Wedding Bridesmaid wore dress before wedding!!!!

[little miss sunshine]

So... Friday night after some facebook pictures stalking I noticed new pictures of one of my bridesmaids were posted. I clicked to check them out and up pops a picture from her schools'' prom (she is a H.S teacher and chaperoned the senior prom). She is surrounded by 4 of her students and she is.... WEARING HER BRIDESMAID DRESS!!!! This was probably taken a few weeks ago, so it was about a month before the wedding. My jaw dropped... I personally feel that it was a little irreverent to wear the dress before my wedding, not to mention a little careless. What if something spilled on it/the dry cleaner lost it/it got ripped/whatever...

Am I being ridiculous or would you find it rude ? Have you ever done this? My other bridesmaids were all shocked and one even said she thought about wearing the dress to another wedding (as a guest) but quickly decided against it because she was worried about all the above reasons... On one hand I am glad she likes the dress, but on the other I am little annoyed that she did it... I also don''t know if I should say anything about it...

What are your thoughts??

 

[vintagelover229]

I personally think it''s rude to wear the dress prior to your wedding. She should have at least asked how you felt about it. I know that if I saw that I probably wouldn''t be thrilled if I seen it before she told me about it. I''m glad she likes the dress though.

 

[miraclesrule]

If you have already had your wedding and the BM dress was fine and you would never have known about it before seeing the facebook picture, I would say that you need to let go of it. Although all those worries could have happened, if they didn''t, then what is the point?

If you haven''t had your wedding yet and you are worried that the dress isn''t in the right condition or that having it cleaned would show against the other BM''s, then I would talk to her about it and check in with her.

But if it was the former, there was nothing that negatively impacted your wedding so I would blow it off completely.

 

[decodelighted]

Why in the *world* would you say something about it? No harm, no foul. It seems like picking a fight for no good reason with someone who went to a lot of time & trouble to be in your wedding. WHY? Just ... why?


ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to "picking out something they can wear again" when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!

 

[little miss sunshine]

The wedding has NOT happened yet... I guess I would say something only because of the fear that something DID happen and I am going to surprised the day of when she shows up with a stained dress or something...

 

[violet02]

Date: 6/30/2008 8:32:12 PM
Author: decodelighted
Why in the *world* would you say something about it? No harm, no foul. It seems like picking a fight for no good reason with someone who went to a lot of time & trouble to be in your wedding. WHY? Just ... why?


ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to ''picking out something they can wear again'' when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!

I think as long as the dress is in okay condition and nothing happened then there''s nothing to worry about. I would hope that she would bring it up to you if something did happen.

I have to agree with deco here in re: to her wearing it again. Most of the time no one ever gets to wear their dresses again!

Did you pay for the dress or did she out of curiousity?

 

[neatfreak]

I don''t see the big deal personally. I do think it was a bit risky of her simply because of the spill/ripping issue, but that would be HER butt on the line if something happened, and I doubt it did...it doesn''t affect YOUR wedding in any way. There are more important things to worry about...

 

[flutterby]

I wouldn''t get too upset about it, when preparing for our weddings perspective gets skewed. I doubt she was trying to be deceitful, i''m sure she was glad she had a pretty dress to wear to the dance. I think it is great she could actually wear the dress on another occassion, usually you are stuck with a dress that the bride says you can wear again...but you never do. I''m sure it is in good condition...it isn''t like she went to a kegger, she probably only had it on for a few hours. If it was ruined I''m sure a friend as close as a bridesmaid would let you know!

(oh, and if she paid for it I certainly wouldn''t ask her about it)

 

[choro72]

There was a similar post like this on another forum. The majority of the ladies over their thought that it was beyond rude, the bridesmaid was inconsiderate, etc (In her case she had more issues with her).

I was one of the minority that thought nothing about it. I will be thrilled if my sister wore her dress other than at my wedding. I wouldn''t care if it was before the wedding or not. So what if it was stained or ripped. If your BM is like any normal girl, she will get it fixed as soon as she sees it. If she doesn''t, nobody is going to notice anyway.

But then I repeat, I was in the minority to hold this opinion. Apparently it''s technically a no-no.

BTW, I love Little Miss series! My mom always said that I''m like Little Miss Bossy

 

[icekid]

Date: 6/30/2008 8:32:12 PM
Author: decodelighted


ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to ''picking out something they can wear again'' when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!

This is exactly what I was thinking, deco. Consider yourself lucky.. she actually liked the dress you chose and could wear it again! Unless you purchased it for her, little miss sunshine, I don''t think you really have much say over when she wears it anyway. Sorry, she is not being rude. And yes, you''re being a little ridiculous. Irrevent? Really?

 

[HollyS]

That''s kinda nervy.

 

[nclrgirl]

Question LMS: Did you pay for the dress or did she?

If she paid for the dress, then I don''t think you have any reason or really any right to be upset about her wearing her dress. Plus, bridesmaids put a lot of money and time into being a part of your special day.

If you paid for the dress, I can see how it would bother you a bit.

Good luck! I hope you can let this one go.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 6/30/2008 8:47:56 PM
Author: icekid

Date: 6/30/2008 8:32:12 PM

Author: decodelighted



ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to ''picking out something they can wear again'' when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!

This is exactly what I was thinking, deco. Consider yourself lucky.. she actually liked the dress you chose and could wear it again! Unless you purchased it for her, little miss sunshine, I don''t think you really have much say over when she wears it anyway. Sorry, she is not being rude. And yes, you''re being a little ridiculous. Irrevent? Really?

ditto. unless you bought her the dress and told her to keep it under lock and key until your wedding day, she did nothing wrong. it''s her dress after all! sure it''s your wedding day, but it wasn''t your dress and it''s not like she was a kindergarten teacher who let her kids play dress up in it! there really isn''t anything in the world sacred about bridesmaid dresses....at all. i''m sure she was careful about it and i''m sure that she would have been ready to accept responsibility for anything that happened to it. untwist your undies and be happy she liked it enough to wear it again!

 

[NoID]

LMS, I agree with what msflutter said...

"I wouldn't get too upset about it, when preparing for our weddings perspective gets skewed."

I know where you're coming from, you want everyhthing to be for YOUR day. But just ignore it and don't worry about it. If she's an average person, she is not going to show up to your wedding with a ripped or stained dress - if she's a good friend she wouldn't do that to you, and even if she wasn't, I'm sure she'll want to look good for your wedding too.

 

[little miss sunshine]

Thanks for grounding me everyone!! She did pay for it, and I think I just overreacted ... the fewer days til the wedding - the more tightly wound I seem to get!! Plus, on occasion she has proven to be a little flaky and is a pretty big partier (although I am sure she wasn''t on the night of her chaperone duties) , but I am not going to bring it up and I am totally thrilled she likes it enough to wear it...

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/30/2008 8:59:42 PM
Author: mimzy

Date: 6/30/2008 8:47:56 PM
Author: icekid

Date: 6/30/2008 8:32:12 PM

Author: decodelighted



ETA: Feel flattered that she thought the dress you picked was so cute she just had to wear it for another event. So what if it happened BEFORE the wedding. Brides pay such senseless lip service to ''picking out something they can wear again'' when the dresses are usually beyond hideous. This time -- it actually worked! She could wear it for other events ... & did! Victory!

This is exactly what I was thinking, deco. Consider yourself lucky.. she actually liked the dress you chose and could wear it again! Unless you purchased it for her, little miss sunshine, I don''t think you really have much say over when she wears it anyway. Sorry, she is not being rude. And yes, you''re being a little ridiculous. Irrevent? Really?

ditto. unless you bought her the dress and told her to keep it under lock and key until your wedding day, she did nothing wrong. it''s her dress after all! sure it''s your wedding day, but it wasn''t your dress and it''s not like she was a kindergarten teacher who let her kids play dress up in it! there really isn''t anything in the world sacred about bridesmaid dresses....at all. i''m sure she was careful about it and i''m sure that she would have been ready to accept responsibility for anything that happened to it. untwist your undies and be happy she liked it enough to wear it again!

That''s exactly what I was thinking

 

[nclrgirl]

LMS, I''m glad this was helpful! I hope my post wasn''t too harsh. No harm meant and hopefully I didn''t offend you! I hope your wedding day is lovely!

 

[Courtneylub]

I know you''re tightly wound the closer it gets to the wedding, but this really is a not a big deal. There are definitely more important things to worry about, as stated above. This is what I wish brides would try to remember...do not sweat the small stuff!

 

[doodle]

as long as she doesn''t go to the high school prom in YOUR WEDDING DRESS, take it as a compliment to your good taste that she liked what you selected enough to wear it in front of a bunch of snotty teenagers.

nothing to panic over--if she were such a bad friend that she''d go do keg stands in her bridesmaid dress and whatnot before the wedding, you wouldn''t have asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place, right?

 

[VRBeauty]

Hmmm... you have me curious now. Could you post a picture of the BM dress that''s nice enough to wear to other events? Not her facebook picture, of course...

 

[MMM]

i''m getting married in october and one of my bridesmaids wore her dress to her engagement party. it didn''t really bother me at all, but i do understand how it could. and it did bother my maid of honor (who was in charge of picking the dresses, so i think she felt a little more tied to the dress in general, if that makes sense).

why would/could it bother me, you ask?
well, for one, she wore it to a big party where basically half the people there will be at my wedding as well (we have been friends since we were 3 yrs old and therefore have many, many friends and family friends in common). it now seems like a guest of my wedding could think, "oh, she chose to have kristen''s engagement party dress as her bridesmaids dresses." like the dress belongs more to her engagement party than to my wedding (i''m aware this is sounding ridiculous).

also, it was risky. if there was a spill or anything (which seems very likely at a cocktail party) the dress is not replaceable. it is yellow silk (easily stained), and was bought from jcrew months ago and no longer available. i really dont know what we would have done. its not like we could just pick a new dress since the three other girls already have theirs.

i mean, i feel this is making me sound like i care. and i really, really dont. and it does make me happy that she obviously loves the dress. but, i just wanted to point out why or how someone would be a little bummed about it.

(oh, it was also a little weird because i couldn''t go to the party and she never brought it up that she wore it)

i know this is really long, but i just want to sum it up by saying i know for a FACT she didnt mean anything by it. she liked the dress and she wore it to a party. big deal. i doubt anyone will even remember come october!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Looks like I''m in the minority or rude, not sure. However, I would personally feel like it was in bad taste to wear the dress before the wedding. So I understand where you''re coming from. I wouldn''t do it personally, that''s for sure. But hey she does own the dress I guess, so I wouldn''t say anything to her.

 

[purrfectpear]

For those who thought it might be rude, when is it rude to wear a dress you bought and paid for? Seriously mini-bridezillas

It''s a testament to your good taste that apparently you didn''t choose a dog of a dress for the BM''s to wear.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/30/2008 11:50:03 PM
Author: purrfectpear
For those who thought it might be rude, when is it rude to wear a dress you bought and paid for? Seriously mini-bridezillas

It''s a testament to your good taste that apparently you didn''t choose a dog of a dress for the BM''s to wear.

Guess I''m a mini-bridezilla then.

 

[decodelighted]

How many formal dresses is one gal supposed to BUY in a year? If you *have* to buy one (bridesmaid) I imagine it would be pretty tough to swallow to pony up for ANOTHER ... when you have a perfectly good brand new one just glistening in the closet waiting for its ONE DAY of use. In this harsh economy! God bless these savvy gals for not throwing their HARD earned $$ away on some silly wasteful EXTRA frock.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/30/2008 11:57:33 PM
Author: decodelighted
How many formal dresses is one gal supposed to BUY in a year? If you *have* to buy one (bridesmaid) I imagine it would be pretty tough to swallow to pony up for ANOTHER ... when you have a perfectly good brand new one just glistening in the closet waiting for its ONE DAY of use. In this harsh economy! God bless these savvy gals for not throwing their HARD earned $$ away on some silly wasteful EXTRA frock.

While I understand what you''re saying (it is definitely a great money-saver), at my high school prom the chaperons did not wear formal wear. What they were wearing would be considered cocktail attire or honestly just a nice dress. They were not dressed in black tie. How expensive would it have been to buy another dress on sale? Or even wear something else she already had? But anyway that''s just my high school, maybe this one has different requirements. Just something to think about.

 

[Pandora II]

I think she''s perfectly entitled to wear a dress that she has paid for to anything she wants. It would be rude to insist otherwise.

If you had paid for it then you might have more of a point.

Whatever the case, I really don''t think you should worry about it.

 

[Shoopy]

That depends...did she pay for it or did you?

Brides always have a hard time picking dresses that they feel the person will wear again. Congrats on obviously making a good choice

. If she paid for it then she can wear it whenever she wants, in my opinion.

If she had ripped it, stained it, or lost it then it would have been up to her to get the same dress. That would have been her stress.

I would not say anything to her about it (again...unless you paid for it). You can't really tell someone what to do with their own property.

ETA: Because the wedding hasn't happened yet, I would give her a call and just say that you noticed she wore the dress sooner and was wondering if she wouldn't mind stopping by your house to make sure the dress is still up to par (I bet inspecting it yourself will make you feel a lot better).

 

[KimberlyH]

It's her dress, she paid for it, I'm not sure why it would be rude of her to wear it, especially to a function that has no association with your wedding (it's not like she showed up at your wedding shower in it). As many others have said, be glad she found another use for it as being a bridesmaid can get very expensive, even when the bride is extremely laid back.

As for the formality of the dress and the appropriateness for the other occasion, we have no idea what it looks like, or the norms for the prom she wore it to supervise; it could be a darling strapless JCrew dress that was totally fitting of the occasion for all we know and that doesn't change the fact that it's hers.

 

[krispi]

Well, I have to admit that I''ve done this myself in the past. But I did have permission from the bride and groom. Actually, I had plans to go to the symphony with them. As I was getting dressed, the zipper in the dress that I was going to wear (not the one picked out for their wedding) broke! I didn''t have anything else at home that would have been appropriate. I called them in a panic and said that I could either wear a skirt and sweater combo (which the bride thought would be too casual) or I could wear the bridesmaid dress. They agreed that I should wear the dress. We went to dinner and the concert afterward, and the dress was fine. It still looked great on the day of their wedding. I find it a little odd that she didn''t mention it to you, but I don''t think it''s anything to worry about.