Wedding control freaks: music?

[mimzy]

so stefan and i have come up with a playlist (1.5 hours worth) of music for the cocktail hour, have a list of specific songs and artists in general for the dinner hour and then a list of songs to play during dancing (about 5 or 6 slow songs and 4 or 5 fast ones), in addition to the entrance song, cake cutting song, etc. the songs for the cocktail hour and dinner are very genre specific, if that makes a difference.

is this too much? i don''t want to micromanage our dj, but we really want certain songs played that likely wouldn''t otherwise. how much of the music did you hand select and/or how much freedom did you give your dj? will our dj likely be offended by us basically handing him a list and a cd for certain parts of the reception?

 

[noelwr]

I have the same question. I have also made a list of all the songs I want played when and really have no interest in the dj playing anything else.

maybe an ipod and a speaker would be better for us!

but anyway... interested to see what responses you get.

 

[CJ2008]

Don't worry about micromanaging the DJ. (you said you wanted to hear from control freaks, right?

)

My FI had the same issue - he didn't want the DJ to feel that there was no room for creativity. I am SO glad I did not "give in" to this (even though I understood the perspective).

I am very particular with music and felt that the one night in my life I can actually control what I get to hear, I should.

But since I understood where FI was coming from, and I wanted the DJ to have some fun/latitude, we did not dictate what we would hear during dinner - I figured we wouldn't be paying too much attention anyway, and more than likely nobody would be wanting to dance until they were done. So we just gave him an overview/idea of artists/types of music we would like to hear.

For everything else, we gave him a list...we were tactful about how we went about it and explained to him that music was very important to us and that we wanted to give him a list of what we wanted played, that he could mix it any way he liked, and that he could play whatever he wanted during dinner. Our DJ was very nice and didn't seem to have a problem with it.

It actually was a lot of work for us to come up with that many songs and the right mix between slow, dance, etc.

SO - bottom line is (and DH agrees with me now, after the fact) it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing, for us, to dictate the music. We are SO glad we did. I remember a few times during dinner when I was like "I don't like that song" hahaha So yeah, I'm glad that's the only time during the whole night that I heard something I didn't care for. And what was cool was that even though we gave him the list, it was still a "surprise" when certain songs that we love came up...so that's why I think a DJ is better than an iPod, because there's still the element of surprise (to answer noelwr's question).

ETA: for the cocktail hour and ceremony we used an iPod - so we controlled that too

 

[clop]

If you''re using your dj solely for the purposes of playing music, I think it''s fine to give him a list of songs to play. Like claudianam said, it''ll be a surprise when they come up. If you''ve hired a particular dj for his creativity etc, maybe he can select songs. We were very particular which songs were played (we had a jazz band during dinner, and used an ipod during some dances & breaks).

err - I''ve been to 2 weddings where the dj was not given a playlist, and had terrible judgment. Granted, they had terrible terrible judgment.

1st - when the bridal party was introduced, they played "who let the dogs out"

2nd - not quite as bad as the first, but multiple expletive laced songs played during the night, when there were 15+ kids under 15. We were surpirsed they didn''t play the clean radio versions.

 

[CJ2008]

clop - YIKES - I didn''t even think of THOSE reasons to control the music...although I am certain my DJ would not have committed any of those offenses...

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 9/6/2008 12:46:26 PM
Author: clop
If you''re using your dj solely for the purposes of playing music, I think it''s fine to give him a list of songs to play. Like claudianam said, it''ll be a surprise when they come up. If you''ve hired a particular dj for his creativity etc, maybe he can select songs. We were very particular which songs were played (we had a jazz band during dinner, and used an ipod during some dances & breaks).

err - I''ve been to 2 weddings where the dj was not given a playlist, and had terrible judgment. Granted, they had terrible terrible judgment.

1st - when the bridal party was introduced, they played ''who let the dogs out''

2nd - not quite as bad as the first, but multiple expletive laced songs played during the night, when there were 15+ kids under 15. We were surpirsed they didn''t play the clean radio versions.

We''ve been to the same wedding apparently. At the wedding I was at though, the bride seemed very happy and was just boggying to the song. So maybe it was her choice.


I''m not a music micro manager. We did give him a list of songs we''d like played at the reception. A HUGE list of songs that we do NOT want played. And burned CD''s for him for the entire ceremony and for our entrance to the reception. We also burned our fist song for him. We gave him the list of the songs for the cake cutting, the parent dances and for the last song of the night.

And we told him what genre we want for the cocktail hour and what feeling we''d like for dinner. So he has a LOT of say, but within guidelines. Hopefully it will work out.

 

[newbie124]

I think it may also depend on your DJ''s experience and background and how confident you feel in their abilities. FI and I are fairly particular about what kind of music we like (he used to run his own indie record label). However, I also want people to stay on the dance floor and have fun, and a lot of the music we like isn''t exactly danceable.

We managed to find a low-key DJ who''s main experience is playing at a club, but he also does weddings/private events on the side. After several conversations w/ him, we''re fairly confident in his abilities and that he knows our style. Thus, we''re planning to give him some songs suggestions we like, a list of DO NOT plays, and then the rest just leave it up to his judgment as to what he should play to keep people dancing. He reiterated that the most important thing for us to give him is probably the DO NOT play list (although I think he generally shies away from the usual corny stuff anyway).

So I guess a lot of it depends on how much you trust your DJ. I didn''t want to micromanage the music too much b/c what we like/listen to may not end up working for the crowd and ultimately that''s what''s the most important for us (as long as it doesn''t involve those certain bands/songs we absolutely can''t stand! )

 

[mimzy]

thanks everyone for your responses. it turns out that we don''t really have the option of controlling much of it at all because our dj made it clear that despite what we wanted, that he wasn''t going to play anything he didn''t agree with because it would be a poor reflection of him. (??!?!!?, right?)......and that anything other than classical and jazz he didn''t really agree with for the cocktail and dinner hours. so, awesome. sigh. oh well. we''ll see what happens - we''re not through with this yet!

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 9/7/2008 7:57:49 PM
Author: mimzy
thanks everyone for your responses. it turns out that we don''t really have the option of controlling much of it at all because our dj made it clear that despite what we wanted, that he wasn''t going to play anything he didn''t agree with because it would be a poor reflection of him. (??!?!!?, right?)......and that anything other than classical and jazz he didn''t really agree with for the cocktail and dinner hours. so, awesome. sigh. oh well. we''ll see what happens - we''re not through with this yet!

?????

Maybe I haven''t hired enough DJs in my life, I don''t know, but I would be like WHAT? haha

Anyway - I''m sure you guys will be fine.

Did he at least agree to your "do not play" list?

 

[MaggieB]

Granted, I''m only having 30 guests, but this is exactly why I am having an iPod instead of a deejay. I''m hiring, I''m paying, it''s my wedding, I''m not really concerned with anyone''s image here, I just want to hear the songs that I want to hear. Not bragging here - I''m clearly a control freak and that is not a desirable trait- but I have a very specific idea for the music that I want played during our reception and I don''t think that letting some random person who doesn''t know me pick it is going to work out!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am sorry this is going rough mimzy. Oh my God the DJ hiring is the new bane of my existence. I am so PARANOID and I DO want to micromanage the DJ!!

Guess I need to figure this out, too.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 9/7/2008 9:23:20 PM
Author: MaggieB
Granted, I''m only having 30 guests, but this is exactly why I am having an iPod instead of a deejay. I''m hiring, I''m paying, it''s my wedding, I''m not really concerned with anyone''s image here, I just want to hear the songs that I want to hear. Not bragging here - I''m clearly a control freak and that is not a desirable trait- but I have a very specific idea for the music that I want played during our reception and I don''t think that letting some random person who doesn''t know me pick it is going to work out!

says who? it comes in very handy at times hahahah

Just kidding - I know what you mean.

Sarah - do you have the DJ picked out already?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 9/7/2008 10:41:09 PM
Author: claudinam

Date: 9/7/2008 9:23:20 PM

Author: MaggieB

Granted, I''m only having 30 guests, but this is exactly why I am having an iPod instead of a deejay. I''m hiring, I''m paying, it''s my wedding, I''m not really concerned with anyone''s image here, I just want to hear the songs that I want to hear. Not bragging here - I''m clearly a control freak and that is not a desirable trait- but I have a very specific idea for the music that I want played during our reception and I don''t think that letting some random person who doesn''t know me pick it is going to work out!

says who? it comes in very handy at times hahahah


Just kidding - I know what you mean.


Sarah - do you have the DJ picked out already?

Hello! I''ve zeroed in on two DJ services and I am having a really hard time committing to either of them. I am so afraid I am going to regret it. I guess I should get over it and make a decision.

 

[CJ2008]

Sarah, well, maybe this could help you make a decision? Get a "feel" for who you feel more comfortable with, who seems to be more open to your suggestions?

Maybe you can let FI decide this one, if you''re agonizing too much?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 9/7/2008 10:50:06 PM
Author: claudinam
Sarah, well, maybe this could help you make a decision? Get a ''feel'' for who you feel more comfortable with, who seems to be more open to your suggestions?


Maybe you can let FI decide this one, if you''re agonizing too much?

Hmm maybe I could try forcing him to do it. He''s one of those guys that is involved..buuuut not involved. He''s one of those "whatever you want dear

" types when it comes to wedding planning, haha. That is only in reference to the things he isn''t very passionate about unlike the tux, his wedding band, the cake, etc. But I will tell him I need some help on this one. I feel more comfortable with the one DJ service..but something also kind of creeps me out. Crazy, right?

So confusing!

I just don''t know where else to look. Sorry for the thread-jack musey! Control-freaks unite!

 

[CJ2008]

SJ, you still have some time before the wedding to make this particular decision, but if you want to just make it already, and it''s weighing you down, I would ask for your FI''s help...or make the decision yourself and just move forward.

What is it in particular that has you creeped out about this? Is it that you feel you''re settling because neither service seems to be right?

Also, when you say you don''t know where else to look, is there any way we could help you, help you find a resource maybe you haven''t thought of?

 

[newbie124]

Date: 9/7/2008 7:57:49 PM
Author: mimzy
thanks everyone for your responses. it turns out that we don''t really have the option of controlling much of it at all because our dj made it clear that despite what we wanted, that he wasn''t going to play anything he didn''t agree with because it would be a poor reflection of him. (??!?!!?, right?)......and that anything other than classical and jazz he didn''t really agree with for the cocktail and dinner hours. so, awesome. sigh. oh well. we''ll see what happens - we''re not through with this yet!

Um...really??? He actually said that to you?? Wow...Hmm, well, I guess if you''re already committed to hiring this DJ, then as long as what he wants to play doesn''t totally conflict w/ what you want, you''ll probably be fine.

That being said, if music is important to you (and even if it''s just somewhat important), I think it''s key to be able to establish a good rapport w/ your DJ and make sure you guys are a good fit for each other.

We like that our DJ operates independently as opposed to being part of a large company...for us, it''s a better fit. He was also very upfront that this is our party and we''re paying him, so he''s pretty amenable to whatever we need him to do/play and since we know our guests better than he does, we''re obviously the better judges of what may or may not work. At the same time, though, we''re giving him some flexibility to use his judgment/experience in changing up the playlist if he starts to sense that the party''s losing steam (or not even getting off the ground).

I''m a little surprised that your DJ is being so particular even down to the cocktail/dinner hours when most ppl aren''t going to be paying THAT much attention to the music anyway. We probably will have some jazz playing during that time, but that''s also our opportunity to inject some of the more indie stuff that we like to listen to but may not work well for dancing.

I could see if maybe a couple was trying to list hip hop or rap or something not very amenable as background music that the DJ may *politely suggest* something a little more conducive to dinner music like classical or jazz....but to put his foot down and tell you he WILL NOT play anything he doesn''t agree with...well, that''s really bordering on ridiculous.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/7/2008 10:53:57 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Sorry for the thread-jack musey! Control-freaks unite!

LOL, mimzy... I search for my screen name every few days, to see if anyone''s looking for me, and almost every time there''s one of these

 

[mimzy]

claudiam and newbie - i know, right? i was put off by him for a few different things, but he''s booked and he''s in our (small) budget so c''est la vie. we''re working on a new playlist for the cocktail hour - pretty much just acoustic version of songs we like coupled with already slower songs, so we''ll see. i''m NOT going to be like ''okay, play whatever'', i have a plan A, B, C, and D and if he doesn''t like any of them, well, i''ll just promise him that i''ll inform all of the attendees that the music choice is ours and not his and is not a reflection of his professional skills

sarah - thanks! good luck in your search

musey - i''m sorry! i imagine that''s disappointing

i don''t think anyone has EVER mistaken you for me....

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 9/8/2008 6:29:54 PM
Author: musey

Date: 9/7/2008 10:53:57 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Sorry for the thread-jack musey! Control-freaks unite!

LOL, mimzy... I search for my screen name every few days, to see if anyone''s looking for me, and almost every time there''s one of these

Wow how embarrassing. Sorry you two, won''t happen again!

 

[musey]

Date: 9/8/2008 11:06:26 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS

Date: 9/8/2008 6:29:54 PM
Author: musey

Date: 9/7/2008 10:53:57 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Sorry for the thread-jack musey! Control-freaks unite!

LOL, mimzy... I search for my screen name every few days, to see if anyone''s looking for me, and almost every time there''s one of these

Wow how embarrassing. Sorry you two, won''t happen again!

Oh no no, I didn''t mean I was bothered by it

I just think it''s funny!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 9/9/2008 1:34:14 PM
Author: musey

Date: 9/8/2008 11:06:26 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Date: 9/8/2008 6:29:54 PM

Author: musey

Date: 9/7/2008 10:53:57 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Sorry for the thread-jack musey! Control-freaks unite!

LOL, mimzy... I search for my screen name every few days, to see if anyone's looking for me, and almost every time there's one of these

Wow how embarrassing. Sorry you two, won't happen again!

Oh no no, I didn't mean I was bothered by it

I just think it's funny!

Yay! Haha I guess I got sleepy or something and saw an m and a y at the end and said oh yeah it's musey..not sure what went on in my head. I still feel bad about it though, I hate getting people's names wrong. When people get my name wrong it drives me insane.

Haha guess I have identity issues.

Edited to fix a typo.