Home Anyone share a home with a difficult person?

[nebe]

I share a home with my boyfriend (P) and his brother (S). It's like living with TWO of the same, very stubborn and hard-to-deal-with person. I can handle P, no major problems, but S is just becoming too much for me. What makes it worse is that S owns the house we currently live in, but he could never afford it without my and P's contributions. I believe wherever you pay to live is your "home" and S pretty much doesn't mind everyone within the house, but when something does come up he has to believe HE is the one who had the original idea to do whatever it was that came up. (That's a typical man, no? Make him think it was his idea

) I don't think he'd ever try to take advantage of me financially, but recently he's asked me to sign a contract over my cats (any damage they cause to the house) and now, after living here a year, I'm beginning to worry a little bit. What if when I choose to move out, he sticks me with the cost of new couches, paint, screens.. ect even though my cats are not always to blame? I'm taking the document to a trusted advisor before I sign anything so I don't run into trouble, but I was wondering what you guys thought about it.

If you live with someone difficult, how do you deal with it on a day to day basis?

Do you write up contracts around everything? Let things slide? Ignore situations or what?

 

[Erin]

I let my sis and her dog move in to my house until she could get back on her feet.

She has no sense of responsibility to take care of anything on her own. But most of the time if I simply ASK her to do something, she will (half-assed). Which is better than not at all. Her dog has slowly been destroying my things. Not anything of extreme value but enough to just plain tick me off.

The dog has pooped on my floor a couple of times. Granted he seems to know that the kitchen tile is a safe place and it''s easy to just pick up but still disgusting and annoying nonetheless. It reminds me that if she didn''t live there I wouldn''t have a wad of papertowels in my hand picking up poop at that very moment and it annoys me.

Also, the dog loves its toys and decided my down filled decorative pillows on my couch were toys. So one day I came home from work and my living room looked like a snow globe.

She has used my bathroom towel I use for my hair more than once - because she hadn''t washed her own towels. She rarely does dishes. She camps out in the living room watching TV and then leaves the room all ''destroyed.'' She cuts her hair in the bathroom, brushes her teeth and leaves the gunky mess in the sink.

What can I do? I say, next time could you...(take your dog out more often, pick up after yourself, clean the sink, wash your dishes) but it doesn''t change much.

I have to just accept this person I invited to live with me. I am a lot more easy going than most people. So I live with my own internal frustrations.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hmmm, well, I can certainly understand him wanting you to sign a contract about damage. That''s pretty normal in landlord / tenant relations.

To protect yourself, you could take pictures of everything your cats might scratch up. THat way, if push came to shove, you''d have evidence that the damage was already there.

I guess it''s kind of a toughy, come to think of it, because he lives there too. It shouldn''t be tough to prove that a cat cause a particular piece of damage, but any human caused damages ... how could he prove it was you and not him?

I''m sure lawyery types have dealt with this kind of thing before. But it''s an interesting problem.

Good luck with it, Nessa!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I''d probably write up a "lease agreement" to protect all parties involved. It can be as detailed or as simple as you want it to be and it can come in handy when push comes to shove. Take pics and document everything - carpet, walls, paint, windows, appliances, etc. and keep track of damage when it happens.

When DH and I started renting our house (from a relative) we insisted on a lease agreement even though Great Uncle wasn''t fond of contracts of any sort. Well, I''m glad we did it because Great Uncle is now deceased and our lease is still good even though his will states that the house must be sold. We plan on buying the house from the estate but it is so nice knowing that the executor can''t just kick us out and put the house on the market.

Good luck!

Jess

 

[krisvrn]

Date: 3/10/2008 3:14:43 PM
Author:nebe
I share a home with my boyfriend (P) and his brother (S). It''s like living with TWO of the same, very stubborn and hard-to-deal-with person. I can handle P, no major problems, but S is just becoming too much for me. What makes it worse is that S owns the house we currently live in, but he could never afford it without my and P''s contributions. I believe wherever you pay to live is your ''home'' and S pretty much doesn''t mind everyone within the house, but when something does come up he has to believe HE is the one who had the original idea to do whatever it was that came up. (That''s a typical man, no? Make him think it was his idea

) I don''t think he''d ever try to take advantage of me financially, but recently he''s asked me to sign a contract over my cats (any damage they cause to the house) and now, after living here a year, I''m beginning to worry a little bit. What if when I choose to move out, he sticks me with the cost of new couches, paint, screens.. ect even though my cats are not always to blame? I''m taking the document to a trusted advisor before I sign anything so I don''t run into trouble, but I was wondering what you guys thought about it.

If you live with someone difficult, how do you deal with it on a day to day basis?

Do you write up contracts around everything? Let things slide? Ignore situations or what?

In my opinion, maybe it would be good to just move out and start fresh.. just imagine.. it might be nice to have just you and your SO together.. no 3rd party.. Just my 2 cents.

 

[onvacation]

Date: 3/10/2008 3:48:31 PM
Author: Starset Princess
I let my sis and her dog move in to my house until she could get back on her feet.

She has no sense of responsibility to take care of anything on her own. But most of the time if I simply ASK her to do something, she will (half-assed). Which is better than not at all. Her dog has slowly been destroying my things. Not anything of extreme value but enough to just plain tick me off.

The dog has pooped on my floor a couple of times. Granted he seems to know that the kitchen tile is a safe place and it''s easy to just pick up but still disgusting and annoying nonetheless. It reminds me that if she didn''t live there I wouldn''t have a wad of papertowels in my hand picking up poop at that very moment and it annoys me.

Also, the dog loves its toys and decided my down filled decorative pillows on my couch were toys. So one day I came home from work and my living room looked like a snow globe.

She has used my bathroom towel I use for my hair more than once - because she hadn''t washed her own towels. She rarely does dishes. She camps out in the living room watching TV and then leaves the room all ''destroyed.'' She cuts her hair in the bathroom, brushes her teeth and leaves the gunky mess in the sink.

What can I do? I say, next time could you...(take your dog out more often, pick up after yourself, clean the sink, wash your dishes) but it doesn''t change much.

I have to just accept this person I invited to live with me. I am a lot more easy going than most people. So I live with my own internal frustrations.

Ah, internal frustrations. Your sister''s dog sounds very much like by roommie''s BF, except for the pooping on the floor part. Unless making a mess with food and mud-trekking on the floor and not bothering to clean it up counts as pooping.

Nebe, I think your question will be an eternal plague for those who live with others. Can you have your cats stay in your room?

 

[nebe]

Date: 3/12/2008 9:05:05 AM
Author: Independent Gal


I guess it''s kind of a toughy, come to think of it, because he lives there too. It shouldn''t be tough to prove that a cat cause a particular piece of damage, but any human caused damages ... how could he prove it was you and not him?

The huge issue is that he refuses to draw up a lease. I don''t claim rent, so he doesn''t pay taxes and insists I''m living here as a "friend" (we''re not). He doesn''t want my name on anything that involves the house, except this contract. I''ve been having a really difficult time getting financial aid because of the fact my address is not here, so I finally filed my federal taxes with this address, but I''m still not allowed to get mail or anything else here, and I''m not allowed to claim this as my place of residence with anyone but the college, including leases or other contracts. He''s crazy when it comes to this arguement.

Someone that I had look at the contract told me not to sign it and demand a lease or move out, but that brings about a whole new problem. P is unwilling to move until he buys a house/condo, which will not be for another year/two, so if I move, I''m moving by myself, and I can''t afford to live on my own while I''m in college. I could try pushing the subject and see if I can get P to move with me, but then I''m leaving S in a position where he''ll most certainly lose the house.

I''m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place with this contract. I''m consulting a lawyer early next week to see what the wisest choice will be on my part. I''m just frusterated with myself because I had a gut feeling I shouldn''t move in with anyone who wasn''t either a spouse (to be) or a complete stranger, and I did it anyway. Now I''m paying for it!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I was going to say maybe your pet could live with a friend for a while (you know, long enough for him to get off the whole contract kick he''s on right now). The thing is, that wouldn''t solve the whole "living with a difficult brother-in-law-to-be" thing, now woud it?

Is the living arrangement putting any sort of tension into your relationship with your fiance? If it is, I would seriously look into other options, or just let your SO know how much of a strain it is creating, and work it out with him. I mean, he''s in a difficult situation, but you''re his future wife and should be able to talk to him and work out something. Maybe he can talk to his brother about how things are getting to you and can create some more communication that is more effective in the house.

Just a thought.