Wedding BM shoes help!!!

[calidaisy]

hi everyone,

what do you think about this shoes as BM shoes?
http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=14&category=cat20014&prodId=166709&brand

the dress will be http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/weddingsparties/PRDOVR~86205/86205.jsp

in pale pink.


i'm kind of feeling annoyed and can't tell whether i'm being a bridezilla, PMS-ing, or what not.
see, i initially wanted my BM dresses to be floor length in fuschia, bright orange, or green.

after all the compromises we (myself and BMs) made, we ended up with a jcrew dress i'm not particularly fond of. moreover, i now feel obligated to find (buy) matching pair of shoes (i paid for the dress).

anyway, these are the shoes i was interested in

http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=17&category=cat20014&prodId=166895&brand=

http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=20&category=cat20014&prodId=166295&brand=


and the first picture is something one of the BM suggested.

so ... please tell me that the one a BM wanted goes well with the dress.
OR recommend something that may go well with the dress.

thanks.

 

[calidaisy]

BTW, the color I want is SILVER.

 

[Amandine]

I don''t know, the one the bridesmaid picked is not my favorite. It looks a little clunky to me, and I think it may look dated in pictures later.

I like both of the Caparros you picked (#1 expecially, see my shoe thread!). Since you can see the shoe, I would recommend something not overly trendy so you don''t have to worry about dating your pix later.

 

[meresal]

IMO... the first one would be cute if it was hidden under a floor length dress. Paten leather is very trendy, and might look very dated in the future when you''re looking back at photos. The style is too clunky for the minimalist dress you have decided on.
These next two, I think are fine... however, you might want to make sure the silver in the shoes is cohesive with the silver dress.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I don''t like the first ones, especially the patter in th silver. Could comfort be an issue, the ones you picked are much more attractive, but perhaps not more wearable.

How about you let us look for you?
Height?
Style?
price?

 

[peridot83]

The dress is pale pink? Frankly, first I''d be going for a nude/beige/tan color ...but regardless

It seems your bridesmaid want a dressy sandal type shoe & you want a formal pump. Is this accurate?

Your bridesmaid is probably just attempting to get a shoe she can wear again. A nude or silver pump isn''t that rewearable.

Depending where you are in the country, people don''t wear dressy pumps that often. I.e. in CA people usually only where dressy pumps to work & work occasions (so black or brown unless you''re v. trendy/stylish). The default thing to wear with a dress is strappy heals.

But you''re paying for it! So do what you want and I''m sure we''d be more than happy to help you look .

 

[havernell]

Date: 7/18/2008 7:36:15 PM
Author:calidaisy

moreover, i now feel obligated to find (buy) matching pair of shoes (i paid for the dress).

You sound way more stressed out about this tiny detail than you need to be. Do you feel strongly about having your bridesmaids wearing matching shoes? If not, why not just let them all find their own shoes? It would be A LOT less stress for you and they get to pick something they''ll wear again. I don''t think you should feel obligated at all to buy shoes for your girls. You were extremely generous to buy their dresses already, so don''t put such pressure on yourself to do even more. Just ask your girls to find silver shoes and leave it at that. You can suggest some pairs that you have found that you like if you want, but then just let them take it from there.

It''s true that a short dress will show shoes more than a long dress, but with all the other pretty details on your wedding day, I really doubt anyone is going to give a second thought to the shoe choice of your BMs. Don''t stress over the unimportant details- that''s my motto!

 

[calidaisy]

thanks everyone.

Amandine, great taste in shoes! I love your shoes. I agree with first shoes looking clunky and I didn’t think about dating pics later on but they totally will shout out 2008 from every angle!

Meresal, I don’t know what would go well with pale pink. It was suggested by another friend but I really can’t tell.

Brazen, thanks so much for the offer.

I’m looking for anything under 3”, preferably closed toe (but doesn’t matter), under $50 (cheaper the better; but not cheap looking

).

Peridot83, you’re exactly right--my BMs are looking for styles they can wear after the wedding. The reason why dress picking got so stressful was because my BMs wanted something they can re-wear while I wanted something that was complimenting to my wedding. (Unfortunately, the dress looks pretty unflattering that I don’t think anyone can wear it again). And same thing is happening with the shoes now.

Havernell, you’re right. This is stressing me out more than it should. At first I told my BMs that they can wear whatever shoes they want since it’ll be under a long dress. Now that the length is shorter, I’m afraid that one of the maids might show up wearing something clashing and I didn’t feel right dictating them what they should buy so offered to provide them with shoes as well.

But, you’re definitely right about not stressing over unimportant details!

 

[Haven]

Let them choose their own shoes, that way you don''t have to worry about it AND you certainly are under no obligation to pay for them.

My bridesmaids wore tea-length gowns and I didn''t even consider dictating which shoes they had to wear. They all looked fabulous, and they were comfortable because they chose their own shoes. I''m really picky about shoes and I think I would resent it if someone told me I had to wear a particular pair.

 

[calidaisy]

thanks, haven!
maybe i should figure out a way to diplomatically tell my BMs that they''re on their own in terms of shoes.

 

[Haven]

Oh, that''s easy honey--tell them "You guys wear whatever shoes you like for the wedding. I bet (insert appropriate color/style here) would look wonderful, but I know you''re all so fashionable you''ll find something perfect.

That way you''re making it sound like a GOOD thing that they can choose. I think you''re so kind to even buy the dresses in the first place!

 

[Gypsy]

They all look a bit uncomfortable to me. I like wedges generally, but don't really like those. The second ones remind me of a pair of formals I have and HATE to wear though they look lovely and peep toes at that angle can hurt. But the prices are good. Has anyone tried any of these on?

ETA: I agree with Haven. I'd add something like "one size fits all doesn't really work with shoes. You all get what you like and are comfortable with, just please get something silver."

 

[meresal]

This is a great idea!! I would just recommend a color, and let them find their own style.

ETA: You know how bridal dresses are starting to come in one main idea with like 5 or 6 different styles to choose from.... they should really start doing that with shoes. It would be really easy to let everyone look matchy, without being forced to wear the same thing. Just my opinion.

 

[clop]

Date: 7/18/2008 7:36:15 PM
Author:calidaisy
hi everyone,


what do you think about this shoes as BM shoes?

http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=14&category=cat20014&prodId=166709&brand


the dress will be http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/weddingsparties/PRDOVR~86205/86205.jsp


in pale pink.



i''m kind of feeling annoyed and can''t tell whether i''m being a bridezilla, PMS-ing, or what not.

see, i initially wanted my BM dresses to be floor length in fuschia, bright orange, or green.


after all the compromises we (myself and BMs) made, we ended up with a jcrew dress i''m not particularly fond of. moreover, i now feel obligated to find (buy) matching pair of shoes (i paid for the dress).


anyway, these are the shoes i was interested in


http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=17&category=cat20014&prodId=166895&brand=


http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=20&category=cat20014&prodId=166295&brand=



and the first picture is something one of the BM suggested.


so ... please tell me that the one a BM wanted goes well with the dress.

OR recommend something that may go well with the dress.


thanks.

Hi Calidaisy, You have great taste in shoes (& dresses - saw your gown in another thread). I think the first of the two (the closed toe pumps) would look great with the pink dress.

Others'' suggestion of having your bms pick out their own shoes is fine. Your bms will be able to express their own tastes, and be comfortable.

However, I have a slightly different thought. It may be incorrect, but I am pretty unapologetic about it. If you are paying for the dress/shoes, pick what you want (within reason). You''ve generously paid for the dresses. You initially wanted floor length dresses in a different color. You compromised because your bridesmaids wanted "more wearable" ones. Where are you now? You have dresses that "you are not fond of, and they will likely never wear again." No one is completely happy.

If you are particular about what look you are going for, by all means, pick out matching shoes. Some people are more particular/easygoing than others. Some people like completely matching ensembles, down to the makeup, hairstyle, manicure. Others have their bms pick whatever style they want in a given color. There''s no correct one way. It is what you prefer, what look you are going for.

My bridesmaids have been really accommodating. They''re willing to wear whatever I pick. When it is my turn, I of course am also game for anything too. My style is more flowy and casual. My MOH''s is more fitted and dressy. When I showed her some fitted dresses, she immediately said, I thought you were going for a different look. I told her that I wanted it to be something she would wear again. She responded that that should not be a part of decision making process. The same goes for color - I love bright corals, and orangy pinks. I was initially shy of offering up such bright colors, and when they were presented with more neutral colors, were surprised that I had changed my theme. Ideally of course - you would pick out something they''d be happy to wear again. However not everyone''s tastes are the same, and it doesn''t always work out that way.

I think that as long as you take into consideration their comfort, you should be able to pick out whatever you''d like.

 

[miraclesrule]

I'm glad I read the whole thread, because at first I thought you were going with chunky black shoes and a pale pink bridesmaid dress.

Phew, I feel better now that I know you are going silver.

We just changed BM dress yesterday from gold to black, and we are going champagne gold shoes. We don't care who wears what shoes, so I agree it's best to make sure the girls are comfortable and at least get somewhat closely related shoes. I don't think someone needs to go Betsy Johnson crazy if everyone else is wearing a nice strappy sandal type shoe though...that would no bueno...IMHO.

 

[calidaisy]

thanks everyone for your replies.

now, i''m torn between (1) letting my BMs wear whatever they want and (2) at least telling them what color(s) to wear.
i honestly don''t know what color matches pale pink.

so, my question is ... what color(s) should i tell my BMs to wear??

also, i kind of feel like an indian giver by initially telling my BMs that i''ll buy them shoes and now telling them to provide their own shoes. should i at least offer to pay/ subsidize (in case they get something over my budget) for whatever they get? OR give them their gifts (i was going to get $100 gift certificate at macy''s or something) early on and tell them to use it toward their shoes shopping if they don''t have anything appropriate to wear?

i just don''t want to financially burden my BMs because they''re married with kids and spending money on someone''s wedding as a BM is not as fun and exciting it can be to a single woman.