Anyone NOT having a Rehearsal Dinner?

[tberube]

So I think we''re not going to have a rehearsal dinner. First of all we''re not even having a formal rehearsal...our ceremony is going to be small and quick, we''re having a JP and the bridal party consists of only a MOH and Best Man.

We''re paying for our wedding ourselves and don''t exactly have a lot of spare cash to throw a rehearsal dinner at a restaurant. At first we thought that FI''s parents would throw us a BBQ or something, but they weren''t into it. Then I thought my family might have a potluck or something at their place, but they''re not into it either. And to be truthful, I''m so tired of trying (and failing) to get all our family members in one place (previous plans to get the families together have ended in heartache and bad excuses; none of FI''s family even bothered to attend my shower and his mom stayed for only 45 minutes), that I don''t think I''d even be upset if there was no rehearsal dinner at all.

But upon being poked and asked about rehearsal dinners by various people ("oh, you can''t not have a rehearsal dinner! Do you want to have it at my place?"), I wonder if I should be trying to make an effort to put something together myself. It''s going to be super busy timing, and it might be just adding on another stress that I don''t even need.

So I guess my question is: is it a big deal to NOT have a rehearsal dinner at all? Am I the only bride in the world who doesn''t feel like it''s worth the trouble?

 

[honey22]

Rehearsal dinner?! I don''t even know what that is. I don''t think we do that here in Australia? Do we need to?

We are having a small destination wedding at a resort, so we will have a chance to quickly check out the venue etc and run through the ceremony with the celebrant, but I don''t think we will be having a dinner.

Does that involve the guests or just the people in the bridal party?

 

[Rhea]

We didn''t have one. We didn''t think there was much point considering the size of the wedding and the number of people involved. Plus, cutting out all excess parties cut down on costs. Yay for saving money!

 

[musey]

I guess, but it's not a formal thing. It's mostly a "everyone's in town and we want to hang out together" dinner.

We're just getting some stuff "catered" (by that I just mean big portions of stuff delivered for a buffet-style dinner, not full-service catering) and hanging out in one of the on-site cabins our family is staying in. Total budget is about $250, and we're splitting it with FI's parents. It was between that, and just all going out together and getting separate checks. The plan we went with sounds simpler and more relaxing

It's not a big deal to not have a "rehearsal dinner," but I can see how people might view it as a slight if you don't have any kind of gathering planned (kind of a "well we're all here, why don't they want to see us?" thing) because people are used to having that the day before. Yanno?

Then again, our family is big on just "hanging out." If we were all in one place at one time (which happens quite rarely) and NOT spending as much time together as possible, then it would definitely feel weird!!

 

[urseberry]

I'm not having a rehearsal dinner either. We are having a formal rehearsal, but the wedding is small (50 guests) and our families have known each other socially for about 6 years. I also have no wedding party. Two of my friends are reading during the wedding, so I invited them to an informal dinner with my family after the rehearsal. My fiance will be eating dinner with his family separately.

 

[miraclesrule]

It''s definately a matter of choice. If you don''t have the resources and you aren''t having a lot of family coming together from out of town or a large wedding, then I wouldn''t reccomend one just to have one or to appease other people''s expectations.

I''m sorry your FI''s family doesn''t seem to be supportive. Could it just be money? It is a very stressful time, economically for many people.

We had some out of towners and some kids because of the ring bearer and the flower girl. We did a catered dinner at Dave and Busters, because we all like to eat, drink and play video games. (I am the bomb on the Police game. I win money betting guys at that game)

We had so much left over chicken, we had D&B bag it up and the day after the wedding, that chicken was transformed into fajitas at a house party with the out of towners while the the bride and groom opened gifts and we ate more wedding and groom cake.

If your family won''t host a bbq, perhaps you and the wedding party can go out for a nice dinner, but not an expensive one. It''s more about being with those closest to you and those in your wedding, and sometimes that isn''t family. Heck, any kitchen can serve as a reherasal dinner.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!

 

[MaggieB]

I just asked this question to the wedding coordinator at the resort where I''m getting marred. She responded, if you are getting married in the location where you live, you are expected to have a rehearsal dinner for your wedding party and relatives that are coming from out of town. If you are having a destination wedding (which we are), your "rehearsal dinner" is for all of your guests because they are all traveling from out of town.

If you are having a hometown wedding and don''t have a wedding party, I do not think a rehearsal dinner is necessary. If you are having a wedding party but want to keep things low key, I think it''s totally appropriate to have something like pizza, subs, whatever. I would personally order two huge lasagnas and some salad and call it a day.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

T, if you have no desire to have one (especially because you aren't having any formal rehearsal) and it's going to stretch the budget and generally be a pain in the butt for you, don't sweat it. I've had friends not have one and it was no big deal at all--and the ceremony went very smoothly with no rehearsal necessary. I've also had friends just invite a few friends to dinner the night before--heck, we all chipped in for our own meals, so it wasn't anything the bride and groom needed to host. Just a nice, relaxed dinner with the (very few) attendants the night before the wedding. That was nice.

We didn't want a rehearsal dinner, either, but since my family was all on the premises we decided to do something fun. We had a rehearsal wiffle ball tournament at the wedding venue and D just picked up pans of our favorite pasta from Maggiano's. Very, very informal with no actual rehearsal (no problem the day of).

If you don't want to do anything and just want to relax that evening without any family drama, that's perfectly fine. If you would LIKE to have some kind of dinner, however, with the the best man and MOH, you can certainly just go out for dinner. The first priority is not to stress over it either way

 

[WishfulThinking]

I don''t think we''ll have one either, and if we do it will be low-key and no frills whatsoever. Like, pizza in our huge dorm apartment, even though just writing that makes me cringe with the dorkiness of it all.

Really, it''s not our style, it''s definitely not in our budget, and it''s inconvenient for our families, especially FI''s, as they are flying in from the West coast that night and will probably be totally zonked.

Don''t worry about having one if it''s not what you want. Really, it sounds like no one will mind, and as long as you don''t mind not doing it, I don''t see why it should be a problem. If someone thinks you absolutely need to have it, perhaps they can be responsible for setting the whole thing up, rounding up the guests as well, so you don''t get stuck with it.

 

[trillionaire]

The last wedding that I went to did not have one, also for financial reasons. It wasn''t really missed, but I think it would have been nice. If you don''t think people from both sides will attend, it would not be worth the extra work and expense IMO.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi T,

If you''re having a lot of family come in from out of town, I think it''s a nice gesture to welcome them before the wedding, but I don''t think it''s absolutely necessary.

If it''s going to cause much stress, I don''t think you need to have a RD, or you could have a very low-key dinner with your closest family and/or friends who may have traveled far.

We had a RD, mainly because we had a lot of guests (family on my side) either fly in or drive a long way from out of state to attend our wedding. We could have had the RD be for immediate family and the best man and his girlfriend only (the only other attendant besides my sister, who was MOH), but we chose to invite others. We loved the chance to hang out with family who we don''t get to see too often. I think we ended up having 40 people attend ours, which I''ve heard is a large number for the RD.

 

[Haven]

I don''t think it''s a big deal if you don''t have a rehearsal dinner, especially since your FI''s family did not offer to host that dinner so now the financial burden would be on you. If you aren''t having a formal rehearsal, I can''t imagine anyone would miss it.

If anybody has anything negative to say about your choice to not have an RD, you can smile and say that it just wasn''t a priority to you. Not that rudeness deserves a response anyway, but it''s an option.

It is only customary to invite the bridal party to the rehearsal, anyway. As a nice gesture, people have started invited OOT guests, the bridal party''s SOs, and a lot of extras, but that is not necessary at all. It sounds like you two are going out of your way to host your own wedding, I wouldn''t add the pressure and stress of hosting another event on top of it.

 

[Gypsy]

We''re doing a morning rehearsal, and then a luncheon. It was much less expensive that way. As for your situation. It sounds like me with my shower. I just gave up and told everyone I don''t want one.

Can you just do a small appetizers and drinks thing? Or a dessert reception (I don''t know what time your rehearsal is at). If you don''t want to have a rehearsal though, don''t. I would probably just take the MOH, officiant, and Best man out for dinner maybe.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

i am doing one just so that my family and my FI family can get to know our closest friends (bridal party) before the actual wedding. i didnt want them meeting for the first time the day of the wedding. i am thinking of only having my bridal party and immediate family at the rehearsal dinner - not out of town guests, as much as that it against what is expected. we just cannot afford it.
we''re thinking of having it on our deck (we have a large outdoor deck) and just catering in some food. we''ll pick up some beer and wine at costco and that''s about it. we have an early wake up call the next day since our wedding is at 10:30am so we really cant be out partying TOO hard the night before

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

What is a rehearsal dinner anyway? I thought it was to actually do a run-through of the ceremony... But if it''s just a dinner with some guests isn''t just a regular dinner party?

 

[KimberlyH]

Are you having a rehearsal? If so a dinner afterwards would be nice, but certainly not mandatory. We had no wedding party and no rehearsal, so there was no need for a rehearsal dinner. I cerainly don''t feel that I missed out on anything.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

we had a rehearsal bbq, lol, it was great!

 

[noelwr]

I''m with honey22.

we don''t do rehearsal dinners in Europe.

I think rehearsal dinners are usually paid for by the groom''s parents. in Europe parents don''t pay for anything (couples gotta do it all on their own) which is why I don''t think this concept made it to this side of the ocean.

 

[matildawong]

We''re not having an official one. There are only 25 of us and the wedding is in VA. Most people (us included) are flying in from California. But many people are flying in on the red-eye the day of the wedding (evening wedding) !!! The rest are driving up from NC the day of the wedding.

So there will only be me and FI and his parents and sister and my parents and sister and one or two other folks actually there.

For a fun, cost-efficient alternative, we might take our families to this awesome truck stop (the huge ones with all the down-home food) for fun. The place is so great my parents actually ate Thanksgiving dinner there one year. I know it must sound sort of redneck but it''s the coolest place. Everyone loves it. It''s called "Burkees"

Gosh it sounds ghastly in writing -- the place is really neat, honest! Is my reputation ruined now?

 

[indypitty]

We had a small wedding in Mexico (only 23 guests) and no wedding party, so we did not even have a rehearsal for our ceremony, let alone a rehearsal dinner.
We did have a cocktail reception the night before the wedding, welcoming our guests. We just had some drinks and passed appetizers.

Definitely just do what you want. I find it funny how brides are always asking "Do I have to do...?" I was the same way! You don''t have to do anything! It''s your wedding, and it should reflect your personalities. As I mentioned above, we did not have a wedding party. We also did not have dancing at our wedding. A few people were surprised and told us "You have to have a wedding party!" and "You have to have dancing!" Well, we didn''t, and it was lovely. People are just used to most weddings having all of the same components, I think.

 

[tberube]

thanks, ladies, for all your advice! Since we don''t even need a rehearsal, I didn''t think it was mandatory to have a dinner. It couldn''t even take place on the night before the wedding anyway, I have too much stuff I have to do that night and I kinda wanna relax with my MOH and have dinner with a friend who is coming in from California.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 8/5/2008 2:51:44 PM
Author: matildawong


We''re not having an official one. There are only 25 of us and the wedding is in VA. Most people (us included) are flying in from California. But many people are flying in on the red-eye the day of the wedding (evening wedding) !!! The rest are driving up from NC the day of the wedding.


So there will only be me and FI and his parents and sister and my parents and sister and one or two other folks actually there.


For a fun, cost-efficient alternative, we might take our families to this awesome truck stop (the huge ones with all the down-home food) for fun. The place is so great my parents actually ate Thanksgiving dinner there one year. I know it must sound sort of redneck but it''s the coolest place. Everyone loves it. It''s called ''Burkees''


Gosh it sounds ghastly in writing -- the place is really neat, honest! Is my reputation ruined now?

Not in the least! After all, it couldn''t possibly be worse sounding than my contemplating having a pizza party in my dorm room for our "rehearsal dinner."

tberube, it sounds like you know what you want to do, so don''t think you have to give in to anyone''s pressure.