wonderful coworker, and just an all around great person. I worked in a small boutique with only about 12 employees and there was about 4 of us that were full time employees so we saw eachother everyday it was more like a small family than cowaorkers. I had just seen her and worked with her the day she passed away just like any other day. I came in the next day the norm and a lady came in and asked to talk with my manager, yet again the norm, as my manager turned around and grabbed my shoulders and told me * has died lastnight. The customer ended up being her neighbor and came in to tell us what she knew. I was shocked devistated so many emotions at once. It was like a bad dream. The story is still not clear and somethings we will never know but there was an investigation and her husband was taken to jail. It just breaks my heart to know how it ended and that someone took her life away at such a young age from someone who was so absolutely beutiful and full of life. I still think about her all the time. I never would have thought that would have happened and it truely reminded me and makes me contious of others that you never know what is going on in someones life. I don''t know about peoples religious views but I know that as I have delt with her loss and loss of others that someone is never lost if you know where they are and I am confident in saying I do. And thats the only thing that has given me comfort is relying on that and praying my way through it. Sorry for the novel didn''t expect to be that long guess I needed to talk about it. But like I said earlier my thoughts are with you and their family.

 

[Erin]

I''m sorry for your loss. All I can say is it takes time. Let your feelings out.
Our plant manger was to be married to the woman in charge of staffing on a Saturday and half the office staff was invited. I got the call at 8am that the wedding would not take place because he died in a car accident the night before - around 12 hours before his wedding time. Going through the memorials and funeral really helped us all grieve. We created a garden in the front lawn and started a golf fundraising scholarship in his name.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''m sorry about your co-workers passing.