anyone else have diamond guilt issues?

[Lynn B]

I think you sound like a very thoughtful and giving person and I can understand how you feel. But owning a beautiful diamond doesn''t mean you still can''t generously give to others less fortunate. You have the ring now, so I would say simply love and enjoy it.

But I would caution you to try to remember how you feel now because in the years to come you will be facing other large purchases, likely a car, a home, etc... and you sound like someone who might be more content to live rather simply (a trait I deeply admire, BTW).

 

[partgypsy]

Fretty I know where you are coming from. It sounds like the ring doesn''t completely align or reflect your values. You may or may not get used to wearing a ring like this. Obviously this might have been something to discuss with your future fiance, what you felt comfortable or uncomfortable wearing as an engagement ring. I''m not sure what to say at this point, as the ring was given out of love from your husband, and I''m not sure you could change it without hurting his feelings. I''m not sure what the right solution is. Obviously if you feel strongly enough about it, as long as your husband is on board there is nothing stopping you from exchanging your ring for something that seems more appropriate and makes you feel good, not guilty, and use the remainder of the money for charity (vaccines). In a sense that could be a wedding present, but not to you, but from you and your significant other as husband and wife, which is a lovely thought.

If you feel this is may be a passing thing, once you are married simply wear your wedding band when you don''t feel comfortable wearing the full monty. You may find as time goes on it feels just right on your hand.

There is no right answer, just do what feels best to you and your future husband. If he loves you for who you are, I''m sure he would understand whatever you decide.

 

[Fretty Bride]

But I would caution you to try to remember how you feel now because in the years to come you will be facing other large purchases, likely a car, a home, etc... and you sound like someone who might be more content to live rather simply (a trait I deeply admire, BTW).

That is true...most of my clothes are still from WalMart

. The ring and a necklace my fiance gave me when we first started dating are the only "real" jewelry I own. I want to buy my first car myself, and considering my own personal income, it''s going to be pretty simple

.

It sounds like your e-ring currently represents "money" and "status" to you rather than the love and commitment that your FI intended it to mean when he proposed. If you take it as a token of his love and your future marriage, it will come to mean something very different to you.

I think throughout this whole process, I''ve been worrying too much of what everyone will think of the ring, and how much it costs. After some quality time with my fiance this weekend, I think I''m calming down -- and realizing that I really can think of the ring as a beautiful gift, and something I should focus on enjoying. If I''m going to own one thing that is truly extravagant and beautiful, the engagement ring makes the most sense, since I will wear it for the rest of my life.

Indeed, oftentimes such organizations are far more in need of your TIME, rather than your money.

Working on that

For now, my volunteering is through teaching/tutoring because I think that''s the most efficient way I can be helpful. I''ll probably have to switch to something different once I start med school, but I''ll see...

It keeps the economy going....and everyone benefits from it.

I''m a strong believer in the power of capitalism -- quite a few countries'' economies would tank if we all decided not to buy diamonds!

I suggest getting a plain band to wear when you''re in situations where you feel self-conscious about your bling.

I''m definitely getting a plain band, since I need something that will feel comfortable under lab gloves, and that will generally just be sturdy. Once we get married, I think I''ll only be wearing the e-ring on evenings out, weekends, parties, special occasions, etc., but not to school and work.