Blessing and timing

[msb2ncsu]

I''ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years and everyone knows we are getting married so nothing is in doubt. I still would like to ask for the parents blessing just to be respectful. I know traditionally its the father but her father passed away when she was just 12. Her mother has remarried and she loves her stepdad so what do I do? I don''t want to make anyone feel awkward and ask just the stepdad. I was thinking of asking them at the same time to cover my bases, sound good?

Ok, now... we only make it to see her family about once or twice a year up in Rochester, NY (we live in NC). In August we are flying up to spend some time and do some winery tours. Originally I was hoping to ask them in person when we go, but I also think it would be great if I could propose before we go so she can show her family, in which case I''d have to do the blessing over the phone (is that tacky?).

I had tossed around the idea of doing it up in NY at the lake so I could cover both bases but I''ve only been there a handful of times (and never to where we are going in the finger lakes) so I would be flying blind in terms of setting up the proposal and that could be dangerous. Plus I worry about her coming across the ring while traveling (airport screening or if she just goes to put something in my bag when I''m not looking).

Any thoughts?

 

[TinLemon]

I'd say you should either ask them both at the same time, or ask the mom first if your gf and her have an especially strong bond.

Also, since you are far away, it might be a nice touch to write an actual letter and send it via snail mail. I know it's a formality and all since you've been together so long, but a real letter would demonstrate how serious you are about this, and how much she means to you. In the end though, a phone call might be all you need if they are non-traditional kind of family.

I would also lean toward doing the proposal before you go so that you can enjoy it together (

) before throwing everyone else into the mix

 

[strmrdr]

I asked over the phone and it is fine if there is no other reasonable choice and it sounds like thats your situation too.

Now the stepdad issue id get both of them on the phone at the same time and ask both if thats not possible id ask the mom first.

 

[purduephotog]

I live in Rochester- and tour the wineries quite a bit so I could give you some ideas where to try first

Atwater Winery is my favorite and has a spectacular view, and they're quite friendly- you could probably get all the way down to the lake from their property.

Red Newt makes some of the best reds in the area (priced accordingly, sadly). When I get home I'll pull out the bottle of red from a winery that has a HUGE wilow tree in front and a great history of letting people do fun things. You could set up a 'tasting' in back of their southern style mansion and pop the question there.

If it's bubbly you're after, there's a few places there you can try and contact. Most are pretty accomidating

Good luck and PM me if you want more details or want to try the proposal up here. If your GF gets suspicious, just claim you knew me from MUDding online when I was in college.... I've got no problems being a go-between up here for a bit (tho I'll be out of town alot in July, heh)

 

[lindsal]

msb2ncsu -- Which lake in outside of Rochester? Ontario? Canadaugia? If you skip the winery idea (which really I think sounds awesome) I could suggest some good spots on a few of the lakes around there.

I grew up in Rochester and am currently trying to plan Summer 2005 wedding there from Chicago. Not so easy.

PurduePhotog - Where is Atwater? Can you do events there like say a big tent wedding reception?

Msb2ncsu - Good luck which ever you choose.

 

[purduephotog]

Atwater is south east coast of Canda? lake. I don't believe you can do a reception there, but there is Red Newt and the big AFRame place that sells eicewein (Sorry, I remember wineries by the wines and not names, hahaha)

I wil have to look for some next week to refresh myself on names. Theyre downstairs but just no time to search atm

 

[ep6585]

My brother had his wedding and reception at the church at the divinity school in Rochester. It sits up on a hill right next to Highland Park. It was a very beautiful spot with all of the lilacs in bloom.