borderline personality disorder

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Date: 6/17/2010 4:12:00 PM
Author: swedish bean
The thing that really makes me mad about people saying that all BPD are scary is that I don''t see it like ''that''.

I feel like we get lumped in with sociopaths. Not everyone that has a personality disorder is a serial killer (though, a lot of serial killers have narcissistic/ antisocial personality disorders + more). It''s like saying ''old people that drive blue cars are bad drivers'' but that doesn''t mean that all bad drivers that drive blue cars are old''... know what I mean?


All of the BPD people that I''ve met don''t hurt others (physically), only themselves. Mentally, to avoid abadonment things can be said/ done that can hurt others, and often times it can be intentional (though they don''t even notice it). But what is so scary? I''m not coming after you with a meat cleaver.

I really really really don''t think that BPD people externalize physical pain on others. So I''m confused as to what is really ''scary'' about a BPD person.


In my experience, my family was scared to tick me off, not because I''d hurt them, but because I''d hurt myself (and sometimes a door).

I said BPD people scare the socks off me. In general this is true and I have had much experience with patients who have the disorder. When you say your family is scared because you will hurt yourself or a door that shows that you can act out in a manner that frightens them. So....do you see why I may have made that comment? With that said I can see how my comment may seem belittling to someone who truly has the disorder and is trying to control their emotions and actions. And for that I would like to apologize as I should have chosen my words more carefully. I did not mean that you or any other person suffering from a mental illness or disorder is not worthy of respect and equal treatment. If I had a co-worker, employee, or future family in-law with the disorder I would not judge them first. I would get to know them and then form an opinion.

All in all people tend to be the way they act, and other people tend to respond to their actions. So if someone with an illness or disorder acts in such a way that makes other people uncomfortable or afraid then it is okay for those people to acknowlege their feelings regarding that. Society makes allowances for the ill, but those on the receiving end of someone acting out should be able to voice their feelings. That is all I was trying to do with my response to the OP''s thread and did not mean to offend you or anyone. I also was pointing out that I believe many people who suffer from poor impulse control, and anger issues are sometimes diagnosed as BPD or Bipolar. This is just my opinion gathered from years of observation and not a clinical fact.

 

[lyra]

Date: 6/17/2010 4:12:00 PM
Author: swedish bean
The thing that really makes me mad about people saying that all BPD are scary is that I don''t see it like ''that''.

I feel like we get lumped in with sociopaths. Not everyone that has a personality disorder is a serial killer (though, a lot of serial killers have narcissistic/ antisocial personality disorders + more). It''s like saying ''old people that drive blue cars are bad drivers'' but that doesn''t mean that all bad drivers that drive blue cars are old''... know what I mean?


All of the BPD people that I''ve met don''t hurt others (physically), only themselves. Mentally, to avoid abadonment things can be said/ done that can hurt others, and often times it can be intentional (though they don''t even notice it). But what is so scary? I''m not coming after you with a meat cleaver.

I really really really don''t think that BPD people externalize physical pain on others. So I''m confused as to what is really ''scary'' about a BPD person.


In my experience, my family was scared to tick me off, not because I''d hurt them, but because I''d hurt myself (and sometimes a door).

My borderline sister IS a sociopath and is also a narcissist. I think with mental illnesses, it''s very possible that some illnesses come with additional disorders. Not for everyone, but for some there are multiple issues.

I can''t even bring myself to commit to writing about the worst things my sister has ever done, they are awful events in my life. She was over age 40 when she did them, so it''s not like she acted out as an ill teenager or young person. It''s been a lifetime of episodes. She is violent to a degree, and has directed it against other people. I have seen the same with the other BPD person who was in my life too, so I don''t think there are absolutes about only being self abusive. My sister is that too. Also, it''s not even the violence that is scary. It is the ability to present completely benign personas to other people including family and then seeing the other side is completely devoid of feeling for other people sometimes. Not just devoid of feeling, but absolutely hateful to other people when things don''t go her way. These things are scary to me because I have absolutely no control over it, except to avoid my sister completely, and that is what I do. She cannot be trusted in any way, because it comes down to her only thinking of herself in the end. Her connections miss the mark and she gets angry.

I can also say wonderful things about her. She is extremely creative and intelligent. She is capable of working very hard. She can be very strong at coping with sick people--she used to be an LPN in geriatric settings. She is an excellent housekeeper and can decorate her home beautifully with very little money, she just has a knack I''ll never have. She excelled in school when she put her mind to it.

I know there is a tendency to stigmatize every mental illness. That is unfortunate, true. I think that people are afraid of things they cannot understand, or don''t have personal knowledge about. I don''t see mental illness as anything worse than any other less stigmatized but chronic condition like diabetes or arthritis. There are no cures, but yes, people can get to places where they are higher functioning. I have no sympathy for those who use their disease as an excuse when they really are not suffering from an acute form of said disease. It pisses me off because it kind of negates all the work that other people with that disease have to do to be functional and contributing members of society.