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Wedding Bridesmaid wore dress before wedding!!!!

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"ETA: Because the wedding hasn't happened yet, I would give her a call and just say that you noticed she wore the dress sooner and was wondering if she wouldn't mind stopping by your house to make sure the dress is still up to par (I bet inspecting it yourself will make you feel a lot better). "

I would absolutely NOT do this. It would be treating her like a little child (this woman is a HS TEACHER, not an irresponsible teenager) and saying you don't trust her to take care of the dress. What's next, inspecting her toenails to make sure they look good in the strappy sandals you chose? Making sure she keeps her facial appointments so as to not break out on your big day?

This is her dress, if something *god forbid* had happened to it, she would have to get it cleaned/repaired/replaced. But, it didn't - and honestly an accident can happen at any time. What if someone had spilled something on it while you are getting ready before the ceremony? Should she stand outside the church in her undies, putting on the dress at the last possible minute to make 100% sure it is pristine for her walk down the aisle?

PS I have been a bridesmaid and actually considered wearing the dress in advance. In the end, I chose not to precisely because I didn't want to risk the hassle in case something did happen to it. However, the bride herself encouraged me to wear it, because she wanted me to get as much use out of it as possible. I did end up 'repurposing' it for another event after the fact.
 
Date: 7/1/2008 2:51:35 PM
Author: rockzilla
''ETA: Because the wedding hasn''t happened yet, I would give her a call and just say that you noticed she wore the dress sooner and was wondering if she wouldn''t mind stopping by your house to make sure the dress is still up to par (I bet inspecting it yourself will make you feel a lot better). ''

I would absolutely NOT do this. It would be treating her like a little child (this woman is a HS TEACHER, not an irresponsible teenager) and saying you don''t trust her to take care of the dress. What''s next, inspecting her toenails to make sure they look good in the strappy sandals you chose? Making sure she keeps her facial appointments so as to not break out on your big day?

This is her dress, if something *god forbid* had happened to it, she would have to get it cleaned/repaired/replaced. But, it didn''t - and honestly an accident can happen at any time. What if someone had spilled something on it while you are getting ready before the ceremony? Should she stand outside the church in her undies, putting on the dress at the last possible minute to make 100% sure it is pristine for her walk down the aisle?

PS I have been a bridesmaid and actually considered wearing the dress in advance. In the end, I chose not to precisely because I didn''t want to risk the hassle in case something did happen to it. However, the bride herself encouraged me to wear it, because she wanted me to get as much use out of it as possible. I did end up ''repurposing'' it for another event after the fact.
I didn''t mean it like that...it was just a suggestion to ease her tension
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Relax
 
sorry fireyred, didn''t mean to jump on you there...I just got this image of her making the girl try on the dress and then inspecting it with a magnifying glass...or putting her in that horrible 3-way mirror like they have on what not to wear...

What I meant to say was, hopefully she trusts her friend enough that she wouldn''t walk down the aisle in a dress with a giant stain on it.
 
Date: 7/1/2008 3:01:16 PM
Author: rockzilla
sorry fireyred, didn''t mean to jump on you there...I just got this image of her making the girl try on the dress and then inspecting it with a magnifying glass...or putting her in that horrible 3-way mirror like they have on what not to wear...

What I meant to say was, hopefully she trusts her friend enough that she wouldn''t walk down the aisle in a dress with a giant stain on it.
Understood
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I see absolutely nothing wrong at all with her wearing the dress before hand. It is her dress that she paid for, and she may wear it to anything she chooses. She went to a high school function away from anyone who would be attending your wedding. Unless you plan on inviting her students to your wedding, she''s not ruining the surprise of your "wedding look" for your guests. And seriously, what kind of damage is going to happen as a high school chaperone? I am a high school teacher, and would have no problem whatsoever with doing this, although the opportunity has not presented itself.

I was a maid of honor in a wedding this summer, and I got to pick out my own dress/ wear something I already had. Should I have been required to wear a brand new dress for the sake of "respect" to her wedding?


I could see you maybe not wanting her to post the picture until after your wedding if you care about your guests seeing it, but really, does anyone care about the bridesmaids'' dress? I doubt it! As far as asking to inspect the dress, that is rude. Only mention the fact that she wore the dress to her if you can do so in a lighthearted manner, and not be passive aggressive about it. no snarky comments to your FRIEND :)

Enjoy the last days before your wedding, girl. Remember to take deep breaths, count to ten, and all those other tricks that I forget when I wound up about something. Best wishes on your soon to be marriage!
 
I think you have every right to be upset about it! I know I would be!!! That, in my opinion, is VERY rude! I think you''re absolutely right....what if something happened to it? What would she have told you? That''s awful! I''m sorry that that happened! I also think that it''s a bit disrespectful!
 
Are bridesmaid dresses made out of some magical material that cannot be cleaned or that disintegrates after so many wears? I am 28 years old and have never "ruined" a dress. Unless the dress is made out of some snaggy or delicate material or is white, I do not understand the fear of it being ruined.
 
While I'll agree it was risky, I don't think I'd have been offended at all.

It's just a dress, they make millions of them a year, and dry cleaners exist for a reason. There are a thousand other things to worry about before your wedding, dear. Don't make wedding planning harder than it is by stirring up unnecessary drama.

You'll make yourself crazy.
 
I''m assuming since you are getting married, you are an adult.

I will also assume that since you asked her to be in your wedding party, you consider her a responsible adult.

She is adult who paid for her dress. She is also an adult who made a decision - whether it be considered rude or not.

So I would suggest that everyone act like an adult and let bygones be bygones. There are other, bigger things to worry about than a woman who decided to wear a dress that she owns.
 
I think it''s a good thing. Think of it this way, so many bridesmaids are forced to buy dresses that they hate, and will never wear again. So it means you have good taste and she didn''t waste her money.
 
I am laughing soooo hard.

Sorry, but I remember saying to my BMs...oh you can sooo wear it again, not just for the wedding. right
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Be flattered that she loves enough to wear it more than once.
 
Personally, I would be upset. I currently am a little mad at my MOH (although I am not saying anything), because she is wearing her bridesmaid shoes at her brother''s wedding (where she is a maid) the week before, which is on grass (and they are light colored, etc). I would have prefered she asked me if it were okay first (as I purchased them for her).

There is a whole back story though- I originally bought her perfectly matched brown shoes (for $40) at Macys. She said she didn''t like them, and asked for different ones. I obliged. She then picked a very very light gold/cream which I didn''t like that she never offered to pay for (they were $150). Then a week later, was told how great they look with both the dress for my wedding, AND the dress for her brothers.

We are actually in a fight about something unrelated though, and I cannot decide what to do---with only 3 weeks to go.
 
Date: 6/30/2008 8:59:42 PM
Author: mimzy
Date: 6/30/2008 8:47:56 PM

Author: icekid

Date: 6/30/2008 8:32:12 PM


Author: decodelighted




ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to ''picking out something they can wear again'' when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!


This is exactly what I was thinking, deco. Consider yourself lucky.. she actually liked the dress you chose and could wear it again! Unless you purchased it for her, little miss sunshine, I don''t think you really have much say over when she wears it anyway. Sorry, she is not being rude. And yes, you''re being a little ridiculous. Irrevent? Really?


ditto. unless you bought her the dress and told her to keep it under lock and key until your wedding day, she did nothing wrong. it''s her dress after all! sure it''s your wedding day, but it wasn''t your dress and it''s not like she was a kindergarten teacher who let her kids play dress up in it! there really isn''t anything in the world sacred about bridesmaid dresses....at all. i''m sure she was careful about it and i''m sure that she would have been ready to accept responsibility for anything that happened to it. untwist your undies and be happy she liked it enough to wear it again!
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totally agree, especially if she paid for the dress.
 
Yay, I just got home and I love reading all the responses...

MINIMS -- The dress is a silk taffeta "alpine green" (grass green) strapless dress from j crew. It''s not up on the website anymore so I can''t post it! But, I will def. post pictures after the wedding!

Anyway, that is one of the reasons I think I got a little "bridezilla-ish" over it... it was discontinued last winter so if anything happened to it, there is no replacements available... But as someone brought up, she could spill something on it the morning of the ceremony...

fieryred -- LOL, part of me *wishes* it was okay for me to ask her to bring it over to me, but there''s no way I am going to do that her... Obviously I trust her, but I am not going to lie I am super OCD about stains and clothing. I can''t STAND stains/wrinkles on clothing, especially for formal/special occasions. Which is also why I overreacted because it''s just something that I would never do, but that doesn''t mean she shouldn''t be able to wear her own dress... (doodle - I LOL-ed at your post)


So, thanks to everyone for allowing me to vent about this! It saved me an "in the heat of the moment" nasty phone call which could have totally hurt her feelings and caused unneccesary tension before the wedding!! Part of me wishes that she just mentioned it to me, so I didn''t find out through the facebook picture, but at this point, I am completely letting it go!!

(But I hope she returns my calls soon so I can find out if she is attending my bachelorette party since she has yet to respond!!!)
 
What a weird situation to be in! I would just NEVER wear a bridesmaid dress to another event before the wedding...I have no idea why, it just seems wrong to me!
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I guess I''m funny about saving clothes for events in general, though.

However, what''s done is done, and it sounds like you''re handling it well by just letting it go. I would definitely be irritated also! And I don''t think I''m a bridezilla type at all...not to mention that I haven''t even really started planning my wedding!

Note to self-when planning wedding, be sure to ask bridesmaids to please not wear their bridesmaid dresses before my wedding!
 
This is why my daughter''s BM dresses are hanging in my bedroom.
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Someone would have to kill me first to get at them.
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But I paid for them, and they get to have them/wear them after the wedding. I am almost PO''ed that they aren''t flattering on me, or I would be taking the size that fit me right back from the BM.
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But with a Nicole Miller cocktail dress, how can you go wrong after the wedding?

The girls on the board are right. If there is no harm/no foul...which is what I originally typed for my first post, but deleted it (because I didn''t know if you had already had your ceremony) but the following poster was channeling me and posted it...then you should let it go. Gotta love PS''ers!! So many of us think alike. But when we don''t, we still often make a lot of sense.
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There are going to be sooooo many other things to get stressed about and that will stress you out, that it''s best to choose your battles wisely.
 
i don''t think it would bother me. i mean, if she''s paying for it then she can do what she wants with it. As long as she has it in good condition for my wedding, i wouldn''t really care.
 
It would never occur to me to wear a BM''s dress before the wedding
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It''s not for fear of the dress being harmed, but it takes away from the meaning of wearing a dress designated for this occasion. It just seems a little odd
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