Co-worker not PC... what to do?

[vita*dolce]

i definitely see the parallel you''re drawing, it''s surprising that you''re DH isn''t connecting the dots? anyway, i totally understand why you''re upset, i think that it''s horrible that she knows your brother and doesn''t check herself when she feels like saying that.

it''s sadly such common usage that i think she probably just isn''t thinking about the fact that it''s offensive, maybe the next time she says it you can just gently say, "rudegirl, i find that really hurtful and offensive, and i''m surprised that having met my brother you''re not more aware that those comments are very personal to me."

hope everything works out!! sorry rudegirl is making your cube less pleasant than it is by nature!

 

[diamondfan]

Could you maybe email her? Then you do not have to say it. Say something pleasant but clearly firm like:

Susie, I may have mentioned that my brother is handicapped (you can use the actual name of his handicap, if you wish, such as Down's syndrome if you want to be very specific but it is not necessary). I am sure you do not mean to be offensive but I needed to let you know that your continual use of the word "retarded" is insensitive and bothers me. I wanted to let you know how I feel about your use of the term and just ask you to be aware of this and be sensitive to this. Sincerely...

I just think if you try to verbalize it it will be tough on you, but you should let her know somehow since it bothers you. The only other thing, a bit more passive, is to ask a co worker to basically say it to her, on your behalf, like she has noticed that you get upset when the word is used and FYI to your co worker to be sensitive.

This is tough because you have to work with her and you are upset. I am not usually confrontational at all, but I do say what is on my mind if it really gets to me. But when someone is a bit out of control emotionally, you are sort of screwed. She might be surprised to get an email and might come to you, and you could say that you sometimes are worried to approach her as she can get upset easily...maybe put her on notice that she is tough to work with? Sometimes hearing it in a non threatening manner makes all of the difference.


I would not go to HR without at least once trying to clear the air with her. And honestly, years ago I used to be guilty of saying that is so gay (meaning lame or silly or whatnot) and some people might not think it wrong, but I did get it when I thought about it...and now have taught my kids that words do hurt or impact people, and it is not how YOU feel about the word that matters. remember when gay meant lighthearted or silly in the 1920's? Or to retard growth was to stop something, like flame retardant? But in our culture things have evolved and words have changed meanings now. I have a cousin with severe Downs so I get it, and was still not 100% sensitive when I was young.

 

[little miss sunshine]

I actually just heard something on the radio this week about this issue... apparently the new movie coming out with Ben Stiller-- Tropic Thunder -- uses the word "retarded" inappropriately and offensively and the movie premieres are actually being protested by advocacy groups... I was glad to hear about this in connection with your post!! I liked diamondfan''s emailing suggestion, unless she is very unprofessional, I would hope she would understand an email as a discrete way to approach her without embarassing her or being confrontational...

 

[LaraOnline]

If you feel upset and want to change her mindset, you''ll have to open up your mouth and tell her. Or you could leave a nice note, I guess.

I also have a beautiful younger brother who is mentally ... held back, and I have been known to use the word ''retarded'' from time to time.

I figure it''s like reclaiming the word... the word-tools you use yourself become your friend, and cannot hurt you... or something?!@!

I mean, he is somewhat waylaid by his incapacity, but it''s no big deal.
He is a Christian, and writes Christian music, he is a gifted songwriter and performs his work. He honestly writes really great songs. ( and no, not just for a ******** person)

He may even be something of a star on the Christian music network some day!!

 

[MonkeyPie]

I''m with the PP mentioning an email - this way if she tries to make a scene, you have written proof in your email that you did not say anything rude or harsh. I am all about proof.

I once got ripped into on a previous forum for using the word retarded. I used to ride the special ed bus because my mom was the aide, so it wasn''t like I didn''t know what the word meant. The fact is that that is an actual word used to reference a person with learning disabilities, and people have used it in a derogatory way ever since as an insult. I don''t use it to imply that all people with learning disabilities are stupid or lesser, more of a slang for someone doing something I deem silly. I don''t use it around anyone that has an issue with the word, out of respect, and this woman should be able to do the same.

Definitly bring it up.