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Are you afraid of death?

Date: 5/25/2010 5:14:07 PM
Author: kenny
Actually that''s fine.
This is not so depressing really.
It motivates me to live a wonderful life as full and happy as possible.
To me life is like an E-Ticket ride that lasts 80 years.
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Exactly. Every time I realize that my puny little life is all there is to me, I actually feel encouraged to live it to the fullest with the people that make me happy. 80 years and wow -- you''re gone. You better use it!
 
I''m not afraid of death happening to me, but happening to my husband and child. Before they came along I was afraid of dying myself, but as I grew new attachments and purposes in life it changed.
 
Date: 5/25/2010 4:58:22 PM
Author: kenny
Now that I''ve thought about it, what I find most disturbing is not death itself.
Rather, it is the idea that I will cease to exist.

I have gotten quite used to existing, and I rather like it.
It is all I have known.
I cannot imagine not existing.

Soon after my death people will forget me.
They will wake up and eat their corn flakes and go to work, come home and watch TV, go to bed and repeat it the next day.
Life will go on quite well without Kenny.

Soon it will be like I never existed at all.

It is not so much that I fear this; It is the truth which must be accepted, but it is just so disappointing.

It is totally understandable why cultures throughout time have embraced the idea of some kind of life after death.
What we see happen, our consciousness vanishing and our bodies turning into dust, is just not very satisfying.
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I think all of us on PS would remember you for a Loooong time. (in a good way
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)

I don''t think people are forgotten after they die. My grandmother died 6 years ago (as of the end of this week) and I still think of her often and remember the wonderful memories of our time together.

All people touch someone (even if they don''t know it) -- friends, family, children, neighbors, co-workers, and even random people on the street. I think most of the time we just don''t realize it.
 
Date: 5/25/2010 5:14:07 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 5/25/2010 5:09:58 PM
Author: part gypsy
Oh I don''t know about that Kenny. You become part of the people who loved you or were affected by you. My hero when I was a child was Lincoln. He has no living survivors but just think about how many people''s lives he affected. Whenever I see a Hiroshige print, read a Flannery O''conner short story, or play a Bach piece, those people live again. When God forbid my father passes away I will always remember his entertaining and thoughtful stories. That''s why I want to write them down.
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Yes we will be remembered by our loved ones but I''m no Bach or Lincoln.
Also I have no kids.
Even if you do have kids in a few generations almost all of of us will vanish into nothing.

Actually that''s fine.
This is not so depressing really.
It motivates me to live a wonderful life as full and happy as possible.
To me life is like an E-Ticket ride that lasts 80 years.
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You don''t have to have kids to be remembered.
I agree with the highlighted part!


Go watch the movie Defiance.

First, it is a GREAT movie. One of the few I have ever considered giving 5 stars to.

Second, it shows how the actions of one man touched many, many people -- the end of the movie (maybe in special features) has the descendants of the people he saved visiting his grave (very emotional and wonderful).
 
I''m so afraid of DH or my family dying. I''m more afraid of that than I am about myself dying. I hate the thought of it.
 
I think I am afraid of dying, but mostly because I am afraid of dying in a painful way.

I am completely and utterly terrified of something happening to DH and I am very scared about anything happening to other members of my family. Much more so than my fear of anything happening to myself.
 
Yes, I have a very healthy fear of death. If I didn't, I'd probably be dead by now
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I'm having a great time here, and I'd like to stick around for as long as possible thankyouverymuch. I agree the thought of someone close to me dying is more frightening.

Luckily I don't think about death very often!
 
I honestly didn''t think I was afraid of dying until I got an unexpected medical diagnosis recently. Then the world suddenly shifted dramatically. Now I realize that I have to work on my feelings about it. Then too, being realistic about the whole "you''re not as healthy as you thought you were" scenario, even with the worst diagnosis, people don''t automatically die. There''s suffering and fighting involved. I don''t know, I guess I''d be much more pissed off about dying very soon because I believe I''ve lived an unfulfilled life thus far. I wouldn''t want to die with regrets, and right now, I have a lot of regrets. That''s another thing I have to work on.
 
I worry more about family dying than myself. My husband lost his father when he was little. His dad was only 37. My brother died at 37... So when my husband turned 37, it was a long year of me holding my breath and knocking on wood... When I turned 37 again, I was like let this year go by quickly.


Having been a caregiver to those who have died in my family. I am ok with death, just not so much the pain and suffering that accompanies it...

My time with those people was pure, and beautiful. I relish the last moments I had with them.. They weren''t scared, they were ready to go... And they went in peace with loved ones by their side.
 
I had to face my own mortality a few months ago when my heart stopped. There is nothing to prepare you for this. I did not think about myself, but about my daughter who is 17. Did I tell her everything I had wanted or needed to. Did I prepare her for what life had in store for her? And then I looked at my DH and was so grateful that I have such a wonderful husband and father who could carry on in my absence.

I wake up everyday grateful that I am still here and right now I am crying.... Happy Tears.
 
Date: 5/25/2010 6:59:07 PM
Author: soocool
I had to face my own mortality a few months ago when my heart stopped. There is nothing to prepare you for this. I did not think about myself, but about my daughter who is 17. Did I tell her everything I had wanted or needed to. Did I prepare her for what life had in store for her? And then I looked at my DH and was so grateful that I have such a wonderful husband and father who could carry on in my absence.

I wake up everyday grateful that I am still here and right now I am crying.... Happy Tears.
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Glad you are still with us! I think the exact same thoughts would flash through my mind as well.....
 
Sort of. I am not afraid of my own death, but the possibility of never seeing the people I lost and will lose again, that terrifies me. After a health scare with one of my parents where I was freaking out about death, my DH said, "Well, if there is an afterlife, you will see everyone again and if not, you won''t know the difference." It sounds mean, but I actually find that thought soothing.
 
Date: 5/25/2010 3:48:12 PM
Author: Zoe
Yes, I''m afraid of it, but I obviously try not to think of it too often.

One thing that makes me tear up is the thought of losing my parents. I was at the doctor''s office recently and a nurse was wheeling an older gentleman who needed a wheelchair to his car. I did a double-take when I noticed him because he has the exact frame as my dad. He resembled my dad in so many ways. I teared up as I watched the nurse help the man into his car, because I thought, someday, that could be my dad. He''s such a strong and very physically fit man, and it hurt to think that that''s what my dad may face in his later years.

I''ve learned this year that death can happen in an instant, completely unexpected, before you or your family is ready for it. It hurts to think about, but it does cross my mind now and then.

As an aside, I''m actually sort of interested in what happens when someone dies. For some reason, the science of it is something that I''m kind of interested in learning about. It sounds morbid, but I kind of feel like if I knew the science behind it, then maybe death wouldn''t frighten me so much.
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You might try this book: http://www.amazon.com/Spook-Science-Afterlife-Mary-Roach/dp/B003A02WBC/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_3 Not totally scientific, but comforting and a good read.
 
I used to be, but as I get older it just seems so natural. I know I don''t want to live forever and people who do amaze me. I''m more afraid of being a widow which could very well happen someday given our nine year age difference. I also worry about pets who may outlive me so any future adoptees will be older.
 
I am extremely afraid of death. I love being alive so much, I love all the simple joys this world holds, I can''t imagine being separated from it, and from the people I love. I can''t bear the thought of leaving my children. And I hate the thought of not being here to witness all the things the future holds. I think it''s why I fight going to bed every night, and stay up late even though I know I shouldn''t. I hate the feeling that I''m missing something, missing life.

I''m also afraid of the manner of my death. Several family members have died such slow, painful deaths from cancer, I''m really frightened of that prospect. I''m scared that I don''t know what''s in store for me.
 
When I first started nursing I had a patient who was 104.
When he turned 105 I thought
"HMMMM think he''s going to beat this thing".
He died at 106 and I thought "HMMMM guess not"
I came to terms with death that day.
 
I am terrified of being terrified. Someone mentioned being mugged and shot as a way they wouldn''t mind going since you went quickly; that for me would be the absolute worst. More than anything I don''t want to die in fear. Dying in a painful manner, or after suffering from a terrible disease sounds awful, but there is something about your last moments on earth being ones where you are scared that is too much for me to bear.

I lost my father in a way that I am certain he was terrified, and it haunts me.
 
Immensely. I used to have anxiety about it. I like consciousness. The thought of "me" ceasing to exist just doesn''t give me warm and fuzzies. I like to entertain rebirth and reincarnation concepts.

I don''t need there to be a Happy Place (though Summerland sounds nice), but I''d like there to be something. And the thought of leaving my kids behind scares me.

I like both of these, but they represent different takes on reincarnation. One is more naturalistic and the other is more of a traditional view.

“Nothing really dies,” I told him. “It just turns into something else. Everything is always changing form. Do you remember the pumpkin that rotted into the earth in your garden? Tomatoes sprouted where it used to be. This bird will go back to the earth and turn into lavendar flowers and butterflies.”

– Anne Cushman

Death is one of two things. Either it is annihilation, and the dead have no consciousness of anything; or, as we are told, it is really a change: a migration of the soul from one place to another.

– Socrates
 
Date: 5/25/2010 5:14:07 PM
Author: kenny
Date: 5/25/2010 5:09:58 PM

Author: part gypsy

Oh I don''t know about that Kenny. You become part of the people who loved you or were affected by you. My hero when I was a child was Lincoln. He has no living survivors but just think about how many people''s lives he affected. Whenever I see a Hiroshige print, read a Flannery O''conner short story, or play a Bach piece, those people live again. When God forbid my father passes away I will always remember his entertaining and thoughtful stories. That''s why I want to write them down.
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Yes we will be remembered by our loved ones but I''m no Bach or Lincoln.

Also I have no kids.

Even if you do have kids in a few generations almost all of of us will vanish into nothing.

[. . .]
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What you express here is what I think about quite often. Yeah, people in *this* lifetime will remember me, but once they''re dead it will be as if I didn''t exist. I will only exist in their memories and those will die when my loved ones pass on. At least if you''re famous you will be remembered for ages.

Shoot, I''d rather be a vampire. But not one of those crazy ones from 30 Days of Night. A stylish hot looking vamp. I want to see what the world will look like in 1000 years.
 
Yes, the stark fact of death is no less the ultimate mystery than it has ever been. And there is still zero emipircal data about a "life after death", so any beliefs about one are truly just beliefs. Fear of our end has resulted in some pretty amazing and torturous ideas of what there might be after this life, but none of us will know until we''ve died ourselves.

Contemplating death - really contemplating it for any length of time - is like going down the rabbit hole. Watching my mother die was incredibly hard, and changed my ideas a bunch. I have less belief in anything after death now than at any time in my life. It''s actually quite bleak, but (lack of) evidence and logic demand it. What can you do? Since my mother died of ALS, that truly is my greatest fear. Which of course is just another very nasty variation of "fear of dying in pain", which seems to be theme. I think though, that ideally, it would be simply like falling asleep...

I told my husband though, that as a condition of marriage I get to die FIRST. HE gets to be the one to go on. He''d better not reneg on that part of the contract or I might have to kill him....
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Yes, the idea of losing my loved ones absolutely terrifies me. When I take a morbid minute or two and think about a vehicle accident happening, I would infinitely rather it involve me than anyone I love... I'm scared of being left behind, lonely and hurting.
 
yup. it''s pretty normal I think.
 
Hmmm. Not really as such.

Scared of the impact on the people close to me though.

About once every 3-6 months I suddenly feel TERRIFIED of my loved ones getting sick or dying. Usually I cry about it for an evening, and then it passes.
 
Date: 5/26/2010 6:49:25 AM
Author: pancake
Hmmm. Not really as such.


Scared of the impact on the people close to me though.


About once every 3-6 months I suddenly feel TERRIFIED of my loved ones getting sick or dying. Usually I cry about it for an evening, and then it passes.
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me too. of cus i don''t want to die but i am not ''scared'' as such, it''s not actually something think about everydday. however i am very terrified of my loved ones getting sick, and there are days i get extremely anxious and stressed thinking it i toss and turn for the whole night not falling asleep.

my boyfriend on the other hand is extremely afraid of sickness and death. if he feels any bit of pain on his body he hops onto wiki and start on self diagnosing. and thinking he have something BIG. and he blames me for not taking him seriously
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I will avoid it at all costs (hence the seat belt, giving up smoking etc), but actually I m not really frightened of it. I think Part Gypsy is spot on- we go on living through those we effect. We don t have to be Bach to positively effect other peoples lives. For instance, if I gave blood, or gave to charity, or even if I was nice to a stranger on the train, I think I ve effected them. They may not know my name, but in some small way I ve made the world a little better before leaving it.
What I am scared of is dying alone. This terrifies me. I have waking nightmares of dying in an ER room, with no one to say I love you etc to before I go. I think everyone should have someone who loves them there to make their passing meaningful. I still feel so guilty for leaving my dog die alone (the vet said she would be fine!!!!).
 
I think most younger people are more afraid of death than older people because young people are not ready to go - they have their families and friends and they want to experience all that life has to offer. As people get older and very ill and maybe alone in the world, they look at death as the kindest gift.
 
I was thinking about this thread more and more throughout the day yesterday and I''ve realized that although I''m not afraid of death, I''m slightly afraid/nervous/weary about my afterlife. I do believe that I will go on and live for eternity. I''m afraid I''ll get bored. Like I''m going to be given this amazing gift and then just be bored after a few centuries. The only way I can think of that I wouldn''t be bored is if the afterlife was something more like reincarnation, again and again. Then I could live several different lives and get to experience one type for a while and then move on to something else.
 
I liked the movie What Dreams May Come. The story was good and the picture was great.

Robin Williams plays the part of a man who dies and finds himself in a beautiful place with his kids and dog. His wife isn''t there so he goes to find her...

Anyway, good movie.
 
Date: 5/25/2010 4:58:22 PM
Author: kenny
Now that I''ve thought about it, what I find most disturbing is not death itself.
Rather, it is the idea that I will cease to exist.

I have gotten quite used to existing, and I rather like it.
It is all I have known.
I cannot imagine not existing.

Soon after my death people will forget me.
They will wake up and eat their corn flakes and go to work, come home and watch TV, go to bed and repeat it the next day.
Life will go on quite well without Kenny.

Soon it will be like I never existed at all.

It is not so much that I fear this; It is the truth which must be accepted, but it is just so disappointing.

It is totally understandable why cultures throughout time have embraced the idea of some kind of life after death.
What we see happen, our consciousness vanishing and our bodies turning into dust, is just not very satisfying.
Click to expand...
Kenny, have you thought about the ''legacy'' you''ll leave - not necessarily money-related? How did your personal ''contributions'' enrich the lives of your family, friends, associates etc. ?

When I read the topic, the wheels started turning regarding my own ''legacy''. What would I like to be remembered for? Of course, the usual family things - good daughter, wife, mom, grandma?? I hope so, but I''d like to think that as a teacher, I had somehow touched the lives of my students whether it was subject-related or just casual comments about life and school in general.

I have no fear of dying (an almost pain-free death
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). I''ve lived a wonderful, fufilling life and couldn''t ask for more.

*Btw Kenny: While you''re thinking about your legacy, I would be honoured if you left your asscher to me
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*
 
I wasn''t but I am now. Thinking about me dying and leaving DD "alone" makes me hurt.
 
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