Wedding Cold Feet over Details - and the DRESS!

[buttercup80]

Reassurance please!!! With the wedding almost exactly a month away, I''m getting really nervous and frustrated over all of the little things that are not *quite* right. . . I feel like we just don''t have the budget to do things EXACTLY as I want so we''re taking a lot of second choices - everything is lovely, but all of those "not really perfect things are starting to add up. . .

Not the least of which is I''m not positive I''m completely in love with my dress - I know it''s too late to do anything about it now, but. . . I don''t know. I feel like I might have chosen it simply because it was getting late (we got engaged 8 months before we are getting married so I had to choose a dress FAST) and I HATED the experience of dress shopping. I felt fat and dumpy and I didn''t really like anything as much as I hoped - I wanted the *feeling* - and I wish I had shopped around a bit more, but I let my panic take over a bit, I think. Also, the dress is not at all what I pictured myself wearing so I feel like maybe I should have kept looking until I found something closer to my vision. Finally, I''m still not really happy with my body - I''m trying *really* hard, but still have not lost as much weight as I would have liked so that may be contributing. . .

I think I''m feeling a lot of pressure because I''m very much a Type A control freak and I want everything to be perfect... I understand that''s unreasonable and things will go wrong, but. . . it''s my ONE day and I just don''t want to be disappointed. I think right now just about the only thing that''s exactly the way I want it is FI.

So here''s the dress - please tell me it looks okay and I''m being foolish:

 

[buttercup80]

from the side:

 

[buttercup80]

The bustle. . .

 

[buttercup80]

Side flower detail. . .

 

[buttercup80]

Neckline. . .

 

[buttercup80]

Last one - the train. . .

 

[DMBFiredancer]

you look beautiful in that dress!!! relax!!! try to let go of the type-a just for this and ENJOY yourself. think of the things that REALLY matter - the love you share with your FI, the fact that you will be sharing your life with him, the pride and love you will feel from your family and friends that day, etc.

i know how you feel about the body issues. one thing that helps me is that i say things like this to myself "there is nothing i can do to change how i look at this moment other than continue to eat healthy and exercise so that i FEEL good about myself TODAY. i will accept my body the way it is RIGHT NOW and know that each day i am doing my best to be healthy. i will not waste time agonizing about how big my arms are or how big my tummy is anymore. that is valuable time wasted. instead i will focus on all the love i have in my life and know that everyone loves me for how i look RIGHT NOW, even if it is not what *I* think is my best. i am beautiful RIGHT NOW and i am loved RIGHT NOW and that is what is most important."
hope that helps a bit!

congratulations! you will be a beautiful bride and have a lovely wedding....just relax and allow everything to fall into place

it is just one day....things may go wrong...if they do, try to just laugh at them and remember that at the end of the day you will still be MARRIED to your love

 

[Sabine]

Awe, buttercup, you look stunning in your dress, and everything is going to be fine for you wedding. I know it''s difficult not to obsess. What was your vision for your dress? Even if it''s too late to get a brand new dress, could you add something/change something about it to make it fit your vision? Or what about the other "not perfect" details? Is it too late to convince your FI to splurge on one thing that will knock your socks off?

 

[violet3]

You''re beautiful in that dress...period. It fits you amazingly, highlights your great figure and i love the uniqueness of the material and the flower!

I love that you said the only thing that is exactly the way you want it to be is your FI...if that''s a true statement, i would say you are ahead of the game and everything is going to be wonderful!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Buttercup, the only thing that would make that dress look better on you would be a SMILE! It looks beautiful. And so what if the plans are not EXACTLY perfect and what you envisioned? It is only one day. Yes, this day is important, but honestly, nobody will notice the details and you should not get hung up on them. Read through the threads of PSers who have gotten married, and you will see a common thread...not everything is perfect and goes exactly as planned, but the wedding was perfect to them anyway. Relax, let it go, and enjoy your day.

 

[honey22]

You really do look gorgeous! And don''t worry about the weight thing, you really look great! I am a curvy woman too and I understand your stress, but that dress really flatters your figure and gives you lovely curves in all the right places.

Enjoy your dress and your wedding day, when you get your makeup and hair done, slip the dress on and start up the aisle, all your worries will melt away - enjoy being a princess for a day!!!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Buttercup-
Your dress is fab and you look beautiful!!!!
Don''t stress (easier said than done) it all falls in to place eventually!

 

[bee*]

Seriously, your dress is beautiful on you. I love it. You''ll be a beautiful bride.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Buttercup - your dress is GORGEOUS. It''s elegant, classic and timeless. You will NEVER regret wearing it in your pictures - even 40 years down the line. I think you made a great choice. I think you anxiety from the wedding being so close is clouding your vision of how beautiful you really are in that dress!

 

[Dreamer_D]

You look awesome in that dress, it is very flattering! I hear you on the body issues, most of us have them, but you know what? Nothing is more flattering to the figure than a coresetted wedding dress ike yours! If you can cut yourself a little slack (hey no one is perfect, and I think you look great!), I'm sure you will see that you look like a million bucks in that dress... You will looks svelt and awesome in your pictures.

 

[lauralu]

BEAUTIFULLL!!!! you look stunning. Very figure flattering for you. You made an excellent choice!

No worries Buttercup

 

[buttercup80]

Thank you for everyone''s kind words! It just isn''t really what I started out picturing so I''m trying to adjust my thinking. . . and it''s just ANOTHER thing that''s not really what I started out picturing. I can''t wait to see everything together - I''m sure it will all be lovely. . .I''m just not used to being flexible and all the changes (minor as they may be) make me nervous.

 

[pocahontas]

Buttercup, you look GREAT! The dress is soooo pretty and very flattering and just perfect! By the way, I love the flower detail. Girl, you''re totally rocking that dress so wear it proudly and confidently

 

[miraclesrule]

Buttercup: You look sensational!! You have nothing to fret about. You have a man who loves you, a gorgeous dress, and you have maintained your sanity through the process. Now, all you have to do is celebrate. Once you say your vows and you are breathing again, you won''t care if you are in a burlap sack, because you will be in the arms of the man you love.

Trust me on that one.

 

[swimmer]

Marchswallow has a fabu point, dress that dress up with a smile lady!
And of course Miracles makes good sense!

Now, what are you going to wear to sign the Ketubah? Not to give you something more to stress on, but you said you wanted to wear something else so that your almost DH is surprised by you in your dress. So find something that excites you!

Hugs! and what does your ketubah look like? I have a slightly used chuppah if you need

 

[galvana]

Buttercup - everyone is right here, you REALLY look awesome in that dress! REALLY !
I love it! Just smile and believe you are beautiful ! we do! we see you are!

 

[octbride2be]

Buttercup-
You look gorgeous...and I am not just saying that. The dress is beautiful and VERY slenderizing...so no need to feel fat or a need to lose weight. You are going to look just incredible

Don''t stress too much. Nothing can ever be perfect...no matter how much money you spend. At the end of the day it is just a wedding reception - it will be great no matter what and you''ll have fun. It is what you make of it. I think everyone here could always say they want to do more, spend more, wonder if everything is right - so that is normal. But don''t stress (I know its hard since I do it) - remember what the day means and have fun with all of your family and friends there! Everything will be great - and people just dont notice all of the little details that you will!

 

[buttercup80]

Aww, thanks swimmer! I *just* picked up our ketubah this week - http://www.jessyjudaica.com/ketubahs/k_schloss/large/schloss_season_green_lg.jpg

Our chuppah is very simple and will be supplied by our florist. . . since our ceremony and reception are in the same place, our sweetheart table will be under our chuppah.

I actually won the battle of not seeing each other before the ceremony (FI was the only one not arguing with me about that) so our Rabbi is going to have me sign our ketubah and then bring it to FI to sign.

 

[swimmer]

Awesome Ketubah! So classic and beautiful.
Fabulous that the timeline is going to go your way.
Wow it is coming up soon! Mazel Tov!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 9/13/2008 2:29:41 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
Buttercup, the only thing that would make that dress look better on you would be a SMILE! It looks beautiful. And so what if the plans are not EXACTLY perfect and what you envisioned? It is only one day. Yes, this day is important, but honestly, nobody will notice the details and you should not get hung up on them. Read through the threads of PSers who have gotten married, and you will see a common thread...not everything is perfect and goes exactly as planned, but the wedding was perfect to them anyway. Relax, let it go, and enjoy your day.

Buttercup, I completely feel for you.

Although it''s the biggest day in your life yadda yadda the whole experience is kinda overwhelming and OTT... my dress was not ''exactly'' as I had in mind - and I do think in retrospect that I perhaps should have shopped a little more... but then, tastes in dresses change, much like tastes in engagement rings. You do all you can do, and that is all.

I actually forgot to wear my petticoat as well, I couldn''t work out why I kept falling over my dress... until I went back to my Mum''s house after the honeymoon and saw the petticoat hanging on the back of the door.

Also my flowers were pretty much the COMPLETE opposite to what I''d specified.

The most important aspect is the MAN, everything else is kinda ... fashion oriented!

 

[buttercup80]

Quick update - I think one of the main problems I had with my dress (other than that it just wasn''t what I expected to wind up with) was actually the bustle - I didn''t like the way it looked and I mentioned that at my first fitting but it was brushed off. . . I asked to see how an underbustle would look and the fitting lady and my aunt both like the overbustle better. They said I wouldn''t even notice because I''d be moving around so much anyway, but it bothered me that

1) The way the ruching in the front laid caused the bustle to look like a tail - the side "swoops" didn''t lay correctly for my eye - they stuck out like tushie wings or something. . .

2) The button for the bustle was in the middle of nowhere - the button back ended about six inches above the bustle button. Again, this was one of those things that "no one will notice," but it nagged at me. . .

Anyway, I went back to my final fitting by myself and again voiced my concerns to my seamstress. I told her that I didn''t like the bustle, and specifically WHY. And she thought for a moment before suggesting that we bustle it to the side instead - why I''d never even heard of as an option. The swooping problem completely disappears AND the button is hidden under the flower detail... I LOVE it - and it made me MUCH more confident in my dress.

I feel SOOOOOOO much better about it - I get to pick it up tomorrow. . . sorry, no pics, b/c I was on my own at that last fitting, but we are getting married on Sunday (4 DAYS!) so there will be tons of pics soon enough!

 

[LauraBabe08]

yayyy! I am glad to hear that it worked out and that you had the courage to speak up at your last fitting. I hate when people say "oh you won''t notice, its not a big deal" because I notice so it is a big deal! (sorry little vent there).

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I can''t wait to see pics!!!!