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Are you a family person?

J

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,790
Would you describe yourself as a family person? This could apply to your family of origin, extended family, or the topic of having your own children.

I'm not a big family person, but that's probably because I had a number of negative experiences with family members growing up. My parents were also very strict and conservative, which made me feel claustrophobic and like I couldn't wait to leave home.

But we had big family gatherings at Christmas and other large gatherings on significant wedding anniversaries, birthdays, and plus we usually got together as a large family about once every six weeks. I cherish those memories, but at the time, I always felt that spending time with my family was not as interesting as being with my friends - typical teenager, I guess! I'm glad I had a family growing up, and I look back fondly at family memories and photos, but we've definitely drifted apart over the decades. People have moved away, got divorced, turned funny, or passed on.

An example of a family who seems really supportive and fun is Kate Middleton's family. My take on family is that if you have a good one, it must be awesome. But otherwise, I can take it or leave it. Negative feelings about family claustrophobia, and how boring I ultimately found my conservative family, are probably also why I don't have my own kids.

What about you? What's your take on the concept of family?

ETA: I love individual family members as individuals, rather than wanting to be part of a large family system, I think. I was the second to youngest in the entire extended family which had/still has some very dominating and controlling members, which probably doesn't help!
 
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I was just thinking about this the other day. I think I try to be a family person but it’s hard being the only one trying.

When my kids were younger and we lived in NY, we did many family things with my parents and my family. Not so much my husband’s side though. We would spend the holidays together, went on family trips together, etc. etc.

Now that we live about 2.5 hours from my NY family we definitely don’t do too many things together. We try to spend some holidays together but I find it’s more or less us traveling to them all the time. They say I live too far. After a while it’s a drag to be spending every holiday at someone else’s home though. I would like my kids to wake up to Christmas at our house kwim.

One year I planned to host July 4th and my SIL said that wouldn’t be possible bc so and so had a birthday. Her not coming means my parents won’t come bc they always ride with her. So then I suggested Thanksgiving and there was another excuse as well. I suggested we host every other holiday. For example I do Thanksgiving, she does Christmas and my mom does NYE.
She sent me a text about how that was impossible bc her family wants to be at her house for the holidays. I was a little bitter about it for a while bc I felt that she was being selfish. She was hogging up all the holidays!
Another thing I notice about my family that never comes here is that when I post something on Social Media they will say “when are you inviting us over to your house?” I invite them all the time but they never come! One day I had a bbq pool party and posted photos and one of my aunts mentioned how come she wasn’t invited. So I said I’ve been inviting you to my house for over 12 years and you’ve never come. Not once! Lol!
I feel like if I invite them they don’t come and then when I don’t they complain! You can’t win.
 
^^I have a family member who, after having kids, refused to travel anywhere for any holiday. Everyone had to come to her. I get that it's easier, but never?!
 
I'm definitely a family person. Very close to my parents, even though they live half the world away, we facetime almost daily. My brother (only sibling) lives 20 minutes away, and we were pretty close when he was single, but since he got married and had kids, we have had our differences. My main complaint is that his wife always wants to do stuff with HER family for holidays, and only when plans fall through on her side, do they ask about our plans...so we are always second choice.

As for my dh and kids....they are my world. We try to eat dinner as a family every night, even though teens are super busy working, interning etc. We even take walks together with our dog believe it or not. Not an easy feat with a 19 and 17 year old!
 
Very much a family person. I was blessed with a wonderful childhood thanks to my parents and try to give my children the same.

Grateful my in-laws gave my husband the childhood for him to become the wonderful partner, devoted father and rock-solid, generous person he is.

Trying to give back where I can.

My parents' best friends' children are also my sister and my closest friends . They are godchildren to my mother and they are Ali's godmothers to my children.

They are definitely family to us as well. I'd do anything for them.
 
Yes I think so.

I am close to my parents and sister but not close to Greg's siblings and their wives. They live in different states but it's not that so much as they don't feel like my family. They never really warmly embraced me into the family and it just never happened for us. So while I am family oriented it is with my family only.

My parents are amazing and gave my sister and I a wonderful childhood filled with love and unconditional acceptance. There was nothing we needed or wanted. They were always there to listen to us and we could always come to them without fear of judgement. What more could a child ever hope or ask for?

Maybe that is why my expectations for family are high and why it just never worked out with me for Greg's family. His mother and I came to love each other but it wasn't the same fuzzy love I have with my parents and that was OK. I know we are all different and there is no one right way.

But yeah to answer your question I am a family person. With my family. And of course with my DH who is my chosen family.

My DH and I are very close and we always communicate and we are each other's soft place to fall when life gets tough. I am forever grateful we found each other. Two men like Greg and my dad really are special and from what I can see rare to find. I got very lucky. First with my biological family and then with my chosen family.
 
I am, unfortunately I was born into the wrong family so I promised myself when I grew up I would make my own better family. No lie, I actually said this to myself at the age of 6 or 7.

Anyways, I am an immediate family person (DH and kids) but I do not like entertaining so to have some of the extended family over is not my thing. Enjoy holidays and birthdays, basically family in small doses I guess. Also enjoy family of the furry kind of course :)
 
Nope
 
We used to be a very close family.
But grandma died in 2012, and she was like the glue in the family.
So anyway, we all now live in different states, so it's very hard to get together.
 
This is awful, but I find/found a big slice of my family quite boring. (Not all.) They're just SO conservative, socially. Everybody must get married, have children, the women stay home, the men are the breadwinners, and this life shalt not be deviated from!!! I always found the world outside to be more interesting, and perhaps no wonder. I am the only person in my extended family who has no children. I do wish that I had had some family members who were more like myself.

I think those of you for whom the most interesting and fun people you know are also your family members are really lucky!

Edit: It doesn't help that a small number of them were truly horrible. One who cut her entire side off so that her kids never had any extended family, one who hit his dog, one who hit his wife, one who left his wife when she had cancer...I could go on.

Edit 2: I should mention that not all of my family are like that! I have some really nice cousins, nieces, nephew, sister, brother-in-law, etc. But the bad ones - mostly the older ones - sure left their mark, and one of my cousins has married someone exactly like the horrible members.
 
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Yes I think I am. im close to my two siblings (brother &sister) we call each other about once a week to to check on one another. I have a great relationship with my son, he lives at home while in college and him, me and DH have so much fun, playing games, cooking and eating together, watch good movies/shows together...we just have a ball! Speak to my 101 year old grannie every few weeks or so (she is a whipper snapper mentally) we have great conversation. I call my niece who turned 18 yesterday every few weeks or so...to check on her. Aunt's and uncles I s/w or call occasionally but it's like no time has passed, we just pick up where we left off.
I cherish it all=)2
 
Right now I am more of a family person than I would be otherwise, as my mother lives with me and my husband , and I am her caregiver ... she's the center of the family and has lots of contact with my siblings and other relatives. Now that the pandemic restrictions have been lifted and traveling is starting up, so too are my relatives' visits to my mom (and thus me). I bear with it, and remain in good humor because I want my mom to be happy and in this her needs come first ... but when the time comes that she passes on, most of these visits will stop, and I will be glad.
 
If im honest i have more happy memories than bad
Our family time was mostly just the 4 of us but when dad died he was our glue
my dad came from a large family and dislikes the drama so outside of we weddings, funerals and 21st we didn't see much of them
Mum only had 2 brothers and was close to them so we saw one family of cousins who only lived up the hill a lot more often
Gary has a big Irish familu who all immigrated to NZ
I have had a lot of good times at his family events
Gary's mum was English and had no one apart from her husband and children
We rearly see Gary's kids - not because we don't all love each other but just because everyone is busy with their own lives
i am bearly on texting terms with my sister most of the time - we have never really got on that well but we do touch base occasionally (just enough) - we are now on completly different ends of the political spectrum and i find her liberal cr*p tiresome and she was always sarcastic in a rather cruel way so she does way too much eye rolling for me
That would make my dad sad (and perplexed regarding her politics)

anyway
For me
No
not a family person
but i often wonder if my dad had not died too young if things would be much different


Sorry to bring up politics but it does unfortunatly sometimes split families down the middle and one side is no more to blame than the other in a lot of families
I hadn't talked to the cousin who was my best cousin growing up because we are just too different politically and im the polite one - always shutting my mouth, keeping my opinins quiet to keep the piece and over the last while ive just got sick of it always being me who gave way (when they know my politics)
 
HI:

My Mother always suggested to us that we TRY to stick together as a family. Invest in each other and our relationships. I have 3 sisters and are good together. It is work, but is worth it. My Dad always said he was surrounded by women and underrepresented! Truth! He taught me a lot about saving and being strong and not being dependent on anyone.

My DH family is a mess--his Mother really controlled all things and well, it just didn't work out. Controlling takes all the personal responsibility of making things work. In recent years, my DH has a better relationship with his brothers than in past and that is because he has invested in it , personally. I give him credit.

No comment on being a "good" wife or Mother. Ask my family!

cheers--Sharon
 
I don't think I am but that may be because I come from a small family (mom, dad, half sister 13 years older who got married when I was 5). When I went off to college in another state, and then got married and moved to yet another state, and then later another, I was far away. No one wanted to visit me much because it's cold up here and they were all in Florida.So it was up to me to visit. My half sister and I do stay in touch but we have nothing in common and having any intellectual conversation with her isn't possible and our politics are polar opposites and so we chat, but are not truly bonded. My family is my daughter and my dog. And my very close friends who have been there since I was in junior high, or college or my first job. So they are my family too and their families were always kind of my families because we were always so close. But I've never been one for large groups so I don't really miss being involved in large family gatherings. Writing this, I guess I'd say I'm a "small" family person, but not a "large" family person.
 
Yes, I consider myself a family person. And like @YadaYadaYada - I too was born into the wrong family. Childhood was not as good as it could have been, I'll leave it at that. However, I am fortunate to have married a wonderful family man, he loves his mother, siblings and extended family very much. This has allowed me to see the goodness in a close family, our children are close to us as well. Our son is local, we don't see him much but talk with him often (his choice) and our daughter lives in Denver. We talk daily and see her every few months or so. We love to entertain family members and cook for the elders and bring their favorite meals to them in frozen form. Our pets are family too! We're close to them as well.
 
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