At what age are you responsible for yourself?

[MakingTheGrade]

I'm just curious, at what age do you think a person is more responsible for their actions than their parents are? Or rather, at what age would you hold that person accountable for their own actions, as opposed to holding their parents responsible.

As long as they are under 18? As long as they live with their parents? On a case by case basis?

It's true, your parents and the way you were raised will have lasting influences on your choices and your actions, but at what point is "oh, it's the way you were raised" no longer an entirely valid rationale for your actions?

ETA: This isn't just in reference to the Xmas list thread, there was also another one on teen driving, and there have been others in the past about general teen behavior.

 

[radiantquest]

The people we become is a direct influence of how we were raised so through your whole life your parents are somewhat resposible for the way you act, but I feel at about 16 you know enough to know the difference between righ and wrong and should be held responsible for your own actions.

 

[winelover23]

Male or Female?

 

[meresal]

I would say once they start driving is a good measure, so 16 y/o.

ETA: In relation to the "Christmas List" email thread... I still don't think you can hold a child responsible for something that their parents told them to do. Unless you are old enough to know etiquette, which I certainly wan't keen on at 15, you expect your parents to be looking out for your best interests.

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/16/2009 2:05:03 PM
Author: radiantquest
The people we become is a direct influence of how we were raised so through your whole life your parents are somewhat resposible for the way you act, but I feel at about 16 you know enough to know the difference between righ and wrong and should be held responsible for your own actions.

I agree by the time I held my first real job, I was responsible for my own actions and that was at 15.

 

[decodelighted]

*Valid* excuse? Who is doing the judging? Some folks don''t fully figure out WHY they do the things they do ...um, EVER.

I''d hope the answer is "mid-twenties" with a lot of therapy -- but I have a feeling that''s not the "correct" answer.

 

[monarch64]

I seem to recall always hearing when I was growing up that the age at which we figure out the difference between right and wrong is 6-7. I have absolutely no scientific proof to back that up, though.

 

[janinegirly]

kids do know right from wrong at a very early age. Still alot of it is driven by parental guidance and direction.

I agree with 16 being an age that a child can be held accountable for actions (rather than speaking with parents,etc). I think 14 and 15 are grey areas and could go both ways (meaning might be dependent on child and action that occurred).

 

[radiantquest]

Date: 12/16/2009 2:15:08 PM
Author: monarch64
I seem to recall always hearing when I was growing up that the age at which we figure out the difference between right and wrong is 6-7. I have absolutely no scientific proof to back that up, though.

Yes, that is published in those psychological books. I took courses in human growth and development and that is true, you do know right from wrong in a broad sense. You know that you shouldn''t kill, lie, harm other living things, etc.

I think what is being asked here is when people are older and do something stupid or wrong, but do not want to take responsibility for themselves.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think the only time I blamed something on my parents, was when I mispronounced the word "organism" while reading a biology class passage. I said "An amoeba is a one celled orga*m."

I was 14 and I totally blamed my mom for that one, it's how she taught me to say it!!

Other than that, I'd say once I was in high school, I saw my actions as my own. And while I knew my parents' had a large influence, I recognized my knowledge/will/choices as separate from theirs. I never thought of "my parents raised me that way" as an excuse for things I did. It might have been a motivator though

 

[monarch64]

So, if you can''t blame your parents for the way you turn out, does that also mean you can''t blame them if you''re perfect?

 

[Callisto]

Date: 12/16/2009 2:18:24 PM
Author: janinegirly
kids do know right from wrong at a very early age. Still alot of it is driven by parental guidance and direction.


I agree with 16 being an age that a child can be held accountable for actions (rather than speaking with parents,etc). I think 14 and 15 are grey areas and could go both ways (meaning might be dependent on child and action that occurred).

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to post. No older than 16 for sure can you really blame anything on your parents for the way you act. Granted I still think your upbringing can have huge affects on lifelong traits like motivation and honesty, but after about 16 the ball is in your court and if you truly wanted to change you could


Idk though, as I write this I''m thinking of a few people I know that while I think they are 100% capable of being responsible for themselves, the fact that they aren''t is partially due to parental expectations. For example, my one friend is 23 and a smart kid, but his parents have never expected anything from him or his twin brother as far as academic achievements go. Not that they don''t believe in him, just that if he got a D or failed it wasn''t a big deal. So he''s just never been motivated or responsible about school. His twin brother has already dropped out of college and he''s not far behind. Even if he does eventually finish, he is just taking his sweet time because mommy and daddy will just keep paying for it even if it takes him 9 years of retaking classes and what not until his GPA is high enough. Idk... my parents would have cut me off LONG before that.

 

[elrohwen]

I think once you are 18 you are on your own (at least as far as actions are concerned). No one will hold your hand in college and your parents probably won''t know about anything you do unless you tell them, so you''re on your own.

However, I think someone over the age of 15 or 16 should be responsible and mature enough to take responsibility for their actions. Parents should still be there following up and trying to enforce good behavior, but if something goes wrong the teen should have to take on the responsibility to make it better.

 

[lyra]

I read that the brain is not fully developed in humans until about age 22. I would say that once a kid moves out, they are definitely responsible for their actions. What is "legally" responsible is another story, and pure common sense varies greatly from individual to individual.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I agree with 16 being the age. If a drunk teenager is driving and causes an accident, why should anyone else beside that individual take the blame?

 

[Haven]

Well, I think 16 is way too young for kids to be driving in the first place. So . . .

This is a really tough question for me to answer because I believe that children who are raised to be responsible for their actions become responsible at a much earlier age. On the flip side, children who are raised by enabling parents who teach them that they don''t have to be personally responsible for anything take a lot longer to actually become responsible.

I know 14-year-olds who take responsibility for their actions and choices, and 41 year-olds who still blame their parents for their faults, and continue to live like children.

When *should* people be responsible for themselves? I''d say around age 18.

 

[yssie]

Date: 12/16/2009 3:48:13 PM
Author: elrohwen
I think once you are 18 you are on your own (at least as far as actions are concerned). No one will hold your hand in college and your parents probably won''t know about anything you do unless you tell them, so you''re on your own.

However, I think someone over the age of 15 or 16 should be responsible and mature enough to take responsibility for their actions. Parents should still be there following up and trying to enforce good behavior, but if something goes wrong the teen should have to take on the responsibility to make it better.

Ditto.

 

[oddoneout]

When you''re responsible enough and can support yourself (money wise).

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 12/16/2009 2:08:55 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 12/16/2009 2:05:03 PM
Author: radiantquest
The people we become is a direct influence of how we were raised so through your whole life your parents are somewhat resposible for the way you act, but I feel at about 16 you know enough to know the difference between righ and wrong and should be held responsible for your own actions.

I agree by the time I held my first real job, I was responsible for my own actions and that was at 15.

yep, i told my older daughter...from now on daddy ain''t gonna pay for your Coach hand bags.

 

[somethingshiny]

I think children are more responsible for their actions than their parents are at whatever age the child is "set free" so to speak. If a parent allows their 10 yr old to wander around town visiting friends and doesn''t have homework monitored, they''ve been "set free." Their choices are now their responsibility because they''re parents have chosen that.

I think every child is case by case, but my general feeling is that when a child is 16 (at the latest) they should be 100% responsible for their actions and this is directly due to driving. You don''t put an irresponsible person behind the wheel of a car so you have to make sure your kids are ready for it.


Before I was 13 I could run my mom''s house and I did for several weeks. I had full time babysitting jobs from the time I was 9. I was set free early. On some levels, it was completely wrong of my parents. However, I''ve never gone through an irresponsible phase. I think that parents who take too much of the hit for their children''s bad decisions are doing them no favors.

 

[HVVS]

Date: 12/16/2009 1:57:36 PM
Author:MakingTheGrade
I''m just curious, at what age do you think a person is more responsible for their actions than their parents are? Or rather, at what age would you hold that person accountable for their own actions, as opposed to holding their parents responsible. ...

My parents are old fashioned, plus they were about 11 years older than the average for parents at the time. They started holding us kids accountable by age 6-7, for sure.

 

[megumic]

Date: 12/16/2009 8:56:10 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I think that parents who take too much of the hit for their children''s bad decisions are doing them no favors.

DITTO!