Bullying by adults towards adults.

[lovedogs]

Haha am I the only one that cries way more in movies where dogs die than the ones where people do?? Even on TV if something happens to a dog I tend to lose it

 

[the_mother_thing]

Oh I'm sorry Jenn, I missed the above. Are you accusing me of going off site to bully you? Because that is extremely untrue and how nasty rumors get going, but since you feel so bullied am I supposed to sit here and take it? I don't think so. You target me, I respond. I will always defend myself even if no one else does. I can handle myself, and always have.

If you honestly believe I have some sort of circle off PS devoted to bullying you, I suggest you enlist Ella to conduct a thorough investigation of the matter.

I didn't target you; I removed the posters' names for the example I posted above so as not to target anyone or make it personal. You chose to out yourself, so why not explain what you meant. You said you 'defend yourself', so ... were you just assuming others' thoughts & opinions like you did mine in that thread?

I'm sure Ella has better things to do than police 'romper room' behavior.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Haha am I the only one that cries way more in movies where dogs die than the ones where people do?? Even on TV if something happens to a dog I tend to lose it

I will not watch Milo and Otis because of all the horrible things those replacement/stunt animals probably went through.

 

[the_mother_thing]

No dogs are going to be put down here. That is one thing I promise. No matter what happens to people, no dogs will die.

My pup says "thanks".

 

[OreoRosies86]

Oh I'm sorry Jenn, I missed the above. Are you accusing me of going off site to bully you? Because that is extremely untrue and how nasty rumors get going, but since you feel so bullied am I supposed to sit here and take it? I don't think so. You target me, I respond. I will always defend myself even if no one else does. I can handle myself, and always have.

If you honestly believe I have some sort of circle off PS devoted to bullying you, I suggest you enlist Ella to conduct a thorough investigation of the matter.

I didn't target you; I removed the posters' names for the example I posted above so as not to target anyone or make it personal. You chose to out yourself, so why not explain what you meant. You said you 'defend yourself', so ... were you just assuming others' thoughts & opinions like you did mine in that thread?

I'm sure Ella has better things to do than police 'romper room' behavior.

Cool.

 

[AGBF]

Baby doll, Jenn.

And to lovedogs: no, you are not the only one who cries far more if an animal dies in a movie. I become hysterical. That is why I refuse to watch movies and television shows where I know an animal is going to die. (All right, once in a great while I do make an exception, but never when the movie is made just to pander to to the spectacle of an animal's death, such as in "Bambi", where his mother's death is central to the theme.)

AGBF

 

[telephone89]

Jenn - Omg. Im dying from the cuteness.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Jenn - Omg. Im dying from the cuteness.

Thank you, and Deb. She is a doll, and was begging for popcorn in that pic, thanks to my dad who spoiled her during his visit.

More puppy cuteness:

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Very cute dog Jenn. Those are great photos.

 

[AGBF]

I want to visit with my Newfie, but he doesn't travel. (Refuses fo get into cars.) Will you come here, Jenn? (I just want to cuddle with your little one.) But Griffin is very respectful of tiny dogs like yours, so he would not step on her feet or anything! (I am sure you do not find her tiny, but next to Griffin she would be.) In another thread we discussed her. Tell me her name again. She is actually part Golden or Lab, right? And the size of a Retriever? She couldn't be more adorable. You must want to hold her and cuddle with her all day.

Deb

 

[kenny]

If someone yanks on a dog's tail over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, I don't consider the dog a bully for biting.

If you feel a poster repeatedly 'yanks your tail' why have you not put that person on ignore?
That's what the function is for.

I use it ... instead of the alternative (bullying and piling on) which you and others are apparently defending.
Report policy-violating posts or put poster on ignore.
Don't stoop to their level and engage in a pissing contest.

The ignore function keeps my tail out of reach.

I'm just explaining a mentality. I've blocked the people that upset me the most, but when others quote them, I still see the exchanges. And Kenny, while I agree with you about many things, I strongly disagree with your claim that you don't participate in piling on. I won't dig through thousands of posts, but you've had your fair share of participation in those types of threads.

Compared to my 12-year history, recently I try to avoid piling on, and am much more likely to just put a person on ignore.
Ignore is a wonderful feature if one wishes to avoid the temptation to pile onto a 'problem' individual.
That said, I am not shy at all about calling out what I don't like or disagree with ... not shy at all ... but I try to keep it about the topic not the person.

But yeah, unfortunately sometimes I see quoted posts of ignorees; I have to bite my tongue and hold my nose.
The hardest time to not respond is when they say something insulting/harmful about me that's not true.
Then I remind myself that people I care about see right through them.
People I don't care about may lower their opinion of me, but I don't care about them, so Pffffft!

 

[Missy]

If someone yanks on a dog's tail over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, I don't consider the dog a bully for biting.

If you feel a poster repeatedly 'yanks your tail' why have you not put that person on ignore?
That's what the function is for.

I use it ... instead of the alternative (bullying and piling on) which you and others are apparently defending.
Report policy-violating posts or put poster on ignore.
Don't stoop to their level and engage in a pissing contest.

The ignore function keeps my tail out of reach.

I'm just explaining a mentality. I've blocked the people that upset me the most, but when others quote them, I still see the exchanges. And Kenny, while I agree with you about many things, I strongly disagree with your claim that you don't participate in piling on. I won't dig through thousands of posts, but you've had your fair share of participation in those types of threads.

Compared to my 12-year history, recently I try to avoid piling on, and am much more likely to just put a person on ignore.
Ignore is a wonderful feature if one wishes to avoid the temptation to pile onto a 'problem' individual.
That said, I am not shy at all about calling out what I don't like or disagree with ... not shy at all ... but I try to keep it about the topic not the person.

But yeah, unfortunately sometimes I see quoted posts of ignorees; I have to bite my tongue and hold my nose.
The hardest time to not respond is when they say something insulting/harmful about me that's not true.
Then I remind myself that people I care about see right through them.
People I don't care about may lower their opinion of me, but I don't care about them, so Pffffft!

Yesterday I put one person on ignore (the first person I ever put on ignore and not sure why I waited to long lol) and it is quite peaceful now. And I can just easily avoid reading this person's words when they are quoted so I am loving this feature. Sonnyjane you are quite right. No more tail to be yanked by this particular person. And honestly I know this person knows what they are doing (as in on purpose to exasperate others) and that is what made it super easy to use the ignore function. I was tired of the useless exchanges back and forth with this person crying foul and woe is me after she was the one yanking on others' tails many times like she is the one who was wronged. LOL.

I also have to agree that people who are unhappy tend to be the most contentious IMO. I have friends whose viewpoints differ re many different issues yet somehow we can discuss and debate quite courteously, thoughtfully and kindly and without hitting each other over the heads over and over and over with circular reasoning and red herrings. It is actually nice to hear their different viewpoints and why they think the way they do.

And for those of you who cannot bear to watch movies/shows/commercials with animals suffering or getting hurt I am with you. I couldn't bear the movie March Of The Penguins because the baby penguin was well I won't say in case sensitive people are reading and don't want to hear. Suffice it to say I was bawling in the theater and still sad about it and I no longer see movies with animals in it unless I know for sure no animal is hurt.

PS is basically the nicest forum I have ever frequented. You can make amazing friendships here!

YES this. I've been frequenting forums since they became a "thing", and I've formed friendships that have lasted many years from the various forums I've been a part of - but I've always thought this about PS. There are quite a lot of really great people here, to the point that it actually stands out to me.

I have not frequented many forums. Just this one and another and I have to say they are both filled with incredibly lovely people. I don't spend time on the other one anymore however the people on it were (and probably are but I haven't been there for years) just wonderful. Just like PS. Generally lovely people here and I feel fortunate for having found it (well for my dh having found it for me LOL) and having made incredible offline friendships that I know will last our lifetimes.

 

[dk168]

I have not read every post in full.

However, here is my 2p/ct.

I came to UK to study at a boarding school at 14, liked this country so much I decided to make it my home the moment I stepped out of a plane in a misty cold London back in 1979.

I fended for myself and stood on my own two feet ever since, even though I had an elder sister who was at the same school and house a year above (we were not close, and we ceased communication in 2002).

I have never experienced any bullying either as a child at school; young adult at university; or as a qualified professional.

I believe being an extrovert, confident, and vocal, who have the bottle to stand up and be counted helped.

I do not have a victim mentality. However, I do not believe in "fighting till death".

One of my life's mottos is to treat life events like a dog: if you can't eat it, play with it or hump it, p!$$ on it and walk away.

It has served me well especially in the past 14 or so years.


DK

 

[siv1]

Jen. Your pup is adorable.

 

[siv1]

There have been several instances of bullying on this site. I feel as though I have been bullied at times.

Someone accused me of being against immigrants, which is TOTALLY UNTRUE. I have stated over and over again how I AM against ILLEGAL immigrants. The reason for that is because it is not fair to the immigrants that are coming to the country the LEGAL way. The US does have immigration laws, and it's nice to FINALLY have a president that will ENFORCE THE LAW.

I don't block anyone because they are free to post what they want. I bite my tongue a lot. Sometimes, it's not worth getting into an argument.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Jen. Your pup is adorable.

Thank you; she surely knows it, as she is quite the camera-hog.

On your second post, I whole-heartedly agree.

It appears many proclaim to be tolerant & anti-bullying, except when it comes to differences of opinion, in which case, they assume a 'lynch-mob' mentality laced with unnecessary & inappropriate labels, rather than simply respect that not everyone is/thinks the same as them.


I am patiently waiting for Elliott to 'defend (explain) herself' as she stated she would vs. appearing to contradict her own statements in this thread. Or, perhaps her 'cool' response was simply an admission of her own hypocrisy on this very topic.

 

[OreoRosies86]

LOL you speak to me like you're my mom and I owe you some kind of explanation! I don't except to say those are my words and I stand my them fully. Your baiting is a constant distraction here and I don't need some gang behind me to have that be obvious. You coming back the next day to wag your finger at me because I didn't give you the response YOU felt was appropriate? 50something year old women who think these discussions are bullying? "Cool" is about all I can muster on that one.

 

[Calliecake]

There are a few posters here that are constantly looking for a fight. They also seem to get upset if posters ignore them when they try to do so. Once they start with the passive aggressive stuff you are better off just dropping the rope. Life can be hard enough at times, the last thing I want to do is surround myself with those who are strictly looking for drama.

I have been trying to follow a wise posters lead. People really do vary.

 

[the_mother_thing]

LOL you speak to me like you're my mom and I owe you some kind of explanation! I don't except to say those are my words and I stand my them fully. Your baiting is a constant distraction here and I don't need some gang behind me to have that be obvious. You coming back the next day to wag your finger at me because I didn't give you the response YOU felt was appropriate? 50something year old women who think these discussions are bullying? "Cool" is about all I can muster on that one.

I was referring to what you said here:

Oh I'm sorry Jenn, I missed the above. Are you accusing me of going off site to bully you? Because that is extremely untrue and how nasty rumors get going, but since you feel so bullied am I supposed to sit here and take it? I don't think so. You target me, I respond. I will always defend myself even if no one else does. I can handle myself, and always have.

That seemed to imply you were intending to 'correct the record' so to speak with regard to what you meant here:

Your constant emoji laden, dismissive, taunting? That's insulting. It's insulting to basically everyone here.

... which appears contrary to your earlier statement on bullying:

Now where online shenanigans stop and bullying starts is often in the things that happen off site. Private facebook groups, emails, snark sites, all designed to "out" people in real life and systematically attack them. These are the lowest of the low who don't have the balls to say exactly what they mean on the forum. Maybe they want to let loose without being moderated, maybe they are too chickensh!t to have a confrontation, but that is where I draw my line.

In light of your own stated and clear stance on bullying, and since you claimed the post as your's (vs me targeting you on it), I was hoping you might clarify how you might 'know' this (that I am allegedly 'insulting everyone here' with emojis and such) if you didn't do the very thing you stated you oppose.

You certainly do not need to respond. I just didn't want to assume you were behaving in a way that appears quite contradictory to your own statements on bullying, and thought you might wish to clarify your meaning. But I am 'cool' letting your statements speak for themselves if you choose to just leave it at 'cool'.

Have a nice day!

 

[lovedogs]

LOL you speak to me like you're my mom and I owe you some kind of explanation! I don't except to say those are my words and I stand my them fully. Your baiting is a constant distraction here and I don't need some gang behind me to have that be obvious. You coming back the next day to wag your finger at me because I didn't give you the response YOU felt was appropriate? 50something year old women who think these discussions are bullying? "Cool" is about all I can muster on that one.

I was referring to what you said here:

Oh I'm sorry Jenn, I missed the above. Are you accusing me of going off site to bully you? Because that is extremely untrue and how nasty rumors get going, but since you feel so bullied am I supposed to sit here and take it? I don't think so. You target me, I respond. I will always defend myself even if no one else does. I can handle myself, and always have.

That seemed to imply you were intending to 'correct the record' so to speak with regard to what you meant here:

Your constant emoji laden, dismissive, taunting? That's insulting. It's insulting to basically everyone here.

... which appears contrary to your earlier statement on bullying:

Now where online shenanigans stop and bullying starts is often in the things that happen off site. Private facebook groups, emails, snark sites, all designed to "out" people in real life and systematically attack them. These are the lowest of the low who don't have the balls to say exactly what they mean on the forum. Maybe they want to let loose without being moderated, maybe they are too chickensh!t to have a confrontation, but that is where I draw my line.

In light of your own stated and clear stance on bullying, and since you claimed the post as your's (vs me targeting you on it), I was hoping you might clarify how you might 'know' this (that I am allegedly 'insulting everyone here' with emojis and such) if you didn't do the very thing you stated you oppose.

You certainly do not need to respond. I just didn't want to assume you were behaving in a way that appears quite contradictory to your own statements on bullying, and thought you might wish to clarify your meaning. But I am 'cool' letting your statements speak for themselves if you choose to just leave it at 'cool'.

Have a nice day!

Just trying to understand this exchange. Jen: Do you assume that Eliot participates in off-line groups in order to attack others because she said that things you say are insulting to "everyone here"?

I'm not sure I follow that logic, so want to make sure I'm not misunderstanding something. I don't think Eliot's statements imply she's part of any offline sites or groups designed to target others. I assume (although I certainly could be wrong), that she was referring to the fact that you've had some arguments on here with multiple people, and there have been conversions (on here) about how emojis might be seen as passive aggressive.

I'm not trying to attack you (Jen), or anyone else. Just trying to potentially clarify things.

 

[redwood66]

Some people here relish in snark. Some don't. If someone snarks at me I will snark back. Eliot knows this for sure and so do others who also do it. Just own up to it. If you don't agree with an opinion I put forth then we can discuss it or not, its up to you and how you respond to me and vice versa.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Just trying to understand this exchange. Jen: Do you assume that Eliot participates in off-line groups in order to attack others because she said that things you say are insulting to "everyone here"?

I'm not sure I follow that logic, so want to make sure I'm not misunderstanding something. I don't think Eliot's statements imply she's part of any offline sites or groups designed to target others. I assume (although I certainly could be wrong), that she was referring to the fact that you've had some arguments on here with multiple people, and there have been conversions (on here) about how emojis might be seen as passive aggressive.

I'm not trying to attack you (Jen), or anyone else. Just trying to potentially clarify things.

I didn't want to assume anything; that's why I was hoping she would explain her statements. And rather than interject you into the exchange, I feel it's best to let her (if she chooses) convey what she meant. You didn't make the statement, but I do appreciate your willingness to try to help 'bridge the divide'.

If emojis are considered 'passive aggressive', perhaps those who feel such should ask PS to remove them. I have always used them simply for animation purposes, to keep things light, etc. If emojis are considered 'passive aggressive', then many of the memes posted would surely also seem to fit that bill.

Targeting someone as she did me here for how I write/communicate is no different than targeting someone for how they speak (e.g., with an accent, in a different language, etc). If I did the latter, I'd be labeled a racist, not to mention trying to stifle someone else's free speech rights.

 

[jordyonbass]

Funny that this thread has come up, the last time I remember being bullied was high school until recently when I started a new position at a new company. The company viewed me as a gold mine of information and experience but part of the requirement is that all staff go through a 4 week training induction for the company. At first I was being excluded and ignored by the 'young girl group' in our training (about half of the entire group) which is TECHNICALLY bullying but that didn't bother me, I couldn't care less about that. But then the trainer made some comments in front of the group about where I took my wife for our honeymoon in a very condescending manner and that did hurt as it hit me in one of my big weaknesses, my self esteem. It hurt because I cared more for what my wife thought about me as her husband and not because of what everyone else thought of me.

How did I deal with both? Well, I think part of the reason why the young girl group didn't like me was because I have prior experience in the industry and have been able to fill the gaps when the trainer had been unsure of a process (which she would ask me to do often), so I think they labelled me as a 'know-it-all' type. That doesn't bother me at all, when they come ask me a question they get a single word answer and no explanation for their own learning.

As for the trainer, she apologized to me for what she had said and tried to make amends (something I found hypocritical since the day before she was teaching the company's anti-bullying policies) but too late, damage done. I know that my wife was not at all underwhelmed about where we went for our honeymoon, but for someone who has had self esteem issues his whole life it was not something I could laugh at when it was said.

 

[Jambalaya]

Funny that this thread has come up, the last time I remember being bullied was high school until recently when I started a new position at a new company. The company viewed me as a gold mine of information and experience but part of the requirement is that all staff go through a 4 week training induction for the company. At first I was being excluded and ignored by the 'young girl group' in our training (about half of the entire group) which is TECHNICALLY bullying but that didn't bother me, I couldn't care less about that. But then the trainer made some comments in front of the group about where I took my wife for our honeymoon in a very condescending manner and that did hurt as it hit me in one of my big weaknesses, my self esteem. It hurt because I cared more for what my wife thought about me as her husband and not because of what everyone else thought of me.

How did I deal with both? Well, I think part of the reason why the young girl group didn't like me was because I have prior experience in the industry and have been able to fill the gaps when the trainer had been unsure of a process (which she would ask me to do often), so I think they labelled me as a 'know-it-all' type. That doesn't bother me at all, when they come ask me a question they get a single word answer and no explanation for their own learning.

As for the trainer, she apologized to me for what she had said and tried to make amends (something I found hypocritical since the day before she was teaching the company's anti-bullying policies) but too late, damage done. I know that my wife was not at all underwhelmed about where we went for our honeymoon, but for someone who has had self esteem issues his whole life it was not something I could laugh at when it was said.

I'm sorry they were horrible about your honeymoon destination, Jordy! What a weird thing to be horrid about - they were clearly scraping the barrel! Everyone knows that when you're in love, you could be honeymooning in a tent in the Arctic and it wouldn't matter. Ignore them xxxx

 

[the_mother_thing]

Jordy - that is flat out wrong and rude, and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of such horrid treatment. What a catty group of hens. Also, I neglected to mention the same earlier to Kenny, who also shared in this thread his own receipt of bullying treatment. I think a lot of people assume boys/men - especially - are tough, aren't sensitive, don't 'feel' the same as girls/women, and it's okay to chide them, and that's a poor assumption.

People never fully know what someone else has going on inside (or behind their computer screens), and should certainly exercise more care & caution with their words.

 

[jordyonbass]

Thanks Jamba and JoCoJenn.

After high school I didn't let much bother me, people have been racist towards me, called me names and threatened violence when I ran a bar and that literally did nothing to bother me. Even people critiquing my actions and stuff as an individual does not phase me in the slightest.
But obviously critiquing me as a husband is a sore spot for me

 

[Calliecake]

Jordy, I have never met you or your wife but I can tell you no matter what you did or where you went on your honeymoon, it meant the world to your wife because she had you as her husband.

We paid for our wedding and had just purchased a new home two months prior to wedding. We were too broke to go on a honeymoon. We took the week after the wedding off as vacation time and stayed home. One of the best weeks of my life.

 

[lovedogs]

Jordy, I have never met you or your wife but I can tell you no matter what you did or where you went on your honeymoon, it meant the world to your wife because she had you as her husband.

We paid for our wedding and had just purchased a new home two months prior to wedding. We were too broke to go on a honeymoon. We took the week after the wedding off as vacation time and stayed home. One of the best weeks of my life.

My husband and I also did a "staycation" as a honeymoon. We played video games, watched TV, and cuddled with the dog. It was amazing

 

[jordyonbass]

Jordy, I have never met you or your wife but I can tell you no matter what you did or where you went on your honeymoon, it meant the world to your wife because she had you as her husband.

We paid for our wedding and had just purchased a new home two months prior to wedding. We were too broke to go on a honeymoon. We took the week after the wedding off as vacation time and stayed home. One of the best weeks of my life.

Thanks Callie!! Same story here as well, our parents didn't pay for our wedding so we weren't able to afford a big, expensive honeymoon. But it would have been a waste anyway as we are like lovedogs and her husband; we went to a little cottage in the mountains and relaxed after the madness and drama that was in the buildup to our wedding. Lay around watching DVDs, hot tub, delivered hampers of food, everything else that honeymooners do

I guess the trainer felt like all her tri-annual, budget-priced trips to Bali have all been a far better experience than our relaxation honeymoon because she had to get on a plane!!

 

[arkieb1]

Jordy - that sounds like a perfectly wonderful honeymoon!!!!

I guess I am guilty, one of those people that wants to know why everyone makes certain comments or why some might want to attack others, I always go with the theory we don't know what really goes on in each others lives, we don't know the headspace of the other person, things like, if the other person has a rotten boss, the kids were sick that day, they got stuck in traffic or at the shops, if they are sad, if they are lonely, if they are in a bad marriage or are fighting with friends or family members, or 101 other reasons why we might get responses from people that we don't always understand on here.

I myself am trying to practise more kindness to others even if I don't agree with their POV. Which is difficult some days for me, I've had to give myself a few self imposed timeouts from here.....