Attention mommies: Comfort and Pregnancy

[Independent Gal]

I''ll be moving to the east coast next year to take up a contract for a year or so. DH will be working about 2 hours north of me, and will be spending two nights away each week. This means we''ll be paying rent in two places. Hopefully, we''ll be renting out my condominium in the meantime, to recoup some of our mortgage costs.

So, here is my question. Given that we''re also hoping to have a baby, probably (hopefully) while we''re away, my inclination is to splurge and rent a beautifully furnished place (with laundry and a cleaning service!) so that I''m very comfortable as I deal with the other stresses while I''m pregnant (IF i''m pregnant). This place is substantially more expensive than the other possibility, but whereas I think of living in the cheaper place with some real trepidation, I actually get excited about the idea of living in the plusher place.

Can we afford it, all on our own? NO! But, my mom and step-dad want to get us something frivolous as a wedding gift. And we don''t want a honeymoon (can''t right now) and I decided I was too scared to have big diamond studs as mom had suggested (I lose earrings like nobody''s business). So, they suggested that they would subsidize our housing costs to help us relax and enjoy our first, otherwise stressful year of marriage.

Do you think, as ladies who have been through all the extra stresses of pregnancy, that this makes sense as a splurge / gift? I wouldn''t do it if it weren''t for the nesting impulse, I think.

I''m usually so fiscally sensible, but when it comes to housing, my happiness is so affected by it that I have a tendency to go a little nutty.

 

[Aloros]

I''m not a mommy, but I''d say do it!

I recently moved into a bigger, nicer place. It''s such a comfort coming home from work to a spacious, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing environment.

 

[somethingshiny]

I think it would''ve been great to have a plush lifestyle during the months of vomiting and hip pain!

HOWEVER--would your DH have any issues of "not supporting my family" or "can''t make it on our own"? My DH wouldn''t have been pleased with someone else contributing in that manner gift or not.

 

[janinegirly]

hi there,

plush sounds good at any time, but I would suggest thinking about it long term. During pg you won''t be incapacitated although it''s true you will feel blah somedays (it depends on each person, I never got the morning sickness so maybe I''m naive).

There will be so many things to save for, especially in 1st yr of marriage and possible baby stuff what with all the items that go along with babies as well as day care/time off from work,etc. I''d think saving towards some of that might be more useful (if you parents are willing to give you $ as a gift, perhaps).

just a thought and good luck with TTC!

 

[Independent Gal]

I just discussed this with DH, more in the context of "We both know you could happily live in a shoebox, and so this gift would end up being for ME and MY stress level... so is that not a good wedding gift?" to which he replied "Uh, sweetheart, if it lowers your stress level? That will DEFINITELY lower my stress level."

I guess I''ve been a bit of a headcase the last couple of weeks.

 

[Independent Gal]

Janine that is definitely true! I''ve been trying to figure out which is more stressful for me: being short of money or going back to living like a student? And I realize that the second is WAY more stressful for me. We have enough loose money saved up for 4 months of unemployment, and depending when I get pregnant, I can have up to 9 months off, working at home a few hours a day, with full salary at the moment (difficult to explain). But I''d have to get knocked up pretty fast for that to work out optimally.

And I think my parents were pretty set on us using the gift for something frivolous, although they''d just give us the money for savings if that''s what we really wanted.

I dunno, I''m usually so sensible, but I''ve been SO FREAKED about this coming year, and I just feel so much calmer and happier when I think about living in this place.

 

[Kay]

Date: 4/23/2008 4:37:06 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Janine that is definitely true! I''ve been trying to figure out which is more stressful for me: being short of money or going back to living like a student? And I realize that the second is WAY more stressful for me. We have enough loose money saved up for 4 months of unemployment, and depending when I get pregnant, I can have up to 9 months off, working at home a few hours a day, with full salary at the moment (difficult to explain). But I''d have to get knocked up pretty fast for that to work out optimally.

And I think my parents were pretty set on us using the gift for something frivolous, although they''d just give us the money for savings if that''s what we really wanted.

I dunno, I''m usually so sensible, but I''ve been SO FREAKED about this coming year, and I just feel so much calmer and happier when I think about living in this place.

I think that says it all. It sounds like a wonderful gift idea to me. Being PG is stressful, and the nesting instinct really kicks in. I would not want to have to leave my home to do laundry.

Good luck getting knocked up quickly. Leave at my work is pretty weird because of our annual billable hours requirements. I told DH in December that we needed to get PG before the end of February for me to get the full benefits of my 3 months paid leave, and luckily we hit the target in January.

 

[february2003bride]

hm, your pregnant (hypothetically), hubby living quite a distance away, new job and new area? Hell yeah I''d take up your parents offer!

 

[icekid]

Date: 4/23/2008 4:37:06 PM
Author: Independent Gal

I dunno, I''m usually so sensible, but I''ve been SO FREAKED about this coming year, and I just feel so much calmer and happier when I think about living in this place.

I think that says it all too! Sounds like hubby is on-board with the idea, so do it!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

You know the old saying "when Mama isn''t happy--ain''t nobody is happy". Take your parents generous offer--they have your best interests at heart. And sorry you are not coming to Calgary.....

cheers--Sharon

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I guess it depends on how much nicer it is. Honesty kids are EXPENSIVE. Diapers, bottles, clothes, medical bills, etc....I am practical so I would save the extra money so you can take a longer leave from work or not stress about daycare etc. Or use it for a down payment on a house on day.

 

[Independent Gal]

I think there''s a lot of truth in that "When mama ain''t happy..."saying, actually!

Canuck I haven''t actually turned down the Calgary job yet. They extended the deadline for me to decide until tomorrow. If I took it, I would start Summer 2009 anyway, so I would still be heading east for a year!

Tacori I already own 50% of my condo, although we would still have to save up a chunk for a larger, kid-plausible home. We are about 10-15K away from being able to afford mortgage payments on a 3 bedroom.

I also just realized that I''m getting a raise next year. So that helps too!

I''m still thinking this over... maybe there''s a middle option?

 

[somethingshiny]

What is the most beneficial in the plush place? Is it a maid? yard work? furnishings? space? Maybe a middle option would be to use your available income for the largest space you can afford and let your parents'' gift be a maid/laundry service?

 

[ringster]

Date: 4/23/2008 6:34:47 PM
Author: somethingshiny
What is the most beneficial in the plush place? Is it a maid? yard work? furnishings? space? Maybe a middle option would be to use your available income for the largest space you can afford and let your parents'' gift be a maid/laundry service?

i agree with shiny, help with cleaning, laundry and cooking would be really helpful when pregnant. a nice place is well nice but an extra pair of hands is really really nice.

 

[curlygirl]

I'm the worst person to answer this question but I will anyway! We are in a one bedroom apartment in NYC (that we own) with an almost one year old and another one on the way. Actually BEING pregnant in a small space is not an issue at all. It's how you want things to be AFTER you have the child that really matters. If this is just a temporary situation as you said it would be for a year or so, how important is it to have a really fab place? Pregnancy is usually not that debilitating so I'm not sure how necessary it is to have a cushy home during those 9 months. Like some of the other girls, I am super duper practical so I'd probably just take the money from my parents and if I wanted to do something frivolous, I'd take a serious, SERIOUS vacation knowing that it's going to be much harder to do once you have a child. But more than likely I would save for things for the child or a down payment on a bigger place. I'm totally playing devil's advocate here, so I'm not trying to trivialize what you're feeling!

It sounds like you already have your mind made up and I think it will be great for you but I'm just giving you another side of it!

 

[janinegirly]

As usual, I agree with Curly! I didn''t find I needed any extra comfort during pg..just a couch and bed please. After pg however, there is so much stuff to think about. If you do splurge on it (and it''s really great of your parents to offer), it would be more something for your own comfort, not really a necessity for pregnancy I would think.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/23/2008 9:31:04 PM
Author: curlygirl
I''m the worst person to answer this question but I will anyway! We are in a one bedroom apartment in NYC (that we own) with an almost one year old and another one on the way. Actually BEING pregnant in a small space is not an issue at all. It''s how you want things to be AFTER you have the child that really matters. If this is just a temporary situation as you said it would be for a year or so, how important is it to have a really fab place? Pregnancy is usually not that debilitating so I''m not sure how necessary it is to have a cushy home during those 9 months. Like some of the other girls, I am super duper practical so I''d probably just take the money from my parents and if I wanted to do something frivolous, I''d take a serious, SERIOUS vacation knowing that it''s going to be much harder to do once you have a child. But more than likely I would save for things for the child or a down payment on a bigger place. I''m totally playing devil''s advocate here, so I''m not trying to trivialize what you''re feeling!

It sounds like you already have your mind made up and I think it will be great for you but I''m just giving you another side of it!

I agree! We don''t live in a one bedroom apt. in NYC and I''m not pregnant, but this (the highlighted part) is exactly what I think also.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Hi IG,
First, let me congratulate you on your marriage. I hope you are both very happy!

I don''t know how representative I am, since I''m basically bone idle and don''t lift a finger around the house if I can help it, but I''d go for spending less on the actual place and more on the help. I''m pregnant at the moment and I can honestly say I''d rather stick forks in my eyes than clean the house or tackle laundry. Too effortful and way too dull. I don''t really want DH to do it either, because I''d rather we spent our remaining free time together doing fun stuff or just hanging out.

THe way I see it, our most precious commodity is time. If I can use some income to buy back time we''d otherwise spend on dull stuff, I''m happy to do that.

Hope you come to a solution that fits with your plans.

Jen

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all your advice! You have raised all the sides of the question I really need to think about.

It looks like I may have found a place from January onward that's more reasonably priced but still quite nice. So my current thought is, live plushy for the first 4 months, then move to the other place in January. They are both furnished, so it wouldn't be a big move. Just pack my suitcase and head down the street.

Both these places have room for a guest, but there's an actual guest ROOM in the second place. That could come in serious handy if we have a kid and one of our moms actually wants to come help out for a bit.

I have a hemorrhage every time I think about how much money we're going to be spending on housing next year, since we need two apartments. Even at the minimum. But unless one of us is willing to have a ROOM-MATE which seems rather not conducive to married life and babies, I don't see a way around it. Once we get up there, the last $200 or $300 seems to make the difference between student style housing and somewhere I would actually WANT to come home to. I spent my whole life scrimping and saving to buy my condo and get my retirement funds off to a good start, and our financial house is now in good order other than the bump this year, when we won't be able to save quite as much as we did this year.

I feel like my life is NOW if you know what I mean. And that having a place I want to come home to is critical to my general sense of well-being.

I also realized I'm getting a raise next year, so that will cover off about half the extra cost. And utilities are included, so that's a little more.

And then there's the fact that my mom REALLY wants us to spend the money on something frivolous. So now we have a good compromise. I'll spend about 20% of it on something frivolous (subsidizing rent) and throw the rest on the mortgage.

Then mom is happy. I am happy. And that's two mommas happy. So then everyone can be happy.

I haven't signed anything yet, but at the moment, I am feeling good about that decision!