LiW Clowning around with "the talk"

[bubbly1126]

Not much to really update on, I guess. I had planned to have a serious talk with BF about when I could maybe expect a proposal but it turned out to be a pretty busy weekend and I didn't really have the time to sneak it in. We did manage to have a little bit of a talk before bed last night when I was giving him his massage that he so politely asked for. Hehe.

But before we get to that...

Yesterday was BF's cousins Christening for her little girl. I hadn't been looking forward to going because I'm beginning to hate family functions just for the pure fact that I'm going to be asked if we're ever going to get engaged/married. Yes, it has gotten to that point. Ugh. But I finally sucked it up, put on a smiling face and went. It was actually a very good time and we actually had a clown there too since there were so many little kids. The clown was actually pretty funny and we were all dying laughing when the clown decided to pick someone from the audience to "help" him. He automatically walked our way and who do you think he chose? None other than my BF! So he does the little trick he's going to do in which I could tell my BF was totally mortified because well, his irish face turns BRIGHT RED. It was hilarious. Anyway, they get done with the trick and he sits back down. A minute later the clown references him and says and who is the beautiful lady sitting next to you? Your wife? We say no. Okay, your fiancee? He says no. (Now, it would be totally cute if he planned a proposal this way. But I know he wouldn't come up with something like this.) And then the clown says well, do you have an announcement you'd like to make today? It seems like forever til he answers and he says no, laughing. (As we all were, cuz it was just funny!)

How I wish he really did come up with that idea and did it right then! It seemed like the perfect set up and it would have been soooooo cute!

So yeah, when the clown was done, he came over and thanked BF for being such a good participant and apologized for embarrassing him but added that "next time he'd like hear that we're getting married." We both just laughed.

But with all the questions of "when are you two going to get engaged, when are you tying the knot, when, when when..." by family members and you add a CLOWN asking, oh my, by the time we left there, I was just so frustrated again!!

I thought it was cute so I had to tell the story... sorry if I bored any of you! Haha!

So on with our little talk... I basically just said "I know you don't want to give any clues away about how or when you'll ask me but about when can I expect it?" He says "SOON". I say hun, I would like a little bit more of a definite answer and he says "just soon, babe. don't you worry." And I say to him, okay, well is it sometime within the next two years? He replies with, "quite possibly, you'll see..." I just left it at that because he had his Giants game on and I knew I wouldn't get anymore than that out of him. [[So again, another case of the classic "boy soon" and "girl soon."]]

Ugh, how frustrating.

So anchor31, I guess I failed you miserably. LoL. I was just too tired and I didn't want to fight with a game for his attention and besides why try when you know he's never going to give you more definite answers than what you've been getting all along.

I know everyone asking is getting to him, too. But he doesn't seem to be as ready as me to take that plunge so I guess I'll just have to sit here and wait. Just like every other woman on here. Someone should give us an award for all the stuff we put up with... and all the stress we deal with for our men! Haha.

Ugh, men.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Well, you’ve got a “soon” at least. I think I would jump for joy for a “soon” response even knowing the difference between boy soon and girl soon.

When I recently asked my SO how much longer he was going to make me wait he laughed. Some folks believe it was his way of covering up any indication that it might be girl soon. I want to believe what they say but at the same time I don’t want to get myself all excited only to be let down. Trust me, I’ve been doing that for the past year since we bought our home and it gets tiring. You never realize how many proposal opportunities there are in a calendar year until you’ve found a way to be excited for almost every single one

Soon is good. It shows he is at least thinking of it and possibly planning. Horrayyyy!!! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s girl soon!

 

[Independent Gal]

Yes, during the game might not be the best timing.

But if it''s going to drive you nuts, you need to schedule a time to sit down and speak as adults about your concerns and what''s important to you. Otherwise, your risk him hearing you as whining ''When are we going to get marriiiiiieeeeeed?!?!'' instead of wanting to have a serious, grown-up conversation about what is also your future and your serious concerns.

Say "Honey, I''d like us to schedule some time this weekend to sit down and have a serious talk about some things that have been on my mind." Then tell him that you see yourself married and starting a family on the sooner side. That it makes you feel frustrated, powerless, unhappy, and eventually bitter that he has complete knowledge and control of the situation. That you would feel better if he was willing to give you a definite timeline. That he doesn''t have to give you the timeline NOW, but that if you had a clear sense of the timeline within, say, a month or so, that would be good. You don''t need to know ''exactly'' when, but you''d like, say, a 6 month window (e.g., between one year and 18 months from now...or, within the next 6 months, etc).

If he already says you''re definitely getting married, then that shouldn''t be so hard.

But let that be a lesson to us all. Never bring up a serious subject requiring attentiveness from our partner while he or she is watching sports (just try to interupt my baseball game! see where that gets you!)

You''re just going to become more anxious and eventually bitter unless you confront this head on. If you KNOW he wants to get married, it shouldn''t be a big deal. Know what I mean?

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks Keepingthefaith21 and Independent Gal.

I am glad that I am at least getting a soon. It is a comfort to know that he is at least thinking about it being an option sometime in the near future.

I know a serious talk is brewing. If it doesn''t happen this week then I''m sure I will be having the talk with him this upcoming weekend. As of right now, we have nothing planned so I think I''m going to suggest we go to our spot. (It''s a secret spot down by the river we''ve had for years and many ''serious'' talks have taken place here so I know as soon as I suggest it, he''ll know what''s coming.)

I know he wants to marry me and I sometimes feel that should be enough just in itself, shouldn''t it? Why do we let ourselves get so crazy over something like this? Especially something we pretty much have no control over. (Unless, of course, you decide to take matters into your own hands and ask him yourself!

)

But really, it''s a simple solution... I need to get some patience and he needs to give me a time frame! lol. It is simple, isn''t it? lol.

Ohh, and you''re right about the whining part. I''ve been doing it so much lately... not specifically bringing up marriage but just whining over everything and I think he knows why I''m doing it too. I gotta stop that. It''s really not helping the situation any.

You learn so much about yourself in times like these. Anyone else agree?

 

[BrilliantNikki]

I totally agree, keeping the faith.

I have been grappling with that same " know he wants to marry me and I sometimes feel that should be enough just in itself, shouldn''t it?" thing for awhile. I still don''t kow why i feel this way. I think it is totally a jealousy thing for me. So many of my friends are getting engaged recently (one 6 month relationship and one 2.5 month) and that just gets irritating for me at the five year mark.

I hate rearing my big ugly green head, but it just doesn''t seem fair.

I also think (when surrounded by all these "unexperienced" engaged couples) I start questioning my SO''s feelings for me, which I know is ridiculous.

Sorry if I changed the subject there. It''s just all so frustrating!!

 

[bubbly1126]

I totally understand what you mean, BrilliantNikki!!

You just described exactly how I feel and what has been running through my mind the last couple months. I don''t know why I feel this way either but it sucks! And trust me, my head is very green these days! My childhood best friend just got married 2 weekends ago and I am soooo jealous!!!

As for proposal opportunities keepingthefaith21, I know!! My birthday is coming up in October so I''m like is it going to be then??? Our 5 year anniversary is in November, so I question again, then??? And then Christmas... then New Years... It''s crazy! And I hate building myself up just to get let down in the end! But then again, I guess the built up anticipation will make it that much more exciting when he actually does ask!!

 

[bubbly1126]

And here is BF with the clown!! Hehe. He''d kill me if he knew I posted this!!

 

[anchor31]

Aw, bubbly, don''t say you failed me. Sometimes we rehearse things in our heads and the conversation just doesn''t go as we plan it... You still did good, and it looks to me like it is coming some time "soon". At least you know it''s coming within two years, but I can understand that you probably would have preferred something a bit more precise!

Don''t give up, sweetie! And the clown story is priceless...

 

[bubbly1126]

The more I read everyone's posts and the advice given, the more I don't understand why I am so impatient about this.

Could just be my utter lack of patience in the first place. It's one thing I have always disliked about myself. Also could be that pretty much anything I've ever wanted all I had to do was say, "BF, I'd really like this" and more often than not he'd get it for me. (Within reason, of course. Much to my dismay, he DOES know how to say no! lol) But anyway, with this, he just isn't giving in. Which, I am glad he's standing his ground and doing it at whatever pace fits him but man, it is frustrating!

I read someones post yesterday and said, you know, they are right, what is the rush? For a moment there I actually thought I'd be able to let up on it and not worry so much. Needless to say, that only lasted like a minute, if that. Haha!

I'm trying though. I think the only thing that is really keeping the fire going is that everyone keeps asking about it and/or our friends keep getting engaged/married. I guess I just feel it should be my turn by now. But then I step back and say hey, we are still young yet. We have time.

If only I could keep thinking that way!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

It is tough when your friends are starting to take the plunge. That’s one aspect you are going to have to try your hardest to find a way to deal with because the older you get, the more often it will happen. I remember being your age (I hope I am correct when I think that you are 22) and a few of my friends would get engaged here and there. I never felt much pressure to follow and never felt terribly jealous of them. Now that I am in my late 20’s I find it a little bit harder to cope as each of my friends pairs off for life. Just this weekend I was out at dinner with several friends when I noticed they were all married or engaged. The moments like that are the ones where you have a choice: you can let it get to you or you can just whisper to yourself that soon it will be your turn.

We all feel the way you are feeling at some point. If we didn’t the LIW board wouldn’t have so many posts and so many women willing to talk you down from the ledge when you get frustrated. I’ll admit I’ve had my share of days where I’ve thought, “what the hell am I doing here? Is he EVER going to do it? Am I wasting my time?” It’s become apparent to me that thought pattern is nothing but destructive to my self-esteem and ultimately to my relationship which is unfair to my SO.

Instead of focusing on what I do not have (yet

) I am focusing on what I have now and enjoying the anticipation I have building. Sure I’ll have a bad day here and there and I’m sure a few “woe is me” tears have yet to be shed but I try to think about how exciting it will be when it’s finally my turn.

In the meantime I celebrate the engagements on here and the ones that are happening around me in my personal life. Instead of focusing on what they have that I do not, I think about how lucky I am to have friends who are special enough to share such a momentous occasion with.

 

[BrilliantNikki]

Aw, well put Keepingthefaith21.

We will persevere