Wedding BM questions: who pays for what??

[calidaisy]

hi everyone,

í''m looking for BM dresses and i feel completely lost as to who pays for what.

i plan to pay for: 1. the dress; and 2. hair & make-up on the day of.
(also, one of the BMs is flying in so i was going to pay for her hotel for 3-4 nights she''s staying ... but that''s more because i really appreciate her for coming under her given circumstances than b/c she''s my BM)

but i don''t know if i should worry about/ pay for: 1. the shoes; and/ or 2. jewelry (accessory)?


i really don''t care what they wear or whether they match or not--i''m looking for a floor length dress which will cover their shoes. i don''t know what the proper etiquette is and i don''t want to worry about something that is unnecessary but i also don''t want to impose something on my friends that should be taken care of by me.

as for a background, i am the anti-bride (i only seem to care about wedding gowns and nothing else in this whole wedding planning

).
we''re NOT going to have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party (i REFUSE to have them) ... or anything bridey-wedding-y ... whatever you call it.

the only job my BMs have is to show up at the rehearsal and the wedding.

oh ... and what is the appropriate amount to spend in gifts for the wedding party?
i was thinking about spending $100 per person.
is that reasonable? or are we being cheap?

i''m so confused ...

 

[KimberlyH]

You are being very generous in paying for all that you are. It is absolutely appropriate for them to pay for, and choose, their own shoes and accessories.

 

[trillionaire]

Wedding etiquette

The Attendants typically pay for:
Their Wedding clothes
Travel expenses
Wedding gift for newlyweds

Expenses
The maid or matron of honor pays for her own dress and other attire. If travel expenses are involved, she pays for her own dress and other attire. Although she may attend several pre-wedding parties, only one shower gift and one wedding gift are to be expected. She may share the cost of bridal shower.

Bridesmaid Responsibilities
Bridesmaids are usually close friends or family members. When inviting them, make them aware that there are costs involved as well as a time commitment. It is an honor to be asked, but may also be a financial burden. Make friends feel special when you invite them to be part of your wedding.

 

[calidaisy]

thanks, kimberlyh and trillionaire.

i was having a moment of tension(?) with one of my BMs when there seemed to be a conflict of interest with the choice in color/ length of the dress--i wanted a bright color that matches our color scheme in floor length while she wanted something that is more re-wearable (black in knee-length).

and she kind of rebutted by asking what color shoes i was thinking of to match the dress colors ... and i was stumped as to whether i was supposed to get them matching shoes or what not.

 

[loverocks]

I think you are good. It is very generous to pay for the dress and hair/makeup - which is pretty expensive, I think this also makes your $100 gift very reasonable. Really, you are good...I would not stress over this etiquiette wise.

BTW- ditto, ditto, thritto.......
i am the anti-bride (i only seem to care about wedding gowns and nothing else in this whole wedding planning ).
we''re NOT going to have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party (i REFUSE to have them) ... or anything bridey-wedding-y ... whatever you call it.

I am happy to see i am not the only anti-bride

. We should start a club, I know there are a few of us on here.

I only care about my dress, jewlery, hair, too.

 

[calidaisy]

hi loverocks!
yes, we should start the "anti-bride" club.

 

[bee*]

I''m in Ireland and we pay for absolutely everything that the bridesmaids wear and also their make-up etc. They also get a gift. I think that it''s very generous that you''re buying the dresses and paying for the make-up considering it doesn''t seem to be the done thing in the US.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/2/2008 6:25:38 PM
Author: bee*
I''m in Ireland and we pay for absolutely everything that the bridesmaids wear and also their make-up etc. They also get a gift. I think that it''s very generous that you''re buying the dresses and paying for the make-up considering it doesn''t seem to be the done thing in the US.

It is the same thing in my culture but in Australian culture the BM''s pay for everything.

When we get married (one day far far away

) we plan on paying for the lot , but your definitely being very generous paying your BM''s will definitely appreciate it