Home C-Section Vent

[NY Princess]

I''m feeling bummed out and I just wanted to vent.

My two previous babies were delivered by c-section and now my doctor told me that there is pretty much ZERO chance that ANY doctor will allow me to attempt a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean). Both previous pregnancies were last minute c-sections and were due to fetal distress. This has been so frustrating for me because I feel like I did everything right and yet I will once again not get to experience giving birth.

When I was pregnant with my first, my husband and I signed up for every concievable class offered on childbirth, safety, massage, first aid. My friends laughed at me because I even took a class on how to bathe an infant. That''s how dedicated I was to doing everything the "RIGHT" way, I watched endless videos on childbirth and read books on relaxation techniques. I had my hospital bag packed way in advance. I was ready. Then the c-section happened.

I feel like my body has betrayed me. Like what''s wrong with me? Why must my child be cut out of my body in order to survive?

I also have an ugly frankenstein scar which reminds me that I couldn''t deliver. In addition, I was told that I really should think twice about getting pregnant again because everytime I have a baby they will just keep reopening the same scar. I know we are done but I felt sad to hear that nonetheless.

I also feel extremely uncomfortable with picking the date my child will be born. I want her to come when she is ready, not when my doctor or I decide that we are ready.

I''m just sad about the whole thing.

Has anyone else here had multiple c-sections?

What about vbacs? Has anyone had one?

 

[lyra]

I had 2 c-sections and never regretted it. If you''ve had 2 babies in fetal distress at the time of birth, why would you think that having a c-section is a bad thing for baby #3. It''s great that this option is available and can be scheduled so as to reduce stress on you and the baby.

I had many hours of hard wrenching labour with absolutely no progress with my first child. She went into serious fetal distress. It was a horrible experience with a very lucky outcome for us. They didn''t think she was going to make it at first. I was so happy to be able to schedule my second c-section just so I''d know in advance that the next baby would have a much greater chance of being born without distress and with more safety measures in place.

Don''t feel cheated. The goal is a healthy baby, and you *will* achieve that for sure.

 

[Pandora II]

I haven''t had a c-section, but vaginal birth is not always that great either.

After a 54 hour labour I ended up in theatre with emergency forceps followed by a massive haemorrhage followed by 2 days in ICU and 5 blood transfusions. I came VERY close to losing my life and we are all very relieved that the baby and I were both fine in the long run.

I say fine, but I sustained a fair amount of damage: an extensive episiotomy due to them having to do rotational forceps, a big tear inside that still hasn''t fully healed after 7.5 months and being left with zero bladder control for several weeks and still not 100% and that may well require surgery to fix.

Despite my vaginal delivery, I didn''t see DD for nearly 2 hours after the birth as I was in and out of conciousness and too weak to hold her; I never got to do the whole pushing bit etc, so even though she came out of THAT orifice, I don''t know what a NORMAL birth feels like either.

Honestly I actually don''t care. When the possibility of losing your life or your baby is very real, you realise the only thing that matters is that you are both safe and how lucky we are to live in a time when c-sections etc are available.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but just wanted to put it out there that you can feel equally betrayed about a not ideal vaginal delivery. Plus, no-one who has spent 40 weeks producing a live, healthy baby should feel that their body has betrayed them in any way at all!

 

[jewelz617]

I had a natural birth that pretty much destroyed my pelvic floor. I required 27 stitches and the doctors were concerned after my delivery because they couldn't get the tear to stop bleeding. I had to more or less wear pad like diapers for 2 months post delivery and change my bandages every hour. Not exactly how you want to be seen when company arrives.

There is nothing wrong with having a c-section. I thought the goal of giving birth was a healthy baby in the end? I'm sorry you feel letdown, but maybe instead of feeling down about needing a c-section, think of it in terms of knowing if that medical procedure wasn't available lots of mothers and babies might not make it to meet each other. And no offense (please!) but it's not really about you and your birth experience and what you want it to be. Sometimes life doesn't care about ideals and plans. It's about a healthy baby for you to love long beyond the glory of pregnancy and childbirth are over.

I'm betting having a stillborn is more painful than any number of c-sections. You have a healthy baby and so many don't. Be thankful.

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 1/7/2010 8:15:34 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678
I had a natural birth that pretty much destroyed my pelvic floor. I required 27 stitches and the doctors were concerned after my delivery because they couldn't get the tear to stop bleeding. I had to more or less wear pad like diapers for 2 months post delivery and change my bandages every hour. Not exactly how you want to be seen when company arrives.

There is nothing wrong with having a c-section. I thought the goal of giving birth was a healthy baby in the end? I'm sorry you feel letdown, but maybe instead of feeling down about needing a c-section, think of it in terms of knowing if that medical procedure wasn't available lots of mothers and babies might not make it to meet each other. And no offense (please!) but it's not really about you and your birth experience and what you want it to be. Sometimes life doesn't care about ideals and plans. It's about a healthy baby for you to love long beyond the glory of pregnancy and childbirth are over.

I'm betting having a stillborn is more painful than any number of c-sections. You have a healthy baby and so many don't. Be thankful.

Vaginal births are not "all that" either. I am afraid everytime I laugh I will pee. No kidding. And if I have to pee, I need to find a bathroom ASAP because if my bladder gets full, I will leak. I have so much damage to my bladder and pelvic floor also. Stiches down there mulitple times, tears etc have their own lifetime complications.

I'm sorry you are not happy with the way you need to give birth, I think very very few women are happy with the birth experience 100%. But the important thing is that you have a healthy child at the end. The child does not care how they came into the world!

Ironically I almost wish I had had c-sectiions because then I would not have to worry about leaking pee when I laugh or if my bladder is too full. Sorry if thats too much info but its true.

As for picking the date, my last baby we had to pick the date due to complications (I was slowly leaking amniotic fluid and she had to be born early. ) So they did an amnio to make sure her lungs were mature and my doctor gave me the choice of 2 days he had free that week. She did not end up being born on either of those days because she was a 2 day labor. 2 days in labor. It was a horrible pitocin induced labor. And after that awful awful labor, I would have also preferrred a planned c-section instead of 2 days in labor.

The grass is not always greener. And like I said, I'm sorry you are unhappy with your situation, but please focus on the end result and thats a healthy baby!!

 

[steph72276]

Hi there. I too had to have a c-section with my son 5 years ago. I was in labor for over 24 hours, and didn''t want to "give up" and have a c-section, but could never get past 1 cm, so finally said okay. At that point, it turned into an emergency c-section with lots of complications and afterward the doctor told me if I had tried to have the baby naturally, I probably would have hemorrhaged and to never go into labor again. Fast forward to now, and I am due in 20 days to have my second baby, which will be delivered by c-section. In no way would I have chosen this route (the last time I was in such bad shape I didn''t get to hold my baby until the next day), but I feel comfort in the fact that the doctors are doing what is medically best for the baby and for myself so that I can be there for my children...in the end, that is what matters the most. Good luck with everything and just try to think positively

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 1/7/2010 8:37:04 AM
Author: steph72276
Hi there. I too had to have a c-section with my son 5 years ago. I was in labor for over 24 hours, and didn''t want to ''give up'' and have a c-section, but could never get past 1 cm, so finally said okay. At that point, it turned into an emergency c-section with lots of complications and afterward the doctor told me if I had tried to have the baby naturally, I probably would have hemorrhaged and to never go into labor again. Fast forward to now, and I am due in 20 days to have my second baby, which will be delivered by c-section. In no way would I have chosen this route (the last time I was in such bad shape I didn''t get to hold my baby until the next day), but I feel comfort in the fact that the doctors are doing what is medically best for the baby and for myself so that I can be there for my children...in the end, that is what matters the most. Good luck with everything and just try to think positively

We posted at the same time, and yes, thats exactly right. The healthy baby is what matters

 

[jewelz617]

OMG me too! If I sneeze or laugh too hard when I have to pee I leak. It''s awful. I had the pitocin drip too because I was almost 2 WEEKS late!!! 48 hours of back labor, I felt like I was being murdered and they never offered me a c-section. See?! It''s miserable no matter which route you take!

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

I haven''t had a c-section, but I have a close friend that''s had 2. The first one was classified as an emergency, but it was labor mismanagement that lead to it. The second was a failed attempted vbac. She was very traumatized by the first because the spinal didn''t take, no one would listen to her and she felt everything. Afterwards, she dealt with feelings similar to yours -- that her body had betrayed her.

I used to believe the saying, "All that matters is that the baby is healthy," but my friend''s experience and feelings showed me exactly how much a GOOD birth experience does matter. There''s an element of grief that can come with having a c-section and IMHO it''s really important to deal with that. Birth trauma is very similar to PTSD, not just something that you "get over."

Have you checked out the ICAN website? My friend found ICAN extremely helpful in working through her feelings.

I hate that many hospitals have banned vbacs. This would frustrate me if I were looking to vbac because as long as your previous incision is the low transverse type, the risks of uterine rupture are really small. Many, many women have had successful vbacs, but the hospitals are trying to completely eliminate the risks of vbac while they seem to ignore the risks of repeat c-sections. In the end, it''s the women who want vbacs that lose.

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 1/7/2010 8:48:02 AM
Author: rockpaperscissors67
I haven''t had a c-section, but I have a close friend that''s had 2. The first one was classified as an emergency, but it was labor mismanagement that lead to it. The second was a failed attempted vbac. She was very traumatized by the first because the spinal didn''t take, no one would listen to her and she felt everything. Afterwards, she dealt with feelings similar to yours -- that her body had betrayed her.

I used to believe the saying, ''All that matters is that the baby is healthy,'' but my friend''s experience and feelings showed me exactly how much a GOOD birth experience does matter. There''s an element of grief that can come with having a c-section and IMHO it''s really important to deal with that. Birth trauma is very similar to PTSD, not just something that you ''get over.''

Have you checked out the ICAN website? My friend found ICAN extremely helpful in working through her feelings.

I hate that many hospitals have banned vbacs. This would frustrate me if I were looking to vbac because as long as your previous incision is the low transverse type, the risks of uterine rupture are really small. Many, many women have had successful vbacs, but the hospitals are trying to completely eliminate the risks of vbac while they seem to ignore the risks of repeat c-sections. In the end, it''s the women who want vbacs that lose.

They would not give me a spinal with my induced labor until the last hour because they said it would slow labor. And even when they gave it, it was not done right and I felt EVERYTHING. It was awful.

My first baby was born in a tiny little hosptial and they dr. who gave the spinals was home sleeping and did not answer his pages and by the time he got tothe hospital it was too late for the spinal. I understand some women want to feel the pain but for those who don''t its awful.

 

[somethingshiny]

I get it.

My son was born c-section after 39 hrs of induced labor. I''m pregnant and due to have another c-section in July. I really hoped to be able to have a VBAC but my dr won''t attempt one. According to the doc, the odds (with having a transverse uterine incision) of uterine rupture during VBAC are 1 in 100. Of the ruptures that occur, 50% will result in hysterectomy, severe fetal or maternal side effects. That is too high for me. The percentage of rupture goes up to 1 in 5 for a classical section. He also told me that if we planned on having 4 or 5 kids that it would be extremely risky to keep cutting into the uterus.

Those odds make it easy for me to know that it''s the best thing. However, even knowing that it''s best, it''s still "unnatural." I was the first person in my entire (large) family to have a c-section. I was actually told that I hadn''t REALLY given birth. It was devastating to me. My mom kept saying that I didn''t try hard enough and that God made us so we could have babies. It was something I''d done wrong to go against nature. Obviously this is all nonsense but it hurt at the time.


The important thing to remember is that your beautiful baby will come into this world surrounded by love no matter what day is picked or how s/he comes out of you. Another plus, when your child asks where babies come from, you can just show your scar! And when you look at your scar, it''s not a reminder of what you COULDN''T do, but what you DID. You went through a major surgery to give your child the best delivery possible. That is nothing to be ashamed of! It is not Frankenstein, it''s a mark of great love. You have done nothing wrong. Your body is strong and healthy and can carry a baby for 9 months. SO many women would love to have that and you were blessed with it. The entrance isn''t the important part, the LIFE is.

btw-Ever since JT was born, DH has wanted me to get a zipper tattoo across my scar and put "JT" on the zipper pull. Now he thinks we''ll have two zipper pulls.


I hope that you can find some peace about this.

 

[soocool]

I had my daughter via c-section 17 years ago and it was my choice to have the c-section. A few weeks before my due date I asked my doctor if DD should have turned by that time and she didn''t. I had a procedure performed in which they tried to turn her when she was still in my womb and she turned a little bit and then reverted back. Then the doctor told me it was my decision as to whether or not I wanted to schedule a c-section or wait to go into labor, because perhaps by then she may turn. I agonized a full 24 hours to make my decision and decided that since there was no guarantee that she would turn and not knowing if any problems would occur, I decided to take the safe route and get the c-section.

Well, I made the right choice since DD was definitely breech, butt first sitting low in the pelvis and never would have been delivered vaginally. Since I wasn''t worn out from labor I was able to bounce back pretty quickly from the c-section.

I am proud of my scar because I know I made the best possible decision for bringing my daughter into this world! The experience of having her "the regular way" would have been a great experience, however, I don''t see birth as my moment, but my child''s moment.

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

Date: 1/7/2010 9:39:01 AM
Author: asscherisme
They would not give me a spinal with my induced labor until the last hour because they said it would slow labor. And even when they gave it, it was not done right and I felt EVERYTHING. It was awful.

My first baby was born in a tiny little hosptial and they dr. who gave the spinals was home sleeping and did not answer his pages and by the time he got tothe hospital it was too late for the spinal. I understand some women want to feel the pain but for those who don''t its awful.

I totally agree with you that if you''re anticipating getting an epidural and it doesn''t work or you can''t get it, it''s awful!

This is why I always suggest that women learn other coping methods. I used to think that if you planned on getting an epidural, you got it and that was that...until I started hearing how many of them either didn''t take completely or just didn''t work for that person. It''s a big shock when the one thing that you thought would bring you relief isn''t there for some reason.

 

[Jas12]

NY Princess. I feel for you, and frankly, i would probably feel the same way in your situation. So i am not going to convince you that you should not mourn the loss of giving birth a certain way, b/c i think that undermines your feelings.
I simply do not believe that "a healthy baby is all that matters" It is the MOST important thing, but not the ONLY thing. Birth is a huge psychological and physical event for a woman. Some women really are not that interested in how it all plays out as long as there is a baby at the end, and this is one attitude, but some women place great spiritual or emotional value in this event. Neither is right or wrong IMO, it's just personal and in some cases, cultural.
I know for me, having as natural a birth was very imporant, so i know that i would have been emotionally troubled by a c-section if i felt it was possibly unnecessary. That is just me--take it or leave it.

I would get many opinions if it is really important to you. Seek advice from midwives etc. who will take your emotional perspective into consideration as well. I don't know your medical history, but 'fetal distress' is often used as a reason for surgical birth. Variances in the heart rate (which are very normal in birth) are carefully monitored and no chances are taken, even in the smallest of variances (even my own OB admitted this and explained it as a huge part of the reason our hospital has a nearly 40% C-sec. rate! Almost all babies are 100% fine in the end, but b/c we live in an isolated city, no risks are overlooked. Many ppl feel this is good & safe practice, many women/midwives are outraged over it. Do some investigation into your particular case. You may find a midwife who will deliver in hospital. My cousin had a vbac after 2 C's. So it is possible under circumstances (however i am canadian, it may be different in the US) Your body is not a failure, you produce beautiful babies right? It may be a combo of some medical issues you just have to accept, or issues with the medical system that is increasingly using surgery in place of vag birth, so don't blame yourself!!! Good luck.

ETA: forgot to add, if you are still in NY (particularily NYC) you should research C-sec rates. Some hospitals in your state have the highest surgical rates in the country!!!

 

[Bliss]

((HUGS))

I''m sorry you have to get a c-section. That is terrible if you wanted to have a VB.

But if it cheers you up, my mom WISHES she had a c-section. She pees every time she laughs, too! My aunt had 3 c-sections and says she''s nice and tight "down there" and had great deliveries and recoveries. She raved about it so much I grew up wishing I could have c-sections!

But everyone is different and your feelings are absolutely valid. I''m sorry.

But on the other hand, congrats!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Both my kids were born by c/s. My first was unplanned. I was put on pitocin and later pushed for a grueling 3.5 hours and he didn't budge and finally my midwife (yes, I did the midwife - wanting a peaceful birth) sent me to get a c/s. My labor was in the hospital and I was just moved to the OR.

With my second, I opted for a repeat c/s because I didn't want to go through the same ordeal again! The same c/s scar was reopened and everything went smoothly.

I am done having kids, however, say a rare circumstance arrised and I did become pregnant, I'd again have another c/s. (oh, and FWIW, I was told that if it weren't for modern medicine, I would have died!)

 

[swingirl]

If you had a vertical incision in your uterus it is unlikely anyone will encourage VBAC because of the weakened scar. If you had a horizontal incision there is a better chance they'd let you go through labor. The skin incision could be different that the uterine incision. I thought they mostly stopped doing the vertical one even with emergency c-sections.

Sorry that you feel cheated out of the experience. But every time I think about how neither I nor my son would be here today if it weren't for a c-section I thank my lucky stars. My c-section delivery still was an exciting experience. It was just different that my first child's natural birth. But it's always a disappointment if you planned for one thing and had to do something else.

 

[neatfreak]

I also was another with a c-section. While I was given a choice (twins w/ one frank breech) once I did the research I realized that while a c-section was riskier for me it was significantly safer for my twin b. So of course I put their health above mine.

While I don't feel particularly cheated I can understand that you're frustrated as it is an experience you wanted to have.

What type of fetal distress did your previous kids have? If I were your doctor I also probably wouldn't let you go for a VBAC simply because the first 2 had similar outcomes, so that ups your chances that your third will have fetal distress as well.

Also, what type of scar do you have? Generally no doctor will let you with a vertical scar (unless it's a low, small vertical) because the risk is just too high-around 7-10%. If you have a low, transverse your chances of rupture are so so much smaller.

But if you think those scenarios are different, and you truly think that it's better for your child to have a natural birth, then why don't you explore other doctors in the area that might support your decision? Or at least maybe they can reassure you that this really is the best way to go?

Are you in a location with a well equipped hospital? That can also influence a doctor's willingness to let you try for VBAC. Some hospitals have policies on it in which case your doctor's hands might be tied. And really, I would NEVER want to have a VBAC or anything else that *my* doctor wasn't comfortable handling. So if your doctor isn't and you really want to do it-I would find another doctor that is pro-vbac and is comfortable handling it. You want a doctor to know what to do in case of an emergency-not to freak out because they are doing something outside of their comfort range you know?

I think for me this was just one of the many things I give up for my children. And maybe if you think of it that way, that you are giving up a vaginal delivery to better their chances of being safe and of having their mother in their lives it won't feel so bad?

I've also read that people who have perfectly "planned" birthplans are the most unsatisfied with their birth experiences if things go differently. So maybe it would help to change your expectations a bit too. Hang in there!

 

[cellososweet]

I just wanted to give you a ((hug))

I know that a healthy baby is the goal, but I feel you have every right to feel upset. Your feelings are your feelings and I think that this is something that you will need time to work through.

Grieving your intended birth is natural, I think. Grieving any part of your life that didn''t go as planned is natural and helpful to a point. If these feelings turn to self-loathing, then I think it''s time to take a step back and talk to someone about it. If the feelings are really strong for you, perhaps speaking to a professional might help.

Anywho, I''m really sorry that you are feeling let-down and as someone who has had a horribly difficult time during pregnancy but was hoping against all odds to deliver naturally, I can see where this let-down would be major. I''m trying my hardest to prep myself for a c-section if it becomes a reality and I''ve spent hours crying about it. ((hug))

 

[soocool]

Date: 1/7/2010 1:26:53 PM
Author: cellososweet
I just wanted to give you a ((hug))

I know that a healthy baby is the goal, but I feel you have every right to feel upset. Your feelings are your feelings and I think that this is something that you will need time to work through.

Grieving your intended birth is natural, I think. Grieving any part of your life that didn''t go as planned is natural and helpful to a point. If these feelings turn to self-loathing, then I think it''s time to take a step back and talk to someone about it. If the feelings are really strong for you, perhaps speaking to a professional might help.

Anywho, I''m really sorry that you are feeling let-down and as someone who has had a horribly difficult time during pregnancy but was hoping against all odds to deliver naturally, I can see where this let-down would be major. I''m trying my hardest to prep myself for a c-section if it becomes a reality and I''ve spent hours crying about it. ((hug))

I can fully understand your feelings as I am remembering back to when I took prenatal classes and one session was spent on c-sections and for some reason I just had this strange feeling come over me. So guess what, I was the first not to finish my classes because I was scheduled for a c-section the following week. The other strange thing was that the couple we saw on the way out of the class wished us well and I told them "you never know, we may run into you at the hospital next week" (I think everyone had another 3-4 weeks to go before their due dates). Well after I delivered my DD I found out that that woman had to have an emergency c-section the same day I had DD. We spent the next 3 days in the hospital together and we got our feelings out and then cried about how beautiful our 2 girls were.

Thinking back, my entire pregnancy was uneventful when I listen to others tell their stories of morning sickness, swelling, weight gain, etc. I gained about 20 lbs, wore my regular clothes for the majority of my pregnancy (except for maternity pants in month 7-9), no swelling or water retention, no morning sickness, no stretch marks. Most people did not even know I was pregnant until the later months.

I guarantee that once you see that beautiful little child you will have a whole new flood of emotions come over you and you will forget about what you were worrying about in the first place.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am so sorry you feel this way. I did not have a c/s but I gotta tell you not all VBs are a piece of cake. I had to push for 3 long, difficult hours and contracted an infection which landed me a 5 day stay in the hospital. Pushing that long gave me some permanent reminders. Joy. I don''t feel like one way of birth is better than the other. The important thing is that mama and baby are healthy. Sometimes I wish I had just has a c/s to begin with. You know what to expect and how your body will react. It is more of a mystery for me b/c there is always a chance of needing a c/s with future kids. KWIM? My best advice is keep your eyes on the prize which is a healthy baby. It is what it is so the sooner you accept it the better you will feel about it. Don''t get caught up in the details. Good luck.

 

[mayachel]

NY Princess, go ahead and vent! Of course you want to be healthy and your children to be healthy. It isn''t unreasonable to experience some feelings of disappointment over such a pivotal life event not going the way you thought it would. PS has MANY examples of women who are distressed over engagement rings or proposals that didn''t go the way they expected-in part because it is something they looked forward to, can''t really "relive" but are usually pretty happy with the end results and have to work past those initial mixed feelings.

I''d recommend trying to connect with ICAN. The International Cesarean Awareness Network. They offer support forums specifically for women trying to understand why their baby needed a cesarean as well as support for the grief that may follow having had one unnecessarily. There is also information and stories of women who have chosen VBAC at various times and their journey towards finding a skilled health care provider that was able to support their VBAC.

Also, if you aren''t familiar with it already, Childbirth Connection, in addition to being a great resource for all things birth related has a site that specifically goes over the most recent studies in regards to clarifying who is a good candidate for a VBAC or a Repeat Cesarean. Best Evidence VBAC or Repeat C-Section

 

[NY Princess]

Thank you to everyone who responded. As I read the posts, I just cried because I know that there is alot of truth in what has been said. Yes, I am grateful for two beautiful babies. They are healthy and I''m blessed, I recognize that. I know that if something had happened to either one of my little ones, the pain would have been...well, I don''t want to think about it.

So in the long run, I am glad that the doctors were able to intervene but I still felt/feel like I missed out on a part of it. I remember one video in particular, where the woman was screaming and pushing and all of a sudden the baby comes out all messy and beautiful and full of life. The nurses quickly wipe off his face and put him in his mother''s arms and everyone is bawling. It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. I cried when I saw that video and told my husband that it was was going to be like that for us. The truth was that my experience was cold and sterile, after my daughter was born the doctor lifted her up so that I could see that I had given birth to a little girl, I didn''t see her again until eight hours later. I didn''t get to hold her until eight hours after she was born! With the second, I was sick with the flu when I began labor. At the hospital, the doctor said the baby was running a fever (don''t ask how they knew this) and that she really preferred to do a c-section. I had the c-section and after the baby was born, complications from a viral infection required that they move her to another hospital, seven miles away, that had a third level NICU. I saw her three days later when I was released from my hospital. As you can see, not one of these experiences was even remotely close to the imagined and hoped for delivery.

I have an appointment with my OB/GYN in two weeks and we will be discussing a planned c-section. I hope that this conversation will give me peace of mind and heart. I want to do what is best for my child of course. Thank you for both the kind words and the reality checks. I will look into I-can and the other place.

Thank you to all!

 

[NY Princess]

Also I forgot to mention, I have a horizontal scar but according to the midwife, the disadvantage for me is that my children are:

1. Very close in age, oldest is three, youngest is two (I didn't give my body enough time to recuperate in between pregnancies).

2. At 38, I'm considered an older mom and my pregnancy high risk....

3. They are afraid of uterine rupture.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/7/2010 7:26:05 PM
Author: NY Princess
Also I forgot to mention, I have a horizontal scar but according to the midwife, the disadvantage for me is that my children are:


1. Very close in age, oldest is three, youngest is two (I didn't give my body enough time to recuperate in between pregnancies).


2. At 38, I'm considered an older mom and my pregnancy high risk....


3. They are afraid of uterine rupture.

Unfortunately they are right that you are at a higher risk of uterine rupture because of these factors-especially having three kids so close in age and two prior c-sections. VBAC has a much higher success rate if you've only had 1 c and your other kids are older.

I think it's perfectly appropriate to be sad and mourn your idea of the perfect birth. As long as it's not getting obsessive I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling sad!



Also something I should mention is that your c-section DID NOT need to be as sterile and awful as they were for you. Honestly, it seems like the situations were at least partly to blame rather than the c-section itself.

Right after mine were born they were brought up to me so I could see them. Then quickly checked by the NICU team (twins), then wrapped up and held by my face for a bit by my DH so I could see them/touch them while they were finishing the surgery. They did not restrain my arms so even though I couldn't hold them until the surgery was finished I was allowed to touch them.

Then, they wheeled us ALL TOGETHER into the recovery room and I was allowed to bond with them for a few hours before they wheeled them off for some testing and heat lamps (because they were so thin).

So I think that a c-section would be a MUCH more positive experience for you if you were allowed these things-so maybe it's worth talking about these possibilities ahead of time with your doctor so that if all goes according to plan you would be allowed to bond right away with your baby.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I think you have a right to your feelings as they are valid.

The hospital I trained at would attempt a VBAC if a women had delivered once via a low transverse c-section. However, they would not do it once a woman had 2 or more c-sections. They don't even want those women in labor. The rational they explained to me was that every time you cut, you weaken the area (because they cut in the same place as the previous scar) and your odds for uterine rupture go up.

As for the experience you described with your baby not being with you for 8 hours, some hospitals are changing how c-section babies are handled. When I started as an intern, the babies were taken to the NICU for 2 hours while mom was being taken care of. Now the babies are are initially left in the OR, and once they had their first assessment, they go to the recovery room where mom will be going. Usually, mom goes in about 30 minutes later. I think it really worked a lot better. This is of course for healthy babies with no complications.

My point is, you might want to do some research on the hospital policies of the handling of c-section babies in the postpartum period. Maybe you can find a place that will let you have the bonding time that the women with an uncomplicated vaginal delivery get.

 

[Kaleigh]

I guess they are afraid of you rupturing?? I had 2 C sections. Neither were planned. The first was after being in labor over 24 hours, failure to progess was what they called it. With my second, same thing, long labor no progress. I guess I was the type that would have died in child birth back in the day. I am tiny, and the babies were bigger than I could deliver.

With the first one, I felt, gosh I am a failure. Why can't I do what every other woman does?? But heck after the labor I went through and all the contractions and then to have a C section on top of that?? I was like I am a champ!!!!

I know how you feel. I felt like that too. But ater having two, I know it's the only way I can give birth, and am fine with it...

I'd talk to other's that have had a Vbac after 2 C sections. The hospital should be able to help with this, and help you find a doc that will attempt it and honor your birth plan. But truth be told, it wil be hard after 2 C sections, but not impossible. I hope you find the right Doc to stand by you. In PA the Mal practice is so out of hand, we are lucky to even have some OBGYN's...

My BFF had a C section, same problem as me, but went on to have a Vbac with her second. She's more tiny than me, so it's not always what's on the outside... I was so envious. But will say a C section leaves everything down there in tact... Hey gotta have a reward for having your stomach cut open!!!

 

[Kit]

I respectfully would like to add another viewpoint. I have never been through childbirth and so I can''t understand what any of this is like. But I feel very fortunate to live in a country where our health care system is advanced and accessible enough that our maternal mortality rates are very low. Conversely, those rates for women in the third world, particularly some African countries, have remained unchanged for decades. In underdeveloped areas, it is dangerous to give birth and many women die in child birth. According to the World Health Organization, one woman dies every minute during pregnancy or childbirth. That''s over 500,000 women annually. Those who survive may suffer from fistulas, their husbands leave them, they are ostracized from society and access to health care for their fistulas requires a multi-day journey to hospital who will treat them--most hosptals will turn them away. It''s a very tragic and horrible thing. WHO estimates 10 million women a year suffer with infection, injury and disease after childbirth.

I say all this because many of us are simply unaware of how good we have it. All pregnant women in these at risk areas would probably give anything to enjoy the luxury of having prenatal care, giving birth in a hospital, with the option of a C section and restorative surgery for complications from child birth. Until having my eyes opened to the reality of what it''s like for other women in the world, I didn''t know how lucky I was to simply have access to a hospital birth. For those women who choose to do at home births, and who struggle to give birth vaginally, etc I respect your views and your position. But just keep in mind that you actually HAVE a choice, and you are generally not risking your life while giving birth. For me, that is something to really be thankful for.

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

Actually, the infant and maternal mortality rates for the US are absolutely appalling as compared to other developed countries. While we are much more fortunate that people in third world countries, I''d love to know why our health care system hasn''t been able to improve the maternal mortality rate since 1982! I would say that means that OUR stats haven''t improved for decades either.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/9/2010 12:38:58 PM
Author: rockpaperscissors67
Actually, the infant and maternal mortality rates for the US are absolutely appalling as compared to other developed countries. While we are much more fortunate that people in third world countries, I'd love to know why our health care system hasn't been able to improve the maternal mortality rate since 1982! I would say that means that OUR stats haven't improved for decades either.

You also have to factor into those stats that the US has the highest rate of SIDS related deaths, afflicting one in fifteen hundred babies. I am glad I had a great hospital experience (no complaints about that, my doctor and nurses were incredible), but the US has a long way to go in improving the way women give birth.

I recommend ALL women considering having children, or women who have given birth should watch The Business of Being Born. Very interesting and inspiring, particularly to women who felt let down by their birth experience.