Appropriate social interactions for married folks?

[Laila619]

Date: 1/27/2010 5:22:52 PM
Author:trillionaire
linky

Summary:

Spouses should not interact frequently with singles without including their significant other, or at least bringing them up in conversation.

Do you feel that it is inappropriate for spouses to hang out regularly with singles with no intention of including your spouse?


anyone have a co-worker like this, or personal experiences that agree or disagree?

Personally, I always invite FI out with me, and I talk about him all the time, in his absence or presence...

Yes. Definitely inappropriate (assuming the singles are the opposite sex).

 

[Cehrabehra]

I didn''t click on the link - but I think for my husband and I it would be far less about not being included and more about being excluded. If one of us was not welcome it would be a problem. But we have different interests and as long as it was open it wouldn''t be an issue.

As for going off and pretending to be something you''re not? Those people are just liars. Enough said.

 

[Aloros]

I don''t think of it in a "rules" sense. DH hasn''t hung out with a single woman in a way that''s made me uncomfortable. I know he''s grabbed a bite or a drink with someone he hasn''t seen in a while, and I''ve done the same - I mean, who wants to sit on the sidelines while two old friends catch up? It''s pretty boring for the third party.

I would draw a line if he did anything that made me uncomfortable, and I feel we have to trust one another enough not to cross that line, and to trust the other person to not draw the line in an unreasonable manner.

I think it would be strange if a married man/woman were hanging out with single people and pretending to be one. But that''s what the ring is for, right?

 

[HVVS]

Date: 1/27/2010 5:22:52 PM
Author:trillionaire
linky

Summary:

Spouses should not interact frequently with singles without including their significant other, or at least bringing them up in conversation...

Well, I am one of those single women at business functions. I''ve gotten used to attending things alone. Ans talking to marrieds. I''ve been single for 5 years now. I''ve seen few married men who consistently and deliberately exclude their wives. And I''ve seen few wives who are always sitting home doing ceaseless childcare. Every once in a while they can hire a babysitter. So, I''d say the happily or at least contentedly marrieds bring their spouses. There''s something else wrong ig the spouse never shows, although it suppose it could be agoraphobia.

In my locale, and there are some really poorly educated people here, I joke that no divorce ever happens until one or both partners have cheated and lined up the next spouse.

Where I do see a lot of married men "just hanging out" is the dating-type forums like the free site Plenty of Fish. They claim to be there "for the forums." Yeah, we believe you, Married Men. But there are forums for trucks, woodworking, audiovisual hobbyists, computers and IT, pets, sports fans, metro area gab sites, you name it. So, why are the marrieds at POF? I laughed so hard one day. Two single women had been approached offline by some married guy. They reprinted snippets of his emails and told him to go home to his wife and "stop cluttering up the singles scene, because this site is for Singles."

 

[perry]

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a anyone hanging out with anyone else as long as there is no dishonesty involved or ulterior motives that would affect any of their other relationships.

I see no reason to have to bring up the fact that someone is married or single; and I see no reason to avoid mentioning it when appropriate (should a question come up or a specific situation start to develop).

Why can''t two people share a common interest in something have a discussion or do things together - or be friends.

Why is it always assumed by some that such get-togethers are part of some kind of dating/sexual interaction.

Personally, I think that if you can''t trust your spouse or significant other concerning their intentions and your long term relationship - then there is a problem.

I would never expect that I would have to be involved in everything my partner does - and I understand that people need their own free space as well.

Perry

 

[rhbgirl24]

I agree with what a lot of people here have said. IF you go into the situation as a married person, and do not display something else AND you and your spouse are secure in the relationship, I dont believe it should be a problem. Its when one person goes into it with other intentions that it could become a problem.

I''m not the jealous type at all, but I''m also lucky, we do almost everything socially together because that is the way we want it. But I have never seen anything from DH that would make me worry if he was to go alone, and I dont give him anything to worry about either.

 

[nytemist]

I do this often. I am much more social than my husband is, so I do go out with friends of mine, single or not. I also have many guys friends that I grew up with. Some are single, some are married and I hang out with them sometimes. My husband has no issue with this since he knows that A) these are friends that I have known from the sandbox/kindergarten and are like my brothers B) nothing has ever happened with these guys, no dating, random kiss, anything and C) my husband knows and trusts me- he knows that even if one of the guys was interested or wanted to get together with me, I''m never going to let anything happen. Of my five closest friends, three are men and two of them are married. We have hung out with and without or respective spouses and no one has an issue with that. Their wives are fine with it and they don''t make an effort to exclude them. In the past they have felt left out of the conversation, ususally about sports since I''m ''one of the guys''.

If I''m out with a group, I certainly do not act like I''m available and trying to pick someone up. I have been approached by single and married men to get my phone number. I decline and tell them I''m married. What makes me upset are the married guys who approach and don''t care that they are disrespecting their wife and expect me to do the same.

If there is trust and there are no secrets, there should be no problem. If my husband were to start telling me that he did not want me to go out with my friends, I would see it as him trying to control me. That would be insecurity on his part.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I completely agree with Cehrabehra

 

[trillionaire]

lol, my GF and I went out last night to an open mic, and a showing of the State of the Union address. While out, we met and hobnobbed with a guy close to our age who was nice, friendly and politically astute, and we all had a delightful time. We went for drinks together afterwards, and then caught the metro together, he got my GF''s # (she was single, I have no idea if he was single or not, but I am assuming yes?), and we all parted ways. It was a fun time, totally random and innocent, and I came home and told FI all about it. He barely looked up from what he was doing as I told him all about our evening, but I supposed had the same things transpired and I never mentioned it to him, it could be seen as awkward and shady. If I was just out gallavanting with random men, and never mentioning it... it would probably be inappropriate. Not that I owe him a report, but I am not leading a secret life, and I love to tell FI about my adventures! He looks forward to them too

 

[katamari]

The article seems to be conflating the issue of mixed-sex friendships and actively hiding that one is in a relationship. The first, I have no problem with, but the second would bother me. I don''t feel the need to mention DH to anyone, but if something that made him relevant came up and I purposefully worked to conceal his existence, that is a problem.